should my daughter have had to say something to her boyfriend?

United States
September 21, 2010 5:28pm CST
We have no food in this house what so ever. I had a bad month after paying all my bills and school shopping. Thanks to mylot and my ebay sales I had been able to buy food here and there. One day I gave my daughter my last ten bucks to find something for us to eat. She comes home with 4 slices of pizza. For us to eat now and then later. Now my freezer is totally empty and only ice is there. So,she said she went to the dining table to find her boyfriend at two slices of pizza. And then she ate the other two slices. So,of course I felt bad and left out. Thanks god my stomuch does not growl or I would have lost it. I talked to her today and told her how wrong that was of thm both. She said,mommie I did not know he was going to do that. i told her she was still to say something to him being we have nothing to eat and he has food at home. So,I think I should say something to him being I went without food that night. And he also goes in my freezer when evr he likes and thaws out food to cook which I told her today has to stop.
6 people like this
20 responses
@sid556 (31000)
• United States
22 Sep 10
Hi gifts, Oh do say something!! Yes your daughter should of said something but she is 16 and trying to please him and well...she's 16. I went thru this when my daughter who is now 25 was 17. Her boyfriend was such an inconsiderate mooch! I remember once cooking dinner and of course letting the kids eat first. I watched pile his plate with no thought at all to me or anyone. We were having pork chops. There was enough for everyone to have 2. I was fine with one. He took 4! then he piled on the potatoes and veges and gravy. By the time he was done, there was nothing for me. If it had been one of my girls, I'd have been ok with it but it was him and I was fed up with supporting his lazy butt as it was. I made myself a p & b sandwich and fumed. I said something to my daughter and like yours, she just seemed to be uncomfortable in saying something. I ended up saying something to him. He was out of school and worked and spent his money on stupid stuff for himself. He came in and ate my food on a regular basis and gradually moved his way in and was staying here just mooching off from me. I was raising 3 kids at the time. I told him that he had to start paying rent or move...I just couldnt do it. My daughter was pretty mad at me at the time but she got over it. I couldn't do it. My priority was supporting my girls and every ounce of food that he was eating was costing me money. Every drop of water he used...cost me. The electricity, the extra toothpaste, soap and toilet paper ...all of it adds up and took from what could have been spent on my girls. Put your foot down and stop feeding this guy! Is this the same one that spends his money on tattoos and things? I have only my 16 yr old here now but I learned the hard way from this stuff....NO BOYFRIENDS LIVE HERE!
• United States
22 Sep 10
He is tatto to the next and will be getting a full chest done for $350 and he just lost his job. You know I asked my daughter last night if he gave her money before he lost his job she said no. So what can she expect now. Nothing..I know she wants to please him but,I told her i can't afford to feed us and there is no way I can watch another grown person eat up what little I can provide for us to eat off of. Your right toilet paper and all counts. I bought 20 rolls which should last us over a month. it does not and I had to tellher to cut back or she will be using a wash rag.
@sid556 (31000)
• United States
22 Sep 10
He should be helping you out before getting a tattoo if he is living with you. If he lost his job then is he able to collect unemployment?
• United States
22 Sep 10
No he does not live here with me. he should collect the unemployment this is what I told my daughter.
• United States
21 Sep 10
Hind sight perhaps you should have said something right then but it would have been pretty awkward, so I perhaps would suggest that calmly explain to both them the does of reality that you are living. Surely if he is a good guy he would understand. If he takes it wrong well maybe not such a good guy after all. Your daughter perhaps at the moment should have said but was too afraid as perhaps she is so young and felt embarrassed about it. So this is what I would suggest that you sit them both and explain the financial crisis at hand or next thing you know you will have to worry about feeding yet another person. Oh oh...
• United States
22 Sep 10
I was in my bed that night when he ate our food. She said she was in her room the pizza was on the dining table and he just went helped himself and ate it.
• United States
22 Sep 10
See he obviously is not aware that times are tough in your home so it would be best to speak to them both as I am sure he would then understand. By not saying anything he won't know and continue to help himself to your much needed food.
• United States
22 Sep 10
He knows how hard it is for me. he looks into my empty fridge everytime he walks in the door. I told my daughter to put a stop to the madness going on around here.
@carmelanirel (20979)
• United States
22 Sep 10
Oh that is wrong, and disrespectful to you gifts, that he comes in like he owns the place..I would tell him myself that he is to NEVER take any food without asking you..
• United States
22 Sep 10
y daughter feels like it will hurt his feelings to do this. I told her he has food in his house and so does her other frined who comes here and want to eat off what scrappings we have left. I had to show her friend my fridge the othr night. She saw food on the stove and asked for some. I said no we need our left overs bad and showed her the fridge and freezer. She understood fast at that.
1 person likes this
• United States
22 Sep 10
I hate to be rude gifts, but SO WHAT??? If he gets hurt feelings, he is hurting you by being disrespectful..Maybe he needs to learn what that word means in order to see that is what he is doing..This is your house and you can't afford to feed him. Or maybe that is what you should do. Start charging him for what food he eats. Explain you don't have the money to feed him and if he likes your food, he will have to pay for it..
@sedel1027 (17854)
• United States
22 Sep 10
Why don't you talk to him? If she saw him eating and didn't want to say anything, that is fine, but why didn't she give one of the other two pieces to you? That is inconsiderate as well.
• United States
22 Sep 10
She said the small sliver she gave me came from one of the slices she had left.
• Philippines
22 Sep 10
My boyfriend's brother's girlfriend was also the same. It grew worse because no one really sat them down and talked seriously with them until it came to a point that there would be internal arguments among the family members about it. You should talk to them about it. The boyfriend may not know your situation and thinks it's okay for him to do as he does.
• United States
22 Sep 10
This is just what I think the case is. he feels at home when he is here and that is fine but we are starving and it is not easy to say outloud either.
• United States
22 Sep 10
I absolutely have to agree with other users here. YOU need to say something because your daughter is young and doesn't quite understand the situation, most likely. She wouldn't know how to properly word this sort of conversation without offending the boyfriend. It isn't the boyfriend's fault. If he has came from a home with plenty then he, most likely, didn't think anything of eating a couple of slices of pizza. He probably wasn't being purposely disrespectful. Your daughter may have been embarrassed to stop him and open up about the financial situation of her home life so she played pretend like everything was acceptable in front of him. Have him come over one evening and have a small discussion about it. Let him know you don't mean to make him feel bad but you felt he should know what is going on for future visits. Explain that money has been very tight recently and that when he was over he had actually eaten your dinner. If he has any respect he will apologize for the mishap. Explain to your daughter that this is very important and that, while it may be embarrassing, she does need to be mindful of her family when it comes to such basic necessities. The boy probably has no idea of the situation in this reality. If you confront him about it and he doesn't change his behavior then tell him that he is no longer welcome over for visits because you do have a family to feed. If he has never had to deal with these situations then he probably doesn't even suspect something like this has been going on (going without food, I mean). Relax, deep breath, and have a small discussion with them both.
• United States
22 Sep 10
I am glad to have read this. he knows we have no food to eat. afew nights he brought cooked food for my daughter to eat. I will talk to him about it being he should know I can't afford to g without eating when there is no food to spare. he is a very respectful man at that. he meant no harm by it I am sure. Thanks so much.
@khayshenz (1387)
• United States
22 Sep 10
YOU should say something. You're the mother and that's terribly inconsiderate of not just him but of her too!! She should have said something - even before all of this happened knowing that you're barely making it to the next meal, and how her boyfriend seems to just thinks he owns the place and eat whatever he feels like eating! Heck, if he's a responsible boyfriend, the guy would at least bring something over to make sure both you and your daughter would have food seeing that your freezer is empty. Kids these days don't care about other people but themselves. Inconsiderate fools!
• United States
22 Sep 10
Tis is why I am now thinking of cutting off the cel phones. But,I would not want her without one for me to reach her while she is outside the house. I have a lot to think about as well.
@ellyse2003 (1465)
• Philippines
22 Sep 10
You have to talk to them both not to give a sermon but they have to sit with you for him to be able to understand your situation more. I don't know how old is your daughter but kids know how to understand. Don't be afraid to explain it to him with your daughter around, she may also help you out.
• United States
22 Sep 10
My daughter is 16 and her boyfiend is 18 they both understand what is going on here. I will do what I can to make things better as well.
@Thoroughrob (11750)
• United States
22 Sep 10
She really should have said something to him. If she knew he was going to eat, maybe she should have went to the store and picked up a frozen pizza for less. At least there would have been more. I am sure if she would say something, he would at least bring something to fix for himself.
• United States
22 Sep 10
No he would have brought something for her to eat. The funny thing is she does not like hispanic food and I do and he will bring her food in a heart beat. I think it will be ok. I will stop a lot of what is going on when I move to my new place. I have to find extra money to pay for heat and water. I will not be letting food be eaten up or wasted in my house.
@dodo19 (35655)
• Beaconsfield, Quebec
21 Sep 10
Explaining how you feel to both of them would probably have an effect. I'm sure that once you explain this issue that you're having, they might hopefully understand the situation and how you feel about what they did.
• United States
22 Sep 10
I feel better knowing my daughter understands what I was feeling.
@asyria51 (2870)
• United States
21 Sep 10
I would set both of them down and explain the situation. coming from you it will be more of a command, than if it comes from her, where it would not be so strongly worded. This is a horrible position to be in, but it will give him a dose of real life, and that all actions of consequences. Sometimes those consequences do not really effect a person personally, but they will effect someone.
• United States
21 Sep 10
And it seems to always affect me. Thanks
@dorannmwin (36698)
• United States
23 Sep 10
I don't know if your daughter should be the one to say something to him or if you should be the one that should say something to him. The fact that you haven't had the money to buy food is very sad and what little bit of food is in your house should be there to sustain yourself and your daughter. I never like it when people come into my house and invite themselves to help theirself, unless you've given them permission to do that, I think that it is very disrespectful.
• United States
22 Sep 10
It really sounds as if your daughters boyfriend is really inconsiderate. He should have more respect for you and your house and he shouldn't be going in your freezer for anything unless it's you that offers it to him. If I were you, I'd have a serious talk with both of them about this. If he really cares about your daughter, he should be also trying to help her out.
• Canada
22 Sep 10
Children (even teens) sometimes think that parents ae nothuman or so it seems. It feels like they think we are robots and we don't need to eat! I can't tell you the number of times i spend all day in the kitchen cooking a nice meal for supper only to have it all gobbled up before I get a chance to have some, it so frustrating!! I would let them both know that you need to eat as well. I agree with you that her boyfriend was rude to eat the 2 slices of pizza without asking and I also agree that your daughter should have said something to him or perhaps shared the two slices he was eating and let you have her two slices!
• United States
22 Sep 10
Well to me her boyfriend should be a little more considerate... If he cares about your daughter he should at least show it in a situation like this... I can see that your daughter knows what was going on but also didn't want to upset or argue with her boyfriend.... the easiest thing I can think of to do would be to have a little talk with your daughter and explain to her that she needs to talk with her boyfriend or you will. I hope this helps
@tammytwo (4303)
• United States
22 Sep 10
It was her company, therefore it was her place to tell him. He should have had enough respect to leave the pizza for you. He should have known times have been hard for you. I believe I would tell him he isn't welcome if he is going to continue helping himself to the food that is supposed to feed your family.
@jet2r0cks (193)
• Philippines
22 Sep 10
Wow, that's not very nice _
@bamrahkirti (1819)
• India
22 Sep 10
I think it is very inconsiderate on part of your daughter.I mean,at least she knows your situation and she must fully understand what you are going through. She should tell her boyfriend to behave or contribute something towards food and other expenses. Has he shifted to your home permanently or for time being?In both these situations he must be confronted with the actual financial position of your household.
• Singapore
22 Sep 10
Her boyfriend doesn't care for others and I think he doesn't have any discipline at all when he's in other peoples' house! Especially when he's at his future mother-in-law's house!!! Oh, you've to tell your daughter about this so that she'll know what to do with her boyfriend.
@kquiming (2999)
• Philippines
22 Sep 10
yes, i think so... it's only appropriate to say something and tell him straight what's going on...tell him the truth. you can either tell him or let your daughter do it.... but i think it'd be better if you told him yourself. because your daughter might not tell him the entire story afraid of hurting him.