Feelings coming back for ex...
September 15, 2010 7:37pm CST
Hi all, just yesterday i was talking to a friend of mine who is in contact with her ex for child support. She said she thought the feelings have been buried deep inside and she knew she does not want to see this person anymore but she has to make sure he gives child support for their kids. She's feeling uneasy talking to the ex of course, they have not been talking for over a year now... The feelings that she's felt though is not of love, of hope of them going back together. but it is more of a hatred, more of a "i want to hurt this person" feeling.... So if it was you... and you know you had this traumatic experience with this person(he hurt you physically, tortured you emotionally) - will you feel the same, will you be a bit scared seeing this ex of yours, or you would have just treat it as a normal day to day "chitchat"
18 Dec 10
Well, if i was in your friends place i would not bother seeing his face again. Bury the past already and start a new life and show the person that i could take care of myself even without his assistance. Because it you would keep the hatred you feel inside you would just end up hurting yourself. Hatred is just like a knife that cuts both ways. Its quite normal to feel that way especially if it is still very recent but in time she could find the time to recover and pick herself up and continue with her life.
• Quezon City, Philippines
17 Sep 10
first of all i think you friend needs to try to forgive her ex and she should do it unconditionally. i'm sure forgiving will help her free herself of all the negative emotions she still has towards her ex. all the hatred and wish of revenge are just unnecessary burdens for her. she should try her best to forget the past and move on. after all it will also be for the benefit of the child.
17 Sep 10
I've heard so much about the "Battered Wife syndrome" that I know it's quite normal for some people to still feel quite attached to someone who has hurt them. But if I were you, I'd advise her not to even entertain the ideas about the ex aside from getting the child support he's supposed to pay. I've had a good number of friends who think they're martyrs for sticking with their partners even if they're already being abused to no end, and I think it's a real pity it even happen. But getting even is not really a good idea, either, even if it's really tempting. Sometimes, you can just leave it up to karma. Besides, what comes around, goes around, right?
16 Sep 10
If it will happen to see my x, at first I would be surprise to see him. My initial reaction? Maybe I would be mentally block and don't know what words will I say. Though sometimes (especially women) women talk about their x's to their friends almost like giving curse because of the hatred and pain she felt from her partner. But then (some women) as soon as they see their man, all of a sudden the hatred and will disappear and change into a big smile (excited smile). Women choose to be mad/angry with their partner because they know deep in their hearts they still love their partner the feelings would easily come back. As many people say, love conquers all. Women who knows how to understand a man and loves a man, would still accept his x for as long as the love is there.
• United States
16 Sep 10
Personally if I were you friend I would not communicate much outside the child support matter. This is unhealthy for her, the bad ill feelings are going to be unproductive to her and her children's ever day routine. This is what I would do Perhaps talking to her explaining this may help her. Good luck with your friend and her children.