what would you do if your boyfriend's mom disapprove of you?

@jade14 (28)
China
September 23, 2010 7:42am CST
this is really harsh i'm in this situation right now and it's very difficult coz i live with my boyfriend and her mom,no matter what i do i just can't get her to like me it's like trying to find a needle in a haystack..she is really doing her best to piss me off and she is really good at it,and the worst part is my boyfriend seem to take her side which makes me really sad and stressed out...she is like a school bully that picks on me whenever she have a chance and when i retaliate i ended up being the bad guy i just don't know what to do...she even manipulate his son and always get in the way of our relationship and now my boyfriend and i always fight..we used to be happy when his mother is not with us...now my boyfriend is like a different person..now i just can't take it anymore so i left the house and i made him choose but i ended up alone he is with his mother now and he just listens to what she tells him to do he hasn't even bother to contact me..the big problem is i am pregnant,is our realtionship worth saving or should i just let him go?what would you do if i were you?
1 person likes this
13 responses
• South Korea
23 Sep 10
Well that is really hard.. but I just think you shouldnt let him choose..coz for all we know we can only have one parents.. and his love for you and his mom is totally different and cannot be compared.. Well I think if your future mother in law doesnt like you..you should really try your best to please her..like for example cleaning the house really well.. and even though you dont like everytime you have to change the position of your stuff in the house..you should ask her where she want it to be..and when your cooking you should always ask what she like and dont let her wash the dish... always go for what she like even though you dont want it..atleast your bf mom will think that you dont wanna change everything.. And if it still doesnt work.. that is the time to talk to her..and tell everything that you are thinking..and say that you are willing to change whatever she doesnt like.. and most importantly tell THEM YOUR PREGNANT.. well i wish you all the best..hope everyhting will be fine
@jade14 (28)
• China
23 Sep 10
well i've done that..yah maybe its wrong to make him choose..
@jennyze (7048)
• Indonesia
24 Sep 10
I agree with Princess. Never never ask a an to choose between his mother and yourself. Anyway, you have a complicated problem now that a boyfriend mom who does not approve of you. Did you talk to your boyfriend that you are pregnant? How is his reaction? I hope he is supportive and willing to sort out your problem.
@airasheila (5460)
• Philippines
24 Sep 10
A pleasant day to you Jade14, With reference to your main topic, I remember those years when I was in the same boat. Wherein, we (me & boyfriend) truly love each other. As in, we can really move mountains in the love that we have had. But, when I've met his mom, I dont know what to do. After I met his mom, I feel so annoyed and pressured. Annoyed in the sense, that, she was indirectly saying that I am not the right partner to her son. And that, if I am the right one, she told me that her son, was not yet ready to settle into a married life. Aside from that, she was saying a lot of negative words indirectly. Just to wreck our relationship. Time, days, months are turning, our relationship slowly wrecking because of the attitude of his mom. I wont lay it down here due to a long story. Until one day, I asked myself, if I can live with this situation. Or if my boyfriend can defend me from his mom. The hearthbreaking part of it was, he dont know what to say. For this reason, I need to be strong and decide as early as I can. And the decision I have had was, a break-up with him. Though I love him very much, I need to stand on to my decision. And that, he even not able to defend me towards his mom. On your situation, since you are pregnant, I think, you should inform your boyfriend because he is the father of that child. However, still be strong for you do not know what is on their mind. That, maybe, for a period, they will be kind to you. But, giving the benefit of a doubt, perhaps, try to give them a chance for the sake that you will be soon a mother. Be strong and take courage for yourself and for your coming baby. For that child will be a blessing for you.
@jade14 (28)
• China
24 Sep 10
that's exactly what happened to me,so i moved out of their place now my boyfriend don't know what to do he take his mother's side he knows that i am pregnant...
@junmae (1592)
• Philippines
24 Sep 10
Hello Jade, if I were in your situation, I will leave the guy permanently because this guy cannot even defend you with his mom. Looking at it, he wont be a good husband to you in the future. He listens to your mom and doesnt even bother to see your side right? If i were you i will just demand a support from him but will never live with him ever. If he really loves you, he will contact you in anyway or just make some alternative just to be with you. This guy dont have a balls and he is not totally worth it for you. My partner's mom also hates me because she wants him to have a rich girlfriend, well sorry for her because im not rich and his son loves me. We have a child and they told him to leave me because the child was not really his own, it hurts a lot and I leave my partner because of it. But he chooses me, I guess i am lucky because he choose to stay by my side and our baby than listening to his mother. Be strong, your baby will need a mom but not necesarily a father, if the baby comes out, all your burden and sadness will be wipe off.
@jade14 (28)
• China
24 Sep 10
right its just really hard for me but i guess i'll be fine in time
@androgr (31)
• Italy
23 Sep 10
A difficult situation but so normal. Also i have lived various experinces of this type and can still define myself a boy. The conditioning of who it loves to us is normal but in my opinion you must estimate the advantages and the disvantages. Be strong and explain your reasons. A relationship is lived by two people, not one. Have a nice day
@jade14 (28)
• China
23 Sep 10
thanks soo much i will consider that
• India
23 Sep 10
i think u must stay away from ur boyfriend and try to realise him that he must be ve some sense to understand how much u love him and moreover if he really loves u he won't go with mom n if he don,t then let him go as he never loves u in future
@jade14 (28)
• China
23 Sep 10
yah i should think about that thank you
• Greece
23 Sep 10
My boyfriend's mother is always ironic towards me and acts like we live in an old village. I don't like his family much...actually, it's their way of thinking I don't like. But I try to treat them as they treat me. I am always myself around them and don't try to make a good impression. I do what I want and I can always back it up. My boyfriend is "mommy's boy" and that annoys me a lot, that's why I chose for us to stay with my family for awhile and get our own place in a few months. My family is behaving perfectly towards us and the problems are practically solved. I only occasionally have to put up with his parents' nagging and criticism so it doesn't bother me now. I suggest you live with your family, not his. And get your own place as soon as possible. It's even better to have roommates (friends, classmates, etc) than his family. Good luck.
@jade14 (28)
• China
23 Sep 10
yah right i should probably do that thanks
• Philippines
27 Sep 10
My dear friend, I know and i understand your situation very well because we are both girls and im your friend.since the very start i dont like your relationship with him because he is very young and since i know him as well i dont like him for you really because he is still too young to take decisions in life as you said he just listens to his mother.I was surprised when you called me at the hotel telling me you are already on but as a friend i didnt want to disagree on you but wish for the happiness since i felt that you were so happy being with him but the moment you open up your situation to me i was not surprised because i knew it that you will encounter these kinds of problem with him.But what i didnt expected is you being pregnant again because its very hard we have the same situation and i just hope you will be brave facing the future with your baby. GOODLUCK MY FRIEND!
• United States
24 Sep 10
I am not sure why you would have been living with your boyfriend and his mom in the first place. How old is he, and why is he still living with his mom? I know that this is going to be difficult to hear, but if he really loved you, then he would have never chosen his mom over you, in my opinion. He might not have given up his relationship with his mom, and you really couldn't expect him to, but he would have at least tried to move out and have a relationship with you. That way, he could still visit his mom and have a relationship with her, but it wouldn't put a strain on the relationship between the two of you, especially since I read in a previous response that you said that he knows that you are pregnant. It sounds like he is not ready for a relationship, and he definitely is not ready to be a father.
@dhysanne (451)
• Philippines
24 Sep 10
This is a really tough situation. If I were you, I just let him know that I'm pregnant and he is going to be a father soon. Just want to let him know. Give him time to think of the situation. Wait for his response. I will stay with my family and continue my life as a mother. He will ask for another chance because he loves me, not because I'm pregnant. But still would give it a try for a second chance.
• Philippines
24 Sep 10
ohh.....if the moms of my boyfriend will dis approve me ,,,,, she has nothing to do cause her son loves me and i do love her son too.,......
@babyEj (1525)
• Philippines
23 Sep 10
Before you left the house did you and your boyfriend talk? Did you clarify things ..issues such as siding on his mom, that you feel bad about the status you are in ...everything about your relationship? Tell him that your pregnant and asked him if he's ready. State your feeling this time with his mom. If you need to be there again, plan and ready. It's worth to try again for your baby. Yet if your boyfriend seem irresponsible to take care of you and your baby, don't push it. It's better to be alone than with someone who doesn't care for you and your baby. believe me its going to be hell if you push it.
@ersmommy1 (12605)
• United States
23 Sep 10
That can be rough. It really puts your boyfriend in a hard situation. If the shoe were on the other foot, and your parent didn't like your boyfriend, try seeing it from that point of view. Hopefully things will smooth over. I'd try and make the best of the situation. Making him choose doesn't always turn out well.I know it can be hard..good luck
@sender621 (14956)
• United States
23 Sep 10
I would try to finsd something in common with her. It can be very awkward to have a boyfriend and have to tip toe around his mother's feelings all of the time. i would try to find a way to share something with her. In time, i think her attitude would change.