what if your ex still loves but you don't love him anymore, what would you do?

Philippines
August 13, 2010 5:22am CST
My exboyfriends still love me and keeps on calling me and sending me messages. I can't change my number for I have it for years now and some important person might contact me someday. I always tell them that things between us are over and they should move on with their life. It really bothers me because all i know is that their hearts are hurting but it's just that it's over. what should i do to stop loving me? Is it okay if i fix them up with my friends? Is there anything that i can do to help them move on to their lives? This situations hurts me too. Sighs.
2 people like this
22 responses
• India
13 Aug 10
Hi, Looks like you are in a serious problem. Even if it is not a problem now, it will definitely complicate your future. The point is that your ex still have some expectations that you may once again be interested in him. Seeing your ex after you had a break up is not at all recommended. Immediately after a break up you actually need to spend some time alone, reviewing what went wrong in that relationship you had. It is important to have a few months of repose. Your ex should allow himself some time, enough to get over you. He is still depending on you. He still haven't get out of the habit of having you around. He still has the expectations. Now if you sincerely want your ex to stand up on his own again, then stop every contact with him. He will be hurt, but then he will understand that it was actually necessary. And as of you, why do you get into a relationship if it's only the pain that you bring for both of you? Who is to take responsibility of that? One must first learn to take things seriously before getting involved in such a relationship. Staying single is way better than getting involved and hurting others and hurting yourself. Wait till you have enough maturity to deal with relationships. Thanks. God bless you
• India
14 Aug 10
meluan
@nangisha (3504)
• Indonesia
20 Aug 10
Hi Tess!. I think what we need as first priority is ourself. I don't wanna with someone because of pity. Try to live with someone you don't like will be really miserable for both. Let him know its over but you can always be friend not more.
@mauie0918 (339)
• Philippines
18 Aug 10
Why not stop replying to his messages? Try to ignore him even it hurts!
• Philippines
16 Aug 10
If I were on you I will shelve him out of my life; you said you don't love him anymore so better move on. Maybe his present love shelve him out so he's coming back to you. To change a number is the better option; just call your friends one by one and tell them your new number. There's nothing you can do, if you want to excommunicate your friend. But if there's still a feeling for him, well it's all up to you.
@ybong007 (6659)
• Philippines
16 Aug 10
The least you could do is be honest about your feelings for him. It's unfair to let the other person think that he still has a chance for you to be a couple again. If he chose to pursue you then it's up to him at least he knew where he's at. You can tell a person not to love you anymore but there's no way he can do it not unless he do it on his own. The only thing you can do is put a distance between you two so you can enjoy life he too will move on with his life without you.
• Philippines
15 Aug 10
the best thing that you can do is not to respond to their texts to let them understand that you don't want to do anything with them anymore. Eventually, they will quit and will just have lives of their own.
@jugsjugs (13045)
14 Aug 10
I had an ex boyfriend that could not except that things were over,when i told him that i did not want anything todo with him,as there was no love there.It was awful,as no matter where i went he would be there,he would also talk to my friends and tell them to tell me that he still loved me,leave flowers on the door step,even try to arrange nights out with my friends and get them to get me to where they were,also threatened me with that he would kill himself.
• China
14 Aug 10
U can let him make more friends, or u can intruduce a new good grilfriend to him to move on their new lives.
@antilove (191)
• Vietnam
14 Aug 10
Oh, I have a friend who has the same story as yours. She is really confused and get annoyed because her ex-boyfriend has found every way to beg her to come back. He also came to her home village, met her parents and said something very crazy. I think that is the story between the two people, their parents have no rights or no voice in making the situation alter. She also asked me for some advice. Really I just advised her to be straight forward to break up with him. Then don't react to his any actions that annoys you. Just ignore him! Recently I have talked to her. Everything seems to be peaceful for her. Thanks God she got back her freedom ^^
• Philippines
14 Aug 10
we have the same situation my friend.. what i did is ignore all his calls and messages, i know its not easy to make people forget the past but they should accept the fact that things change already and that we all have to move on of ours lives with our own will and wants.. someday they can realize that its not worth at all of coming back to you because you show negative feedback to them and then its time for them to accept the fact that its all over between you.
@Segerer (53)
• Argentina
14 Aug 10
Well then what about being hated? make him hate you by telling him to go away, to mind his own bussiness and being cold at all times by not displaying the slighest interest on his life.....sooner or later he will give up.
• Canada
14 Aug 10
well i've been in the opposite of this situation, being the one who still loved my ex, and the only thing that helped it pass was giving it time and space. don't give them a choice, make them give you space, at least 6 months, and over that time they will realize what else is out there, its the only thing that worked for me. and after all was said and done, now 4 years later my ex and I are bestfriends.
@Ruby722 (798)
• China
14 Aug 10
Dear tess I think you should tell him the turth,no matter how hard he tried.But you said you were moving on and you dont love him anymore..It's not easy to keeep in touch,but you already having your new life.Just tell him you loved him.but the feeling is gone.you want to started a new life.so does him
@jamed28 (1909)
• Philippines
14 Aug 10
Well tell it to his face. You might be afraid to do so but it is the best thing to do. If you think he will not believe you, then it is up to you on how you'll tell him. Because if you really don't love him anymore, you'll really mean this if you say it.
• United States
14 Aug 10
Its awful to lead someone on, so you have to be honest and let him know he has to move on. Because you have and him holding on and liking you is really him just holding on to nothing, and theres nothing left between you two that you can reconcile.
@keshia2007r (2886)
• United States
13 Aug 10
wow, this is a tuff situation for anybody to be in. I've been in this situation once before. it was indeed tuff to deal with. but w/ time he will get over you. ok, w/ my ex i broke up w/ him because i honestly didn't like him lol. this was a long time ago like the start of high school in 2003. but anyway, i finally broke up w/ him and he wouldn't leave me alone. so i just ignored him and he went away. so maybe you should just ignore the text and the phone calls and he should get the message sooner than later. if that does not work, have your brother, guy friend, or cousin post as your new boyfriend and ask them to answer your phone when he calls lol, he most definitely should get the picture then. but good luck and don't hurt the next poor guy lol. just playing!!
@cbar86 (80)
• United States
13 Aug 10
Even though it may hurt their heart, I would recommend not answering the phone when they call, and not listening to their voicemails, and ignoring them in general. I had a bit of a stalker-situation myself a couple of years ago. Someone I had dated found out that I married someone else and he called me, professing his love for me, and asking to get back together with me. I told him that I was with someone else now, and he actually had the nerve to ask me to let him know if we broke up. He was hoping that my marriage was going to fail. At that point, I stopped answering the phone, and he eventually stopped calling. Hopefully this will work for you too.
• United States
13 Aug 10
look u should probably call the cops and say they r harassing u or u can call some boys that's u'r friend and let them set them strait . man it's over can't they understand dat do u hav a boy friend if u do u must be pretty and u can let him get on him
• United States
13 Aug 10
Oh boy! I am in the same situation. My ex-fiance wants me back but I don't want him back AT ALL. When I was with him he treated me like crap. It has been over 10 years since I broke up with him but he is still trying to get back with me but I let him know that I don't want to be with him anymore. Express to your ex-boyfriend your sincerest feelings of not wanting to be with him and that it would be in his best interest to just move on. How long have you two been seperated? They say that it takes a person the same length of your relationship to get over you. In other words, if you were with him for 5 years, than its going to take 5 years before he gets over you. I do wish you the best because it is sad and frustrating at the same time when you don't want someone but they want you.
@hestylim (1211)
• Indonesia
13 Aug 10
There is nothing you can do if your exes still love you. If I were you, I will stay away from them for quite a time. Don't answer all their calls, never reply their messages, just let them. They will give up someday and go on with their lives. It is never easy to do the things that hurt others. But you should do that. Moreover that you know that you don't love them anymore. It's the consequences, though.