how do I quit being overly cautious? Am I? Would you move for a man?

United States
August 28, 2010 8:58pm CST
I just rejoined the dating world, and I have met some pretty lively characters out there. I finally decided on one, but he lives far away right now.(He recently moved, and we started talking more after he did) He says he wants to stay where he is for his career, but he ended up taking a job that has nothing to do with the reason he wanted to stay there. he still seems to want to stay. I have reasons for wanting to stay here,(mostly that my daughter wants to stay at her school) but he hasn't even asked how I feel about it. Soon I will be visiting him for week. I'm really not sure if we are going to get serious, but I feel as though he should make more of an effort to make us both happy. Should I really be so concerned about this? What would you do?
5 responses
@choybel (5059)
• Philippines
29 Aug 10
I think that everyone has the right to be cautious especially when you are dealing with your future and investing your emotions and everything else. You should be concern about all other details about this person and about where this relationship is heading. Give yourself the chance to be happy but more importantly secured. I do hope you make the right decision. Good luck!
• United States
29 Aug 10
Thank you for the positive and understanding comment. It seems I am always second guessing myself. But I think if there was no reason for concern, I wouldn't have any. I have always viewed relationships as being just as important as choosing a career or a home. It's a big investment of time and trust, and will hopefully be a life long venture. (there I go sounding like it's a contract again...) So it really should be taken seriously and approached with caution. Thanks again for your response :)
@bird123 (10501)
• United States
29 Aug 10
Ask yourself. Does this sound like true love to you??? Sounds like you want to work out a contract. Without chemistry and passion, where is the glue that will keep you together??? Sure you might not have known him long enough to know but it is something to consider. Trust me. When it is true love, both will do anything to make it work.
• United States
29 Aug 10
I kind of agree with you. It does feel like a contract. There was chemistry and passion before he left, but I had just gotten out of a long term relationship and wasn't willing to risk letting him be a rebound. Now it kind of feels like we're having to try too hard. Thank you for your input. It's appreciated.
@mlhervas (482)
• Philippines
29 Aug 10
You said that you just met him. So why go serious? Try to know him more. His attitude, his outlook in life and most importantly what are the things that are most important to his life. If you and your daughter is way below on the list then I think you should look for another man. When you go serious with a person it must be two way and not one way. You also must understand him and he must understand you.
• United States
29 Aug 10
Actually, we've been texting each other for about a year. circumstances in his life have made me leery of talking about serious matters. There for awhile he was victim of the unstable economy. Now that he's employed again, we are talking about me going to see him for a week. I agree with you though...it must be a 2 way thing, and that is why I am hesitant. I know when I go down there I will need to make a decision about getting physical with him. But there has been no talk of what our needs are. I'm actually thinking about postponing it now. Thank you for your response :)
@Lore2009 (7389)
• United States
31 Aug 10
I think for me, it would most likely be no, I wouldn't move or change for a man. But it would depend on how great he is. If there is something that's different about him that I can gain from, maybe I would move for him... but I wouldn't if I have other feelings of doubt.
• Portugal
29 Aug 10
well you should spend more time with him and see how things go. i guess that for now he doesnt want to leave that place behind bcs he isnt with you at much time yet so he needs more time to know you and share things with you and see if things can work or not^^ thats why he is acting this way^^ dont worry too much. then if things get serious then you can ask him to move to city where you are or you move to city where he is ^^ as long as both are happy^^ but take things slow and dont worry much for now^^ guys dont like much to be pressured and if is only the beginning go meet him and share things with time it gets serious and then you decide what to do^^