how hard is it to be a single mother?

Philippines
September 5, 2010 10:01am CST
My live in partner & I had a huge fight yesterday, because of he can't stop his self from flirting with other girl. I talk to him & ask him before to never communicate with the girl, not a word just ignore her complete to make not our small fights grew, but he did not listen to me, rather he commented on any post that the girl was commenting, obviously he was getting the attention of the girl, & worst is that he message it privately(chatting). I was really pissed-off of what he did, he broke his promise that he won't talk to the girl, he cheat & lied to me. What for? he say's he was just saying hello to his old pal, what the f*** i don't believe him! He did,cheat on me many times before,this may be his 8th. All of the past events, i forgave him,gave him another chance but one thing is for sure that he never was willing to change nor stop it. I finally put my hands up, I'm giving up. This is too painful to me that I can't take it anymore. I'm totally ruined emotionally & physically because aside from his cheating, he also lay his hand on me. Actually now my hands ,arms, chest, neck, legs.. have block spots sign of bruise!! I'm giving up my fight for love, my fight for my family, my fight for my son of growing up with a complete family.. I'm giving up!! I don't know how is it to be a single mother, i don't know how hard & painful life is ahead of me,but what I'm sure is that I'm finally having my freedom!!! from the chains of pain,sorrow,cheat, anger, stress, & physical abuse.. hope you read my topic,i will be glad if you make comments about it.. Have a nice day...
2 people like this
16 responses
@livvy092002 (1003)
• Philippines
5 Sep 10
You should definitely call it quits! You should have done it a long time ago since the day he used a hand on you! He abused you not only emotionally but physically. I know the pain is great with physical abuse but the emotional abuse lingers more. You can be free by leaving him and letting go of him, don't ever have second thoughts of not leaving him. You just prolong the agony of him mistreating you and who knows maybe he will have a tendency to hurt your son too. It would definitely hurt your son to deprive him of a complete family but he will also be hurt when he sees his mother and father always fighting and hurting each other. Believe me, you will survive being a single mom. Just give it your best shot in raising your child away from a disturbed family life.
@juicekodai (1122)
• Philippines
5 Sep 10
gracielle ur not alone.. im in the same situation too.. i fell for the wrong guy.. the difference is im still to be a mom.. its almost my due.. he left me just days ago.. i wanted to save the relationship.. i want to save this family.. but he just left me just because of a simple misunderstanding.. when he had non he was with me, when he stumble i help him stand up but once he is up he usually ignore me and leave me.. i thought he has changed as he promised me that.. he is still the same.. it hearts.. its like i gave him life but he killed me... i had no choice but to give up.. i dont know if this family will be fixed.. im hoping but trying to move on.. i have been praying things will work out, but it didnt.. now, i pray that if he isnt really for me, at least i can move on.. and if possible forget he even exist.. i guess at 31 he isnt a grown up yet.. i know it will be hard.. all i wanted is a family, i will probably never see him play with our baby... but im trying to be strong.. and im always praying for God's help.. i pray for him too.. that God will touch his heart and change his ways.. if im not his last girl, i pray that the girl next to me will be the last...
• Philippines
5 Sep 10
I cried while reading your response, i felt so sad for both of us.How can they do things like this to us, when all we do was love them.
• Philippines
5 Sep 10
Taga Phil ka?
• Philippines
5 Sep 10
yup i am from phil.. yeah, and i really can relate to what you are feeling now.. my friends said im crazy.. and i should stop loving him.. but i just cant.. at least im true to myself that i love him... he was the one who really wanted a baby... but now that we are going to have it, he is gone.. i asked the same question too.. what did i do wrong when all i did was loved him.. he said i was the only person that loved him for real and he isnt going to leave me again.. but he didnt keep that promise.. i was rebuilding my dreams he broke it again... i wrote a blog about me letting go http://saneinsanelife.blogspot.com/2010/09/im-letting-go.html a part of me is still hoping things will be fixed though.. but somehow i know i should just move on..
• United States
6 Sep 10
Get out of this relationship and don't look back! I have been in your situation, as well as a few of my family members. The abuse will never stop; it will only get worse. Love is not suppose to hurt. I refused to be someone's punching bag. Do not rationalize the abuser's behavior; get out honey. Learn how to love yourself---more than you love him! God will give you the strength to endure as a single mother, and those who love you will show you support and encouragement. There is someone out there who will love you and your child the way that you deserve, but you have to love yourself first. Draw strength from the love that you have for your child. There is NOTHING that you cannot accomplish. You are going to be just fine. I am a single mother of two boys, 16yrs and 3yrs. My oldest son's father chose not to be apart of his life, and my youngest son's father was murdered before he was born. I'm doing damn good considering the circumstances, and so will YOU! You can do it girl! Stay prayed up!If you are not of the christian belief, ask for strength from the higher power that you have come to know.You are going to make it sweetheart. Cry, cry, and cry some more! Tears are our body's natural pain reliever. The pain will not go away overnight, but your heart will eventually mend. Keep writing on MyLot when you get sad, because there are plenty of us who will give you strength and encouragement. I will keep you in my prayers.
• Philippines
10 Sep 10
thanks...
@Hatley (164485)
• Garden Grove, California
5 Sep 10
hi gracielle good for you you have your selfesteem back, and my dear, get to a battered women shelter or to your f amily and leave that two timing jerk batterer, you must now realize that men who abuse whether in a live in or marriage just get worse and worse, hes flaunting his two timing at you as he hurts you physcailly. No love real love does not hurt not physically nor should it emotionally.dear one how can you love someone who hurts you, lust maybe but come on you have more self respect than that as your discussions shows.He was using y ou and thats not right, a partnership or a marriage both have to support each other, thats true love. so hold out for that, you will meet someone who will really love you and your child for who you are, you deserve that so hold out fo it.I think you will find that the freedom from being hurt emotionally and physcially will be worth so much it will seem easy being a single mom compared to what a not committed live in anyway? I think were I you I would want a real marriage when I meet a man who is worthy of me,nothing less. live ins are notorious fpr one or the other party being unfaithful..Real love never means being physically hurt, that is a given.
• Canada
5 Sep 10
That is ausome advice hun and yes good for her that she is getting out of the situation....
@shia88 (4582)
• Malaysia
5 Sep 10
Hi, Feel sorry to read about your story. Your partner is definitely cheating on you and he has to wakeup from his long dream or else yours relationship might get sour and it will go stale at the end. Since you have a son with you,then you may consider to forgive him for the last, at least, your son may not lost his father's love. Let's have a good chat with your partner,get an explanation from him on why he likes to flirt around. Do you no good for him and why can't he treasure your love to him? This time, you have to be firm on your decision. If he does repeat the same thing again,then don't torture yourself into this life. Get out from it and bring your son along with you. Divorce with him and get some compensation from your partner for being an irresponsible person. I can understand your feeling...stress and feel depress,but life still have to go on. Be strong!! Get helps from your friends and relatives. Do share with them your bitterness! it is tough to be a single mother,but you still need to go through it. Always looks for better future and whatever has OVER,let it goes and start up your new life.
• Philippines
5 Sep 10
thanks for your comment, I appreciate your concern. I was really depressed right now, It's like my heart was stab over & over. It was do painful..
@thomad13 (212)
• United States
7 Sep 10
I'm sorry for you pain but I am glad you are one of the smrt ones to leave before it's not an option anymore. Everyone deserves respect and love and he obviously is not giving you that. My mother had three kids we were all a year apart. My dad left back to his otehr women when my younger brother was born. We are all here living strong. It takes a strong woman to raise three kids alone, but know it can be done. Know that there is always help out there. And I'm sure you have family and friends that love you and will be there for you through this trying time as well. Good luck to you.
@aerous (13474)
• Philippines
7 Sep 10
You know my friend being a single parents is really hard. As for me I am also a single father, and it's hard to see my son...having no mother, that should be guide him through his growth. I suggest you to see what is the solution with what's your husband misunderstanding because children really suffer from this matter... Maybe we have different story in life but I'm sure your problem with your husband will suffocating you and wanted to be free from that painful situation... If there is a solution, please look after it. I would say that your husband did, is irrelevant to family life. It will be a destruction between you and him... Hope you attain the peace of mind as of your decision finally make...have a great day!
@andy77e (5165)
• United States
6 Sep 10
He is NOT your husband. He is a single guy. He's not married. Why would he not talk to other girls, when he's single? The whole reason guys do not get married, is so they can chat with other girls. I'm sorry you had to learn this the hard way. :(
@jaijaye (168)
• Philippines
6 Sep 10
Hi, I'm a single mother too. Being a single mom is hard it's really hard but I'm happy for it! You just need a big patience and having more faith that you can do all this thing without a partner. Prayer is the best weapon gracielle if you feel like giving up. Embrace it went you choose to be a single mom.:)
@youless (93686)
• Guangzhou, China
6 Sep 10
I am so sorry to hear that. Your husband is very bad. He not only cheated on you, but also bit beat you, this is so terrible. I know I can't do anything to help you, except for saying some words to comfort you. I hope you will be strong and life must go on. I can understand that it is not easy to bring up a child by yourself. Just keep the faith and I hope everything will be good for you. Just let your husband to feel terrible regretful one day to lose such a good wife.
• Canada
6 Sep 10
My dear, its not worth staying with him.Just because you have kids does not mean yo have to bear and ignore all of these. Physical abuse is a no no. I dont know where you are but im pretty sure there are organizations in your place or country where woman who are in an abusive relationship can find shelter. These place will be your place of refuge. They gave counseling, sometimes even provide food and allowances for you and your children. You can even have legal counsel for free in case you decide to sue. Yes, it is hard to be a single mother but you have to do what you have to do not just for yourself but for your children as well. What they see now will have a negative impact on them in the near future. You will be in my prayers!!!
@kingparker (9698)
• United States
6 Sep 10
It is all about your personal choice on whether to be with this man again or not. If you want a peace of your life, and you won't trust this man anymore, it might be a good choice for you personally, and for your son altogether. If you convinced yourself once again, this man can be changed or whatever, it is also up to you to give him a chance. Ultimately, it will be your choice for your future.
• United States
5 Sep 10
I left an abusive marriage when my children were 7 and 9. They are now 26 and 28 and I never remarried. I raised them alone. It was not easy but it was better than raising them in the abuse that was in the home. It was hard to go to school and work and take care of them both. But it can be done!
@elleb0418 (1107)
• Philippines
5 Sep 10
When something goes wrong in a relationship what is in our mind is to fix it,patch everything so that the relationship still last.But sometimes all those sacrifices are not appreciated.There are just lots of people that are maybe it makes them happy when seeing someone in pain and hurting so much. I always remember what my mother told me that,when you are in a relationship and you feel that it is not healthy anymore and everything could not be patched up,then even though it's painful the best way is to let go.It's not easy to be a single mother,but if we just believe in ourselves and trying to free us in those heartaches and pains everything will be put in place.On the next time we fall,we should be wiser enough.
@cheneper (133)
• Thailand
5 Sep 10
I don't know how do single mothers feel but one thing I am sure of, it's not easy. But I salute them because they do their best to raise their children.Mostly they have sleepless nights because of the care their children need.
@BlueAngelRS (2900)
• Canada
5 Sep 10
I am currently a single Mother, hun I won't lie to you some days it's not easy especially when you yourself are letting go of alot of pain and issues in your life, the best advice I can give you is stay strong for your son when he needs you but take some time out for you as well...Wether it in the morning or a night before or after your son wakes up and let your emotions out scream cry yell do what you have to but the longer you carry those feelings inside the more it will eat at you....I wanted the complete family too and my circumstance was different then yours but you will be surprised at how strong you can be...