Impotent Rage

August 17, 2010 8:03am CST
Because when it comes to family, there are always things that you can't say to them! Why is it that all contact with my family turns me into a fifteen year old, emo kid, with a chip on their shoulder?! My mother, since my birth, has always favoured my big sister. I used to torment myself over all the reasons there could be behind this and why I was so inferior, but I've gotten to the age where I finally realise that it's her problem, not mine. She had no reason to dislike me as a baby, and since that's when it started, I don't think there's anything I could have done. That's my logical brain talking. When my mum does something to upset me, my emotional brain takes over and I can't think straight and all the baggage comes rolling back. My sister rang me (she never rings me, I think she may have been drinking as we usually only talk at Christmas when we're together) and casually mentioned that mum had told her a few days ago that my Granddad had skin cancer on his eyelid and that she didn't think he had many years left. I'd spoken to my mother the day before and she never bothered to mention this fact. It's just kind of typical. My sister is the "real" daughter and I'm the afterthought. I realise as I'm typing how whiny that sounds. I just needed to vent. Tell me about your family. Can you relate to me at all? Sibling rivalry or parental favouritism?
3 responses
@genevy04 (793)
• Philippines
18 Aug 10
Hi Phaedra, I feel for you..It's very unfair for children that parents have their favoritism.. My family used to be a happy one, it was back then when my mo is still living.. But things are different now.. My dad has his own 'new' family and I think he is more prioritizing them than us. We are 4 from my mom. Though I remember back then when we were younger, that relatives often tell me I'm my dad's favorite, since I'm a consistent honor student.. But I don't really think it that way. I don't want others to feel the negative aspect of favoritism among kids. But my oldest brother, I think held his grudge over me . Upto now I feel it. We are both married now. He has his house which he inherited from our parents, and I am trapped here in my parents house because my father wants me to since he resides in another place now with his new family. My brother and I are not in good terms right now. He hates me, and I hate him too. I hate him because he gossips a lot about me and my family with our relatives and I don't like it really. And he finds every little hole that would destroy my name to others. He is the oldest, how come he is so immature? Until now I don't even plan to reconcile with him. If he thinks I'm the favorite, guess he should think again. Because his insecurity is eating his humanity.
18 Aug 10
That's really sad. I'm sorry to hear it. I get on fairly well with my sister, but we don't talk much because we have nothing in common, we're just really different people. I don't blame my sister for any of my mum's behaviour though. It wasn't her fault any more than it was mine.
@genevy04 (793)
• Philippines
1 Sep 10
Good to know you think of it that way, 'coz I think my big brother's thinking doesn't work like that.. Well I guess it's up to him. If he has issues and problems with me, I'd better ignore it because it won't do me any god at all. If he has grudge on me about a thing that's so misunderstood of, I don't care because it's his problem and not mine. What makes me sad is the fact that we are siblings and he is the eldest. He should understand things above all.. I think it's a very childish thing to be jealous of your sibling, right?
1 person likes this
5 Sep 10
It's hard not to be jealous when you've always been put down, but it's never the other child's fault. I hope as your brother gets older, he gets more mature and appreciates you better.
• Australia
21 Aug 10
hmmm i was caught in such situation before, but not the extreme case. i have 3 siblings including me there will be 4. and it seems that my dad loves me and my 3rd brother more and my mom would love my 2nd sister and my 4th brother more. and there is a time where i hated the way my mom pirioritize herself to my 2 other sibling like i would get all the scolding even if it is not my fault just because i am the oldest is the usual thing i heard or fi everyone did the same thing i will also get it. lol. i always grumbled and will do everything she wanted even when some stuff is what i felt wrong till now. but i kinda tell myself, she still loved me, not as much as the others but she will still care for me. so why bother comparing? it will only make me upset. After i get to this point, i think i feel better and i know that i will be. i also thinking this way, i am now looking at the view of myself, how would it be if i am looking at the view where she is looking at, it is hard but it is the best way to look at things. and letting emotion take control of us will not help us look at the matter clearer so give yourself some time and relook at everything again, and anger will make you lost yourself plus forgetting stuff that you once remember of that they loved you.
1 person likes this
21 Aug 10
I think sometimes, you just need to vent and get it out. I felt much better afterward, at least until the next time! Thanks for your response.
• United States
17 Aug 10
After this you should feel better. I hope so..
1 person likes this
17 Aug 10
Thanks, I think all of us just need to let it out now and again.