reality or just a belief?

@yomy1984 (177)
United States
September 21, 2010 4:01pm CST
I am a catholic, my parents are born with God belief, so am i. But sometimes, i wonder if there is really a GOD. I've been into church practices, i even read a bible when i was 16. I don't know why hesitate to believe. Three years ago, my relatives have a saint procession, since i am a GOD believer, i was the one incharge to worship everynight. I've worshiped everynight as what my aunt told me. During that time, i was in trouble. I asked GOD to grant my wish, I prayed to GOD "God, i know you also made plans for my future, so i am, but i don't know if WE have the same plan. I know you want me to be happy..that's what i want too. This one situation i've been in...i didn't asked for this. Not even dreamed of..all i need is for my family to be in good health and away from danger. I asked HIM if it is YOUR WILL, then let me be if it is really for me then show me the sign." I even went to church every sunday to worship, I sincerely asking for a sign. During my interview, i prayed, GOD, whatever happens today, i don't have regrets, if i am approve, then it means that it is also YOUR WILL. Then i am APPROVE. i was so happy, not because i was approve but i believe that there is really GOD. I believed it until yesterday. I have some situation were i found it odd. This kind of thing is very special for me, it happens once a year in my life..I always asked God, why is it that everytime this day come, i feel like i never existed. Nobody care not even family or friends. IT's my birthday..believe it or not, I was in grade 3 when i know that i have a birthday. It was the time, i saw a relative celebrating his birthday, and i asked why there's a celebration. He said it was his birthday, that day, i wonder when is my birthday. I grow up without celebrating my birthday. September 2005 was my 20th birthday. I went home after 1 years of working in the city. It was my birthday. I was surprised because they cooked a lot of food and there are lots of people, i don't know who they are. They're my parents friends and relative. When they're about to sing a happy birthday song, they called me to be present infront, i was hesitated, not because i am shy, it's because it's the first time ever happened to me, and i don't know what to do. My siter and parent was there too, and i remember what my sister told me, "YOU SHOULD BE HAPPY, THEY SING A SONG FOR YOU, THERE ARE LOTS OF PEOPLE TOO. YOU EVEN HAVE A CELEBRATION." my answer is "yeah right..i didn't asked for this, for 20 years of my life, why just now..what's the deal?" that's what i told her. She said " just be happy".. I used to be alone in my birthday, some people remember it casually, like they don't have any words to say...I am not friendly eigher, but i always know when my friends birthday, that's why no matter what, i have to greet them and give gifts too. It doesn't mean that you need to do the same thing i did to you..I don't want anything in return. I just want them to be happy. Two years ago, same thing i understand, last year same thing i understand, this year, it's really worst..I was mad about myself, i told myself maybe because i am mean that is why nobody cares about me, nobody loves me. the worst thing is MY HUSBAND DON'T REMEMBER MY BIRTHDAY" no one remembered my birthday not even family or friends., isn't it too much..so i blame GOD, if HE really exist, why HE let this happend to me, what did i do wrong to be treated like this. I remembered others birthday but how come they don't remember mined. I was like crying the hold day..I didn't asked anything..i just wanted to be remembered once in a while, i think. Is that too much?
2 responses
@bird123 (10486)
• United States
22 Sep 10
There is someone very very important that remembered your birthdayYOU DID!! Jump for joy. Grab a few friends and celebrate. They will have such a good time that they will be ready every year. I think you are making too big a thing out of this. Shouldn't life be about what we give rather than what we get?? You are important to everyone you contact in life regardless of whether they remember your birthday. Share your love, kindness and everything special about you with the world. If you do this they will never be able to forget you. This is something you can do for yourself. It isn't up to God to do it for you. It's part of learning. Oh yes, HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!!!
@yomy1984 (177)
• United States
22 Sep 10
i know, i am just making a big deal out of it. Well i think i need to let this out too..it's too much inside of my heart.
@aisaellis22 (6449)
• United States
23 Sep 10
Hi yomy! I know your feeling because I felt that too but not as worst as what you feel though. The only thing I don't agree with you is that you still ask whether God exists or not. Remembering birthdays by your love ones is not a God thing. You have to remember that the reason why you have a "birthday" (born day) is because of Him. He created you. There are many deeper reasons for you to even doubt His existence. Be thankful that you were able to come here in United States when in fact to others it's still a dream that might not come true.