Which parenting style do you think is the best?

@ptower76 (1619)
United States
August 15, 2010 12:27pm CST
While responding to a discussion earlier I thought that this would be a good discussion topic. Experts argue that there are three main styles of parenting. First is the authoritative parenting style. In this style the parent has the absolute say so in all decisions. The parent's word is law. Second is the "Lazai Faire" style where the parent literally lays back and allows the child to learn by making his/her own mistakes. And third is the democratic style where parents discuss decisions with the children and allow for input by the children. As parents, many of us would like to think that our way is the best way. Some may argue that authoritative is best because children learn discipline and respect. Others may argue that Lazai Faire parenting allows children freedom of expression and helps them develop problem solving skills. Others argue that democratic parenting includes children in decisions that they are not equipped to handle. Experts argue that there is a little of each style in all successful parents. My questions are; what style do you consider best for raising children? and "which style do you fall under?"
1 person likes this
10 responses
• United States
15 Aug 10
I have used all three intertwined. There are days when a child will not listen and they are in danger of being hurt like running out into a street. That is where they must respect authority. There are times when a child needs to learn on their own. A parent can stand back and observe and then help the child if they need help or encourage them or applaud them for their effort. The democratic parenting style where decisions are discussed should be tailored to what a child's understanding. Child rearing should be done in love but not permissiveness to their hurt. A child's creativity and self-worth should always be guarded. A child still needs to know the rules and understand that the world will not move over for them. Too bad kids don't come with instructions tied to their toes when they are born. It is a learning experience for all involved and every day is a new adventure.
@ptower76 (1619)
• United States
15 Aug 10
I would say then you are proof of what the experts say. A healthy combination of the three makes for the best results.
• United States
16 Aug 10
Whenever I have tried to put life in a box, I have noticed that something breaks and it is usually us. Children are fluid as we all are and we must always be observing to fit the time and the situation. It's a lot of work but what in life isn't, especially if you are to get good results.
• United States
15 Aug 10
I'm pretty sure you already know my stand on this one but I will respond anyway =) In most situations I am more of the authoritative parent. Sometimes with my oldest daughter who is very smart and just wants to please me I am more laid back at times but not so laid back where she thinks she's the boss. My kids all know, I am the boss. Not them. My kids will have plenty of friends in their lifetime and I am not one of them. I am a parent and so my children will be raised as such. When your a parent in my opinion, I don't think there is room for friendship. When your a friend there is room for debate. Do you as the parent know best or do your children know better than you? To me, I have been around longer, I know what is harmful for them, I know I want to keep them safe so I choose to be the parent. If they don't like me at one point in their life, than I know I am being a good parent. I didn't like my parents at times either but now when I look back I know they were doing what was best for me =) Nine times out of ten I am the authoritative parent.
@ptower76 (1619)
• United States
15 Aug 10
I think your position mirrors my own. I also grew up with authoritative parents. With the old man, his word was law. With mom, she would sometimes let us get away with things in the home but never when we stepped out the door. My mom was always the parent and she turned out to by my best friend in the whole wide world. Of course it was not until she passed on that i realized that.
• Thailand
16 Aug 10
i think it is good ! u re a manly
• Philippines
23 Aug 10
I just follow what I feel suits for my child. I mean i create my own style of parenting like a uniting of factors and these may evolve over time as my child develop his own personality and move through that life's stages I see to it that i spend quality time with him. After all as saying goes " Mother knows best"
@ptower76 (1619)
• United States
23 Aug 10
I think that it is true that we need to incorporate the three parenting styles into our parenting strategy. There are times when each has its use in helping our children develop. We need to do whatever it takes to give our children the best opportunity to develop into mature and responsible adults.
@devref (240)
15 Aug 10
i have two sons both of which knew i was in charge when they were young as they got older the attitude changed to allow them to contribute but at the end of the day it was the parents who decided the way things went.even now the oldest is in his 30s the youngest in his 20s they still know that in the parents house our word is law.neither of them has given us any trouble and neither has had problems with the authorities both have worked since they left school and still ask for help and we give it so the authoritive has worked for me but i dont expect it to work for all as its down to how you apply the authority
@ptower76 (1619)
• United States
15 Aug 10
Well, if your children are those ages then i can safely deduece that we are close of an age. When we were childrearing I only knew of one way. Authority, authority, authority. Today, perhaps some of the problems youth have can be traced to childrearing strategies.
@vjenkins86 (1478)
• United States
15 Aug 10
My vote is for the combination of the first and third. In my opinion, when the kids are young, they are still developing and need structure where the authoritative approach will help teach them things like boundaries, respect, discipline and listening skills. Then as they get older, the democratic style can help kids think and develop as an individuals while the parents can slowly transfer the decision-making to the kids so when the kids are ready to make their own decisions, both the kids and parents feel like they are equipped to make good decisions.
@ptower76 (1619)
• United States
15 Aug 10
Good thoughts, but do you ever consider number two or maybe even found yourself doing it without realizing?
@dorannmwin (36695)
• United States
28 Aug 10
When I think about it this way, I would say that the majority of my parenting falls into the democratic type of parenting. The reason that I think that this is the best parenting style to use is that it is a nice mix between the other two types of parenting styles. There are some times that you have to put your foot down as a parent because there are dangerous things that your child may want to try and there are also times that I think that children should learn from their own mistakes. However, above everything, I think that it is important that I be the kind of parent that my children feel safe approaching.
@mabey1 (337)
• Romania
16 Aug 10
I'm relativly new at this parenting job,my son is 14 month old and only recntly i had to show him who's the boss arround here. i hope that when he wil be older i won't have to be the bad guy all the time. now i'm more of an autoritive parent hopping to became one more democratic. but sometimes when i'm to tired i'm just looking and letting him do as he pleases. only time will tell what kind of a parent will i tur out to be. i think that is influanced by the childs behavour.
@kalav56 (11503)
• India
16 Aug 10
I fall under the third category and would always swear by this.
• Australia
16 Aug 10
I don't think that any particular parenting style is best. When you think about it every person is different in how they approach life, there may be similarities between people but ultimately everyone is different and would respond to differently to authority. If I had to pick a particular parenting style then I think that a combination of all three would be the best option always allowing for variations according to what age the child is and how they would normally act. What works for one person may not work for another so if you had a bit of all three it would probably be the most effective.
• United States
15 Aug 10
Well I take the authoritive approach. I want my kids to know that they are to respect their parents and they do this by obeying the rules given to them. I do allow them to voice their opinions and take them into consideration. As they have gotten older I let them make a few small decisions on their own but I am always there to see to it that it doesn't lead to trouble. I know they learn from mistakes and believe me we have worked through plenty of them. But while they are young I give them the guidance they need to make good decisions as they get older.