My boyfriend refuses to sleep on an air matress with me

United States
August 29, 2010 12:54am CST
I only have a twin mattress bed, he lives in a studio with his mom, so no private room so sleeping overnight with him is out of the question. I have been extremely hurt by the fact that my boyfriend has made it very clear that he refuses to have to sleep on an air mattress because he doesn't like it anymore. He says he did it for 2 weeks straight once, that was when he stayed with me because of HIS legal issues, that he finds it makes him "miserable" and he refuses to do it anymore. But we have been together almost 6 months, I think its normal for a couple of that standing to spend the night together in a bed. He says now maybe we can both fit on my twin, but what happens when that doesn't work? The feeling of waking up next to my boyfriend is essential to me Am I overreacting that he won't sleep on an air mattress for me and not complain? Should I just cave in?
8 responses
@choybel (5059)
• Philippines
29 Aug 10
I think you should have a heart-to-heart talk with him. Maybe try to explain in a very affectionate manner that you want him to understand that you want him sleeping with you and that there are no other possible options at the moment unless he was willing to do something about it. I think that with open communication, you could work out something around it. Good luck!
• United States
29 Aug 10
I have tried that, and he still just is adament about how horrible it is for him to sleep on an air matress, I can't really afford a real matress because I have NO income, he knows this, but he will not really compromise. Its either squish together on the twin, or wait until whenever its possible for me to afford a matress, and thats even a cheap cheap cheap matress for to afford . I just don't see why the man who is supposed to love me, be in love with me, can't sleep on an air matress to be close to me?
@choybel (5059)
• Philippines
29 Aug 10
I'm really sorry to hear this. I too don't see why he should make a big deal of it because for me, I'd go sleeping on the floor if that's where my girlfriend wants me. Well that's just me. I am left with no other suggestion here so I will just be hoping you good luck on this. Sorry for not being able to become of help.
• India
29 Aug 10
You know the best suggestion I could give you is...change your mattress! The thing is that many a times people are not comfortable with certain kind of mattresses. They have this habit of either sleeping on a very hard one or a very soft one. So, when there is a shift to something which they are not used to...back aches are inevitable. I guess that's the reason why he isn't comfortable. I remember when I and my boyfriend went to his uncle's house, he had a very soft bed. Every morning I used to have terrible back aches and the doctor later said it was because of the bed. So, I always check these days the kind of bed I sleep on.
• United States
29 Aug 10
I don't have money to buy a new mattress, I am not currently working, I go to school full time, he knows all of this. I am doing the best that I can.
@deve_annrn (1857)
• Philippines
29 Aug 10
hmmm.., that is somewhat disappointing.., I am a girl too.., and a really sensitive one.,. If my boyfriend does the same way.., I will be hurt too.., and I wouldn't say that you're way overreacting because it's a normal response.., I think you should compromise with your boyfriend.., If he is uncomfortable with sleeping on the air mattress then maybe suggest sleeping beside him somewhere else where he is comfortable..=)
• United States
29 Aug 10
The only other option is for him to sleep on MY bed, while i sleep on the air mattress, where both of us as adults and in a serious relationship, sleeping in separate beds.
@kukueye (1761)
• Malaysia
29 Aug 10
Can buy new mattress for both of your to sleep in. Sometime being intimate can be on the floor with simple blankets and pillows too. As long as the floor is clean from dust,rubbish , cockcrochs lizards and such.Personally i being sleep on the floor for long time and no problem for intimate on the floor.If both of your are serious you can be intimate in many other places.
• Portugal
29 Aug 10
well im sorry for what happened. but try to understand him maybe he doesnt feel comfortable and for him to be with him and have a nice sleep you need to both be comfortable^^ just dont argue with him about it. he said that maybe you can both fit there right? so try this way^^ if that doesnt work then try to buy a couple bed with him both give a bit of money and both are comfortable then^^ but dont argue much about this^^ just talk with him and try his way first if that doesnt work then save some money to buy a bigger bed^^
• United States
29 Aug 10
I live with my boy friend and at first I had a lot of trouble sleeping on his king bed it was so uncomfortable. I had a lot of back problems so from time to time he would say to me to go sleep on the other bed. No matter how bad my back hurt, and mind you there were days that I just could not move and or sit from the pain, anyways I outright refused. See perhaps you are like me I could not see this. Sleeping in separate beds to me would mean placing some distance and I did not want our relationship to go in this direction. For the sake of not placing that distance between us I continues to suffer, so one day my boyfriend surprised me and switched the beds, so now we both sleep on a full size bed, and he is 6ft 4 inches so no very lengthy mattress for someone who is so tall but the point here is that he cared enough to make a change for my sake. Basically what I am saying is some sort of compromise has to take place for the sake of keeping a relationship close and fresh. Perhaps find another method a better mattress but one thing for sure discuss this with him. I understand your feeling of togetherness as your relationship is so new that you will want to keep it as together as possible especially in he beginning as later there is no going back when there is distance created. Good luck to you!
@Angelgirl16 (2177)
• United States
29 Aug 10
Hi spicysweetie21, During the summer, when I visit my daughter, I have a queen size air mattress that I sleep on. I just don't really enjoy sleeping on it. Sometimes, the air seeps out and makes it deflate to a softer sinking bed, which is so uncomfortable. So, I can truly understand where your boyfriend is coming from, when he says he can't sleep on the twin size air mattress anymore. Twin size bed in any form would be too small for two adult people to trying and sleep comfortably on. Maybe the solution, if you can't afford a new regular bed, is to just make a pallet on the floor for the both of you, when your boyfriend spends the night, or just investing in a larger air bed. Maybe it is not the air bed that your boyfriend is complaining about, but the size of the air bed. Good Luck
@diogz22 (516)
• Philippines
29 Aug 10
I think ditching the beds and your twin will be a good option. It is better than ditching your boyfriend or loosing him. Try sleeping on the floor it is better if you do it on the floor. If you don't want to loose the twin you can use a large cover sheet that could combine both of your twin so that you will be sleeping side by side.