What should I do if a friend of mine removed me from her FRIEND LIST :(

China
August 11, 2010 9:02am CST
The relationship between us is kind of complicated. She, the friend as i called, used to be my girlfriend. U know, things may not always work out right. After we broke up a year ago, we have a deal to be a good friend. But somehow 2 months later, she removed me from all her friend lists (like facebook& hotmail etc.) in order to get over with me as she told me later. After that I managed to convince her that we could maintain our friendship whatever we were together or not. Things seemed pretty well, as she found her own love a couple months before. Sadly for some reason, we seldom contact with each other. Maybe it's for her new boyfriends sake. And it's ok i totally understand. But recently she just take me off her friend lists AGAIN and without a single word!!! Frankly, I have to admit that her deed really annoyed me. So what should I do? Should i turn to her and ask for the reason or just walk away and lose a friend who used to know me so much? Thx u guys for spending so much time reading this. And any advice is welcomed.
3 people like this
26 responses
• United States
12 Aug 10
Whether or not she still considers you a friend, you still be a friend to her and don't force the issue. Even if she's found a new love, your parting might still be hard for her and this might be her way of getting over it. I imagine you've heard that old saying, "Out of sight, out of mind." Give her time.
• China
13 Aug 10
Thx, precious. Still considering her as one of my friends meight mean something to me. May time will solve all these problem.
• United Arab Emirates
11 Aug 10
There could be two reasons one is that your friend has deleted in error or may be your friend does not like you. if she is still having a problem with you then you need to accept the fact and carry on finding friends who make you comfortable.
• China
12 Aug 10
maybe she does not like me, but i don't see why. we've be throught so much together for so many years. And i just couldn't let it go.
• United States
11 Aug 10
I know the feeling of losing a friend, it hurts whether you have feelings more than that or not. The issue isn't the relationship before it's the friendship that your annoyed about. I don't understand why she deleted you yet again. I would talk about it with her if it's bothering you. I know if it was me, I would at least just have to know why. She should still be able to be friend's with you if that's what you both wanted whether she's in a new relationship or not. The friendship should mean more to her than deleting you for what seems to be no reason at all. I cannot let go of something that easily either.
• China
12 Aug 10
Thank u lilangels. U are the first one argue me into asking her for the reason. This issue really have nothing to do with whether I still have a feeling for her. After 3 years being together, do i not deserve to be informed before she do such unreasonalbe thing? Anyway what happened happended, her deeds hurt me, maybe it's the right time for me to totally over her.
• China
11 Aug 10
Hi bughost,maybe I understand a little bit about your situation ,she might feel hurt to see you,for me 3month ago I stop contact my first love,though we haven't become a couple but I really spend a lot of time on her and at that time she is my souldmate we talk everything and play together online,but long after that I found out that she is a cheater,anyway,I was hurt and I find that anytime Isee her from picture to her nikename online I will feel down and hurt again,so I choose to delete her from my friendlist,, For your situation,I think since you two are not a couple anymore why you still want to keep her as your friend like confidant ? May I take the liberty to ask:do you still love her..? I think better stop that relationship..just be a friend to her,when seeing each other in the street just give a small smile,no need to be a soulmate,becouse you two are both hurt from the broke..to see each other again and again may make the feeling worse,..here I mean see your name in her friendlist Phew..maybe what I said is a bit extreme...anyway~~best wishes
• China
12 Aug 10
Hi nagisachan, it seems like that my story have triggered some sympathetic responses of u. Nice for u to share ur own experience with me. For several months after we broke up, i felt so sad and frustrating. But I do realized that I've miss the chance and the moment had past, nothing gonna happen. I just don't anticipate that things not work out with us. Maybe u are right, to break off the relation between us two will be a good way to safe me from this mess.
• Philippines
11 Aug 10
I guess the only explanation for that is she she doesn't want to have connection with you right now. Possible is for the sake of her new relationship. Yo can just give her some time and eventually you can have your friendship back.
• China
12 Aug 10
may problem be solved with time passes by.
@geopinky (21)
• United States
11 Aug 10
it seems that she has move on...i would suggest you do the same
• China
12 Aug 10
right, I just don't wanna lose a friend anyway, thank ya geopinky.
@voldrox (7204)
• India
11 Aug 10
I am sorry to hear that bughost, but it's time this didn't bother you anymore. You can see she is trying to get over things still and you remind her of her past and she wants to be good to her new boyfriend. I think it is time for you to stop from asking her about this and move on. Even if you asked her now, this is going to happen again. You will need to let go of her and need to spend time with your other friends.
• China
12 Aug 10
U are right, voldrox. I cannot stand this happen for another time. What's the point do i care about someone who bother me so much?
@mods196621 (3631)
• Philippines
11 Aug 10
it happened to me since i have a friend and we talked for so long. We are really happy and in good standing relationship when suddenly it happen. I know he read something that makes him angry for the reason that i don't know and I am not ready. Until one day I found out that he removed me already at his friends lists. All and every thing that i have possible access to him even his profile sets into private just to prevent me to connect with him. This really makes me feel terrible hurt. I cried a lot and I don't know how to move my life normally for almost a month. But days come and i realized that he don't need my company. I faced the reality in pain. But i need to move on and that is what we always need to do. To live.
• China
12 Aug 10
Good for you, mods. It's not easy to realize what you really want in ur life and move on. I wish i can be the same as u
@ehsanji (503)
• Pakistan
11 Aug 10
What you should do is to move on, join social communication websites and make new friends. If that friend has removed you, it probably means he/she doesn't give a flying one about you, which means you shouldn't care either. Life is just like that. So you cannot force no one to be your friend, you know? You can become my friend though, just add me up. :)
• China
11 Aug 10
good for you ehsanji After all these mess i've been through as well as what she've done to me recently, for now on i make my mind not to give a f*uck about her. And ready to get back on track. After all, thx, u guys really cheer me up.
• Malaysia
11 Aug 10
dear bughost, i wondered why u named ur self bug host. because of parasitising others? when this type of things happens,that means u still have feelings on her. then if she break up with u,try remember what u did before. this friend relationship thing wont get u feel better if u continue to have contact with her it just wont let ur heart die and thats all i wan to say
• China
11 Aug 10
Thx edwinchoo, ur words means a lot to me. there is the reasons that we broke up. even though we back together,which by the way may not happen, these problems are still exist. I am just got so upset because of her misdeeds. Am i not worth having the courtesy to be told before she do such a stupid thing? After all i've been together for 3years. But what she did do promted me to move on and be totally over her. Again, thank u bro.
@julyteen (13259)
• Davao, Philippines
11 Aug 10
I experience the same before I was also remove from her list of friends such as friendster, skype and all other IM's. I was annoyed it was happened only the line cut because I was have insufficient load. I call her from Philippines to Norway, imagine the distance. Without any words after the day I found out I can no longer access her. I didn't not confront her about that thing, I wait the exact time. Now after a year we been a good friends again but sad to say I am already married. All of my ex before are still a good friend of mind. One of them also a member of mylot and she work here sometimes when she is not busy with her new family and her regular job. We used mylot to communicate.
• China
11 Aug 10
I have to admit that u are kind of a lucky guy, julyteen. All of ur ex have good relation with u. Can I call this a miracle? XD Frankly speaking, I do admired u. And ur attitude to her is worth learning from. Hope my ex may be a good friends to me again after a year or two just like yours.
@zralte (4186)
• India
11 Aug 10
Move on. It seems to me that she cannot bear to keep you among her list of friends. May be it stirred up memories for her, or as you have mentioned, the new bf don't like it...etc.etc. I admire people who can be friends even after they break up. I know I cannot be friend with someone I had relationship with.
• China
11 Aug 10
Move on does seemed to be the best answer. Maybe it because u cared about each other so much when u are in a relationship thus after u break up that u can't watch ur ex starting his new life without u. In fact we are together for 3 years, there is a lot of history between us. It is not easy to forget all these memory. And what she did, encouraged me to get over of that. Wish all the best, zralte.
@dayback (15)
• China
11 Aug 10
Dear bughost I only want to say‘ TO the world you maybe one person,but to the one you maybe the world’. U need to meet your another half. everything would be OK!
• China
11 Aug 10
Thx dayback, but i really don't think it is the issue about my half. It's her confusing and nonsense also rude, as i think, disturbing me.
@jugsjugs (13045)
11 Aug 10
I would not worry too much if i was you,as this is not the first time she has deleted you as a friend.The thing is i only speak to an ex boyfriend if i have to,as they are in the past and there was a reason to why we broke up.You never know she may try to add you in the future,perhaps she likes the feeling of you wanting her and is waiting for you to try to add her.
• China
11 Aug 10
She likes the feeling that want me to add her? I'm afraid that makes no sense to me, sorry jugsjugs. As u know, she has her new bf there is no way for her to miss an ex. There is some reasons why we broke up which, unluckily, may exist as long as we are in a relationship. But problem solved when we are in the level of friends. Her deeds recently really doubts me what kind of person she is and whether worth to contact her again. By the way, thank u for your advice jugsjugs.
@abj163 (1038)
• India
11 Aug 10
every action has an equal and opposite reaction..... according to newton's first law....... but there is no equal and opposite reaction from you bro...... just forget her .....she is ignoring you and you should also ignore her..... this happened with me before two years.... one girl who was my good friend ...broke contacts with me just because i got failed in exams...she knew me very well but it is still a question that why did she ignored or avoided me.....i didn't even tried to find the answers of these question....that night i just sat on chair in front of mirror and told my mind to ignore her...i said her to f*uck off(in my mind)...i just removed her from my life..... now i dont even look at her....because she is selfish and i dot like such kinda people ....... so my brother....just forget her...if she is avoiding you then you should also avoid her.....she got a new one thats why she doesn't even remembering you.... she is not even spending 1 second of her life on thinking of you.... so just forget her and start a new life without hr thoughts...... get a new girl..... and be happy and forget her..... happy mylotting
• China
11 Aug 10
Considering her as a bi*tch is the last things i ever wanna do. But bro u are right it's time to get some equal and opposite reactions. Ignoring her and getting some chicks to start a new life may be the answer. That kind of girl don't worth any of my attention. So water underbridge. May u too lead a happy life, amigo.
28 Oct 10
Move on? If she's removed you and won't say why, then you only have two options sit and wonder why or go about your life as you would normally. If it's a case of just needing space, then give it. You might make the situation worse by allowing your curiosity to push things. I've experienced this a few times and when I don't hear back why or what's happened, then I just move on.
@MsTickle (24994)
• Australia
20 Aug 10
Sadly, this is the way it usually goes. Friendships are not valued by a lot of people these days. I think you have a level of maturity and understanding that your former girlfriend lacks. The relationship is over but you value the friendship between the two of you...even if you both value the friendship when the love has gone, some people also stop caring about the other person...these are shallow people. As you can see, you have not really lost much have you? You will find another girl and all your focus will be on her and you too will forget your friends while you concentrate on her...your true friends will understand and be there for you when the first heady rush of romance is gone and the two of you settle into your life together. True friends are always with you, they never go away. You won't have many of them in your lifetime.
@Memnon (2173)
13 Aug 10
If this sounds blasé, please don't take it as such. You quite clearly have some feelings for her- even if they are no longer romantic. She appears to have decided that her future lies elsewhere, and that is unlikely to include you. I think it's time for you to cut your emotional losses, and walk away.
@anncherry (406)
• Philippines
12 Aug 10
Hmm, I think it can't be helped the first time she removed you, though I'm not saying that that's always the case for girls (I didn't delete my ex when we broke up; I just didn't visit my profile for a long time to avoid seeing updates from him whatsoever). People have different ways of coping with stress. About the second contact removal, it crossed my mind that her boyfriend may have requested it from her when I was reading your story. It's just intuition. But it's not good to judge, ok? It's just a possibility. So, on with your question. What you should do? Nothing. :) You really don't have to do anything. If you really want to find out what's going on, then go ahead and ask her (in a nice way). But whatever her decision is, you can't change it no matter what you do. So what's the use of doing anything? :) Go on with your daily life. Unless you still have lingering feelings for her? ;P Just kidding.
• Vietnam
12 Aug 10
This problem is kinda complicated. I think you should just wait for a few month when everything has gone down and ask her reason again. Its not normal to suddenly remove a friend whom she has known for a long time. But girls are like that, today they think like this but tomorrow they change with complete opposition. Stop thinking too much about it, if she knew that you worried and put too much thought in it, maybe she would get worried too ;))