perfect age to get marry

@shibham (17025)
India
August 16, 2010 7:19am CST
hi everyone..... i am in a dilemma. so need your help, please.... now, i am 31 and well established so my parents are searching a bride for me as i have no girl friend from past. they are thinking to arrange my marriage in next year as my sister's marriage is coming( this November). so the problem is... i don't think that i am the person who can't handle a family.. i mean when someone will be completely dependent to me.. then perhaps i will be fused or helpless... bcoz i don't think that i am able to be a perfect husband. i don't know why this type of thoughts come to my mind. i cant carry the burdens of a total family where as i an doing it now but i have my parents to ask something... but in future? again... i think, she will be a completely new comer to my life. will she be able to understand me? will she support me each and every steps of my life or will be totally selfish? and many more questions?????? next, i think i should wait till my age of 35. i think i am too young now(may be i am wrong). so what do you think? is 31 age perfect to get marry for me? when you got married or when you are going to marry? are there any solutions of my mental problems? please help. thanks in advance. meet you very soon.
13 people like this
54 responses
@Aussies2007 (5339)
• Australia
16 Aug 10
If you are not mature enough to say "NO" to your parents. You are certainely not mature enough to get married. And since you had no girlfriend. You obviously have little interest in them. You have to do what works for you. And if you are happy the way things are, You should not change them. A man is never too old to get married. So you have plenty of time. I believe it is a case of your parents being selfish and wanting you to give them grand-children. You obviously also living in a culture where parents rule the life of their children. It would not be so bad if you wanted a bride. But since you don't, it is not a good thing.
2 people like this
@shibham (17025)
• India
22 Aug 10
thats the dilemma... if i do so then perhaps i can't marry in future. i need to throw away all those thoughts. but how? thats the point. its true that i have little interest to girlfriend. i always hesitate to talk with a girl even a friend. i think as i chat with my female friends here.. but probably i cant chat same in real.. i mean in person. i was far long away from girls since my childhood. no friend. i don't think that my parents are selfish here as they think to fulfill their ultimate duty towards their son. thanks for your valuable time here with me and sorry for being late. have a nice day.
• Australia
22 Aug 10
I think the problem you have, is that when you talk to a woman, you feel like you need to prove something. You need to prove that you are a man, you need to show her that you are smart. And you are under the impression that talking to a woman immediately means that you have to court her. You need to learn to talk to women the same way that you would talk to your men friends. Just be friend with them, and if they are interested in you in more than a friendly way, they will come to you and let you know. If you happen to marry the right woman, it can enhance your life rather than making it more difficult. The right woman will pull her own weight, and in many cases give you less work than you have as a single man. And you have a companion to share your problems and joy with. That's very good for the soul.
• Pamplona, Spain
22 Aug 10
Hiya Aussies, That is more or less what I tried to explain to shibham but being a Mom with grownup sons now I tend to see it another way. But you explain it better than me. When you have grown up Sons it´s just that bit more different well to me it is anyhow.
@voldrox (7205)
• India
16 Aug 10
Hi Shibham, After going through other's responses i really don't have much to add to what they have said, but i can only say, that since your parents are searching a women for you, they would be quite considerate about choosing the right girl for you. They would choose the kind which would suit you best, i mean like someone who would get along with you easily and not make it look like you will be the only one who carry the whole burden of your family, so you should not worry too much about that. Even then, you would have to make up your mind for committing to this relationship and taking the responsibilities as a husband, there is no escaping from that.
2 people like this
@shibham (17025)
• India
22 Aug 10
hi voldrox.. yeah... i hope so that they will always respect my choice. if the girl share all the domestic burdens with me then i have nothing to be afraid about.. but who knows what type of girl she would be... this fear is always being the obstacle on my married path. i am ready to dedicate all of mine for a healthy family but she should be the another one to hold up it. right? have a nice day and sorry for being late.
1 person likes this
@voldrox (7205)
• India
22 Aug 10
Yes shibham, exactly. She should be responsible enough too. Don't you worry about that now, i am sure your parents will find the best for you.
@shibham (17025)
• India
25 Aug 10
i also hope so... but after reading all of your responses... now, i am also searching my life partner. have a nice day.
@Cutie18f (9564)
• Philippines
17 Aug 10
I think marriage is not for everyone. If you force yourself into it, this might be the cause of unhappiness in the future. It is better that you wait some more until you feel that you are really ready for it. Find a good woman who can be a good life partner to you. Know her background and from here you will know if she is the right person for you.
2 people like this
@shibham (17025)
• India
22 Aug 10
what? marriage is not for everyone? so u do mean that marriages are born in heaven? nice. i do believe same. yeah.. and so that i am not forcing myself for those coming problems where i have not so potential to encounter. thats a good advice and i also think that i have to wait fro the time being. thanks for your valuable advices. have a nice day.
• Netherlands
17 Aug 10
While most of us plan to marry and want to marry, marriage isn't for everyone. By now you know whether it's something you really want. If you do not want to be married, then DON'T. You need to be fair to yourself AND to the woman who you would marry. It's not right to get her into a relationship where both of you are miserable because you wanted to live up to your parents expectations. Ultimately, you need to decide what you truly want. As for the type of woman you DO NOT want, how about finding one who shares the same values as you? Surely there are women out there that aren't in a rush to marry, will not become 'dependent' upon you (find a strong, educated woman who can support herself now, without you, and she probably will continue to do so even after marriage). And maybe one who doesn't want kids, if you don't want them (is there anything worse than a child brought into this world with only one parent really there because the other uses work, friends, and other interests as an excuse not to interact with the child?). Also you keep talking about how SHE must not be dependent. How SHE must support YOU. What are you offering? When she needs someone, will you be there for her? If she decides to do something that perhaps you don't agree with, but is important to her, will you compromise to help her achieve a dream or goal? If you can't do these things for her, you shouldn't be marrying ANYONE. Just my two cents.
2 people like this
@shibham (17025)
• India
25 Aug 10
that decision is too hard to take by me.... yes, she must have those moral values that i have. u know... once i met a girl who was ready to be my partner and me too... but later i came to know that she dislike drama.. where as drama is my soul and travel most places to participate in drama competition. and she dislike it... so the result was clear that she is no more with my life.... thats the matter that i afraid a lot. have a nice day.
• United States
17 Aug 10
For me there is no ideal when to get married as long as you yourself is reaady for that commitment and of course stable in these are which is emotional,spiritual and finacial and you are ready to go. Do not worry you are just only 31 years old,Did you know that when my husband and i get married he was 37 years old never been married he is a bachelor and i was 28 years. So in short do not worry everything has a perfect reason and saeson. before we got married i myself really pray for a husband and the same for my husband he prayed for a wife. I think you should do that pray for a wife and ask GOD that he will give it to you and i know GOD will not disappoint you. GODBLESS.
17 Aug 10
I see you have several sympathetic and helpful replies but mine is not like that. You are 31 and you are relying on your parents to find you a wife. For goodness sake grow up and get a life. I am not suprised you are worried about being a husband as you are clearly living under your parents influence and domination. Get out there and find yourself a girl to marry and find out who you really are not who your parents want you to be. I found my girl on my own and we have been married for 53 years and brought up 4 children. There is no perfect age to get married there is no perfect marriage. We are all humans and none of us are perfect. You just have to do the best you can with what you have got and deal with the problems as they arise.
2 people like this
@shibham (17025)
• India
22 Aug 10
well maidangela... no problem. any advise will be honored. no.. not at all that i am relying on my parents. actually i am harassed by the love affair of my past and so i have given the freedom to my parents( not now, but indirectly as they are concerned that i have no girl friend now so they are hurry ) as their wish. i think that they will have the right choice. not again. i am not living under my parent's domination. u know, from last 10 years i come to my home once or twice in a week even once in a month. so this question does not arise. congratulation that u have crossed 54 and already celebrated golden jubilee. congratulations. some times i do believe on that verse that ' marriages are born in heaven" when i see this type of instances. keep it up as both of you are made for each other. have a nice day and sorry for be lated comment.
@juneramir (335)
• Philippines
17 Aug 10
Prior to getting married, one has to be mature enough to realize: Love is not enough; the stresses of a young couple are real, and the struggle for decent jobs, housing, and health insurance are real stresses that can destroy any couple. Why rush to take on difficult adult responsibilities? Consider your own needs, goals, and relationship requirements. Does your partner satisfy them? It is rare for a teenage or young adult to have enough life experience to know what they really want. You MUST be totally emotionally, physically and financially independent from your parents. Healthy marriages require two independent individuals to make a complete whole. Young couples typically marry to get away from their parents or a negative home environment, but there are other ways to cope. Relationships need time to see if behavior patterns are consistently healthy. So ask, how long has this union been happy and healthy? Get to know yourself. What do you want in life? What do you wish to contribute to the world and how? Live purposefully, then you'll meet others with similar world views and life visions. I think there age doesn't matter my friend...as long as you realized the above factors then you are now ready to get marry :)
2 people like this
@saphrina (31740)
• South Africa
16 Aug 10
Hello shiby. You sound a bit distraught, sweetie. Relax, will you? You don't really get a perfect age to get married. Anything between 25-35 is the best options, but it is for you to decide. You don't get a perfect husband or wife. No one on this planet can or will ever be perfect. Not as a human nor in any relationship. I would say you are the right age, but it is still your decision. If you want to wait another 4 years, then wait. You do not have a mental problem. TATA.
1 person likes this
• India
16 Aug 10
1 person likes this
• India
16 Aug 10
Whatever you say is a music to my ears. You surely have something.
1 person likes this
@saphrina (31740)
• South Africa
16 Aug 10
Just tell me that is really you, then we can see what we have.
1 person likes this
• India
16 Aug 10
Hi, Your age is just perfect for marriage. Don't worry about that. This dilemma you are having is quite normal. But don't worry things will be all right. If you don't want to have a family right now, then just don't. First start by having a friendship with your wife. Family is not always a burden. A family if supportive enough manifolds your strength. But you have to take the responsibility and focus on building a healthy relationship with your spouse. Always respect her as a person rather than as a woman. Until you get yourself into a serious relationship you will never learn to handle it properly. It hardly has any association with your age. Thanks. God bless you
1 person likes this
@saphrina (31740)
• South Africa
16 Aug 10
Damn, but you are good.
1 person likes this
@jaiho2009 (39079)
• Philippines
16 Aug 10
hello gets, Sorry but i am quiet busy from these past days. But still i always find time to visit mylot. I guess it is you who's not coming here too often,that i thought you've left us (mylot friends) Good to see you again dear and hope everything's fine
1 person likes this
@vandana7 (57187)
• India
16 Aug 10
Saphy - dont I deserve some credit for finding a kid like that? :)
1 person likes this
@bystander (2308)
• Philippines
18 Aug 10
well, if marry is ready for the picking, why wait for any particular age to get marry? probably, what you meant was get married, not get marry?
@shibham (17025)
• India
22 Aug 10
just recommend a girl for me who is ready to tie the knot with me. take care friend.
@bystander (2308)
• Philippines
24 Aug 10
i am sorry, i am not what you think i am... i am no matchmaker and i don't meddle with the affairs of other people, particularly that of the heart....
1 person likes this
@shibham (17025)
• India
25 Aug 10
hahaha.... perhaps u have minded me... i was just kidding. sorry for that.
• Pamplona, Spain
16 Aug 10
Hiya shibham, I would agree with getbiswa2000 to a point. It´s very difficult for me to say anything but I would first meet up with the Girl and see how you get on also. Maybe your Parents would be happy with that for now. You might well like her and fall in love with her. You are bound to have those kind of doubts anyway at any age this kind of thing does not belong to one age everyone has doubts about things. In my case I had no doubts I don´t know why I never doubted he was for me from the first Day so I feel a bit silly telling you that but if it was me and I was in that position I would try and meet and see how it works out. Can you turn back now if you want to say no? I mean if nothing works out between you? Maybe talking to your Parents might help if they will listen. Wish I had some better advice than that but above all just keep your cool whatever and don´t rush into something that does not feel right. If it was my Son I would tell them to take things easy if they are not sure give it time if they can and see what happens. They have both had serious relationships before but are not with the right one yet I don´t think. But I just take it as it comes with them.
1 person likes this
@shibham (17025)
• India
22 Aug 10
hard to say 'no'.. but as i have said in a comment that i am not so shy but feel uneasy in approaching a girl for the first time in very first meet. it may be the one cause of my dilemma... but be sure if all doubts become clear then perhaps i will the best husband in the world. where the matter of arranged marriage... its always welcomed by me coz its not my time to fall in love.. i mean no time for love.. i have lost all those faiths of a pre-marriage love relationship. have a nice day and sorry for be lated comment.
• Pamplona, Spain
22 Aug 10
Hiya shibham, You have all the time under Gods Sun to get married or fall in love. I think it will happen just when you don´t expect it. It mostly happens that way I did not want to fall in love either ever again I had just left someone who would have made my life a misery and did not want to know any men. So I went on Holiday and I met him there without realizing it of course (grin). I kept saying I am not going to marry anyone too nor have kids or anything I just wanted to have some peace and quiet. Anyway this post is about you and not me but it´s a way of explaining how it happens as if you did´nt already know. Drop that bit about your age if you can you can fall in love at 90 odd years so I would take it easy and let all that stress go and you are opening the way for anything you might want in that sense (meeting someone I mean). Not easy thing to do is it. By the way all the time under Gods Sun is just an expression we use nothing more nothing less means you have all the time in the World. You are free to do whatever.
@shibham (17025)
• India
25 Aug 10
hi angel.... its sure that this post is mine and everything are related with my own life where as i need some advices from you all and all of you have given plenty of nice advice who may change my life at any moment. thanks again.
@carmelanirel (21108)
• United States
16 Aug 10
I think you should get married when you find the right person and when you are both ready. And not everyone can raise a family, it is very hard, but it is also very rewarding. And I wouldn't worry about how your children will see you, as long as you are doing what is right, then that is all you can do..The most perfect parent in the world had children that rebelled, we all do, but sooner or later that child does come back to you..:)
@shibham (17025)
• India
20 Aug 10
hi carmel.. u are right. very hard.. agree with again... what? The most perfect parent in the world had children that rebelled? i have not understood what u are going to say. make me clear please. anyway... its hard to arrange a marriage and find out the right soul-mate but its more hard to raise the children. perhaps all parents out of here are well known about it. have a nice day.
1 person likes this
• United States
20 Aug 10
Sorry shibham, I believe in G♥d word and He was the perfect parent to Adam and Eve and yet they rebelled when they disobeyed and ate from the tree on knowledge. You probably don't have the same faith, but it is a good example, something a friend of mine said to me one time when I was ranting about my own kids behavior..
@shibham (17025)
• India
25 Aug 10
hi carmel... ate from the tree on knowledge? perhaps its also a philosophical thought.
1 person likes this
@skysuccess (8882)
• Singapore
17 Aug 10
shibham, I have literally read all the responses here and I was contemplating if this is really YOUR problem when your silence has been nothing but deafening. You do not even speak for yourself after so many responses and as such I will sound off just what is on my mind. I believe that the words "perfect" and "marriage" seems to be overwhelming and frightening to you. Is there really perfection in this world? What's with this obsession with a failing relationship? Have you become so rationalized with obtaining 'perfect scores' and 'good results' that you cannot have the imagination and higher understanding that there are times in love (and life) when you must fall in the beginning to win later? The irony of Love is why focus on the fact that a relationship would fail when one should focus on leading the relationship while it last and make the best out of it? Think about it!!
@shibham (17025)
• India
22 Aug 10
hi shysuccess... definitely its my problem but u know friend, i have friends who are also suffering the same. i mean that they are too afraid of to take this step. so, perhaps its a common factor in my friend circle. very true that marriage is that word that i scared a lot bcoz i have no plan for my future... rather i would like to be single in the rest of my life but i know that it is impossible due to may parent's and well wisher's pressure. so i must have to marry someone one day. have a nice day and sorry for be lated response.
@shibham (17025)
• India
25 Aug 10
thanks for your advices again. i think i have nothing to write more here as all are crystal clear. thanks for staying with me. good day always. take care.
• Philippines
16 Aug 10
when my parents got married my mom was 29 and my dad 34 and they havent separated until now i guess they were matured enuf emotionally and financially stable when they settled down. so i think it would be the right marrying age but theres really no guarantee in marriage that it would last forever nowadays. i wouldnt say anything so i wouldnt eat my words later on hahaha!!
1 person likes this
• India
16 Aug 10
That's the point. Mental maturity plays a vital role here. This hardly has anything to do with age. I've seen so many grown ups behaving total foolish. I have seen middle aged man getting angry, lustful, abusive and even violent. Knowing yourself properly is crucial in knowing others. All of us have learned that it is important to treat others with respect. But often this ends up in being a mere acting, a pretension. Every action should be based on concrete logical ground. Respect should be heart-felt otherwise, vile things start to appear by themselves.
1 person likes this
@shibham (17025)
• India
20 Aug 10
hi sweet.. thanks that u have already surrender here.. not surrender actually...u have raised the truth. anyway.. what about you? are you married? @biswa..100% agree with you. have a nice day/.
@jaiho2009 (39079)
• Philippines
16 Aug 10
hello dear bhai, I don't know what to say about this thing,becoz,you were saying here to marry someone you don't know or love at all,an arranged marriage with your parents choice. In building a family,love is the best foundation. It takes two person to build a home and a family. And building a home is not just about marriage of two person. I married someone i love,someone i trust and someone i share my life with. Becoz,living together and not knowing each other will be quiet hard to understand each other. If lovers deal with trials and problems,what more with two strangers getting married to each other and lived together (to think it is lifetime commitment) If i were to be ask dear brother,why don't you look for someone whom you really love and feels comfortable to live with. If you think you are not prepared to start a new life ,it is becoz,you don't have someone to inspire you. If you love someone and wants to marry her,you will not think if you can be a good husband ,but,you will always have in mind to be a good husband to her becoz you loved her and your life won't be complete without her. So,marrying is not just a matter of getting married to start a family,but,it is a lifetime commitment that needs inspiration to face trials and sufferings with someone you love. And not someone whom you always doubting if she can understand you or not. Love can stand the test of time,it holds you to go on and face whatever difficulties there is to start a family of your own. Better marry someone you love,to live and to die for. Happy Monday dear bhai
• India
16 Aug 10
Where have you been???? You don't come online as frequently as you used to. Are you mad at us for some reason? We surely missed you a lot dear.
1 person likes this
@shibham (17025)
• India
20 Aug 10
hi didi. i understand what are you saying. there is no girl that i love at this time. if there would be someone that i love most.. perhaps i would be well prepared to devote my everything.. but to an unknown girl...quiet problematic. its also true that there is no one to inspire me apart from parents.. i think they want to arrange my marriage considering it as their's duty.. they may seek to be grandparents...but its hard to built a good relationship with a stranger. again. as the basement of a married life are commitment and understanding... its not an one side effort. so? anyway... i am waiting for the decision of time. have a nice day.
• Australia
17 Aug 10
you are not too young to get married many marry from much younger ages. I think that you should marry when you know you are 100% happy to spend the rest of your life with the other person. When you are truly inlove you will know the feeling and know that you have met that person who will forever light up your life. When that day comes (or if it has been) then you are ready to marry pick a date your comfortable with. Forget what other people say. marridge lasts a life time, so you'll have plenty of time to make your mind up!! Goodluck.
@shibham (17025)
• India
22 Aug 10
hi dont?.. pick?.. your?.. nose?.. a good name please to address. no need to put the real one but something..... thanks that you have considered me as a young otherwise as the pressures are increasing i am going to discover myself more than 40. actually at this moment, i need someone to take care of me.. i need someone's support... but none... oh.. thanks that i have too many friends here who are ready to support me on the rest of my life. hahaha... lucky that i am a mylotter. have a nice day.
@zippo277 (26)
• Indonesia
17 Aug 10
perfect age for new married man is unpredictable maximum 40 and women is about 30 because if you married a woman which is have an age of 30++ it will become dangerous to give a birth .if your parent forced you to get married don't listen to them if your not ready to become a father, follow your heart. getting married is more complicated rather than having relationship. you'll have to be able to become a captain of your own ship. actually is a methaphore. bottom line is follow your heart.
1 person likes this
@shibham (17025)
• India
22 Aug 10
very true friend that after 40.. its hard to give birth a child basically for a woman. no friend they are not forcing me.. they just want my family as i live alone 100 kms away from my home and come to my home once or twice in a week. usually i take my meals in hotel which are creating some problems to me and so they think to make me free from those meals and many more conditions.... yeah... now i am trying to listen my heart's speech. have a nice day and sorry for be lated comment.
• China
17 Aug 10
it won't happen in china that if a man still single above 30 years old, and he would surely get many gossip and the great mental pressure from his family and friends. at prsent, most of post 80s'generation are eager to find their better-half and get married. For ur case, i also think it is the right time to be together with someone who would share the rest of her life with you. we can also learn more things and find the answers for your mentioned questions during the time when u r with somebody. Time flies, it is not that easy to get married at your expecting age like 35. Just take action right now and wish you find ur right girl and company her to the end of the life!!!
1 person likes this
@shibham (17025)
• India
22 Aug 10
hi flyingbird... so u mean that all of you tie the knot before 30. here is not the same. the average age to get marry in my locality is 34. u are right that i shall get the answers of all my questions but are you sure that the answers will be in favor of me. i mean all are positives. thanks for your wishes dear friend. let me take a decision but the right one. have a nice day and sorry for be lated response.
• Libya
16 Aug 10
28
1 person likes this
@shibham (17025)
• India
22 Aug 10
so i have crossed that age!
@cajimenez (452)
• Philippines
16 Aug 10
I don't believe there is such thing as perfect age to get marry . As long as you are ready to settle down with that one person and be able to face all the consequences.That's the time you can say you're ready for marriage. But if you have doubts about marrying then do not . Don't get marry just because you were pressured by the idea of it.
1 person likes this
@shibham (17025)
• India
22 Aug 10
hi cajimenez... nice tips friend. i believe that the knot should not tie being pressurized or manipulated... its an individual's choice and we should give him the chances to think himself for the right choice and time. remind it that i am not pressurized my parents.. i am pressurized by my dilemma and feelings of irresponsibilities. have a nice day and sorry for being late.