Giving too much importance to people ...

@kiran8 (15398)
Mangalore, India
August 24, 2010 12:29pm CST
In any relationship it does happen that sometimes we get carried away and end up by giving far too much importance to certain people in our lives than they actually deserve. When we look back later only we realise that we have wasted a lot of precious time on them. I have been realising this time and again that one should never attach too much importance to any relationship in life except may be to those time tested ones like your children, siblings and a few close friends and relatives who have stood by you at all times...
3 people like this
14 responses
• India
24 Aug 10
Hello dear, When you use those bold letter indiscriminately, it seems as if the entire web page is on fire. Just kidding. One should reserve all one's sympathy and kindness for the people who deserve them the most. There is no such thing as a tested relationship. All relationships deteriorate in time. The most important thing is to be just and kind to yourself. If you are just you will always be clear to yourself. Isn't that something? You will be able to make the right decision irrespective of your surroundings. Also, when you are kind to yourself in the truest sense, you will invariably be kind to others. You have to give importance to others, because that is the essence of our society. You can't deny relationships. Whether you want it or not, you'll have it. What you can do is to get involved without expectations. Expectations is the killer, not the relationship. Thanks. God bless you
@kiran8 (15398)
• Mangalore, India
24 Aug 10
Wise words ! is there anything in life without expectations ? we will be fooling ourselves if we say that we never expect anything from anyone...But what you say about relationships deteriorating in time is not true.It may change and take on a new meaning or a new dimension, but there are some relationships that become better with time and also sometimes stress.....
• India
25 Aug 10
True indeed. Expectations can't be demolished. This is why we need to channel it. You shouldn't expect anything from others, but you can expect a lot from yourself. You can expect yourself to be a better person and with that expectation you may actually turn wiser each day. Every relationship deteriorates, as the either of the person quits early. This is an absolute truth. It is just that we are too weak to accept that.
@kiran8 (15398)
• Mangalore, India
25 Aug 10
You most probably are right to a certain extent ....We have our weaknesses and strength of character . Here I was dissappointed at a cousins attitude where I had always placed immense trust in her, going out of my way to help her out when she was in difficulties without bothering about the consequences because the issue was sensitive .But when I had some problems ,forget about offering any support she started avoiding me.When I confronted her , she felt guilty and began to cry and emotionally blackmail me by playing on my feelings.It left a bitter taste..
@meowcow (939)
• Philippines
24 Aug 10
On the contrary, I think getting hurt by these certain people make you appreciate your siblings, close friends and relatives a whole lot more than before you knew of the bad kind of relationship. So I don't think it's a waste at all and you shouldn't regret it. Instead turn the regrets into love and channel it to those who actually deserve it.
@kiran8 (15398)
• Mangalore, India
24 Aug 10
I think that is a great point you have made , I certainly agree with that. You are able to appreciate all those who have stood by you much better..No experience in life is a waste , just the bitter feeling it leaves and sometimes the lack of trust in humanity that it develops...thanks a lot for your response and have a great day..
@meowcow (939)
• Philippines
25 Aug 10
Yes, when you just try to understand how human everyone can be, and just what human really is. Then life gets a little bit lighter. Not easier, but simply lighter. I hope things work out for you I'm sure they will. You were strong enough to tell about it then you are strong enough to overcome it. Good day to you as well.
@kiran8 (15398)
• Mangalore, India
25 Aug 10
thank you so much for those wise words, I do feel much better after discussing about things here. As someone rightly said " “There are many things that we would throw away if we were not afraid that others might pick them up.”...
@bhanusb (5709)
• India
26 Aug 10
kiran, I have wasted some precious time by giving importance to some people whom I thought they are my well wishers. But in the long run I realized they utilized me. In disguise they were my enemy. Really true friends are very rare. Thanks for your cautionary topics.
@kiran8 (15398)
• Mangalore, India
27 Aug 10
It happens with all of us bhanu, and when we realise it, it is far too late and there is no drawing back...In a way I feel that it is best not to have any expectations from anyone and never go out of your way..thanks a lot for the response bhanu, all the best, have a great weekend
@dpk262006 (56482)
• Delhi, India
26 Aug 10
Hi Kiran! The irony is many a times we realize our mistakes after we have already covered a long distance in our relationship. May be sometimes, we expect a lot from others and remain hopeful that our relationship will flourish in the long run and we keep alive our hopes till we face the reality.
@kiran8 (15398)
• Mangalore, India
26 Aug 10
Yes deepak, we always realise too late and sometimes we never seem to learn from our mistakes, keep repeating the same mistake again and again...I am not the clinging sort unless I feel close to a person and it is mutual.But most people are at best opportunistic in nature and thats what is difficult to judge...
• Philippines
25 Aug 10
Yea, you're right. Giving too much importance to other people is not a good thing. There is a saying which goes like, "The only person whom you can put your 100% trust is YOUR OWN SELF." I believe in this statement. We know ourself better than other people do. Yes, we have our own parents. They are the ones who took cared of us since birth. But more to that, they still do not know the "101% US." People who are involved in a serious relationship [bf-gf, etc] think that giving too much importance to their loved one is a good thing. Our friends also. We value them SOOO MUCH to the extent that we care for them, MORE than we care for our own selves. Giving too much importance to other people is not a good thing for me. Maybe we've known them for several years/months, but they cannot be with us forever. It's ourselves that should be given more importance than our acquaintances.
@kiran8 (15398)
• Mangalore, India
26 Aug 10
Hi, thanks a lot for your views, it does make sense to always be a little conservative where relationships are concerned.Instead of going all out it is better to take it one step at a time rather than bare your soul at the first given opportunity.This we learn after the deed is done lol,,,all the best and have a wonderful day
@voldrox (7204)
• India
25 Aug 10
Hello kiran, Yes, you are right. I have received comments from my friends, like i stay lost these days, lost in my own world where there is me and of course...
@kiran8 (15398)
• Mangalore, India
25 Aug 10
So what is happening at this stage of your life ? You are lost to the world ...well, we will wait for a month or two , may be even longer to get something more constructive out of you - anyway enjoy life while you can and all the best
1 person likes this
• China
25 Aug 10
I am sorry to say that I cannot agree with you. It's good to give more and expect less. A chinese adage says: just take acts of charity without caring the future.
@kiran8 (15398)
• Mangalore, India
25 Aug 10
Hi, thanks a lot for your response each one to his own idea and views on the subject - all the best and have a nice evening
@GemmaR (8526)
25 Aug 10
I have done that in the past. With all past boyfriends really, I have felt as though they were the most important thing in my life, and often I forgot about the friends and family who were always there for me, and who always will be there for me. It's too easy when you get close to someone to forget about everyone else around you, and I always regret doing that, but there's nothing you can do to change the past, so all that you can do is try to change the future.
@kiran8 (15398)
• Mangalore, India
25 Aug 10
Hi Gemma, It happens with most youngsters when they fall in love, they forget all other commitments in their life and tend to place far too much of importance to that one person who may or may not deserve all the attention and importance - all the best and have a nice evening
@elmiko (6640)
• United States
25 Aug 10
i agree with you very much kiran8. very good discussion
@kiran8 (15398)
• Mangalore, India
25 Aug 10
Hi elmiko, thanks a lot for your response I guess we all have such similar experiences with people - have a nice day
@kawalnarang (1095)
• Trinidad And Tobago
24 Aug 10
I agree with you , 110 percent,,at one time I attended a lecture,the wise man said,there is no need to be attached to ANYBODY,, as most will leave you sooner or later,since then I try to follow him,, then again there are people who leave precious moments spent with them,, as memories,,that change my thinking.
@kiran8 (15398)
• Mangalore, India
25 Aug 10
Hi kawalnarang, the wise man was so right, we need to be detached and thats what all our Hindu philosophy including Bhagavadhgita teaches us .No doubt there are some rare people who we meet , who leave a lasting impression on us, but mostly people are extremely selfish in my opinion..
@cream97 (29166)
• United States
24 Aug 10
Hi, kiran8. I agree completely with you here. I have given too many people so much importance in my life. Now these same people seem as if they could care less for me. They act like I don't even exists. It really hurts me to see this happen. I am really learning how not to give so many people the special importance that they don't deserve. I am dealing with a situation now with my ex boyfriend. He is playing games and I have given him just too much of credit when he really does not deserve it at all.
@kiran8 (15398)
• Mangalore, India
25 Aug 10
Hi cream, I am sorry to hear about you ex , thats how some people take advantage of you...thats exactly my feelings too. I used to even neglect my children when it came to helping people but today none of these people are there to lend even emotional support for me when I need them, it makes you wonder whether all those people who we call selfish are actually being wise ...
@tatturoy (139)
• India
24 Aug 10
i completely agree with you.this will help you from unwanted emotional turmoil.
@kiran8 (15398)
• Mangalore, India
24 Aug 10
Yes thats true, but the turmoils and entanglements we bring it on ourselves lol...thanks a lot for the response ..
@narayan2006 (2955)
• India
24 Aug 10
With passage of time,the color and glaze of all relationship change and turn up into different kind,no matter how close and tasted those may be. On several occasions, closer relationships break on some filthy personal grounds,and even a stranger turns to be the most important part in one's life. In building relationship,we need not ignore the people we meet at different places and on different occasions if we feel to share similar causes and to support one another,for mutual benefits. Thanks.
@kiran8 (15398)
• Mangalore, India
24 Aug 10
Hi narayan , thanks a lot for your views. I too feel that relationships do change and can easily break at the flimsiest of reasons.It is only when there is a lot of intensity and closeness and a mutual feeling of respect for each other that a relationship can stand the test of time and outside influences..
• United Arab Emirates
24 Aug 10
I have learnt that late in life...but its better late than never. You need to keep you head high and refrain from more than what is required. Treat people as you want them to treat you.
@kiran8 (15398)
• Mangalore, India
24 Aug 10
Hi edward, those are wise words ...We need to do that, but what if the other person has different ideas about treating people and thats where the problem comes . But as you say it is best to keep our head high ...All the best and thanks a lot for the response