August 9, 2010 2:15am CST
How do you advise a friend to stop having relationship with someone who is married and is aware of it. I been advising that friend to stop since that person his/her lover is his/her first love. They are about a year and a half now. i want friend to be happy because my friend deserve someone who is single and available to love.
9 Aug 10
Hi dianajen. I know exactly how you feel about your friend. I see you in my best friend and I see myself in your best friend's shoes. I have been into that same situation as your best friend's before. I was madly and deeply in love with a married man too and worst of all, he was my first love too. My best friend did her best talking me out of the relationship. He even went to the extent of talking to my boyfriend to leave me if he loved me enough to care for my reputation. I never appreciated my best friend's effort of caring for me that much. I hated her for that instead. I refused to end up the relationship. I know it was not right. Yeah, what's a nice girl like me doing with a married man. But I was happy, so I thought. Even if the relationship brought me more miseries than bliss. How can I be happy, when the mere sight of my bf walking with his wife hurts me a lot... when he cannot even introduce me to his friends as his girlfriend...when you have to be dating in secret or meet up in a "God-knows-what" place so that no one can identify you... when you have to cut short your date because his wife needs him to be home by this time. I do not have the right to complain. I know him to be a married man before I even jumped into the relationship. I must take the consequences. However, those loads of pains and miseries will all be erased with just a single and short moment of bliss that we shared together. I was a fool. I was blinded by love. I hated my best friend. I hated everybody who would attempt to get in our way and make effort to break us apart. I won't listen to anybody. I want them to leave me alone. I am happy...leave me alone. Dianjen, that is exactly what your best friend is feeling at the moment. No amount of advice you do will work for now. It will just fall into deaf ears. She will just hate you instead. Just leave her alone for now. She will come to her senses soon, I'm sure of that because I've been there. And when she does, make sure you'll be there to catch her. That is where she needed you most. You're friend is lucky to have you Dianjen. Just as I was lucky to have my best friend too.
10 Aug 10
I want her to read this response, the problem is were apart, she has many problems now. His dad is on to coma stage because of complications. I'm not her best friend but we become close because she's the person I confide when I was pregnant and she was comfortable enough to state that problem to me. I'm a person who don't care about morality issues but if it happens to someone I knew. I feel hurt. This response might enlighten her. A big thank you.
10 Aug 10
Thank you for appreciating my response dianajen. You can send this link to your friend so she may also be able to read this. I hope she'll come to her senses soon. She will realize later that she indeed will never have happiness and a good future with a married man. I am glad to be of help. I'll pray for your friend too.
10 Aug 10
Well, that is a hard advise that you have to give since you would be breaking your friend's heart in the process. If you really love your friend, then do your best to open her/his eyes on the reality. Also tell her that love cannot be divided between the husband/wife and him/her. He/she is just being used by that person so satisfy his/her needs. Good Luck!
9 Aug 10
A person being blinded by love is so hard to talk to, no matter what you do he/she will not realize it until he/she opened her/his eyes to the real situation. It doesn't matter if that person is his/her first love the point here is that he/she is already married and no matter what they do they it will be wrong unless they will do a legal action. Love will come into us in different ways and situation it is up to us on how we will take it or handle it,you can't avoid to hurt someone but make sure that you're in the right track. I may not have someone right now but I know in my heart that no matter how you love a person if he belongs to someone else and its too late to fight for him you should let go but if not have the courage to fight for him so you will not regret in the future and be satisfied with just being his second best.......
9 Aug 10
Hi, Your friend's position is a third party and she has to get out from this relationship,which may not have a good ending. Another party is married and has its own family and there is no point for your friend to disturb other people's marriage. Try to find the best time to have a good chat with her. Give her some advices and try to clear her mind,telling her to stop this complicated relationship and start her new life. Ask her whether she is happy with her current life? Does that guy really can give her hapiness forever? There are many good guys out there and she has lot of choices. As a friend of her, you can give her an advices and she is the one who make a decision on which route she is going to take. Just pray hard that she is making a right choice for her future.
• Saudi Arabia
9 Aug 10
There nothing you can do if your friend is in love to the guy, what ever you say her ears are close for any advice or reaction.My advice to you is try to talk to the guy heart to heart and try to convince him about your friend. But do it in a secret manner to be able to protect your self also.Try to convince the guy about the situation of your friend.