a relationship which has nothing in it , shoud it be broken or not?

@ggeeta (155)
India
September 7, 2010 11:32pm CST
Hi friends, I just want to discuss about this relationship for which i have been seriously searching for answers. Marriage and relationship is something which involves love, affection, care and so on. sometimes your likes may not match, your views may not match, but then you can just get along as your wavelength matches. Say, nothing matches, you were bonded without knowing that nothing will ever match. Your likes, dislikes, views, opinions nothing match at all. what do you do then? you tried a lot to be compatible with your person, still nothing worked, on top of it, you don't have physical or mental pleasure with that person. what do you do then? Is it possible to break a relationship in a place where only tradition and society is given importance rather then the feelings of a person, what should a person do under such circumstances where he/she is restricted and forced to sustain a relationship which can by no means be sustained? how can that so called person come out of it, live life independently and start life afresh? seriously awaiting for your responses friends....
1 person likes this
13 responses
@emarie (5453)
• United States
8 Sep 10
Well, a marriage where no one is happy isn't much of a marriage at all. I think talking with your partner about it and both of you coming to a mutual agreement. Your life if your life, not your families. Your families concern should only be your happiness and if you've both decided that it's best for you to separate and there's nothing you can do to repair the damage then you should both follow your hearts and try a separation. If you family can't stand beside you then you'll need to explain to them that this is for your own happiness. Sometimes when you rush things, they don't always turn out right. And sometimes love is rushed and not properly lived out so it easily crumbles when the 'honeymoon' phase is over.
@ggeeta (155)
• India
8 Sep 10
yes emarie, have tried every way, but there is no use, separation is the only solution if i want to be happy and also the other person.but, somehow this relationship keeps on dragging without any benefit to either parties just for the sake of families. i hope elderly people understand us and just give us a chance to live our life happily.
@kyle19 (42)
8 Sep 10
In the event that it doesn't work out, I hope that the elderly can understand that some marriages were "accidents". Some may perceive marriage to be what you do when you feel you are both soulmates and to be together forever and to demonstrate your commitment to eachother and they are right, but it's possible for this to sometimes be an accident and I hope that they can understand that. On top of that I agree with emarie: you should follow your heart. You are your own person and control your own destiny; no one has the right to control it for you because that's slavery. That's not to say you shouldn't consider other people's feelings and thoughts, but ultimately you must follow your heart and make the decision yourself and do what you want to do and what will make you happy.
@kyle19 (42)
8 Sep 10
You should follow your heart. You must do what YOU want to do and not what others expect of you. If I lived my life worrying about whether what I did was what others expected or desired of me, then I would never get very far in life. Follow your heart, your goals and your dreams, not the perceived expectations of others! :) If you're really that unhappy and you feel that they can't understand you because they are nothing like you, if you feel they are a friend but not in anyway a soulmate, if they cannot tend to your needs or understand you or show any affection or connection then you should just end it and find the right one for you. Unless you are happy with what you have and can find something in common that satisfies you, which you don't seem to be able to do at all, yes you should end the relationship. You don't seem to be happy at all. I think that you know the answer already, but I think that few would disagree with you here ggeeta. :) Just make sure that this is really what you want to do. Once you do this there is probably no going back - so make sure you search very deep and think a lot about this. What do you want from a relationship, what are you getting from the relationship and finally what would you be missing if you split up? You shouldn't worry about missing what you're getting now if you feel you will get something better from most other people, just be prepared to live without it for a while. You'll want to be absolutely sure of your reasons for not wanting to be with them, say everything you'd like to say and then look forward and adapt to independant life and sustaining yourself on your own. Just make sure there's not some kind of hidden love deep down in there, something that would come out if you did something together or that you would regret and want back later on. Just make sure there really is nothing, or if there is something, that you are satisfied it does not and cannot ever meet your requirements. Hope it all works out =)
@ggeeta (155)
• India
9 Sep 10
kyle, I know i want to end the relationship, but then to start a fresh life going away from everyone, these days we do require lots of money, which is being handled by people around me. They just see to it that i have nothing at all so that i just listen to them only without ending this relation. I wish god gives me such a day when i can move out of this hell and live life independently.
8 Sep 10
I've been married once and no plans of remarrying again for my own personal reasons. My take on this is simple, you have to accept the person whom you're with as he or she is but it is also important that couples can enjoy doing tfhings together. They don't literally need to have the same opinions on things or like the same things, afterall men and women are still different in so many ways but what's important is that both of you value eachother and respect eachother as an individual. If this really means so much to you and you think that you're no longer happy then I'd say move on but if you still feel something for that person then I'd say stay on the relationship and talk it out... maybe he or she will change for you.
@ggeeta (155)
• India
8 Sep 10
hi joisudesu, there is nothing, i mean nothing at all in this relationship which i am discussing, no chance for change too, every way and means to change the relationship towards a positive way has always failed. do you still give chance for such a relationship?
@amrddy (215)
• Philippines
8 Sep 10
Hi ggeeta Are you talking about tradition here? Still a lot of countries are doing these things especially in the middle east countries. women have no choice but to follow since they will be disowned by their families. Some families still need the dowries that their daughters bring into the marriage. We can just pray for them and let us be thankful that we are not from their country.
@ggeeta (155)
• India
8 Sep 10
am not talking about tradition here amrddy, am talking about a relationship in which there is nothing, no happiness, no peace, not even worthy. but still, because the family has never gone for separation, divorce, is not letting their daughter go for the same. how long should she face this?
@eurekafemme (5881)
• Philippines
9 Sep 10
There's really no "nothing" in a relationship. There must be "something" that's why you get yourself into it. But as times passes by, that "something" fades into "nothing".... However, while you still dwell with "something" there are other things that go along with it, the greatest one is having kids. This is the reason when a relationship has ALMOST NOTHING in it, the couples stay together. I used ALMOST because the love for children is not nothingness. In other cases, when there's no children involve, no love, no patience, no nothing... then, it is better to move on and live a separate lives...What is the reason for dwelling in that kind of relationship? Never mind what the gossip mongers will have to say. You owe it to yourself to be happy, and loved.:)
• Philippines
8 Sep 10
A relationship should consist of two people, may it bad or good, but if you speak about marriage it should be two people loving each other. In your case, youre only in a relationship where you are only forced to stay, but the question is, are you happy with it? If not why waste your time staying there and make yourself uncomfortable, you have to be fair to yourself too, do what you think is right and follow what you feel, dont think too much about what other people would say, they can say anything they want, but they cant feel your sadness. We always have a choice either we want to be happy or not! Its all in our hands. If your family and friends really loves you, they would understand and accept you no matter what. God bless!
@sinliong (88)
• Indonesia
8 Sep 10
That would be hard to deal, surely. Tradition is different with law or rule, which has real consequences such as drop in to the jail, pay fines and else. The consequences of tradition are most likely will be a moral and social treatment. It will not harm you physically, but somehow will be more difficult to deal with. However, sometimes there is a point in our life where we should be brave to act against tradition. Of course, we must count on how big is the problem and how great the risk of the problem will affecting us. As in your case, an empty relationship will be very hard to maintained. If you and your mate unable to find something between both of you that can be used as a bond, then it would be very risky. Even if you try to go on, you'll be facing nothing than grief and pain. So it would be up to you to decide, finding a new bond between you and your mate as soon as possible, or muster up courage and act against tradition. The real problem is, will you highly value the rest of your life or not to be dare to act against tradition and deal with the consequences.
@asxenon (1441)
• Malaysia
8 Sep 10
When it comes to tradition, it is quite complicated. But if possible, i would think that it is better for you to find your own love ones. Certain traditional things are to be maintained but i think certain things should be changed in this modern age.....
@sender621 (14956)
• United States
8 Sep 10
Every relationship must have some depth of feeling. There has to be some emotional oonnection to another person. if you are faced with a relationship where there is nothing, it is not going to succeed. It may be broken already.
@Jailey (107)
• China
8 Sep 10
I just wonder if there were some things match before, but now for a long time, u just feel tired for that person? For two people together needs a lot.
@babyEj (1525)
• Philippines
8 Sep 10
Arranged or fix is marriage is one picture that i could give you as I will further discuss my thoughts. In this relationship there could be an extreme incompatibility but they are oblige to do it because of their faith and customs. These people are extremely patient of their feelings. So they could survive this by treating the case like a mission or business lol!!! However in my case I can't do it. I'll not live with that kind of situation.
@thesids (22358)
• Bhubaneswar, India
8 Sep 10
There are two types of relations that I know of - one that you have a choice while making the relation and the one where you do not have any say. You cannot move out of the second category of the relations. Now for the first, Why break a relationship et all? I would suggest that maintain a distance from that relation if that relation is having nothing in it. Breaking means that you are closing that relation out for ever. Future is uncertain and there is no guarantee that you would not need this relation sometime in the future.
• India
8 Sep 10
Husband and Wife are like railway track. When they are together, they can keep running the train of life happily. However, the moment there are differences, the journey of happy life is threatened. Personally I feel that to the extent possible, both should sit down, discuss the problems and differences and try to find suitable solutions. But there will be times when possibility of a solution for happy life may look very low. It is during this time, the other partner has to understand the troubled partners plight and try to adjust accordingly. After all, marriage is not a thing, which can be bought off on the shelf and if not satisfied is exchanged. It is all about learning to live with your partner, adjust to his/her requirements. But in spite of all this, if such relationship stands threatened, I feel best solution would be to put an end to such relation.