Friend hopes to rekindle with hubby when he retires from the military

@much2say (32842)
United States
September 4, 2010 9:56am CST
My friend's latest Facebook entry is rather sad. She says something like "Hard to believe I met hubby 15 years ago - feels like 60 - LOL". Further comments reveal she misses the man she married 15 years ago - and that him being in the military has changed him. He is not home much of the year as he is a lieutenant, so she is always alone with 2 tweens that drive her nuts . . . I do have to applaud her for holding down the fort on her own because she's always been a very co-dependent type of gal. And when the husband is home, she'll even admit they are not close and have nothing in common. Her mom and a couple friends are trying to convince her to be positive - and that she will have a better relationship with her hubby when he retires. Staying positive is one thing, but to "wait" for retirement years to rekindle the relationship? I know it must be tough being a military wife - I've heard the stories . . . and it's honorable what her hubby is doing for his country. But I have to wonder . . . by the time he retires, will it become time gained, or time lost? Is a better relationship with your husband (or anyone) someone can actually wait for?
4 responses
@dawnald (84124)
• Shingle Springs, California
8 Sep 10
I think if it's good now, it can be a lot better when he retires. But if it's not good now, waiting until retirement isn't going to fix anything. There are certain things she can't fix, ie him being away so often. But there are things she can fix, or at least try to, and that is to address the lack of closeness when he is home.
@much2say (32842)
• United States
11 Sep 10
Exactly. Waiting isn't going to do anything - and unfortunately she's not a go getter - she only "hopes" for things to happen. Their problem goes beyond the fact that he's not physically there most of the year.
1 person likes this
@dawnald (84124)
• Shingle Springs, California
11 Sep 10
Me too and look where it got me. :D
@much2say (32842)
• United States
11 Sep 10
But the good thing is you are doing something about it NOW.
1 person likes this
@aurorastorm (1136)
• United States
7 Sep 10
I applaud your friend and at the same time feel sorry for her. It is hard to keep waiting for your life to change or get better. There is something to be said for living in the here and now or living for today. It seems like when he is home, she is still not enjoying her time with him, so I am not sure if when he retires and is home all of the time, will she actually enjoy it then either.
@much2say (32842)
• United States
11 Sep 10
I know what you mean! She's always been the type to "hope" for the better instead of actually being productive about making things happen for her. Things don't necessarily get better own it's own. Yah, she has told me they don't do much together when he is at home except go to movies (according to her that's all they do have in common - liking movies) . . . so I really don't know what will happen to them when he is actually at home all the time.
@dorannmwin (36608)
• United States
7 Sep 10
The situation that she is in is definitely one that I don't envy. I couldn't imagine being the wife of someone that is in the military. That said, I don't think that there is any benefit at all to waiting until he retires to try to rekindle her relationship with her husband. My opinion is that it is something that she should start now so she will know if there is a chance for a future with him when he does retire.
@much2say (32842)
• United States
11 Sep 10
I agree, I couldn't imagine being a military wife. That's not the kind of lifestyle I ever imagined for this friend - but hey - that's the life she chose. I also agree she (they) needs to do something about "life" NOW . . . but she's not the type to initiate something like that. I think she may have a rude awakening down the road - it'd be a shame if that happens when he retires.
@saphrina (31740)
• South Africa
4 Sep 10
That is the hardest thing i can imagine, sweetie. The only thing i can suggest is that they should at least try to do it the way they did before they got married. As i understand it they have to get to know each other from the start. Romantic dating can always be fun. I am sure they will get the hang of it. No matter the age. PS: Body chocolate always makes a big difference, you know. Just don't give him a freaking spoon. TATA.