Quarrel with mom!

India
August 12, 2010 12:21pm CST
Mothers! They think they know everything... What's wrong with moms these days? I am 20 years old and still my mom treats me like a kid. I don't know why she does that. She fusses over my state of clothes in the morning, over the college and my studies and even over my habits a lot. I know she really cares for me but it's too much sometimes. I just reminded her today to take things a little slow and i told her that i have some goals and ambitions myself. She got heated up so much that we had an argument over nothing for like a couple of hours. And that was for nothing. I wish there was something i could have done. I felt like i should have kept my mouth shut. How many of you also face the same problem? Sometimes moms just go way too much don't you think?
3 people like this
22 responses
@Angelgirl16 (2177)
• United States
13 Aug 10
Hi raviteja_ravi84, You are becoming your own person, but your mother is not ready to let you grow up. She wants to take care of you, which is not wrong, she just needs to loosen the apron strings a little more and eventually untie the entire strings. In other words, she will eventually have to let you make ALL of your decisions abut your life. You said, that the argument was very heated and long, about two hours, that is a very stressful situation for both of you. You are right, you should have just keep quite or left the house. There is not need to stand and argue that long with your mother over some bad habit of her, caring about too much. Some kids out there wish they had a mother to fuss over them. Mother, sometimes, do think they know everything. Here is the truth, mothers don't know everything, but they do know more than you, simply because they have lived longer. I would say, just give her the respect of listening to what she has to say, right or wrong, without getting in to a heated argument. You don't have to take her advice, what kid does? Good Luck
• India
13 Aug 10
wow thanks a lot. You have really put things into an easy perspective...
• United States
13 Aug 10
Hi ravitejo_ravi84, It is my pleasure to shed some light on your situation. Just thing before you speak, to your mother.
1 person likes this
@Cutie18f (9563)
• Philippines
13 Aug 10
Hey, she's your mom. She'd been there and done all that, so you have to listen to her. She only wants the best for you. Sometimes we only realize how right our mothers are when there is nothing we could do about a bad situation. We need to listen to them. Just because we're grown doesn't mean that we no longer need their advise and care.
1 person likes this
@anncherry (406)
• Philippines
13 Aug 10
Hey there! I am 25 years old and my mom still fusses over every little thing that I do. Go figure! ;P It's pretty normal to have occasional clashes with your mom. It just shows that you can easily voice out what you really want to her--that's a sign of closeness. Just keep in mind (however hard it may be because you're so effin' pissed), that she tells you whatever it is that she tells you because she feels that it's for your own good. And it's great to know that your mother is loving you so much, even though it's in a freaking annoying way. ;P
1 person likes this
@ANIME123 (2473)
• United States
12 Aug 10
I think that's how all moms are they just always want you to be their kid you know because maybe your mom is scared of losing you. Well I don't really know, but I know what you mean even though I am 18 I still get treated like a kid I guess i'm used to it I feel like i will never be an adult. I think it's because my mom and dad both have sheltered me so much that I got used to it and feel like I have to depend on them for everything and I still need to ask permission for things.I also have a bedtime still I have to go to a sleep at a certain time or I will get in trouble which I do not like you know I should be able to go to sleep when ever I want. I guess i have been trying so hard to get a job so that I can grow up a bit more and get myself a life you know. I am also in the process of getting my drivers license so that my parents won't have to drive me around where I want to go. I am trying to get some freedom.To spread my wings and be on my own I think that would be a dream come true for me. Still my friend actually still likes to act like a little kid because she has not worked towards getting a drivers license she still does not have an i.d. so it's like shes pretty much doing nothing right now. Out of my two other best friends I would have to say that I am making the most effort to become an adult and to make a life for myself and to be an independant person that's why maybe moms don't ever want to let go and they feel like they must nag one in order to feel like they are still in power. Moms are ok for the most part I think that's how they show love in their own way which I think is pretty cool.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
12 Aug 10
I'm 21 years old and I can relate to you dude! But here's what, all you need to do is to hear what your Mom is saying. That's what I call the art of listening... Then that's the time you speak up in a manner that she'll like and there, you could start a good talk. It's a matter of how you control your own temper and always act courteously. Respect begins with respect. Let her vent out and look into her eyes.
@ench815 (465)
• Philippines
12 Aug 10
I'll be 47 on Sunday but my mom still treats me like a kid. She would still tell me that I should talked to the teacher of my children more. She tells me that I should be more assertive. She tells me that I should take care of myself more. She even tells me that it's time that I get a haircut. She tells me that I should be... more... more... and more. Sometimes, it really gets to me. But in the end, I tell myself that she cares too much that's why she's being what she is. For if she doesn't care, she would have left me alone a long time ago. lol. Most parents would want to see results right away. But we usually want to work on our pace. Just always remind yourself that they are doing this because they care too much.
1 person likes this
• United Arab Emirates
12 Aug 10
We may even turn 50 but for our parents we are still kids. However old we may grow. I had a lot of quarrels and arguements with my mom when i started dating my wife. She was against my relation...i tried to make her understand, but it was in vain. Years later she has accepted our relation and we are all united now.
• India
12 Aug 10
Wow it must have been tough for you...
• United Arab Emirates
12 Aug 10
yes it was...i always wanted to win...later i realised that i was wrong. There was no loss or gain...it was a battle of understand. I love my mom and decided not to hurt her anymore.
• China
13 Aug 10
in parent's eyes ,children always be children no matter how old he/she is... some quarrels just begin with some small things . you want to be independent ,because you think you are elder enough to tackle anythings parent think that you have not enough experiences to handle something ,so they want to give you some suggestion on that ,and maybe the "suggestion extent" is too big,sometimes may interfere your daily life ,so quarrel begins... we generation and your parent generation have different way to handle matters ,we must respect them ,sometimes maybe they are right ,sometimes you right ,but how to balance these situation,i think besides communication with them ,keep a calm mood ,raise the question on the table , maybe it can be solved ,if they are right ,you should accept ,if you are right ,you can persuade them to believe you ,but don't show that you are impatient, you must talk to them with patience ,maybe this is a tough way ,but try ,always quarrel do affect your emotion and your parent's health... any way ,what they do is only for you good
• India
13 Aug 10
Yes maybe you are right. I know that its' good for me but they should know that i am not a kid anymore...
• United States
12 Aug 10
You're not alone. I can sympathize. It happens to me too, not only from my mom but from my dad as well. I think this is universal. Most, if not all mothers (and fathers) will continue to view you as their "child", regardless of how old you are. My dad and his mom got into an argument, even though my dad at that time was ove 65 and his mom was over 90. I think you might find yourself behaving the same way, if you ever decide to have kids of your own. It's especially harder for parents who are really old, such as in their 70s and above. They start to lose control of things such as their memory , or their physical abilities. This is difficult for them to accept. So they try very hard to find ways in which they feel they are still in "control" , which includes trying to control their kids. There's nothing you can do to stop this. Perhaps, using my sister-in-laws' technique may work for you. She doesn't argue with my mom. She simply listens and empathizes with whatever my mom says. And she does her best to compliment and praise my mom whenever she can. This makes my mom feel good, important and not neglected. This makes her less likely to quarrel or argue with anyone. But this takes time and takes getting used to. So hang in there. Eventually, you'll discover that you can't control her, just as she can't control you. Once you get used to it, it won't bother you anymore. This happenned to me. Things that bothered me before no longer bother me. I learned to just accept that that's the way it is.
• India
13 Aug 10
Well i can't find acceptance in everything i guess...
• India
22 Aug 10
Yes i know what you mean it's really difficult for you. Your mom is so childish because she cares a lot about you. Well i wish she could provide you with more freedom. She should give you what she desires....
@kurumi (85)
• Singapore
18 Aug 10
All mothers and fathers are the same. No matter how old you become, you are still their little child. Regarding your arguments, if you keep doing what you do even though she fusses over them, she is going to get tired one day and stop. So there's no point raising your voice with your mom. As for your goals and ambition, you just keep striving towards them, your mother has no right to stop what you want to do. And if you had reached your goal/ambition, there is nothing she can do as well.
• India
13 Aug 10
almost every one faces this problem but it is not a problem..you are mature enough now to deal with this thing..no they are always right just try to understand her in positive way..
@srineeya (52)
• India
13 Aug 10
this problem face to 90% of youths.. it is normally over carrying problem. currently all youths are very brilliant and had a good ambition to. but mothers are not realized that. it is only way to realized from youths only. slow voice and telling to your mother for your ambition and also you are a matured person. this is only way to take the advantange to you
• China
13 Aug 10
Parents educate their children is a very serious issue.For this problem,from several different angles,have different views.Whose point of view is absolutely wrong.Old Chinese saying goes,strict father,spoil the child.Of which is contains the parents to control their children educated strict sense.But sometimes,children do not understand the parents care and thought,always think of their parents request it too.This not right.Child,youmust remember that words,parents do not always correct,but certainly is good for you.
@Shinyqiu (119)
• China
13 Aug 10
you know that quarrelling between parents and children when both sides have different opinions on something.i have heard a older friend said that"The all parents will regard their children as kid forever regardless of what old".So they like involving with everything about your life like you said,studies,dress,expecially in making important decision.Pls remeber,It is helpful for us to listen their objective,positive opinions all time in some fatal aspects. If you quarrell frequently,you must sit down and calmly speak each feeling out loudly.You can try.good luck.^^
• Vietnam
13 Aug 10
From a perspective of a mother, her kid just grow so fast and time past like a stream of river. Its hard to change their habit all of a sudden, they just cant notice and change their way in one day or two. Give her more time and she will get used to the fact that you're an adult now and you need privacy. P/s: Its natural for moms to go way to much like that ;)), even after years and years you will just still a little kid to her. Look at my uncle and my grandmother! you just dont know how much she talked when she got angry with uncle's lazy lifestyle =)). So you will only be accepted fast when you have your own home, own wife, etc
• China
13 Aug 10
I have the same feelings. When we grew up,we hope ourselves to be independent person. Too much love from our mothers have stop our ability to solve problems.Then quarrel happens.For example of myself,I just want to stay in the city after graduate in the college. But mom's interference put the plan into an end. I know what she was worrying about, she cared to much about whether I accostumed to that kind of life. I'm not complaining my mom, I just hope someday she could have made me do what i wanted. After all, we need to go through setback if we want to be mature.
@mauricel (113)
• Philippines
13 Aug 10
I do face the same problem. I am a single mom and living with my mom... and I promise you it was never that easy to deal with her. Yes mothers knows best. But sometimes what they think was best for us doesn't necessary good for us. It is in a case to case situation. But I do love my mom, although there are times that she irritated me because she's making a big deal out of small issues and repeatedly saying her piece... oh my... how I wish I am deaf. To avoid arguments I just pretend that I don't hear her and eventually she will stop talking...
• United States
13 Aug 10
They are protective and its for your own good, my mothers the same way but you just have to understand where there coming from and jsut be glad you have someone that looks out for you so much and cares so much. Imagine having someone who doesn't care for you, so be glad that shes there and you can go to her if you need anything.
@keshia2007r (2886)
• United States
12 Aug 10
I know what you mean! I'm 21 and my mom still think he can tell me how to brush my teeth!! It drives me crazy. I'm not ready to move out because I'm a college student and working part time. So i'm not in the position just yet to do so. But I can not wait to! I can imagine how frustrating this is, I going through the same thing! In our parents eyes we will always be their babies. And they will always be annoying parents in our eyes lol. So the telling us what to do, im sad to say I doubt it will stop. So its something we will have to deal with, and try to make the best of it. Word of advice, just try not to be home so much. lol and your mom won't be in your hair too much. at least it works for me, although my mom abuse her cell phone and call me way to much. you can't win for loosing. so we're stuck w/ who we got. good luck in your studies btw!!