My friends aren't in the same circle

@dorannmwin (36392)
United States
September 17, 2010 1:30pm CST
and I like it this way. I have found that when you have friends there are going to be times that you have conflicts with your friends. When you have conflicts with your friends you need someone to talk to and to let off steam. Well, I have about five people in my life that I would consider to really be my friends and basically none of those people know each other. This works out well because when I am having an issue with one friend I have someone that I can feel safe talking to knowing that they aren't going to in turn tell the other person about the issues that I am going through. How about you all, do you find that all of your closest friends aren't in the same circles as each other?
4 people like this
18 responses
@bounce58 (17387)
• Canada
20 Sep 10
That's a good system you've got there Dorann! That'll be great to have a few good friends and none of them knowing each other. It would help lessen the drama if one has problems. I have a few circles too which I consider my friends, but some of them belong in the same circles. Kind of reminds you of those early-school-years-lessons about sets and subsets.
@dorannmwin (36392)
• United States
21 Sep 10
The really funny thing is that it isn't a system that I have consciously made. Instead, it is something that happened naturally because of the fact that I've met all of my friends at different times in my life. However, I really do think that it works out for the best.
@eshaan (6188)
• India
20 Sep 10
yes..it must be working good i know and understand...becoz friends though you have too much faith in them but when they are in the same group...may bend to any side at any time and tell all abt u....so its better that they dont know each other...but only at times when u have some kind of get together or such things at your place then...don't they all behave like strangers...and the enjoyment is lacking? for me....i am not in direct contact with any of my friends after marriage...i talk them on phones or on net
@dorannmwin (36392)
• United States
20 Sep 10
I've been married for six years now and I'm still in close contact with only three of the people that I was friends with before I was married. I believe that the main reason for this is because of the fact that many of the others are in very different places in their lives than I am, but I suspect if I was to come into contact with some of them again, we would pick back up our friendships.
@KrauseHome (36449)
• United States
20 Sep 10
Well in a lot of respects I do have Friends in each of the different realms of life and some that I can talk to regarding some things about another one just because they do not really know the other person and so then I feel I can sound off and get some advice and not be so uptight and upset as well. I know for me I have the people I consider Friends at work, then those who I consider friends at my church, then the other friends in my life, and then those who I do Business with as well. For me it is Good to have friends, and be able to talk and share things and know a lot of them will in turn Trust you and look up to you as well.
@dorannmwin (36392)
• United States
20 Sep 10
I agree that having friends is very important and the reason that many of them don't interact in the same circle is because of the fact that I met them all in very different ways.
@Hatley (163781)
• Garden Grove, California
19 Sep 10
hi dorannmwin None of my closer friends are in the same circle and my friend , my very best friend is the one I go to when I have any issues with other friends. she is the only one other than my son that I confide in. I trust them and they never ever have let me down.
@dorannmwin (36392)
• United States
20 Sep 10
The one that I go to when I have something that I am dealing with in my life is actually the one that lives the furthest away. It isn't because I never want anything to come back around, instead it is because of the fact that we've been friends the longest. She is really like a fixture in my life.
@jet2r0cks (190)
• Philippines
18 Sep 10
I have friends in different circles but the one I hang out with the most are the ones that are into the same interests that I'm into, which is anime, manga, etc. Next to them, I'm close to my friends from high school then finally, my friends from college. When I have problems with any of my friends from one group, I do what you do and go to someone that's not from the same group, but I don't do it all the time. Sometimes they won't get what I'm going through cause they don't know the people I'm dealing with, so I think it's best to go to friends who are in the same group. If they're really your friends you wouldn't worry about them spilling your secrets.
@dorannmwin (36392)
• United States
20 Sep 10
I've come to a conclusion in my life that there really is no one that will never spill your secrets. That said, my friends are such for very different reasons and that is a lot of the reason that they aren't in the same circles with one another.
@Jotomy (6322)
• India
19 Sep 10
Hi dora, i have nice friends, never we will have clashes except with one girl. She is like that very different attitude, i didn't like and also my friends nobody likes her attitude, but still we feel her as friend, because my believe is once we except as a friend we must accept their good and bad sides too. But oflate she is absconding from us. I don't know why. We can't expect the same as we want and we can't ask them to change their attitude. Suppose they changed now because of us/me they may go only to their originality. We can't change the originality. What do you say, because of this may be clashes will arise. But i never prefer or encourge such conflicts in between the friends, rather i want to clarify the mistake etc., Have a good day.
@dorannmwin (36392)
• United States
20 Sep 10
It definitely isn't a frequent thing that there are clashes with friends. However, it does sometimes happen that I have conflicts with friends and I don't want a conflict to cause the entire wall to fall down with a group of people.
@Angelgirl16 (2171)
• United States
18 Sep 10
Hi dorannmwin, Having friends in different circles is a great idea. I was just wonder if your friends ever read your discussions here on myLot? What do they think about how you feel about this situation, if they read your discussion, that is? I have several friends at work and we don't see each other over the weekends or holidays. My best friends lives in another state and we talk over the phone are the internet. I guess you can say that I am very protective of my feelings, so I don't let too many people into my life. I have a sister that I share more with than anyone else. If you cannot trust sister, then who? Too many friends bring to much conflict. Conflict is what I don't have time for.
@dorannmwin (36392)
• United States
20 Sep 10
Well, the girl that I talk to the most agrees that she needs to find an outlet which is outside of the circle for her so that she won't have her heart broken again by friends. As far as the others, it would probably be about a 1 in a million chance that they would ever stumble in here.
@much2say (53666)
• Los Angeles, California
18 Sep 10
I guess I have friends in both - same circles and different circles. All my friends end up driving me nuts at some point - ha ha - so it's good to talk to those who are outside the circle (so it doesn't come back to you!). At the same time, it's good to talk to those "in" the circle, because they have a better insight as they know the same friend. I mostly end up talking to my hubby about these things though . . . he's the one person I can always count on - hee hee!!
@dorannmwin (36392)
• United States
20 Sep 10
For me it is honestly my husband and my mother that I feel the most comfortable talking to.
• United States
18 Sep 10
I have a couple of close friends, but because of my past relationships it is hard for me to build friendships. I was older than most of my classmates when I attended college back in 2005 (most of them were starting out and I was almost 30) and felt out of place. I tried to make friends and for a while things worked out great until I had moved in with a couple of young ladies. The people I lived with hated the idea that my boyfriend (now husband) stopped by to see me a lot and they also hated the fact that I was not home much (I worked two jobs) and went to school full time. My boyfriend and I had gotten engaged in DEcember 2006 (Christmas Eve to be exact) and we both wanted to buy a house before our one year anniversary (we got married August 2007 and wanted a house by August 2008). In order for us to do that we both needed to work and had some old debts to pay off before we did this. My roommates thought that since I was older I should do everything for them. As a result, I always said that if people were going to disresepct the most important man in my life then they were not worth being friends with.
@dorannmwin (36392)
• United States
20 Sep 10
That would really have been a difficult situation to have been in. I know that when I look at most of my friends we are generally in the same place in our lives. I think that is a big part of what makes us all compatible.
@jennyze (7029)
• Indonesia
18 Sep 10
Oh, you are lucky. I have the same circle of friends and I also have a different circle of friend. But I tried to introduce them to each other when I can. So, now some of them are becoming friends, too.
@dorannmwin (36392)
• United States
20 Sep 10
I honestly wouldn't mind if they all knew each other on an acquaintance basis, but I don't think that any of my close friends would ever be able to be close friends with each other because they are all very different.
@chona0912 (103)
18 Sep 10
hi , yes i have friends who aren't in the same circle . i have catholic friends like me and i also have non catholic friends. I cannot share my religious views on my non catholic friends but we respect each others belief and there is no problem with that and we still remain the best of friends.
@dorannmwin (36392)
• United States
20 Sep 10
Honestly, religion has never been an issue that has come up with any of my friendships. My best friend since I was a child is Catholic as I am, but with most of the rest of my friends, I'm not even sure of their faith.
@mimining (203)
• Philippines
18 Sep 10
I have different circles of friends and quite a few belong in the same circles as I have. I would probably love it when I can let them merge into one big circle, but of course, that's not possible as they have their own likes and dislikes, and different principles in life. Somehow, being in different circles make me diversified and adapt to their environment selectively. I keep myself from saying things about other friends, unless it was brought up, but, I try to be very objective as they all are my friends, anyway.
@dorannmwin (36392)
• United States
20 Sep 10
I also try not to talk about my friends, but there are times when they get on my nerves and it is at those times that it is nice that they really don't all know each other.
@asyria51 (2861)
• United States
17 Sep 10
My two closest friends are in two different circles, and it can lead to conflicts, but I do my best to balance the two. They tolerate each other for things like my birthday or my child's birthday, but other than that they are completely different.
@dorannmwin (36392)
• United States
20 Sep 10
The only time that I can think of when my friends have really interacted was when I was getting married. My closest friends were all in my wedding and it really was a nice thing. I wouldn't have traded the experience of having my friends all in my wedding for anything.
@esorcia (11)
• Philippines
18 Sep 10
if i am with my friends i am so happy. they make me laugh all the time. you are lucky if you have a lot of friends. they are jut like my true brothers and sisters. hay... i miss them so much.
@dorannmwin (36392)
• United States
20 Sep 10
I definitely wouldn't say that I have a lot of friends, but I really do value those friends that I do have. I couldn't begin to imagine what my life would be like if they weren't a part of it.
• United States
17 Sep 10
That's how many of my friends are, they are not in the same circle, and I like it like that. It is so much easier to vent when your friends don't know each other, this way you can get different advice and opinions from them.
@dorannmwin (36392)
• United States
20 Sep 10
That is pretty much the way that I feel as well. What kind of stinks about it is those times when one friend gets jealous because you are spending more time with another friend.
@dawnald (85129)
• Shingle Springs, California
17 Sep 10
It also keeps you out of being in the middle if two friends are having a conflict. but I've never been in a situation where having friends in the same circles was a problem.
@dorannmwin (36392)
• United States
20 Sep 10
I believe that most of the time it isn't a problem, but I also think that there are times that it does end up being a problem.
@cream97 (29087)
• United States
17 Sep 10
Hi. dorannmwin. I have a couple of females that I consider to be my friend that I can count on. I may only share private information with this friend only. I will not tell others things that I may tell her though.
@dorannmwin (36392)
• United States
20 Sep 10
I also tend to find that by having friends that are in different circles there are different things that you are able to talk to each of them about.
@bunnybon7 (50975)
• Holiday, Florida
17 Sep 10
i have hardly any friends here. but the couple i have, yes are in the same circle. reason i love mylot so much. i come here to discuss things about friends. family, etc. another reason ive decided its probably best they dont join mylot because they'd see the things ive said about them
@dorannmwin (36392)
• United States
20 Sep 10
I did tell one of the girls that I am good friends with about mylot because I told her that there have been times that being a member here has kept me out of trouble. It is nice to have a place where you can vent where you are relatively anonymous.