Do men change after marriage?

India
August 13, 2010 9:27am CST
I think men and women change a lot after marriage. I used to spend more time with friends before marriage. I used to come home late night before marriage. I became more responsible after marriage. Similarly women also change a lot after marriage. More than anything many women feel that men change after a few years of marriage. They feel that the spark of love is not as before. There is not much of teasing and joking as before and so on. They feel that they are not loved and cared by their men as before. Is it true?
11 people like this
50 responses
• India
17 Aug 10
As you yourself say, both have to change with time and its only our immaturity which makes us crib about how good the courting days were and how boring the present days are! Marriage and family means a lot of responsibilities and as responsible spouse or parents, our priorities lie more with our families than ourselves…hence most of us cant hold on to our former physical self, mental set-up or carefree outlook. It would be foolish really to point out either men or women…its true that women suffer more (specially in Indian / deeply patriarchal society) but men too need to change a lot and give up a lot of good things of their bachelor days. It has to be mutual otherwise the marriage will soon disintegrate.
1 person likes this
@saphrina (31740)
• South Africa
13 Aug 10
Unfortunately in most cases that is true. Even in relationships that is true. Today you are happy and in love, tomorrow it is a boring game and you look for something else to entertain yourself with. That happens. That is life. We all get used to it. TATA.
• India
13 Aug 10
sweetie, you are an expert in relationship matters. You can offer relationship counseling and charge for the services. You have put it so simple but each word is full of meaning. You are very smart. May I know why it becomes a boring game? can't we make it interesting for ever? Any tips? (free tips only hehehe)
@saphrina (31740)
• South Africa
13 Aug 10
If one or both parties ain't interested anymore, sweetie, nothing on this planet can make them change their minds. People become to used to each other and that is where the boring part comes in. We had fun, we were in love, we tried out everything, now it is gone. So, obviously you will go look for some fun in another place. Nothing can cure that stupidity of humans.
• India
13 Aug 10
Sweetie, what you say is correct for most people but you stand out of the crowd. You can keep the spark burning for ever and ever. I have seen a few couples who lived happily for more than 50 years with the same interest, love, attraction they had during the initial periods. what you have to say on this TATA sweete?
@Jotomy (6352)
• India
13 Aug 10
Hi anna, both are equally responsible for love or affection on both after marriage, if we give more interest on the appearance of the partner then there will be changes, because age and responsibilities of a women will be varied from time to time. If men or women is keen on the affection, love and understanding than the appearance then there will not be any changes in the minds of both. That will be a happy family forever.
• India
13 Aug 10
yes jotomy both men and women are responsible for it. Appearance will last for some time only. Real love will last for ever. Love means not just appearance but it's total surrendering of one self to the other.
@Jotomy (6352)
• India
13 Aug 10
yes anna.
• India
13 Aug 10
Oh God if that looks old, then I am now looking still older now. that picture was taken about 4 years ago. So now I will take a new photo and upload here soon. I am sure you will laugh at my picture and increase my age to 150 or so then..
@kalav56 (11503)
• India
13 Aug 10
The status of men or women changes Vijayanths, because the two get added responsibilities[become husband/wife, father/mother etc..]. Apart from thIS their intrisic qualities may not change but their attitude changes.THis change of attitude is more pronounced in a woman than a man. As far as the spark of love not being there normally it is the men who should complain becasue once a woman gets her child her priorities, her life revolve round her children.But women may tend to say "UNNAI PAARTHAL THITUVAI POLIRUKKIRADHU.NEEYE NAASAMAI POGA"
• India
13 Aug 10
Yes kala it's true that both men and women change a bit after marriage. It is acceptable. But I think the spark of love should never change. But in real life it changes too.Let the woman's world revolve around her kids but why should it affect the spark of love???
1 person likes this
@kalav56 (11503)
• India
13 Aug 10
Strictly speaking it should not.THe man also should not change. But in select cases that I have seen it is the women who changed after a few years with regard to the husband. As for the 'spark of love' it should not change .If it is there in the first few years of marriage it won't.THe bonding has strengthened by then.On the other hand there was some kind of strain, expectation /fulfilment mismatch, the spark dims.It may not die altogether but it definitley dims.THis can happen with both men and women.Efforts must be made to keep this alive . I think 'acceptance' of the foibles of each other would be the key to everything Vijayanths and this should be on both sides.Nothing can work one-sided.
• India
13 Aug 10
Kala, It's really sad that the spark of love dims with more than 99.9% of couples even in India.May be one in thousand couples have the spark burning with same intensity for ever. Both have to work hard on keeping the spark alive for a life time.It's difficult but not impossible. It's okay if we can be happy with what we have now. With whatever spark we have now let us enjoy it fully..
@1hopefulman (30251)
• Canada
13 Aug 10
Of course people change, that's what life is all about. Who stays the same?
• India
13 Aug 10
hi, 1hopefulman, change is what that does not change. But somethings should not be changed. say for example a mother's love...
1 person likes this
@1hopefulman (30251)
• Canada
13 Aug 10
You're right about that!
• United States
13 Aug 10
yes it is and on both sides as you mentioned. men want a woman who is going to keep herself like she did when he courted her. Slim and trim and sexy. A lot of woman let go of themselves after getting the man. They simply can't do this and expect this man to stay in love with them.
• India
13 Aug 10
hi, giftsandbagscom, you are right that women can't maintain the same figure as they have before marriage. Men also put weight and look unattractive after a few years of marriage. But women may find them as attractive as before, I am not sure though.
• United Arab Emirates
13 Aug 10
I dont thinks thats true,...its the situation that changes. before marriage the couple has a limited time to spend with each other and they have lots to talk. But when they start living togather they have so much of time...that they run out of toopics...then they start to fight. After marriage both of them the girl and the boy change the way they think...they feel they are more responsible...when they should think they they need to go hand in hand and solve every problem in life. The couples expectations towards each other change...and then the egos clash.
• Boston, Massachusetts
15 Aug 10
Hi Vi, As per my experience, my man did change after marrying me. He did change for the better. I do the same too. We make a good pair, support, care and inspire each other for a better self...a great relationship. i am blessed with a great husband and a partner
• Philippines
15 Aug 10
thats is the best part of it, Changing for the better....
@ruzzel016 (241)
• Philippines
14 Aug 10
I believe that people change from time to time but regarding to that problem is that after your marriage there is a possible that your partner will be change not because you are already married but he made an adjustment for himself and to his family because he knows that he has now a bigger responsibility and he must work harder for the future of his family, but there are lots of cases regarding this kind of changes for men after marriage.
• India
14 Aug 10
Hi, ruzzel016 it's true that we need to do certain adjustments after marriage. Men also change a lot after marriage, this is my opinion though.
@Hatley (164629)
• Garden Grove, California
14 Aug 10
hi vijayanths this is not all men and all women. some of us change for the better, I did not know my husband very well at first but after a year of marriage I realize he was one of the kindest, most interesting and truly funny men anywhere.So he improved and I also came out of my shell too and became more outgoing and not so shy.So for me the change was really lovely and I think we should all get to know each other better before getting married as some people should never have married the mates they did. I do think we should all try to look our best for our mates and be our best too.Also for heaven's sakes cultivate a sense of humor.
• India
14 Aug 10
Hi, Hatley your past life seems to be very interesting. Nice to note that you changed after marriage for good.I liked your words we should all try to look our best for our mates and be our best too.Also for heaven's sakes cultivate a sense of humor. I fully agree with you. I love humor.
@salonga (27963)
• Philippines
14 Aug 10
After marriage, the husband the wife have to really change their way of life. If they used to spend more time with their friends and outside home, now they should spend more time at home together so they could cooperate well in building their home. Of course the spark of love is not longer on the level as they used to experience when they were not yet married. But this does not mean the love should fade. In fact in my case, the love has turned even deeper. After marriage the love should reach the highest degree because the two has turned into one flesh, so just as one loves himself, he loves the other just as much or even more.
• India
14 Aug 10
Yes, you are right salonga. I used to spend more time with my friends before marriage.I also agree with you that the love might increase with years though men don't express it openly.
@chiyosan (30076)
• Philippines
14 Aug 10
i don't think men change after marriage... but i do think they are only showing their true colors when you already live with them. of course just constantly being with a person does not mean you would already be knowing the person, his whole personality. we think the person we are with or the one we marry has changed but in reality it is just them, the true nature of their personality that we have not seen because we only see it soon after we marry and live with them.
• India
14 Aug 10
Hi, chiyosan, you are right that men are showing thier true colors when you start to live with them. You will find out the true personality then. I agree with you fully on this.
• Philippines
14 Aug 10
I can somehow relate with what you express here. But I saw the answers in the book Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus by Dr. John Gray. What struck me the most in that book was the discussion about the primary needs of men and women, which are, predictably, widely different. By understanding our needs and the needs of our partners, and then acting accordingly, loving communication simply springs back to life. That's not as easy as it sounds, but that's as predictable as night is unto day.
• India
14 Aug 10
Hi,marvinmacs yes both men and women are totally different in many aspects. Their needs are different too.If we understand that things will be easier and smoother I think.
• Vietnam
13 Aug 10
Yeah, they tend to change a lot. People become more mature and responsible in most situation. Love is also a problem in marriage, it becomes a lot more like "normal" because it seems like it has turned into a strong bone more than something sprakling. You have to give it chances to show up
• India
14 Aug 10
hi, darklord2065 , it's true that both men and women tend to change a lot. It is inevitable in most cases.
@Chubsko (51)
• Philippines
13 Aug 10
Yes definitely, because when a man is still single he can stay overnight just drinking and doing other stuff with his friends, but he got married he became considerate for the feelings of his wife. He tend to save up also for their future unlike when his single he can spend to buy anything that he wants. if he's married he only buy things that are needed and not wanted. and also household budget is his priority.
• India
14 Aug 10
hi, Chubsko, you are absolutely right. I used to spend more time with my friends before marriage. Things changed after marriage. I have never been late to home after marriage..we need to sacrifice certain things for the marriage, this is one among them..
• Portugal
13 Aug 10
im not married yet ahah but there was a guy that really cared so much for me before but now that i like him too he is acting different like not interested in me anymore. why guys change this way? men always act weird and is hard to say if they love a girl or not. why guys are so complicated? anyway i think maybe you are right many women feel that after marriage things change bcs you are already together and doing all together and while just date is different. maybe the relation is not as interesting as in the beginning but you must always make a challenge exist on it. try to do different things^^
• India
14 Aug 10
I am sorry to hear about your problem. Men focus on physical requirements when women were looking for hearts. Of course men do love but you have to be sure about it before going deep into a relationship. I wish you find a better man soon, good luck pal.
@voldrox (7204)
• India
13 Aug 10
Hi Vijayanths, Yes, unfortunately the sparks seems to become dull after years of being in relationship.. I don't want to think about it coz it hasn't been a long time for me at all, lol. I don't want to understand why the spark seems to fade away but i think men get to hear the complaint first because they get pre-occupied with other things and the woman feels she doesn't receive as much attention as she used to receive in the earlier days. I don't know what changes take place on the other side but i want to find that out with experience on my own. All i wish to do is to keep the sparkle last as long as i can make it last....
• India
14 Aug 10
Hi, voldrox, though you are single you have understood about relationships very well. Men stop giving the attention they used to give after a few years of a relationship as they are sure that they are at their access at any time. They are no longer hard to get.But that does not mean men stop loving them, in fact they may be loving them more than before, the only problem is they don't express. Women need verbal love more than physical.
• India
13 Aug 10
Your question is a bit misleading that men change rather it should have been men and women both change...yeah..its a general saying that both men and women change...yeah it happens really...because marriage brings in more responsibility and relaxation too as in ok now i have a spouse so i need not worry about things which i used to before marriage.. Sure marriage makes men and women both change for the better if not good.
• India
14 Aug 10
I agree with you richclass that both men and women change after marriage. But I also was talking about the spark of love that dims after a few years of marriage.
@GuateMom (1411)
• Canada
13 Aug 10
I think women change more than men, truthfully. What does change with men is that they don't need to "court" the woman anymore, so they stop doing a lot of the nice things that they did before . . . now they have access to her anytime, so why bother? But the basic guy doesn't change nearly as much as the woman, it seems.
• India
13 Aug 10
wow that;s a wonderful response GuateMom. It's true that men need not court the women after marriage as they are at their access at any time. well said. But I am talking about the spark of love. does it dim with women too?
@hushi22 (4940)
13 Aug 10
most people said so but maybe it depends on the person. i know someone who didn't. actually i know three men. oh, rare to find.
• India
13 Aug 10
Hi hushi, yes, I do agree there are some people who could keep the spark of love burning for ever. They are lucky people what do you say?
@mabey1 (337)
• Romania
13 Aug 10
as a women and a wife i have to admite that i have this fellings sometimes. sontimes is wihout any real fundation, but still can't help what you're feeling are. than when i sit down with my hubbie i found out that his feelings are pretty similur to mine. so than the spark is back. i think that every realtionship has it's ups and downs and you have to work for something to work ,not just expect the other one guess what you feel.
• India
13 Aug 10
Hi mabey nice to note you are trying to work on getting the spark of love back in your life. That is more important. Nice to note you are successful in that. I wish you both good luck for a very happy married life for ever.