What if the woman you loved for a long time refuses your marriage proposal?

@len1415 (195)
Philippines
September 1, 2010 1:58am CST
Alright then, you proposed to the woman you've loved for a long time and she said No, how would you react? You will feel depressed and embarrassed with all your presumptions that she didn't love you at all after all the things you've been through, but hey, what if there are reasons for her saying No? Most of the guys would react as if the woman is breaking up with her or as if the girl doesn't want to continue with their relationship anymore, but what if the girl is just not that ready for a much serious relationship? Would it be so unfair to the girl? You know she loves you but what if she just want to postpone the marriage thing? Are you not willing to stay and wait for awhile? Would that be some part of you guys being egoistic?
3 people like this
19 responses
@dapers (51)
29 Dec 10
Love endures all things. Including the short period of selfishness the woman exhibits.
@deve_annrn (1857)
• Philippines
4 Sep 10
It's not like breaking up at all.., If you have been with that woman for a long time and she refused your marriage proposal.., don't freak out just yet.., i know you will be hurt and disappointed but please consider her reasons first.., don't jump into conclusions.., The only reason why i would refuse to my man's marriage proposal is.., It could be that I am not ready to tie the knot yet.., or maybe i still wanted to do something with my life before i settle down.., so you will have to be patient and understand us.., it's not that we don't love our man.., the question is not about love.., =)
• Portugal
3 Sep 10
that doesnt mean she is not in love maybe she is not ready exactly^^ sometimes girls are too young and boys want marry already and is normal they say i dont want for now. i think we must marry when we are ready to it and we are sure is that person with whom we want to be with forever. is a great thing so we must not decide without thinking first unless we are sure that person is the one for us^^ i want marry with a guy that im sure he is the one for me^^ and yes is bad of the guy if he keeps pushing it. he must wait and show her he is the right one^^ so she for sure will accept^^
@Libertywu (138)
• China
2 Sep 10
First i wanna to mention, you should be sure whether she loves you when you ask for a marriage proposal. Second. Not all refusal of marriage proposal are due to love. Maybe she really loves you, but she thinks it's unsuitable for marriage or living together for the rest of her lifetime.
• South Africa
1 Sep 10
As you say the relationship has been going on for a long time and now it needs to progress to another level and the next best thing is marriage. If she is not ready she must say so. Refusing without giving reasons will not put your relationship you had and the one you will have in future in a good spot, if she doesn't give a reason dump her she is wasting your time and find a girl who is willing to marry you or at least gives you reasons for not wanting to go down the aisle with you.
• United States
1 Sep 10
Well, if I were a guy, I would probably be pretty broken up about it. From a woman's perspective, because I am a woman, I am not ready for marriage, and I don't know if I ever will be. I have talked to my boyfriend about this, and he respects that. I think that is the problem as well, people don't talk about marriage before it gets to that point. I learned this with my friend, he actually proposed to me six years ago, and I had to tell him "no". I guess he saw me as a girlfriend, but I never saw him a boyfriend, I thought that we were just friends. His proposal came at me as a big surprise, and I couldn't make that kind of commitment back then, and I told him so. I told him that I was in college, and I didn't want to be a house wife, which is what he wanted, and he mad, but I told him that I was just as mad at him for not talking to me about it before he proposed. He mentioned what he always wanted in a wife back in high school, and I always laughed about it because it wasn't me. I told him that I wanted a career, I wanted to travel, and that I wanted freedom. I told him that I still wanted to be friends with him after that, and we did speak for a while after that, but for the most part, our relationship was severed from that proposal. See, men are very narrow-minded when it comes to many things. If they want something, that's great, but don't expect that the person you are dating or have feelings for wants same thing. My boyfriend and I had trouble with this early in our relationship, but we did work things out. Although, I have made it very clear to him, that I am not sure, at all, about marriage. Right now, I want to graduate college, and so does he, I want to get a job, and I know he is still looking for a job, and we will take things as they go. That's all we can do. No major long term plans.
• United States
1 Sep 10
Wow, your discussion says if she says no, this actually would be painful. I mean it does indicate, maybe, not ready or just can't right now. A plain simple no, simply says rejection, and that has to be very painful. I would imagine if a man proposes to a woman it is simply because he is ready, willing and reading to spend his life with his partner. To be told no, plain out no. This has to be looked at on several angles, no because and then reasoning would mean maybe there is a probability later and well worth the wait. A simple no with no reasoning of perhaps timing means the person would then be wasting his time. I would definitely suggest to all couples that perhaps a clue here and there, decisions that lead to marriage take place during the courting relationship, as to give a clue as how the partner actually feels about marriage. This way the person has a sort of feeling as whether or not rejection could possibly take place when the proposal comes about and if it should ever be attempted.
@jeikl_08 (97)
• Philippines
1 Sep 10
then find another one, basically that woman is not totally in love with you or she loves another man...you need to be sensitive in all her actions and emotions towards you and with others, who knows she might doing some miracle outheir without your knowledge!!..maybe im wrong but thats how i read the lines..
• Philippines
1 Sep 10
Funny. My boyfriend and I have been talking about marriage and I've really been having 2nd thoughts about it. Not because I don't love him or I don't want to be with him anymore, it's just that I'm not ready yet. Marriage is such a big thing and both parties should be 101% ready going through it. We have a baby but she shouldn't be the reason why we'll get married because she has both of us. Guys, if you don't want to get rejected make sure that you have both talked about marriage first so that you would know if she's wants to go that way already.
• India
1 Sep 10
it would ave broken my heart but i won't feel sad because my happiness is in her happiness and if she is happy with someone else i would also fell happy.add me as a friend
@ravend (661)
• Malta
1 Sep 10
It happened to me.I was the girl. I realised I was not ready. I needed to go around, discover the world and fly, then settle down. He was notready to fly with me, and I ws not ready to settle. Once I won a free ticket to Rome for two and he refused to go. That had it for me. He is with someone else now, someone marriage obsessed. If she says no, it means you're not together in a relationship. You'll find someone better ready, and she needs a better lifestyle.
@jhyan007 (467)
• Philippines
1 Sep 10
...i have watched a collection of marriage proposal being turned down in facebook and honestly, it was very funny..although i pity those guys but I agree with you...maybe there is a deep reason why the girl or woman did not accept the proposal just like what you mentioned...still, it would be best that after the girl turn down the proposal, they give the explanation right away and the assurance that they still love him and that they just want to postpone it because of this and that..etc..guys are weak creatures..we need assurance..=)
@p3ks626 (6550)
• Philippines
1 Sep 10
The woman is not ready that's why she would refuse. If I am really a man and if I am really in love with this person, I would be willing to wait and help her prepare herself for marriage.
@voldrox (7204)
• India
1 Sep 10
Hello len1415, The way you are asking... I just felt if you were in such a situation or perhaps one of your friends... Anyways leave that, If my girlfriend would want more time, i would give her, she would be making me hang on for sometime but hell, i can wait if that is what she really needs. But, then if she says something as an excuse from marrying me, then she is... Well.. Can't do much about it, i would have a hard time recovering from the trauma LOL. If the girl needs more time it is fine, but if she starts saying she doesn't want to marry then, where we fools enough to have given you everything in life ! Apologies for sounding rude, but i want to let some of the feelings out of me. Sorry.
@jennyze (7048)
• Indonesia
1 Sep 10
A friend of mine refused a proposal of marriage from her boy friend with above reason - not ready yet, need more time. And it took her about 7 years until she said yes. Then again the wedding was postponed three times. I asked her at the time: Did you really love him? If you do, what is it you are holding of? If you have a slightest doubt in your boy friend, isn't it a signal that you are not 100% into the relationship? Well, that is my opinion.
• Philippines
1 Sep 10
i knew how hard it is to think why she rejected your proposal, for a woman side it would be the best thing on earth that will ever happened, coz not all has the chance to be wed nonetheless you have to consider some of the reasons behind it, im sure there is one great reason as why she said that to you.
@jerikjames (1045)
• Philippines
1 Sep 10
I'm really interested in your topic. I kind of imagined how I would react if my girlfriend would turn me down if I proposed to her. I would obviously get hurt. I mean, of course I would be proposing to her at the right time meaning when she's through with supporting her siblings with their education and she virtually doesn't have any obligations than herself. So there's really no reason for her to turn me down. It would really feel like she's breaking up with me. Although I know it wouldn't be the same as that. It's just that, what would be the reason why she won't get married to me? She wants to enjoy her life more? Why? Couldn't we enjoy it together? She wants to be single? Because she couldn't take the responsibility of being a wife yet? She has me right, and we'll face the responsibilities together. I think whatever her reason would be, will be easy to counteract. But whatever our situation will be, I would still understand her and wait for her to be ready although it would hurt. I don't think it's our ego that is at work when we get hurt because of a girl's rejection. We would automatically ask why won't she get married to me. Anyhow, don't women feel the same way if their man has no intentions of getting married even though she's showing him that she wants them to exchange vows already? What I stated above is how I would I feel as a guy if my girl turns down my proposal. Now I ask girls how would they feel if the man they love doesn't have any plans on getting married. Can't girls wait for their man to be ready? Isn't that unfair to men? You know he loves you but if the man isn't ready for a much serious relationship? My point is, based on your argument, there's really no point in looking at the point of view of one gender. I think the feeling of hurt and rejection is the same for everyone who gets their proposal rejected regardless of gender.
• India
1 Sep 10
Well that sort of thing just happened to me and i thought maybe she would just need sometime to get over it. I gave her sometime to think some more about me but she stuck with her decision and she left me for another guy which really hurt me. Then i realized something. She left a guy who loved her a lot for a guy whom she she had a crush on. I then decided that she has moved on and my friends also told me that she was not worth it and after a couple of months i moved on also. Cheers!
@romania2 (237)
• Philippines
1 Sep 10
I can actually relate to this question. I was proposed to and I said no. I still wanted to be with him, but he was moving a mile a minute. I made it very clear that I was not ready for marriage (I was 21!), but he thought doing that so-called grand gesture would change my mind. I'm with someone else now.