A friend? Or not a Friend? Don't know how to feel!!!

Canada
September 8, 2010 1:19pm CST
I'm going to do my best to explain what happened and how I'm feeling....I met this friend a few years ago and we lived in the same town for awhile and lost touch and we chat on msn messenger daily almost now.....Well I'm a single mom at the moment as (I'm long distance from the man I in love with) so is she her man doesn't live where she is at.... She has lost a baby too but she is the type of person that meh she doesn't talk about it to anyone but that is her choice that is what works for her and she came down rather hard on me saying that noone cares get over it stop dwelling just because I can talk about my Rochelle doesn't mean I'm not at peace nor does it mean I'm not moving on with life....She was living off the gov too when I first met her...Her boys are older now so she works....I have a 17 year old and a 4 year old and bacame single again....I've been living off the gov but only when I didn't get what I wanted at school she even started lecturing me about that...what you gonna stay in school for the rest of your life... Well today topped the cake....I've been looking for work online but am not really in a rush trying to deal with the issues around my house, and other issues and my sitter on holidays.....She keeps badgering me saying work work work don't give me excuse after excuse I'm thinking like where do you get off...But I can handle that people are sometimes like that the next part is what got her blocked cuz it HURT bad....I've been struggling with my teenager something was going on that he messed up his grade 10 school year last year but is attending a new school as so far so good with that thanks goodness....Anyways she tells me in lack of better words that is my fault I'm not showing my son a good example....That crushed me....I suffer from anxiety and high blood pressure and diabeties and depression I needed to take care of me and my health and my kids....That hurt!!!! How would you feel or what are your thoughts...Have a great day...
2 people like this
10 responses
@Hatley (164640)
• Garden Grove, California
8 Sep 10
hi blueangelRS if she is a friend oh my I would hate to think of what an enemy might really look like.For one thing not talking about the loss of a baby is far less healthy than being able to talk about it.You are really moving on with life when you can talk about your Rochelle. As for your going to school thats really none of her business. I for one applaud people for going back to school myself.You do not need this bossy unfriendly friend, she is not good for you or your diabetes. I have diabetes too and my blood sugar will shoot up hight when someone starts to badger me about something.Someone who does not know a thing about your own concerns but dares to say those things to you is no friend. I would be furious with her. we went shopping today in ghe Gold crest van and our driver was supposed to pick us up to go back home before 11 when we eat lu ngh. he did not come for an hour and my friend used her cell phone to call G old crest and tell them we were stranded and hungry. we found out one very selfish resident lady held us up because she had to do her banking when it was noone and all the people were all there too doing banking at their l unch breaks. she did not give a fig about the four of us who were waiting and tired and hungry.Not a friend,.then the staff were angry at us for being late as if it were our fault the driver did not come back when we expected him to
1 person likes this
• Canada
9 Sep 10
Oh I am very upset with you indeed I even told her before reading what else she had to say I said I'm not in the mood bye have a nice day and haven't spoken to her for the rest of the day...What works for one doesn't work for the other....I'm sorry to hear you had a rough day too hun....hugzzzzz
• Canada
9 Sep 10
with her not you hun sorry long day it's keeps getting better for me not lol...
• Canada
9 Sep 10
I agree Hatley! A real friend would let her talk about Rochelle anytime she wants and as long as she wants! And everyone should put their health issues first especially if they are a single mum with kids that need her!
1 person likes this
• Canada
8 Sep 10
To me that is not a friend at all! I have admitted in the past that sometimes things I have said in an argument with someone and in the heat of the moment were not nice, but man I have NEVER EVER been that rude and insulted a person as a mother! To me that is just a line you do not cross! Who is she to judge? I also think I know of who your talking about and I called her on what she said to a friend of mine before she and I had a falling out from it and she didn't even deny it. She just told me to keep her out of my and the other persons fight, to believe what I want, to eff off, and she hasn't texted me since! Also the only person who will know when your ready to either get working or go back to school is you and I agree that your health should come first! I will be starting babysitting for a friend and her kids in October and with how sick I got over the summer I hope I'm ready! I am just now feeling back to myself! Well almost ... about 95% but the stress sure isn't helping! Anyways I will stop babbling!
• Canada
8 Sep 10
Your not babbling at all and I don't mind.....This friend lives in the same city as my ex husband and she used to live in my hometown....I just couldn't believe what I was reading....That HURT bad I've struggled for so long and done the best I can to raise my kids....I think that we all were just going through alot....I hope that you feel better soon and are up for babysitting...
• Canada
9 Sep 10
Ohhhhhhhhhh ok I thought you were talking about the other so called friend that makes you feel bad anytime you talk about Rochelle and only seems to care about drinking! Sorry, my bad! I don't doubt that would make you feel hurt! I hope that I am up for babysitting too next month!
1 person likes this
• Canada
9 Sep 10
I'm used to the other so called friend I don't talk to either about Rochelle anymore to be honest with how they have acted towards it so I keep Rochelle between me and her daddy and his roomie....I hope that you feel better soon and things start looking up for you...
@gabs8513 (48715)
• United Kingdom
18 Sep 10
I would not even have taken what she said to you in the first place, I do not like People like that they do not know the Circumstances and also you would think she is perfect, I would have told her to not ever contact me again and blocked her straight away As for the last bit, do not listen to her it is not your fault, there have been a lot of Problems going on and of course it will affect your Son, but not because you are setting a bad example but because he has feelings to I am glad that you have blocked her she is not a Friend she is just plain nasty Sweetie Hugs
1 person likes this
• Canada
19 Sep 10
Yes pretty much as soon as she said what she did about me not setting a good example for my son I said I'm not in the mood and blocked her right away and kept her blocked for sometime...Now I think realized she has crossed the line and has been better but if she starts again will be a permanent block...Take Care Sweeties hugzzzzzzzzzzzz...........
1 person likes this
@dawnald (84146)
• Shingle Springs, California
9 Sep 10
I think your friend is an insensitive clod.
1 person likes this
• Canada
10 Sep 10
Thanks yes that is my thoughts too she can be pretty heartless...
@roberten (3131)
• United States
9 Sep 10
BlueAngelRS, sounds like you are involved in a toxic relationship; you may want to move on to another that is more compatible with your personal lifestyle in order to avoid additional stress. Distance truly does make the heart grow fonder so you both may benefit from less frequent communications; everyday may be too much to maintain a healthy relationship. Went you do converse, you may try avoiding confrontional topics. Give up two compliments for every negative criticism, if you cannot keep this ratio, do not criticize. Fill your thoughts with positive things and positive things will become attracted to you.
• Canada
9 Sep 10
Ok this response confuses me alot????? In my discussion I've mentioned about getting back together with my ex and also about a friend which relationship are you referring to? As for the friend I'm dealing with that but if you ment my relationship it's not toxic we are building up our communication again....I do fill my life with positives I was just making a discussion bout a bad day with a friend...I might be mis-understanding your response so I'm sorry I have...
@eshaan (6193)
• India
9 Sep 10
you should keep away from such friend...friends are to help you and encourage you...not that point out negative points in you all the time...a friend is the one who makes you feel better...not that disturb your life by harsh words and behavior....i wish that you come out of your problems soon....and wish you a very good health in the life ahead
1 person likes this
• Canada
9 Sep 10
Thanks eshaan and you are right....Although learning some negatives about yourself or a situation can be good too but when it becomes all the time I don't need that in my life....I hope things look up for me soon too smiles HappyMylotting..
• Portugal
9 Sep 10
ohhh thats so sad :( whats wrong with her? why she is like that to you? you know maybe she is jealous of you and your life. maybe she still wanted to dont work and that her kids were more young so she could be with them like before. also you said she lost a daughter right? so maybe that affected her. maybe she is acting this way bcs her head is messed up :( im sorry that she hurt you so much but i think she didnt mean to really hurt you if she was in her senses. like you said she was a good friend to you before right? for sure she is just jealous and wanted have life like yours ^^ talk with her and say that she shouldnt talk with you that way bcs that really upsets you and that you are her friend and if she needs talk about something that is making her sad that she can count on you. see if she says sorry or change her attitude ^^ i wish so^^
1 person likes this
• Canada
9 Sep 10
Thanks for your response hun I really don't know yes I've been friends with her but not a really close friend to her so either way does'nt bother me too much years before I lost my baby she lost a baby boy so when I was talking to her one day about my Rochelle is where I learned i'm never talking to her about my daughter again....
• Philippines
9 Sep 10
hello blueangelsRS! a genuine friend would tell you things that other people might not tell you readily. SOmetimes what a friend will say to us will hurt us, because truths hurts, as we know it. However, a genuine friend will not tell you hurting words just to hurt you. Truths are told to us, to help us become better persons, not bitter. In your case, that so-called friend is not a friend at all. She may have some opinion on how you handle your kids upbringing but she has no right to tell you that it is your fault. A friend will tell you that you are in the wrong, but she/he will never insult you're being a mother, that i know. It is as if she is jealous of you, in a way. Always prattling on about "you do this, you do that", why are you not doing this, is not a true friend's ways. It seems to keep her belief that she is much better than you, she tells you that. if she is normal, she would know that what she told you would definitely hurt you and it would not help you become a better person. Given that you have your failings in the rearing of your kids, but it is not in her place to tell you that or tell you in such a way, that you will become bitter instead of becoming a better person.
• Canada
9 Sep 10
Thanks for your response I believe being a Mother is much of a learning experience as any aspects of our lives....I am not so much bothered by the other stuff as I am with what she said to me about my son...I felt she had no place and no right to insult me like that...
@jennyze (7048)
• Indonesia
9 Sep 10
Maybe she meant it for your best, but some people do not know how to deliver it nicely. She chats with you everyday than she considers herself to be your real friend and wants to say what's on her mind to make you stronger. If she intended to hurt you, she would not talk with you everyday, she would just deliver the blow and go away.
1 person likes this
• Canada
9 Sep 10
I'm sure she ment well....But she has no right to speak to me the way she did....And to say what she did about my son not even trying to understand the struggles I have right now....That to me was uncalled for....I'm sure if given sometime to calm down I may talk to her again...
@caud8708 (29)
• Philippines
8 Sep 10
She may act in ways that does not present herself as a good friend,especially at times when you need her to be, but you can probably be a good friend to her. you have shared some circumstances in her life and these may have affected her in dealing with her life and problems and other's problems too (or your problem) she has a not-so-good disposition when you share your problems, and also not a good listener at all. it would be better if you try to confide problems in people whom you know will listen and help you to lighten up your loads - an optimist, i guess. for your friend, though she may not be a lost to you if you ended your friendship with her, she will be the one who will have the loss. if you are that concern, and try looking outside the box, you would definitely see that she needs you more than you need her. so, even though she hurts you in ways, remaining friends with her and trying to, little by little, help her unpoack her own loads (problems), would eventually make her better.. and your friendship better. if ever that is your concern. hope all is well for you and your family.. and your friend! :D
• Canada
9 Sep 10
Thanks for your response I may still chat to her but for right now I want nothing to do with her....I didn't even unload stuff on her she just started in on my about things we have talked about in the past....And for what she said about my son and it being my fault I don't know if I could find the forgiveness...