Abusive Relationships

@dorannmwin (36697)
United States
September 3, 2010 12:20pm CST
Have you ever been in an abusive relationship? If you have, are you still in it now? If you are out of the relationship, how did you get out of it and do you think that it has had a lasting impact on your life? As for me, I've actually been in two abusive relationships in my life. The first was when I was nineteen years old and he was verbally and somewhat physically abusive to me, and I took it for a full year. However, I did finally realize that what was happening to me wasn't right and I walked away from it. The second abusive relationship was more emotionally abusive and that I stayed with for a while as well. However, I again realized that something was wrong and left the relationship. I do believe that both of these had a lasting impact on my life. Now I am not nearly as trusting of people as I once was. In addition to that, I never really accept what I see of a person as what they really are all about.
5 people like this
11 responses
@cher913 (25895)
• Canada
3 Sep 10
i was in one also and went to a shelter for abused women and got out that way.
1 person likes this
@dorannmwin (36697)
• United States
6 Sep 10
I'm very thankful that I had a family that was very supportive because if I hadn't had them, I think I would have ended up having to escape the same way that you did.
@meemingNEW (2228)
• Philippines
3 Sep 10
When you are or have been in abusive relationships, it really has that lasting effect on you. It's not really mere bitterness but a mixture of regret as well. I'm glad that you have learned your lesson that you shouldn't just hand out your trust to someone. They should really earn that from you. Anyway, as for my own abusive relationship experience.. I dated this guy for almost 6 years. The first 4 years of the relationship was just okay but as it gets to the 5th and 6th year, it became totally different, despicably wrecked. He became so verbally abusive to the point of saying "I hope you'll crash your car; Get lost.. etc." It was so unhealthy , so hurtful. I just had to move on. I just don't deserve it. I can just sum this up with this quote that represents what I feel now after having been verbally abused in that relationship: [b]I can never forget your harsh words and our last conversation because it made me hate the person i was in love with for ages[/b]
1 person likes this
@dorannmwin (36697)
• United States
6 Sep 10
That is a great quote. I think that it can never be summed up in a way that is any better than what you've shared here. Thank you very much for sharing.
@katsmeow1213 (28917)
• United States
3 Sep 10
I was in a somewhat abusive relationship. It was more mental and emotional abuse than physical.. though it did get physical once.. and I still stayed. I was stupid and I still feel like a fool for letting it last that long. That relationship almost destroyed me.. and I still have lasting effects from what had been done to me. I have terrible self esteem (which probably isn't completely from that relationship but a lot of it is) and I have terrible trust issues. Like you, I never accept a person for who they say they are. I've been with my husband nearly 10 years now and I still don't usually trust him at his word. I do trust that he'll never purposely hurt me.. but I constantly question his intentions and motives which causes serious issues in our relationship.
1 person likes this
@dorannmwin (36697)
• United States
6 Sep 10
My self esteem was really bad when I came out of the relationships that I alluded to. However, in the last couple of years I've noticed that my self-esteem is getting better. Then there are the trust issues, that is something that I think will never be fully healed, but that could also be a blessing in disguise to a certain extent as well.
@BlueAngelRS (2900)
• Canada
3 Sep 10
Yes I have been in an abusive relationship before, and It was when I was in my early 20s to mid 20s. I moved far away from home and he was emotionally and verbally abusive as well as physical.... I said enough and worked hard to go home where I belong and I felt terrible as I brought my son into this....He is not my sons father was just a guy I started to be with when my son was young....I believe is has really impacted my life also, I don't trust and have to much fear as a result but I also have worked through those issues and believe that I'm stronger because of it..
1 person likes this
@dorannmwin (36697)
• United States
6 Sep 10
It was really difficult for me to be able to learn to trust again after having been in abusive relationships. However, when I really realized the situation that I was in and I was able to move on from it, I really do believe that it made me a stronger person in the long run.
@aerous (13475)
• Philippines
5 Sep 10
As a man, I never experience an abusive relationship but having a bad experience on some relationship that I have in my life... Now, i am disappointed on what relationship with some ladies out there have no consideration and understanding. I am reasonable person and I don't want to hurt someone that is why I am hurt...hehe have a great day!
@dorannmwin (36697)
• United States
6 Sep 10
Thank you so much for being such a kind and considerate man. I think that the world needs more people like you.
@aerous (13475)
• Philippines
7 Sep 10
hehe...I think being a reasonable person is the best to deal with in our life to avoid misunderstanding Have a great day!
@dorannmwin (36697)
• United States
7 Sep 10
That is where the problems come into play in my opinion because I think that there are a lot of people that haven't been taught to be reasonable in their lives.
@savypat (20248)
• United States
4 Sep 10
I have never had this problem with a man but I have had with women friends and I am a short tempered person so it doesn't take me long to get away from that. But I agree, these relationship have made me very fearful of any close relationship with woman. I like them as friends but have very little trust. If this had happened with a man I would have been very mad and vengeful.
@dorannmwin (36697)
• United States
6 Sep 10
I did turn out to be a vengeful person when it came to the relationships that I was in. With the later, he wouldn't leave me alone when I said that I was done and it ended up that I had him thrown in jail for 45 days because of harrassment and threatening.
@savypat (20248)
• United States
7 Sep 10
I have always wondered if that would work. Or in the end just make things much worse.
@dorannmwin (36697)
• United States
7 Sep 10
To be honest, I still have a degree of fear about this person, but as time goes by the fear that I have of him fades as well.
@Lore2009 (7389)
• United States
3 Sep 10
My ex was passive aggressive. And as long as he loved me it seemed fine. But once towards the end, I didn't 'function' according to his plan, he isolated me completely. I got out of it right away. And it has a affected my life forever.
@dorannmwin (36697)
• United States
6 Sep 10
I feel very lucky that I never had to deal with isolation. That would be one thing that would have been able to break my will.
@Lore2009 (7389)
• United States
8 Sep 10
Yes, it sucked.
@dawnald (84148)
• Shingle Springs, California
7 Sep 10
I wouldn't say I've been in an abusive relationship, but I do think that there are abusive things that my husband has done, mostly as a result of being frustrated because I wouldn't commit to staying in the marriage.
@dorannmwin (36697)
• United States
9 Sep 10
On that one, I really do feel like all people deal with some sort of abuse in their lives regardless of the fact that it might not be intentional.
1 person likes this
• United States
5 Sep 10
Yes, unfortunately, I've lived with domestic violence and finally got out. It most certainly has an impact on your life, your very spirit, that takes a lot of time, effort, and love to regain. But love will prevail, even if it is just love of self. Good luck to you in the rest of your life relationships, with others, and with your self.
@dorannmwin (36697)
• United States
6 Sep 10
I feel that I was blessed after it was all said and done. I met a man that loves me for who I am and we've got two beautiful children that are now seven and three years old. He wouldn't hurt me. I will admit that he does have a temper, but I don't think there is a person alive that won't get into a shouting match every now and then.
• Philippines
4 Sep 10
helle dorannmwin! i had been in abusive relationships before and i hope and pray that i would never be involved again in another. My first was with the guy i married and i stayed on for seven years hoping that it would all change for the better. worse came to worst and so i ran for mine and my kids' life. I was the breadwinner and he stays at home, often doing nothing but demands me to give him money for his vices. When i don't give, he steals money, jewelry and things from me or sell our appliances, jewelries, my clothes, shoes, whatever he can keep his hands on. He didn't want me mingling with friends and often keeps me inside the house when i am not at work. He goes out at night and comes home at the wee hours of the morning and when i don't open the door immediately, he accused me that someone is inside with me in the house. I work all day and at night i took care of the kids ( i had a 1 year old and two year old babies then), because my babysitters goes home at 6:00pm and comes back early in the morning. He emotionally, psychologically and physically abused me that i lose the self-confidence i took pains developing when i was in college. I was so abused to the point that i don't even talk to my friends anymore for fear that i would be in trouble. Even when i was pregnant, i had to do all the work and he just lie down and sleep. It came to a point that i woke up in the middle of the night, with him holding a knife and looking down at me. I was so scared that time that i sleep with my kids from that time on. He slashed my clothes and office uniform with a knife when i was not able to give him money. and he was about to set fire to my other clothes when i woke up one night, i was able to stopped him that time. i stopped smiling and laughing that time and finds myself unable to feel anything anymore. When i accidentally fell down from a chair during my 6th month pregnancy because i had to do the household chores while he was just lounging and watching television and he did not even budge to help me stand up, realization finally hit me that he will never change. I lie in unimaginable pain in the floor for more than an hour, unable to stand up. My youngest had just turn 3 years old when i decided to call it quits. his family fought that we stay on together but my mind was made up. i would not let anybody kill me softly day by day, for that what he had done to me. such an experience left an imprint in my life now which i have a hard time overcoming for it is making an obstacle in my present relationship. i thought i had learned my lesson, but i didn't. after 2 years, i got involved with a single, military guy who was so sweet and caring. he was sweet and caring until the end of our relationship, except when he is drunk, which is oftentimes. he verbally and emotionally abused me, but i finally took the courage to stop it. When i decided to call it quits, he won't just accept it and he got drunk and drunk and visited me at work one day. i was not expecting him and i had not been able to see his hand coming down at my head. I was so shocked and my head felt as if it had been knocked with a stone. We ended up in the police station. I would have filed a case against him which would have surely terminated his services in the military, but i took pity on his mother. i withdraw all my complaints but i let him signed an agreement that he would never get near me again nor threaten me in anyway. He signed the papers and that was the last time i have seen him. Now, i am trying to get a life, and trying to put behind all that bad memories. i am also learning to trust again but i could never forget the pain they had caused me..
@dorannmwin (36697)
• United States
6 Sep 10
You will never forget the pain that these men caused to you. However, you might find in the future you will be a stronger woman because of those things that you've had to deal with in your life.
@Joman122 (118)
• Canada
3 Sep 10
I remember in grade school, there was a girl who always had bruises on he arms and shoulders. She cried every day while people tried to comfort her. Being the person witnessing an abusive relationship between child and parent makes me sick.
@dorannmwin (36697)
• United States
6 Sep 10
That is really sad to hear about. I remember seeing people that I went to school with as well that were abused at home and I really always thought that they were much stronger people than I was because I don't think I would have been able to stand it.