Grown woman and men i need help!

@nicole00 (141)
United States
September 13, 2010 8:27pm CST
I have this boyfriend well i call him my fiancee because we do plan on getting married. But anyway when i lost my job I was devestated. I had big plans to get married, build a better life for my up coming family, and live in a place of my own (because I stay with my parents. My fiancee was mad, because we wanted to marry we had so much we wanted to do and because of finacial issues it even brought our relationship to a ultimate low. Well last year I got pregnant and found out at the same time I lost my job, so here I am pregnant stressed at the same time. Now its 2010 and me and my fiancee are still together and I have a for year old and I just had my baby in June and he is now 3 months old. Here is the things after all this complaining about me not having a job and how we need to get it together so we can do what we have to do and be a family guess who doesnt want me to even have a job? Yes my fiancee. Its been almost a year since ive worked and I put in so many applications and had at least 4 interviews and still didnt get the job. Now I have two interviews in the same week and Im so excited and I pray I get one. But he tells me he is not too excited about me getting either one because I need to focus more on being a full time mom and staying home until my baby gets at least 6 or 7 months old, I was like what! I love my children I do and I want the best for them but I need a job to support my boys and to do what I have t do to get my life started and he tells me I dont need to work, I will make sure my child has the best daycare possible but if I miss out on one of these jobs I feel like it will be the biggest mistake of my life or that this may be the job and I missed it, what should I do. or what do you think, please help me.
3 people like this
7 responses
• United States
15 Sep 10
Well, to be brutally honest, the mistake was getting pregnant before marriage in the first place; but we can't go back in time and fix that now can we? So, here we are in the NOW. What you need to do is assess your situation. One, you say that you have 2 boys and need to support them, very true, but the other side of this is, what is HE doing? Being a full time mom is very stressful, yet satisfying. However, I also understand the financial needs of the home and you having to work is a distinct necessity. My advice would be to try to land one of the jobs provided that you will not sacrifice the early portions of your kids' lives. No amount of money can replace time with your children. I understand about the finances, believe me, I too am a parent and have been for over 16 years; however, I also understand that no one can break your heart like your kids and failing to be in their lives at this critical moment can be damaging long term. Work together with your fiancee on a plan for money and balance that to the best of your ability with your kids - they need you, not your paycheck
@nicole00 (141)
• United States
15 Sep 10
i appreciate everyone else and their helpful comments but this comment wow!
@free_man (7337)
• United States
14 Sep 10
Hi Nicole and welcome to my lot. You know this is a hard decision to make. My childre are grown and married but I had a chace like this once to get a job I really wanted and I didn't take it for one reason or another and I regreted it all my life. You have to sit down with your fiancee and discus this soon. But what ever you do don't let someone tell you that you can't do something because they don't want you to do it. Pray about it and ask God for HIS advice and let God guide you. And remember what ever you decide to do your children should come first.
@nicole00 (141)
• United States
14 Sep 10
Amen thatnkyou so much now I will truly take heed to this thankyou!!
1 person likes this
@free_man (7337)
• United States
14 Sep 10
Hi Nicole. Your welcome! What ever you decide let God be your guide and all will turn out the way God wants it to be.
@marguicha (90509)
• Chile
14 Sep 10
Noone can answer for you, nicole. You must do what you think it´s best although I do think it is something that both your fiancee and you must decide. I don´t understand though why, if you planned to get married and you already have a baby, you are not married yet. Probably you need to sort a lot of thing out with him. and it will better be now than later. I can see you want to work. Talk with him.
@nicole00 (141)
• United States
14 Sep 10
Having a child was somthing that was not planned but hey it happened so please no judging. It happens and before we got pregnant we planned to get married but I didnt know I was pregnant already and I lost my job at the same time, even though theres really no need to explain it happen and we are working together now to make things better. Well thankyou anyway.
@marguicha (90509)
• Chile
14 Sep 10
I am not judging your pregnancy, nocole. It is just that you say you live with your parents, you lost your job yet you also said that your fiancee is not happy with you. Now you say that you are both working it out together. That´s a wonderful idea!Iwish you the best of luck
@cream97 (29169)
• United States
14 Sep 10
Hi, nicole00. I am very sorry that you are going through financial problems. Well if you feel that you want to work, please do so. Do you know for sure if your boyfriend will have a job to support yall's kids? You should have something for you. Don't wait around to see what your boyfriend will do. Create your own plans so that you are able to support both yourself and your two kids.
• Philippines
15 Sep 10
hi nicole,just do what makes you happy so that you will not regret something in the future. For me, it is better that both of you have jobs so that you can support your financial needs without depending on one another..
• Singapore
14 Sep 10
Hi Nicole, it's always difficult to be caught in this kind of situation. I hope by this time you already made your decision. As for my opinion, you must go and follow what you think is right. We'll never know what will happen in the future. If you happen to have a job of your own, at least you can help with the financial difficulties both of you are facing right now. Nowadays, it's not always practical to stay with the kids and wait for them to grow old and then later on you work. Oftentimes than not, working after that will be too much difficult, why? Because we are getting old and the work experience we had may never that same to what will be in the future. And you're right you need to get married if you really had plan. Delaying it is not good especially your kids are growing fast. Getting msrried needs to be a lifetime commitment between the two of you. So you must be sure that you will get married because you really love each other and make the family whole. Not because you just need because it is necessary.
@nicole00 (141)
• United States
14 Sep 10
Yes mame thanks so much your opinion counts extremely we do plan on getting married and we dont want to delay anymore. Its not just because, its because we truly want to do better and make the family whole and complete so thankyou for you support I will take your advice, your right we are getting older and waiting doesnt pay off so im going to do what I was going to do and go for the job and when i get it i will take it he will be happy later on lol.
• Philippines
14 Sep 10
hi nicole00, what you should do is do the best you can for what you think is right and can give a better future for your kid....do not live with the commands of your fiancee, because he is not yet your husband...because in the long run your fiancee will change his mind of getting married with you...so go for those interviews, and make the best out of it to get that job opportunity...Good Luck!!!
@nicole00 (141)
• United States
14 Sep 10
Thankyou so much at least your answer helped I appreciate that alot thankyou, I will do that.
@phyrre (2324)
• United States
19 Sep 10
This is a question you and him really need to discuss. If you want to get a job, you need to explain to him that you want to give your sons a good life and you want to have a job and money in order to be able to give them everything you want to give them. Maybe in the future you can stay home with them, but right now that's not what you want. If he tries to force you to stay home, you're just going to resent it because it's not what you want to do and he has to be able to understand that. On the other hand, you should look into daycare ahead of time just in case. I know that around here the cutoff is basically 6 months. There aren't many places that will take a baby younger than that, so you should make sure these things are set before you get a job otherwise you might find you're up against a wall there. To be honest, right now I'm the reverse of this. I'm 5 months pregnant and they're worried about pre-eclampsia and I don't want to go back to work at this point. I was working as a server and quit there because my blood pressure hit 140/90 early on in my pregnancy (even before the pre-eclampsia worry) and I knew that having high blood pressure wasn't something I could do throughout my whole pregnancy. The job where I was working was a high stress situation and my blood pressure went back down to 110/70, thankfully, about a week after I quit. My hubby, however, wants me to go back to work. I've put in applications, but not a lot of places are hiring right now and I can't go back to where I was working (even though they did offer me the job back). Plus, I've already told hubby that I can try to get a job, but being 5 months preggo most places will not hire me and if I did get a job there's a good possibility that I'll present more signs of pre-eclampsia and I'll get put on bedrest altogether (which would kill me as I hate staying in bed). We're already worried about possible liver problems from the pre-eclampsia (we're waiting on the tests to come through still), so if my blood pressure rises or something else happens they will put me on bedrest and that will be that. In the end, the only thing you can really do is express your concerns to your fiance and let him know how you feel. Maybe you can even come up with a compromise. Maybe you start out with a part time job so that you can be home with the children for part of the time, so it's some sort of middle ground between you two?