We're not fighting......should I be concerned?

@jonnifc (1021)
Philippines
September 14, 2010 10:25pm CST
My boyfriend and I live 6 hours apart. We see each other on the weekends only every 2 to 3 or 4 weeks. Since we only ahve 2 days to spend with each other, we really try not to fight or even have a minor disagreement. We figured, with so little time together, we'd rather spend it being happy with each other. While we are apart, we only communicate through text. We don't fight there either. In our first year together, we were living in the same small city so we saw each other everyday. We had fights back then. Some, of course, were part of the "getting to know you" stage. Some were due to stress and tiredness from work. Some were because we coudn't stand what the other was doing. You know, the usual things couples fight about. I've read somewhere that it's healthy for couples to fight. But for more than a year now, we haven't had a single fight. Should I be concerned about this? Or am I just being paranoid? =)
11 responses
• United States
15 Sep 10
jonnifc, a long distance relationship is difficult in itself. When you do spend the time together you say you have a good time together. I have one question for you, when it is time to visit, does your boyfriend look forward to the visits? Does he show sincere sadness when you leave? Reason why I am asking if this is so then don't be so hard on yourself and all will be fine. It is the time away from each other that is the concern more so.
@jonnifc (1021)
• Philippines
15 Sep 10
I think he does look forward to the visits. He would sometimes start his countdown when it's less than a week away. And he says that he wishes time to move more quickly so the day of the visit will come quicker. And when he leaves, he does seem sad. I would drive him to the bus station. But before we leave the house, he would hug me so tightly and a lot longer like he doesn't want to let go. (aaawww, is that a tear in my eye? =) ) He want me to just drop him off at the bus station because it makes him more sad if I linger on. I guess we are ok. I'm glad!!!!
• United States
15 Sep 10
Then my friend relish those moments and continue on. I still won't say you are paranoid, it is just hard for you. Keep the lines of communication wide open and hope the time passes soon so that you too can be together.
@ybong007 (6658)
• Philippines
16 Sep 10
Why fight when there'e nothing to fight about? just let things be as they are. Fights are normal in a relationships but given the distance and the frequency you both see each other, it's not normal to see you fight when you see each other. Besides, you could be in a relationship for a year but considering the time you see each other its more like you just see each other a total of 24 days more or less. I don't think it's healthy for your relationship if you spend even one day of that 24 days fighting, even how petty it is.
@jonnifc (1021)
• Philippines
17 Sep 10
Wow! I never realized we only see each other for about 24 days a year! Thanks for pointing that out. I think that's too few. We should do something about that. But hey, thanks for your response!
• United States
15 Sep 10
I think your a little paranoid about it. I know that fighting on the relationship is normal it doesn't mean that its not normal too when there's no fighting going around. Just relax and be happy on what your relationship has.
@jonnifc (1021)
• Philippines
15 Sep 10
Yeah, I'll relax a bit. Just hard not to overthink some things. Haha! Thanks!
@chitchat (179)
• United States
15 Sep 10
You sound a little paranoid, but that's ok b/c it shows that you care that much about your relationship. It sounds like you guys are ok as long as neither of you are bottling up anything serious or major. It is healthy for couples to argue as long as it's constructive and there's so many things to argue about that you really have to pick your battles. If none of your issues are worth arguing about and you don't leave each other feeling resentment, then you guys should be ok. Hopefully, when you do have your first fight, you remember to stay respectful of each other.
@jonnifc (1021)
• Philippines
15 Sep 10
Haha! Sometimes I think I'm being paranoid, too! I guess right now, we don't fuss over the little things. We don't get mad easily because we would rather be happy. I don't harbor any resentment toward him. I can't speak for him, but I'm not feeling any from him as well. I'll keep your suggestion in mind when we do have a fight again. =)
@emarie (5451)
• United States
15 Sep 10
I don't think there is anything to be concerned about. It's very rational to not fight when you only have a limited time together. You are right on the point that sometimes fights are good for couples, but it depends what the fight is about. a 'healthy argument' is good for couples because it does let out some aggression. If you can avoid fighting, then that should be a good thing right? If you only used to fight about small petty things when you were together then that's just normal. If the fights aren't that serious then its safe and okay. I would just run with the relationship and enjoy the time you have together.
• Canada
15 Sep 10
Whoa! Kudos to you! You just changed my mind in thinking Long Distances Relationships can never work, once you get over the humps of arguments during that getting to know each other stage, and learning to leave with their imperfections as well as perfections. That opened my mind to a whole new out look. I wouldn't be worried if I were you, I'd be thrilled to be one of a select few couples to make a complicated relationship like LDR work!
@Babe8870 (23)
• United States
15 Sep 10
Wow you talk and see yours more than I. I live only 20 minutes from him. I have stopped driving to his place because I feel like I do more than him in this relationship than him. It can be very frustrating and I cary all the time. I feel like I have given up looking for anyone else, so I just don't. He comes over once every 2 to 3 weeks and stays at tops 3 hours. He never sleeps over. Wam bam and out. I'm an idiot. I love him very much and we have been together for over 2 years. I feel very comfortable with our arrangement most of the time but we just don't do anything together but watch movies eat dinner at my place and you know, make love. It is very passionate and always so caring. When we are together he makes me feel as if its my first time. I adore him to much. Anyways I can tell you we don't fight at all. Especially when we really don't even see each other longer than 10 hours a month, if that. So count yourself lucky! I don't know how we still see each other at all. About the worry of no fight-nah if you think he is cheating -ask him now don't wait. I know my man isn't well at least I feel he is absolutely faithful. We both have talked about the consequences. Its not worth it. I really don't want Aides or anything else. Anyways to talk you later.
@eurekafemme (5881)
• Philippines
15 Sep 10
I am not a psychologist nor an expert when it comes to relationship but I'll give you my two cents worth anyway... Having a fight from time to time is healthy for couples for reasons that they will get to know each other deeper. And learn to compromise in order to make the relationship works, that is, if they truly want to share that relationship together. Fighting and making up after is the best thing that could happened to a couple. You know what they say about making up after a fight.;) However, if they are no longer fighting, then there must be something wrong. It is either, they are no longer as interested with each other as they used to. Or the other one just want to let another have his/her own way because of trying to avoid conflicts. This is sometimes become so boring because we tend to be vry familiar with each other thus we became too comfortable. And that where the problem begins, being TOO COMFORTABLE... which has the tendency of ignoring or totally rejecting the other's feeling and role in his/her life... I'm not scaring you, dear, but it is not normal for a relationship to not having a fight. You, two, need to grow up and you can't do that without getting conflicts with each other.
15 Sep 10
This is a good thing not to fight. When we fight, we do get hurt. We say things that we never meant in a rush, or do things that we don't usually do when we're in our normal state of mind. Don't fight because nobody wants to regret this later. If you're worrying about not fighting, I'd say you're worrying too much. As for the long distance relationship. I once had one, not a long distance one, but we met like once a year and rarely talked when we actually met. A platonic relationship based on texting. Now to think about it, we were actually in the same city and we could've met anytime when we felt like it. The problem was that he was always 'busy', a real soccer fanatic. So take it easy if you two are having no problems communicating and if you do have confidence in each other as well as in the relationship itself. They say 'Distance makes the hearts grow fonder', right?
@shearry18 (118)
• Davao, Philippines
15 Sep 10
I agree with you. Your slight being paranoid here!haha LOL! but hey cheer up and think positive. Maybe the reason why your not fighting anymore because you have learned to trust each other so much and its the best ingredient to have in a relationship. You should be happy that your not fighting anymore, it only means that your taking your relationship into a higher level of maturity which is a good thing.So no worries an just enjoy life like you do now. =)
@emgee595 (336)
• Philippines
15 Sep 10
You should be thankful your relationship is going on smoothly. A "fighting-free" relationship is much more tolerable than maintaining one which is full of disagreements, quarrels and negativity. Maybe both of you has accepted your "long distance" situation such that you are now more concern on more important matters and has made it a point to keep your relationship smooth sailing. If your relationship is starting to appear too perfect then maybe you should be alarmed because a disagreement or cold war from time to time are quite normal. However, if you are not fighting simply because both of you are mature in handling these disagreements and minor conflicts then you have to congratulate yourselves. You should be glad petty fights do not create havoc in your relationship. Everybody wants to have a peaceful, loving relationship.