How does it feel to be the odd one in the family?

@devijay78 (1575)
India
August 18, 2010 1:27am CST
I had always been the odd one in the family and have done things which got me into trouble many a times. While all my sisters and brothers and cousins are working and earning their living, I gave up a lot of good offers and decided to be a housewife. I am still looked down for that. And my thoughts and actions are so different from my family's that I somtimes get the feeling that they just tolerate me for the sake of family unity. It becomes worse when you are not successful in life-like you don't have a job or don't earn big money and don't have fancy degrees after your name. I do have a masters in commerce but all the others are engineers or mba-s or doctors. I was the first to take commerce in my family and even though i got very good marks, in fact better than the others, it is not considered good enough. How do you deal with that?
2 people like this
16 responses
• Pamplona, Spain
16 Sep 10
Hiya devijay, So you became a Housewife which is a Profession all on it´s own. You were brave to go against the norm then. In spite of that you have a Masters in Commerce? If so that can easily be worked on more I suppose and get more Courses and all that sort of studying behind you and you might even go further than they have in the end. Don´t give up just because they have this and that. You take it further what you have got. Surely someone in your Field could help you out as to what to do and how to get better opportunities and start from there. Lastly I would not let them make me feel "smaller" than them remember you can get to be much bigger than them if you want to. Go girl go.
@devijay78 (1575)
• India
18 Sep 10
Hey thanks. But I love being a homemaker and planning budgets and sticking to them and investing my savings every month and watching them grow little by little is the extent of financial stuff I do right now. Would not like to leave my small kid alone without anybody to look after. I might look for further studies after a few years when my daughter is big enough to look after herself. Thanks a lot:-)
• Pamplona, Spain
18 Sep 10
Hiya devijay, Great that´s good that you ideas to make plans for the future. Wishing you much luck in your future efforts and the ones that you are doing now of course.
@ANTIQUELADY (36489)
• United States
18 Aug 10
If u are happy & taking care of yourself that's all that matters. No two people are alike & i think that people should be themselves. I didn't always do what my family wanted me to but it's for sure they didn't always act like i thought they should either. Jut enjoy your life & don't worry what they think of u for being different. I bet some of them wish they had been more like u.
@devijay78 (1575)
• India
18 Aug 10
Hey! I like your last line. That is a nice thought. Thanks!
1 person likes this
@ANTIQUELADY (36489)
• United States
18 Aug 10
u ARE VERY WELCOME. jUST ENJOY BEING WHO U ARE.
@warvial (1154)
• Singapore
18 Aug 10
Been there and is still in such a situation. Just felt very lost. Like you, I gave up many job offers. I don't know why I did that but now that I am unemployed, I take on all the houseworks in order to contribute myself to the household but it's just not enough to impress or at least make myself felt worthy at home. I think for a period of time, I was so depressed for being the odd one that I won't even want to even dine with my family. Don't know how I managed to get through those days but now, I am trying to find work (although after being unemployed for so long, it's hard to even get a interview request). I have sorted out my mind. What passed has passed, thus, I only want to look forward and hope for the best. And also, I don't think it's wrong to be housewife. Being a housewife is not an easy role and it's an important role in the family.
@devijay78 (1575)
• India
18 Aug 10
I know. Even I found it difficult to get a job when I decided to work recently. I did get one and worked for sometime, but since there was nobody to take care of my daughter, I had to leave it. Nothing wrong with being a housewife. It is just that sometimes this thought that I am sitting at home while my siblings are all employed crops up and spoils my entire day! I want to be financially independent. That is why.
@mimeux (62)
• Philippines
18 Aug 10
Actually, I felt that same way too. There are times that I woke up and ask myself, "Whoah, What have I done in these past years? I should be working now but then again I am just at the house while mom works to feed us." So what I did is to get back to school and study to graduate. Well there is a time that I am really sick of them. I feel like they are out of their mind because they expect too much but they provide the least of your school needs. And when I have group work, they don't allow me to join them because they don't want me to sleep overnight with classmates. I mean, "what the hell? I'm 21 years old why the heck they are so strict I know what I'm doing.. duuh!!" Oh anyways, whats important is how you value yourself as you are.
@devijay78 (1575)
• India
18 Aug 10
Hey! Good for you! Hope you acheive what you are aiming for. I already have a masters in commerce. But the problem is that I cannot work because there is no one to take care of my three year old child. So I have to stay at home. I am just on the lookout for some part time jobs so that I can work when my daughter is at school or where I can work from home and earn some money. Let us see how it goes. Thanks for the reply:-)
@mimeux (62)
• Philippines
18 Aug 10
you can hire a nanny for that. Or ask you mom to take care of her grandchild. Here in the Philippines it is our custom than to hire a nanny because commoners can't afford to have another expense for nanny.
24 Aug 10
My mother always preferred my older sister, so I grew up with a bit of a chip on my shoulder. I always felt like the black sheep. I grew up massively depressed and would always get comments like "trust you" or "why can't you be more like your sister?" I became an oddball and a goth (teenage rebellion!) and always did things differently. My parents don't even bat an eyelid now because they've seen such weirdness from me over the years. I think I've calmed down a lot more now that I'm older and I'm more comfortable with myself. I'm not a goth any more anyway.
@devijay78 (1575)
• India
25 Aug 10
Age and experience teaches us a lot of things. I know my family loves me for what I am. I guess your parents would be relieved that you dont do weird things now:-) Good for you that you have accepted yourself the way you are.
1 person likes this
@manbir84 (135)
• India
20 Aug 10
Yes you are right they are feeling same as you thinking but not as badly as you analyzed.They would also have a sympathetic feeling for you.If you still want to do some job then please go for it thinking is just waste of time.I think you wanting job of you style badly am I right?
@devijay78 (1575)
• India
24 Aug 10
Well, as the only person to have taken commerce in a family of engineers and doctors, it is difficult to take part in discussions in a family get together:-D I give blank looks whenever they discuss something very technical or professional. But now I have learnt to be happy with myself. And proud of what I am now. Thanks.
• India
19 Aug 10
i understand what you facing , sometimes every thing gets better as we move on in life , as you got a daughter enjoy your life with your child , dont ever feel that commerce had made you like this, try take tuition and you know their are many earning option , feel confident and think ahead. i know this comment is nothing for you. but my prayers will do for you......... prabhu
@devijay78 (1575)
• India
24 Aug 10
Thanks a lot rameshprabhu. I do enjoy life now. But I guess I would feel much better if I am financially independant. Not that I am in dire need of money. But it is a wonderful feeling to earn your money, right?
• Philippines
19 Aug 10
hey don't make self pity with yourself if you want to prove this practice your field of profession who knows you will be succeed with that there so many possibilities you need to expect with yourself
@devijay78 (1575)
• India
24 Aug 10
Thanks.
• Philippines
19 Aug 10
I know how hard and sad it is to be the odd one in the family, because I am too. I felt it when I was in high school because it was then that I noticed I looked different from my brothers and sisters. People in our neighborhood started to create stories that I was an adopted child, but actually I am not, I just had a different father. But I never knew it until I was already 38yrs. old, and what hurts me most is they never gave me the chance to know my real father. He passed away 1989 and I don't even know how he looks like because my mother refuses to let me know more about him, she didn't even talk to me personally about it she just wrote me a letter. Since high school and until now that I already have my own family, I still feel that I am very much different. I don't look like them, they're intelligent and I'm not, they're outgoing with lots of friends, while I'm shy with only a few friends, they're all successful in life with good jobs and own business while I'm just a plain housewife with a very simple life. I always feel insecure specially when we're in public because people really notice that I'm different from them, there was even a time when a friend of my brother asked him, Is she your half sister? but, to save me from embarrassment of course he said No, she's really my sister. It really feels so sad and I feel so incomplete.
@devijay78 (1575)
• India
24 Aug 10
It would have been very hard for you not knowing your father. I can understand the pain you go through every day. But let it go. It seems you have very good siblings who like you just the way you are. Try getting yourself involved in things that you like and enjoy doing. Get a part time or some job where you dont have to work long hours, maybe for one or two hours. You will start feeling better when you are earning, even if it is a small amount. Hope your life changes for the better.
@lulu1220 (1010)
• United States
18 Aug 10
Most of my family and some of my friends are very conservative and religious. They have kids and watch reality TV. I have absolutely nothing in common with them except blood. To keep the peace, I choose not to discuss religion and politics with them. So far it has worked. One of my siblings is like me and he will start a fight with some of them. I decided a long time ago not to get in the middle of it.
@devijay78 (1575)
• India
18 Aug 10
That was a wise decision you made.
@chayes (1)
18 Aug 10
Im in a famliy of 4 an feel like the odd one out to all my family are well educated where as i hate collage. they all have good expertise in the jobs they do i just do random sales jobs. One way of looking at it is your the one who is unique and most of this may come from not wanting to acept living someone elses way. I feel nowadays most people follow others rather than living there own lives. But no matter how diffrent we are from our familys there is a huge bond with means they always care for us and we them :)
@devijay78 (1575)
• India
18 Aug 10
Yes that is absolutely true. They like me even with all my faults and it is the same with my sisters and brothers too. But it is just that sometimes i get on their nerves:-D
• Philippines
18 Aug 10
i feel like that too. the green green grass ofhome... when i was kid i was responsible bout everything but when got into highschool things started to get complicated for me. and i stopped schooling for 2years. i got depressed i guess.. but my moms really supportive so i got back on my feet again went back to school went to college and went through alot of personal probs but no problems regarding academics. i became a drunkard, go disco and go home wee hours in the morning somtyms i dont go home i sleep at my friends houses. but i knew how to manage my time so i graduated nursing for 4years without failing and i passed the boardexams take 1 only. 1year aftr my sis also passed the nursing exam. i started working but now my contract ended and im struggling with this feelings of insecurity and worthlessness again. both my bro n sis are working while im stuck at home. hope could find a job soon. wish me luck!!
@devijay78 (1575)
• India
18 Aug 10
You have gone through a lot. Thanks for sharing your story with us. I know how hard it would have been for you. Don't worry. You will find a job very soon. Wish you good luck.
• Singapore
18 Aug 10
I'm an only son but I understand your kind of situation. Never mind if your thoughts are different from that from your family. Yes, they have big certificates, MBAs whatsoever. However, you're not weak either! Right? At least you have a masters in commerce! At least you've earned yourself a masters! So what's there to be afraid of or stressed out?
@devijay78 (1575)
• India
18 Aug 10
Yes. But sometimes, when you have a family gathering, they give you these looks which say all. It does not hurt but it is quite obvious.
@taimin (5)
• China
18 Aug 10
dont hesitate to do things you like,everyone has his/her own way of living,his/her own pleases,so dont care too much about other's attention and opinions,do things you like,happy and healthy are important!
@devijay78 (1575)
• India
18 Aug 10
Yes, I am in the process of doing things which give me pleasure rather than making my parents and family members happy. I cannot change overnight, but I take things one step at a time. Thanks.
• India
18 Aug 10
Same here too. My papa said me to do Mechanical Engg after 10th, My sister was saying to do Science. And my mom was saying to Computer engg. But i had intrest in electronic. And now i completed diploma in Electronic engg with first class, and prove then all wrong. This is truth. For u Just explain them U enjoy doing Commerce. And u r intrested in commerce, and does't understand What they teach in mba-s.
@devijay78 (1575)
• India
18 Aug 10
I will prove them wrong someday:-) thanks.
@Sanitary (3969)
• Singapore
18 Aug 10
Do feel proud to be the odd one out! Likewise for me, I'm the only lefty in the family while my parents and younger brother are all right handed people. Since young, my parents have tried ways and means to get into becoming like them but I refused. Maybe they are doing for my own good as they don't want others to see me as a weirdo or whatever I don't know. So in your case, ignore them. Don't give yourself pressure in order to be like them, being so common, doing and talking abt the same things. As compares to them, your life is much more exciting because there are so many happenings unknown to them when they just buried themselves in their work, oblivious to the outside world.