what are the reasons to hide their matter?

India
September 11, 2010 5:56am CST
Actually we(college students) have many friends in our colleges, eventhough we never talk to them about our family and other financial matters, Always majorily we talk about Our college matters only. Once i tried to share my personal matters with my friends they just listen and leave it. When i ask about their family or financial matters they asked me "why?". I strongly believe that we must know about our friends because they hide some problems in their heart only, how can we know that? And when ever i have any happy/sad thing i immediately share with them? But some of my friends are not open? why............. Ofcourse they came from different family backgrounds, eventhough they are our friends, so my feeling is they have to talk openly and share their views in a practical manner. I would like to mention a simple example here "There are two friends in my classroom, they are close friends from the past 3years, but they don't about their family backgrounds of each other. And they never discuss about their problems and happy moments...." How can we say that they are good friends? I mean as per global openion friendship means sharing more than a mother, morethan a father, morethan a teacher, morethan a lover,,,,,,,,,,,,,more than all other relations.........
2 people like this
9 responses
@saphrina (31740)
• South Africa
11 Sep 10
Sweetie, a lot of people do not like too share their feelings, emotions or their problems for that matter. I never share anything. Then you get those who share. That is just the way we are. No one can change that. Accept it and they will appreciate your friendship even more. TATA.
1 person likes this
• India
11 Sep 10
I feel that "when we share our problem then only we get some relief from that" so especially in the college campus we learn about friendship and we made friendship but actually here or any where we forget the word 'SHARING'..........! In our practical life, we come across many practical experiences so, this is also one of the reason to hide our problem and not sharing with other(here others means even our close friends, our family members also comes)....
@saphrina (31740)
• South Africa
11 Sep 10
Sweetie, you share, i don't. That is the way it is. We don't really hide our problems, we just want to sort it out ourselves.
• India
13 Sep 10
got getting.... enlighten me please....
@Angelgirl16 (2177)
• United States
11 Sep 10
Hi rameshchow, I must say that I am a very privat person, that have friends. However, I don't ask my friends about their personal lives, especially their finances, which has not to do with being friends. It is their right to keep their personal lives to themselves, or share it with whomever they choose. When you meet someone, lets say on a college campus, you will probably be meeting someone from a different life-style than yourself. You must give that person a chance to being a friend without having to know all the details of their lives. Your friendship with them should not be based on whether you know about their lives. It should be about who you have come to know. Eventually, if the friendship grows, the person maybe willing to share some of his life's history. If not, then that should be okay too.
• India
11 Sep 10
"When we are want to love a person, its no need to know their details and no need to ask about their finance, because THAT IS LOVE" but here it is friendship, we have a right to know our friends problems not only problem everything about them, because we can give them support..........
• United States
12 Sep 10
I have to disagree with you, my friend, we do NOT have the right to know about someone else's problems, unless they are willing to share that information with us. I really would not liike it very much if someone was prying into my personal affairs,, just because they say they are my friend. If you are my friend, then you will respect my right to privancy.
1 person likes this
• India
13 Sep 10
you said that"we do NOT have the right to know about someone else's problems....", Actually i am concentrating only on my friends not on "someone", ....so i want to listen them i want to share their views with me.....(it is not applicable to all my friends, some are behaving like that......and mostly no can hide their problems and happiness). And here i am not discussing about our online friends, its about my college friends. Few of my friends are behaves like that... k leave it .. we are good friends here, i like your response. have a nice day. gud night here(in india)...
@Lakota12 (42684)
• United States
11 Sep 10
It has to be they were tauht not to share problems with other bu I would think the happy things should be shared. When I went to school had ver few friends but I knew about thier familys by going tp visit their houses. BUt no one ever talked about money maters in front of us kids!
1 person likes this
• India
13 Sep 10
ya, your are right, have a nice day ... and i also regularly visit my friends home....and wish thier parents, grand parents also.
@Lakota12 (42684)
• United States
13 Sep 10
cool have a great day!
• India
14 Sep 10
hahhaha, is there any good sentence to wish which is more than "good day or nice day?".
@hora_fugit (5442)
• India
12 Sep 10
I'm not sure we have birthright to know just everything about our friends, even if we are too close. I for one don't share much with my usual friends. With close friends.... well it depends upon the trust factor. It may be there it may not. I shared a lot with my close friend but still there were some reservations.. Human nature is complex, you can't define it in simple Do's and Don'ts About your example, 3 years is enough to open up to each other. Maybe they share their problems, but too secretly. Don't you think that 'more than..' thing is a bit circular/cyclic. Only positions change! LOL
1 person likes this
• India
13 Sep 10
you said that "Don't you think that 'more than....' thing is a bit circular/cyclic. Only positions change!"...... sorry hora_frugit, it is some what confusing to me...please care to enlighten me...
1 person likes this
• India
21 Sep 10
Sorry, not been here lately... You said "... means sharing more than a mother, morethan a father, morethan a teacher, more than a lover,,,,,,,,,,,,,more than all other relations......... Just change the positions of underlined words and it's still true. I, for example, share more with someone else
• United States
11 Sep 10
I agree with you. True friends love unconditionally. Therefore we will not judge but rather lend and ear, support and if we can assist monetarily. Some people are to proud to express their true feelings about certain things in their life as they feel they will be judge. What they do not understand is that there is no pride with life circumstances and open up and allow their true friends to help. Maybe their friends cannot help but they sure can be supportive. You remain being the true friend that you are and be supportive, if they do not open up all you can do is assure them that you will always be there for them and this will allow them to freely gain trust and be there for you too.
• India
13 Sep 10
you know marixa, i always trying to know my friends feelings, i always want to motivate them, encourage them, i always want to be a part of their success, but in most occasions i am failed....
• United States
13 Sep 10
Do not consider it failure my friend consider it as a brotherly duty. As my priest said to me one day, you may not see in this life time, and maybe your children either, but because of my caring contributions. My children's children will be thanking me one day. Remember these words for ever friend and this will help you remain true to yourself and not allow anyone to change you and you be able to always have a clear conscious. Good day!
• China
12 Sep 10
Hi, it's so considerate of you to show sincere care for friends' problems, but still, I have to say that different people possess diverse personalities. And because of this, their ways of handling things also vary. What you approve might be unacceptable to them. You believe that friends should be open and frank to each other, but they may prefer to keep privacies to themselves rather than share them with friends. So, don't be bothered by this. Just learn to get used to it. They don't want to share secrets doesn't mean they don't trust you or something. It's just a personal way of handling things.
1 person likes this
@Lore2009 (7389)
• United States
11 Sep 10
Your sample friends who have known each other for 3 years sounds like they have a good relationship. They can still be friends even if they don't know their personal info. I wouldn't go around telling people my personal info or past because that really has nothing to do with me and my friend. What matters is the relationship between me and my friend. If your friend is giving you an attitude and giving you a miserable time because of her personal problems, then in that case, I think you have the right to ask because it is bothering you but, I wouldn't speak my personal problems just to tell. Why is it so important for you to know anyway? What would you do if you knew?
1 person likes this
@RobtheRock (2485)
• United States
11 Sep 10
Hi Rameshchow, This is not an attempt to answer twice (there are two of these posts up now and I didn't see this discussion until after I looked at and answered the first one) but only to answer your question. When I was in college, I never thought about talking to my friends about family matters. I usually kept everything to myself. So when I went to college, I did the same thing. When I was younger, finances was never a problem because my parents handled them. I agree with you that friends can share almost anything with each other, but that was never a problem with me then.
1 person likes this
@ANTIQUELADY (36489)
• United States
11 Sep 10
i FIND THAT VERY ODD. i THOUGHT CLOSE FRIENDS share most everything. I do w/mine. I wouldn't consider them a close friend if they didn't share w/me & if they weren't interested in what i had to share. Happy weekend to u.
1 person likes this