A bit of respect would be nice.

@saphrina (31740)
South Africa
August 20, 2010 1:30pm CST
A lot think that you just get respect. Sorry no, you have to earn it. You can't just expect it or maybe go to the nearby shop and buy it, for Pete's sake. You want me to treat you with respect, so try to be respectful towards me. Do you treat people with respect, whether they deserve it or not? Should we treat others as we want them to treat us or should we just forget about respect and go on as if life owe us something? TATA.
11 people like this
44 responses
@mysdianait (63977)
• Italy
20 Aug 10
I respect and expect to be respected. Some think that they should respect me because I am a woman, others because I am older than them while I think that I deserve respect just beacuse I am me - and I will respect you because you are you, whoever you are. It is the only thing that we have left that is free, has no limits or language barriers and costs nothing to use it.
3 people like this
• United States
21 Aug 10
I totally agree with you here, MysD. I think that each person should be respected for who they are. However, I do not necessarily think that every single person deserves respect. Having said that, I can dislike a person, and yet I can still respect him or her for specific characteristics or examples that they set, such as their knowledge, work ethic, honesty, parenting ability, etc.
@saphrina (31740)
• South Africa
21 Aug 10
You got that right, my MD. Respect is for what and who you are. Nothing about age or being a women a man, etc. PA, i think you are better than i will ever be. I cannot respect someone i don't like, sorry.
1 person likes this
• India
21 Aug 10
I don't know why I respect you An honest confession...
@dpk262006 (53689)
• Delhi, India
21 Aug 10
Hi sweetie! I always treat others with due respect either am here on mylot or in real life. I think it is essential on our part to behave decently, if we wish others to respect us and like us. Carelessness towards others could prove otherwise.
1 person likes this
@vandana7 (57183)
• India
21 Aug 10
I will vouch for this friend. And he is such an angel. He would be there anytime!!! It feels good to have friends like you deepu.
1 person likes this
@saphrina (31740)
• South Africa
21 Aug 10
But Deepak, i don't want to behave decently. That sounds boring. Maybe you are right on this, i have to think about think it first. Vannie.
1 person likes this
@vandana7 (57183)
• India
21 Aug 10
What!!! Deepu doesnt want a demo of your indecency right away sweetie!!!
1 person likes this
@owlwings (38065)
• Cambridge, England
21 Aug 10
I think that everyone deserves respect until they have fairly consistently proved otherwise. Being deserving of respect is NOT (or should not be) a function of personal likes and dislikes: there are many people whose attitude, policies and personal philosophy I disagree with and positively dislike who, nevertheless, deserve respect for something in their behaviour. Love, also, does not automatically carry respect with it (though it tends to do so): it is quite possible, fortunately or unfortunately, to love someone but to hate and despise what they do. On meeting or encountering someone for the first time, I usually see them as a 'blank slate'. Very quickly, of course, one forms 'first impressions' - usually from the way they dress or the way they behave in the first few seconds of the encounter. It is often very difficult to not let those first impressions sway our judgement of whether that person deserves our respect or not. Very often our 'first impressions' are wrong or based on a parochial, insular and dogmatic attitude of our own (in other words, more than likely, WE are the ones who are less deserving of respect!) No, you can't go to the shop and buy respect but you can try to make sure that people's first impressions are positive to begin with. Smartness of dress, apparent wealth and an air of confidence and authority are all ways in which people try to make a positive impact on others. Sometimes we have to show others respect simply because they have the power to provide something we need (a job, money, influence, success in a law case or whatever). This is a temporary and somewhat artificial kind of respect (though it is real and valid while the conditions exist). REAL respect, as you say, is always earned but it generally should begin with the conditional 'blank slate' respect that everyone deserves.
1 person likes this
• United States
21 Aug 10
I agree with most of what you say here, Owlwings. I also do not necessarily disagree with the fact that people tend to give others that "dress smart, have apparent wealth, and present an air of confidence and authority" with more respect, especially initially, than others that might not be as "properly or professionally dressed" (in their opinion). However, as you said, first impressions are not always right. I have seen people (both men and women) that dress in suits to gain respect, and it works at first. I have seen others that dress in jeans or trousers and a button-up shirt at work, and immediately they tend to not get as much respect as the people that dress in suits. Over time, though, I have noticed that the ones that dress in suits, especially if their job does not require them to dress in one, tend to not have as much knowledge or skill as the ones that dress less formally but still professionally. Of course, this is not always the case, but I think that some people use the "window dressing" to project an image that they feel is worthy of respect while others just rely on their knowledge, talent, and personality to gain the respect of others.
@saphrina (31740)
• South Africa
22 Aug 10
I agree owlings. That first impression really makes a difference. But then you get some who make a awesome first impression, but cannot be respected. Actually strange how we think and react in regards of respect to others we know or those we don't really know. Thanx. TATA. PA, i just love that window dressing.
1 person likes this
@owlwings (38065)
• Cambridge, England
22 Aug 10
PA, I do understand where you're coming from. Depending on our individual experiences in life, everyone has a different basic 'trust level'. That initial 'respect' (which is always provisional) has a lot to do with the basic trust which we allow strangers. Some people, unfortunately, have had experiences which mean that they can never allow themselves to trust anyone, at least until they have known them for a long while. We are all 'survivors', however, and so we all set our own levels of trust and respect. Nobody is 'wrong' ... we must all live by the 'rules' that keep us feeling safe. Part of 'respect' (but not the kind that Saph is really talking about) is being able to understand and appreciate where other people's boundaries lie and to try not to step over them.
1 person likes this
@vandana7 (57183)
• India
21 Aug 10
I wonder how you define respect. My definition of respect would be giving value to others opinions and lifestyle, and not dismissing them lightly. I value your opinion perfectly sweetie, even when you differ with me, because I see some merit in it. If I tease you, it is not serious - please understand that. If you want me to avoid teasing you, I will.
@saphrina (31740)
• South Africa
21 Aug 10
Vannie, respect to me is a person's values in life. That is very important to me. I actually cannot live without that. If you stop teasing me, i would start sulking. We don't want that, do we?? TATA.
@vandana7 (57183)
• India
21 Aug 10
You are right - a sulking dumb blond is more dangerous than a bulking one!!! Wonder where is Guna - I will know whether that word exists or not without referring to dictionary!!!
@saphrina (31740)
• South Africa
21 Aug 10
You are so freaking nasty. Do you know that?
@maylaine (444)
• Philippines
22 Aug 10
your heart saph... "do unto others what you want others do unto you" everything you do will be bounce back to you..so i guess saph we have to work for everything that we want to gain like respect...because i believed respect begets respect..dont expect to gain if dont know how to give one....
@sagar21 (1583)
• India
22 Aug 10
yep...that's what I meant...
@saphrina (31740)
• South Africa
22 Aug 10
Sweetie, sometimes i think i respect people too much. I always end up with the short and nasty end. Thanx. TATA. Sagar, did you got lost or something? I told you to ask, didn't i?
@maylaine (444)
• Philippines
24 Aug 10
just respect them the way it should be...not too much not too little..but dont stop being nice saph..i will miss that...
@gunagohan (3415)
• India
21 Aug 10
We are supposed to have respect and treat others with good respect..This is the original point of humanity!! Whether they are elder or younger, poor or rich, u have to give them all respect and when u talk u should talk properly with respect.. I always talk with giving respect to others.. In the case of friends, this respect is not needed..
@saphrina (31740)
• South Africa
21 Aug 10
Why is it different when it come to friends, guna? TATA.
1 person likes this
@saphrina (31740)
• South Africa
21 Aug 10
Why is it different when it come to friends, guna? TATA.
1 person likes this
@gunagohan (3415)
• India
21 Aug 10
Friends are very close!!! It doesn't need any respect or privacy..Just Enjoy with Friends!!!
@Renhard (3480)
• Jamaica
20 Aug 10
Of course i show respect. Atleast you know me. And i would not show someone respect unless they really deserve it. If you have not earned it, dont expect me to show it. And i believe respect is needed in this world to actually survive out there.
@saphrina (31740)
• South Africa
20 Aug 10
Okay now sweetie, see a bit of learning helps a lot, i see. Glad you have that right. No one can just get that respect. TATA.
@Renhard (3480)
• Jamaica
20 Aug 10
So was this just a test? I wonder.
@saphrina (31740)
• South Africa
20 Aug 10
I will think about it. Let's see if you can remember this, okay.
@chrislotz (8207)
• Canada
14 Aug 11
I try to be respectfull to everyone I meet. I will give my respect until you take it away. For me it isn't a matter of earning it in the beginning, but a matter of keeping it. If you do me wrong, I will no longer respect you, then you have to earn it back. If a person snaps at me when in conversation, I notice I will snap back. People treat you the way you treat them and people treat you the way you let them treat you. If you let someone continuously disrespect you and you don't stand up for yourself, you are telling them it's okay to treat you that way and they will always treat you with disrespect. I know this from being in a very disrespectful relationship with my ex for 12 years. I let him disrespect me and so he did. And then after 11 years of it I had enough and I tried to stay in the relationship and tried to teach him it wasn't okay anymore to disrespect me but it was too late, he didn't believe a word I said, and so when I said I would leave him he didn't believe me and so when I did leave he thought I would be back. But I didn't go back and it's been 2 years and he still begs me to come home but I won't. I've had enough, I'm done. I will never let anyone disrespect me again, right from the beginning because once you let them get away with it, it's hard to change them, it's hard to get them to even believe you.
@saphrina (31740)
• South Africa
14 Aug 11
Hi sweetie. I like the way you have pointed this out. Seems not a lot of people keep that respect though. I'm glad you left that one. No one deserves to be treated like that, no excuses. never let anyone treat you like that. I won't take that at all. Too feisty and bad tempered, i think. Good for you though.
@chrislotz (8207)
• Canada
14 Aug 11
Thanks, I never look back either. I would never go back because it would just end up being the same, even though he says it wouldn't. He says he has learned that he has to respect me but since then he still gets mad at me and shows me disrespect. I told him about 2 months ago to never contact me again and so far he has left me alone.
@saphrina (31740)
• South Africa
16 Aug 11
Good, we don't need people like that in our lives, ever.
• Slovenia
22 Aug 10
well I tend to be nice and treat people with respect by the nature already. that's who I am and how I was taught, but of course, if people do not show respect towards you, you're not entitled to being respectful towards them either, though in the worst cases I still try to be nice, but sometimes nice is not what people care for or deserve.
@saphrina (31740)
• South Africa
22 Aug 10
See i am not the only one thinking like that. Thanx sweetie. You got it just right. TATA.
• Slovenia
23 Aug 10
ur welcome. and I'm glad I'm not the only one thinking like that too. :]
@saphrina (31740)
• South Africa
23 Aug 10
@sagar21 (1583)
• India
21 Aug 10
Hi saphi I do respect..all ..even if I don't expect back....but I need some.. thanks for the topic.. have a great day/night..
@saphrina (31740)
• South Africa
22 Aug 10
What do you need, sweetie? Should i give you some respect? Just say it and i will think about it, okay. Thanx. TATA.
@sagar21 (1583)
• India
22 Aug 10
this youth needs some homage
@saphrina (31740)
• South Africa
22 Aug 10
Oh for Pete's sake. Sorry, i need at least a week. I have a very busy schedule.
@forance (152)
• China
21 Aug 10
of course.It's the best to respect each other.But I really wonder how we should do that when the others treat me without respect firstly? on which even if I respect him,and I may be rewarded? sorry,I can't think so!This must due to what character of whom.
@saphrina (31740)
• South Africa
22 Aug 10
I agree sweetie. If someone don't respect you, why should you respect them. A bit unfair if you ask me. It has to come from both sides. Thanx. TATA.
@forance (152)
• China
23 Aug 10
oh,sorry!Glad to know you!
@saphrina (31740)
• South Africa
23 Aug 10
Are you very sure about that?
@voldrox (7205)
• India
21 Aug 10
Hello saphrina, I am a very simple guy and easy on trusting others. You are absolutey right, one cannot gain respect unless you they treat others with respect. Those people who treat others low and think they deserve respect are all jackasses. The best thing is to be friendly with everyone and automatically everything falls into place.
@saphrina (31740)
• South Africa
22 Aug 10
Voldi, you are anything but simple. I tend to stay away from jacka$$es, you know. They only make my temper worse than it is. I am sorry, but i won't be friendly with everyone, then they normally think you want something. Humans can be so freaking stupid sometimes. Thanx. TATA.
1 person likes this
@voldrox (7205)
• India
22 Aug 10
@saphrina (31740)
• South Africa
22 Aug 10
1 person likes this
@epicure35 (2822)
• United States
21 Aug 10
"Do unto others" is a great rule to implement. Treat others with the same respect you would like them to treat you with. In some specific areas respect might have to be more of an "earned" reward, but, you've got to start somewhere.
@saphrina (31740)
• South Africa
22 Aug 10
I like it when people treat me as i treat them, sweetie. It makes life a bit easier, you know. Thanx. TATA.
@epicure35 (2822)
• United States
22 Aug 10
Yes, saphrina, it's nice to be nice.
@saphrina (31740)
• South Africa
22 Aug 10
How nice.
@ehsanji (503)
• Pakistan
21 Aug 10
I swear I respect you Saphrina! And I want to do more than that. I mean, to respect you more, we need something more than 'internet conversation'. "Kidding" Okay when you give respect to someone , you get the respect from that person possible and not necessarily from that person only, but from the other people in the society. Even those who are mean and bad to you. This is what embarrasses the one who is mean to you. I have been through the same situation.
• Pakistan
23 Aug 10
That's cent percent true. I agree. Respect is a feeling that you show towards others whom you care and love and this is every person's right to be respected. Self-respect is something that matters alot for every human being. If you give respect, you'll get respect.
@saphrina (31740)
• South Africa
24 Aug 10
You are right, sweetie.
• United States
21 Aug 10
Alright, I am just going to come out and say this, but I hope that people will read it and try to understand. I respect people for who they are, what they do, their unique abilities or talents, and how they treat others. However, I get really annoyed when people tell me that I am supposed to respect my elders. Why should I? I mean, I do not think that I should disrespect them, either - that is not what I am saying. I just do not think that they deserve any more or less respect than anybody else, and I will treat them the same as I would treat anybody else. I do not think that the mere fact that you have been alive on this planet for longer than me means that I should show you respect no matter what you do. That just does not make sense to me, especially when these same people often do not show respect for individuals that are significantly younger than they are.
@saphrina (31740)
• South Africa
21 Aug 10
Now that is the HONEST truth, sweetie. No one can get more respect from others just because they are older or wiser. Everyone gets the same treatment from me. Thanx. TATA.
1 person likes this
• United States
21 Aug 10
Thank you both, and I am glad that you both understood what I was trying to say. My parents tried to teach me to respect my elders, because that is what they were taught when they were growing up, and that is what they taught my siblings. Apparently, even though I was the youngest by far, I was the only one that had questioned this. I wanted to know why I had to respect someone just because they had lived longer than me. I asked if they were bad people, then why should I respect them just because they were older. I also asked why good people didn't deserve respect because they were good, even if they were younger. It frustrated my parents that I didn't just accept what they were telling me, especially since my logic and reasoning seemed "right", and they could not think of any appropriate reasons to validate respecting someone just because they were older. Finally, they just gave up on that and said that I needed to treat everybody with respect unless they earned my disrespect. I could live with that.
@saphrina (31740)
• South Africa
22 Aug 10
Yes sweetie, i thought you would qualify to say that. PA, we are rowing in the same boat here. Nothing has to be as we were told and taught. It doesn't work that way.
@Memnon (2173)
20 Aug 10
Doormat - Doormat, very basic one
I try to. I don't go about my business expecting anything more than common decency, which is sometimes lacking. However, those who treat me as if I were something that they had trodden in, can expect to be left on the doormat.
@saphrina (31740)
• South Africa
21 Aug 10
Seems we think the same on this one. Why are people like that? Are they better than us or did the high horse take a plunge or something? Thanx. TATA.
@Memnon (2173)
21 Aug 10
Some people may think that they picked us up whilst walking the pavement. We know better, as we clean our shoes on our way in...
@saphrina (31740)
• South Africa
21 Aug 10
Now i know why my shoes are always so nice and clean.
@vijayanths (7878)
• India
20 Aug 10
Hi sweetie, good discussion. It's true that we need to respect people to get get respect from them. But other than that if you are rich and having a big status people will respect you, it may be artificial though..
@saphrina (31740)
• South Africa
20 Aug 10
Rich and having a big status, my angelic butt. Those are normally the kind i won't respect. Depends on how they treat me. TATA.
• India
20 Aug 10
I know sweetie you are not that type to respect rich. I am also like you, I never respect people just because they have money. It's secondary to me,love and real affection is more important to me..
@saphrina (31740)
• South Africa
20 Aug 10
You know that sweetie. Nothing won't ever make me budge on my views in life.
@allknowing (55098)
• India
21 Aug 10
There are several situations when it becomes difficult to 'respect' someone and yet one is forced to and this is normally seen in a boss - subordinate relationship. But sometimes the subordinate will disrespect the boss and proudly announce that the boss was placed well and good. This the subordinate feels is an achievement little realising there are better methods to deal with the situation without compromisng on one's principles. Respect is the boss's due and it has to be given. The giver loses nothing in the process but gets respect in return. The same rule applies to a child-parent relationship. In other situations one needs to have mutual respect for each other and the one who does not give it needs some therapy.
@allknowing (55098)
• India
22 Aug 10
As we all know, respect is commanded and not demanded!
@saphrina (31740)
• South Africa
22 Aug 10
Sweetie, even a boss need to earn some respect. They cannot have everything in life, you know. I won't ever be forced to respect someone.I have to remember that respect is commanded and not demanded. Thanx. TATA.
• Philippines
21 Aug 10
The world would be a better place if everyone would just respect others. Most of the problems that we are now experiencing stems from the lack of respect for the people around us, for our family and friends. Trouble starts when we value ourselves more than others. It's the "ME" mentality that makes us lose respect for other people's feelings and welfare. Whatever happened to the Golden Rule? Is it still being taught in school? Or. are we just too caught up with our busy life that we have forgotten the basics. It wont hurt to slow down once in awhile and reflect.
@saphrina (31740)
• South Africa
22 Aug 10
The world will be a better place if you all just stop thinking about ourselves, sweetie. But you know as well as i do that will never happen. We got so caught in the fast pace of our life's, that we forgot about the basics of being humans with respect towards one another. Thanx. TATA.
@saphrina (31740)
• South Africa
22 Aug 10
Sorry, wrong emoticon.
• Philippines
21 Aug 10
every individuals needs to be respected..even criminals has s right to be respect.
@saphrina (31740)
• South Africa
21 Aug 10
Sweetie, every 9ndividual needs to be respected, BUT, they honestly have to deserve that respect. As for criminals, i will have to get back to you on that one, okay. Thanx. TATA.
@saphrina (31740)
• South Africa
22 Aug 10