" I'm the father?"

United States
August 31, 2010 5:39pm CST
Thanks Maury for the idea of this post. what would you do if your husband/ boyfriend suddenly found out he had a baby with another woman?I am not saying he is a deadbeat dad . I mean He Never knew he had a child until now.Me? Assuming he Wants to be physically in the babies life , I would encourage him to see the baby as often as he can , Without me. I never wanted children.if he didn't want to be in the baby's life I would tell him he still needs to pay child support. I would still be his girlfriend . Whatever relationship they had was before We knew each other. how about you?
3 people like this
12 responses
• United States
1 Sep 10
If this happened before out time together I cannot blame him for his past choices, but certainly will blame him he doesn't immediately take responsibility. However, if this happens during our time together than the answer to your discussion is he has got to go. I cannot excuse him for doing me wrong because see now it is about me.
• United States
1 Sep 10
Understood.
1 person likes this
@phyrre (2324)
• United States
31 Aug 10
I would kill him since we've been together since we were 17 and I was his first, meaning he would have had to cheat on me. xD But, if the situation was different, I'd want him to be part of his child's life. I didn't always get along with my father, but I can't imagine growing up without one either and knowing that my father knew I existed and didn't want any part of my life. Can you imagine what that would do to a child? I know several people that have had to go through that and it's not pretty. If he was stupid enough to make the mistake he should be man enough to be part of the child's life and I would support him in it, assuming that's what the mother and child wanted.
2 people like this
• United States
1 Sep 10
I agree, he help make this baby and he should help anyway he can. where I disagree is with a guy who doesn't have the love in his heart for the child being forced to visit.He is a donor not a father. this type of guy should just pay support.
1 person likes this
@jillhill (37354)
• United States
1 Sep 10
I absolutely love children so would welcome them into our lives....I have two step grandkids....but you can leave out the step...they are my grandkids! So having someone come up with a child they didn't know about...sure wouldn't be a problem.
2 people like this
@ravend (661)
• Malta
1 Sep 10
Happened to a friend of mine's mum. Well, the guy's wife was ok and calm about it. She knew that the mother of the other daughter didn't work and was trash. So she gave money to the daughter. What happened isn't the daughter's ault after all.
2 people like this
@emarie (5455)
• United States
1 Sep 10
Actually I think about that quite a but. it's a possibility and he's told be this since before we were married. One of his ex-girlfriends got pregnant. He wanted the baby, he was so happy, but she said she didn't think it would work out and she didn't want to have the baby and was going to have an abortion. he told her he would take the baby if she didn't want it and she told him she couldn't have something around constantly reminding her of him. So she left and he doesn't really know if she did go through with the abortion. So I'm preparing myself for that to happen one day. We already have 2 kids, so I would encourage him to be there for the child. I can't deny that right. It will still be shocking to me, I know he can't afford to take care of it and he would be so mad at the mother for not letting him know because he would so want to be there in the child's life. I would be a little upset if it was a girl because he's only given me 2 boys and no girls as of yet but I'd still take them in and help them like they were my own if they wanted. I wouldn't leave my husband, it's not his fault.
1 person likes this
• United States
2 Sep 10
I want to thank you for answering my post. I had no idea Anyone was Loving this or I would have cautioned Everyone at the beginning. After reading your comment I have a feeling she had an abortion. If she Really didn't want his baby , why would she carry ther baby And keep it. She could have put it up for adoption but I doubt it. Think about it,. Would you Carry a child You Never really wanted to exist in the first place? I'm glad he told you. There are no secrets between you and that's great! I want to wish you luck. I hope , If you want another, that you next baby is a girl . Take Care.
• Portugal
4 Sep 10
aw marie your poor husband :( his ex didnt have the right to decide to abort without even care for his opinion. also leave like that without even he be sure what she did. so sorry for your hubby. i wouldnt have courage to make an abortion in the situation that girl was. your hubby was there for her why she wanted to do that? if he wanted her to have the baby she should had had it even she didnt want to raise him he wanted the baby was born so she should had respect his opinion too. anyway i wish you be fine and him too and that this situation doesnt keep making him hurt :(
• United States
4 Sep 10
Sweetloveforeve. It is up to the woman if she is to have a baby or not. What she did wrong was even tell she was pregnant if she wasn't going to have the baby. To just leave after saying she was pregnant was the cruel part, not the abortion.
@dawnald (84124)
• Shingle Springs, California
1 Sep 10
If it's a child, ie a minor, he was cheating on me. :D
1 person likes this
• United States
2 Sep 10
Ok. make an Adult child of his. Meaning the relationship or one night stand happened Way before you two were together.
1 person likes this
@dawnald (84124)
• Shingle Springs, California
2 Sep 10
Fine, be that way. I reckon I wouldn't dump a guy for a long ago child that he didn't know about. :D
1 person likes this
• United States
4 Sep 10
Good. I was thinking of ther guy who left an ex . The break was mutual and then she finds out sge is pregnant. For whatever reason she doesn't tell him right away and noe there is a child he Never knew about until Now.
1 person likes this
• Indonesia
1 Sep 10
Although it sounds cruel, but I will definitely leave my husband. Because I only want to be the first and the only person to have his child. If he "did" that thing with other woman, love or just lust, I dont care. I just don't want to be with him anymore.
1 person likes this
• United States
2 Sep 10
Wow! Ok. I assume you Have to ask in the first few dates if a guy has children? Me? I Never wanted children. So I will be happy, especially if he wants kids, that another woman had his child. As long as I Don't have to be near the child I'm fine. I would encourage him to see the child but I won't go with him. If he tries to get me to be with the child , Then I would leave him.
• Indonesia
3 Sep 10
I don't have to ask him about child question, since I dated him long time ago, when we're about 16, til we get married and have our own kids. So, its impossible for him to have a child while he wasn't with me. So if that happens, it means he cheated on me, and I hate that. No more second chance...lol Anyway, you sounded like you really hate kids..what's with you and children, if you don't mind me asking ??
1 person likes this
• United States
4 Sep 10
Ever since I was 7 Whenever I think abour Babies, ules they are 6 feet and gorgeous, lol, I just shut down . I neve had any warm feelings for them so I decides at age 7 not have any. Nothing and no one has or will change my mind. I think the best thing I can do is Not have children. Why have them jusy to ignore them? I know I have no patience or desire to care for them so having them would be the worse form of child abuse.A child should be loved from the moment his/her mother finds out she is pregnant. Me? I would have the opposite reaction.
• Portugal
4 Sep 10
me too i would do same like you^^ but if he wanted me to meet his kid why not? :) he could take him to our house and i would want him to like me^^ i never judge people from their past. past is past and it was before he met me so. as long as it wasnt when he meet me is ok. also he was being honest with me so i wouldnt have any reason to just leave him. even he would need my support bcs it was a new thing to him too so couldnt leave him just like that^^
1 person likes this
• United States
4 Sep 10
I will support him all I can but I won't be in the prsence of the child. He/she already has a mother. I am not a mother and never want to be so he can and should have both of us in his life but not together.
• Philippines
1 Sep 10
What do you mean have a baby with another woman,is it before or during the time he is with me? If it was before that is fine if he never knew but if if it was during the time it was then that is a different story! I might skin him alive lol. But no matter what he has a right to be in that child's life and vice versa and no matter what you can't say he should not. If you truly love someone you would be able to embrace those who would mean to him and yes even if it hurts.
1 person likes this
• United States
2 Sep 10
I meant before, even Way before.
@sender621 (14956)
• United States
1 Sep 10
I would be devestated if my husband or boyfriend found out he was the father to another woman's child. I would hope that our relationship could survive it. I would like to think he would accept responsibility for what he has done. I would do everything I could to stsnd by him and try to understand how this new child affects our lives together.
1 person likes this
• Canada
1 Sep 10
I would understand if he wanted to be in the child's life, I'd understand if he and the mother were on friendly terms as parents (and only as parents), but I would watch him closely to make sure that he and the past woman could be trusted. Hubby has three ex-wives and knows about all the kids he has, and I trust him well enough, but the exes need to be watched, because they know how to press his buttons.
1 person likes this
31 Aug 10
Dunno it depends if he was fitter than me if he was I would have to f*** off but if he wasn't I would have killed him. As 4 my girlfriend I would have left her
1 person likes this