You make more money than your hubby and that pisses him off!

@turist1 (175)
Bulgaria
September 20, 2010 5:24am CST
Do you have that problem? I take bigger salary that my boyfriend and I feel that this fact bothers him, especially when we are out. I’ve never asked him to pay all the time. He just doesn’t give me a chance to buy him a dinner for example. When I do it secretly he usually starts making faces and throws a fit. That happened this Saturday in the local club. . When the waitress brought the drinks he was out talking on the phone with a friend. So I paid (it’s a standard prossession in Bulgarian clubs to pay right after you’ve been served. When he found out we had a a big fight. It’s not like I’m showing of with my money, the lady was waiting for her money. I just don’t get it. What’s his problem?
4 people like this
12 responses
• Malaysia
20 Sep 10
My husband used to earn more. Yes, when I got promoted, he was happy even though my pay packet has surpassed his in value. We got along anyway,ego aside.We are all retired now and so if there were any ill feelings,they had been masked so well as it is all water below the bridge now.
@bingskee (5237)
• Philippines
20 Sep 10
that is false pride. your boyfriend is egoistic. i believe you have to talk to him about this, how it makes you feel and how it makes the relationship in a bad shape.
2 people like this
• Greece
20 Sep 10
I wish I had this problem! Seriously! I usually make more money than him so he almost never offers to pay. Imagine that...So I believe you're good :)
@turist1 (175)
• Bulgaria
21 Sep 10
Lol. I laughed so hard on your comment. I've never said it's a bad thing that he's paying, but I can see how hard it's getting for him. And as a good girlfriend I want to help him. It wasn't like that when we were just ordinary friend. He had even borrow money from me. But now he's diffrent. He just can't understand that I'm with him because I love him, not because of his finances.
2 people like this
• United States
20 Sep 10
Yeah men do have huge egos, well at least some of them do. Have you tried talking to him? Tell him that he shouldn't get mad at stupid things like that. It's society's fault for teaching men that they have "to bring home the bacon" and they are the ones that have to provide for their wifes/girlfriends. It's the 2010 and men need to get over it already. Women can now take care of themselves now. It's just a mentality that your boyfriend is going to have to work on to get rid off because it's going to cause a strain on your relationship. Sit him down and explain it to him. Good luck!
1 person likes this
@mlhervas (482)
• Philippines
20 Sep 10
Well, we men usually would want to pay for the expenses on a date. But I got no problem if my girlfriend pays for me. That is we usually agree on it first. There are time that she wants to treat me sometimes and that's fine with me since it make her happy. In your situation, I guess you should have ask first your boyfriend if it is fine with him. Just not to step much on his big pride and ego.
1 person likes this
@tammytwo (4304)
• United States
20 Sep 10
Men tend to have big egos and sometimes it bothers them when women make more money of if they have more important jobs. I don't have that problem in my life, as I don't make near the money my husband makes. But I'm sure if I did it could make him feel a little insecure. I did own my own business for a while and it caused a great deal of problems. I found out later he felt I was more important than him when I owned the business. I just don't understand why men get this way.
@sayariza (146)
• Indonesia
20 Sep 10
I agree with you.. But I am like that I think it depends how a man being educated by his parent and environment. In some cultures it is not a big deal for woman gets a bigger salary sometime men define the manhood wrongly
1 person likes this
@tammytwo (4304)
• United States
22 Sep 10
True, some men feel they are less of a man if they have a woman who makes more money than them. Some men feel like they are less of a man if they have a strong or empowered woman.
@melanierg (130)
• Philippines
21 Sep 10
yeah, i agree with tammytwo , men has bigger egos when it comes to this, what you should do is discuss this with your boyfriend.. and i don't mean yelling or some sort, a good coversation would do, when both of you are in a good mood, this might be a mood spoiler but try and talk to him regarding this matter, explain to him that you're not showing off your money if you pay the bill to a restaurant , it just means that you also want to share, men are not born to pay everything.. men are not born to be a hero in most situations.. being in a relationship means that you both should share everything .. and i mean your thoughts, feelings, even your things and of course when paying bills.
• Singapore
21 Sep 10
It's natural for a man to feel like that coz, it's always the man who's earning more and he's always the one bringing the bread and butter home. Even if his wife is earning a little bit more, he will have inferior complex as he'll feel embarrassed. However, I feel that he's overreacting. You did the right thing by paying first when it's the culture or process in Bulgaria to pay when you are served. I don't think he should get angry. Well, maybe he just feels that he should be the one footing the bill that's all.
@celticeagle (118276)
• Boise, Idaho
20 Sep 10
I have had it from both ends. One husband I made much more money than him. Another, he made more than I did. The one when I made more just used it to his advantage. The problem is ego and men were dealt big ones. It isn't a race. He should be proud of you! Most places have you pay upfront unless you set up a credit card to pay for the entire thing.
@joddie (173)
• Philippines
20 Sep 10
this doesn't make a problem to us since my partner's income is quite level with me though we sometimes make comparisons since he got his first job 4 years ahead of me and yet we are on the level. he's happy of what i got and vice versa. maybe your bf is quite insecure knowing that you earned more than him. there are men who prefers to pay for their partners especially if this is in public. just explain to him that there's a need to pay the waitress and since he is not around you take the initiative of paying it. let him pay if he wants to. if i'm in your shoes i'll be flattered.
• Philippines
20 Sep 10
It is a cultural thing I think where men are supposed to be the breadwinners in the family, or in cases of relationships, where men takes out women for dinner and are expected to pay for dinners. For women to have bigger pay and spends on dates is an affront to their manhood. I believe this cultural thing is a thing of the past but still exists until now. Before, women stays at home and don't work so naturally, men pays and men have the sole capacity to support a family. But now, women work and could occupy higher positions with bigger pay. I know of a couple where the wife is the vice president of a corporation while the husband is a supervisor of another corporation. They separated and had different partners since. Though they were enviable lovebirds before the woman became vice president. So sad really. But unless this double standard is eliminated, I think the problem will remain. Unless again, the couple talk it out and come to an understanding, without pride coming in the way.
@chiyosan (29383)
• Philippines
20 Sep 10
i sure hope it won't piss him off, i won't even make him feel that i make more money than him. actually currently i have a bigger salary than my bf - he told me that he wants to be promoted so that at least we'll have a salary at par with each other. i want him to feel that i am happy as well... i sure hope too that he will not feel that he is obliged to have his salary bigger than him and i never really tell him anything about money.