Do you get intimate on the first date?

Australia
September 23, 2010 6:00pm CST
My niece is over 25, she went on a blind date, the next thing I knew, she brings the guy home. Wouldn't you go berserk? I belong to the old school and I believe that you need to build a relationship first before you even attempt to go to bed with men. I confronted her the next day and told her how uncomfortable it was, waking up finding out that there is a stranger in the house inside her room. I explained to her that no decent man with good intention or ready to have a meaningful relationship would go intimate on the first date. He may like it but most probably wouldn't date her again because men are born hunters, they like the chase, the mystery. By giving herself a bit pride would land her a decent man, she said, she wasn't thinking! Hopefully, she listens and remember. Your opinion on this topic is very much appreciated!
2 people like this
8 responses
@maezee (33009)
• United States
23 Sep 10
Wow! There are a lot of things wrong with this scenario in my opinion. First off, I think it's wrong that she brought this guy into YOUR home. Although she's an adult, if she's still living in your home - and under your roof - I think YOU should make the rules on who she brings home or if she can, even, to begin with. There's also a big security risk. If she has only dated him once, she probably doesn't know him that well or have a good reason for trusting him that much - what if robbed your guys's house in the middle of the night? And absolutely, I think you're right. I hope she wasn't seriously pursuing a relationship - I find that very few guys will take a girl seriously after her putting out right away (I hate to be so blunt like that, but it's true). Unless she was looking for a no-strings quickie, but at the same time, she shouldn't disrespect your household by bringing a near-stranger in like that.
23 Sep 10
OK, so there is a point here about respecting the home-owner's whishes. But then CanAussie you should make that the thrust of your discussion with your niece, ie. "I don't like having strangers in my house, please don't bring them here." She might think this unreasonable but that's for you to discuss. By couching your argument instead in terms of her best interest ("if she wants to get a 'decent man' she shouldn't put out on the first date"), you're not giving a good reason against her bringing strangers into your home but rather you're giving life advice, which she may accept or may not. But just because she lives in your house it doens't mean you have authority over how she chooses to conduct her personal relationships.
• Australia
24 Sep 10
She lives in our basement suite and has her own entrance and also have access to the main house. She's practically living independently downstairs. The matter of bringing strangers into the house has been discussed but I am more concern of her well-being as she is like a daughter to me.
• United States
24 Sep 10
I have always been old school as well and would never have thought of doing something like that, especially when other can clearly see if this is being done. Although I realize people today are more modern, I still remember my traditional ways and well I also have lead by example and would not ever want that done under my own nose either.
@mrsquito (55)
• United States
24 Sep 10
I don't think when you choose to be intimate has anything do with whether or not the guy is decent. When and who you choose to be intimate with is completely up to you. I feel like if its going to work out its going to work out no matter what. Sometimes you just can't wait.
@shia88 (4582)
• Malaysia
24 Sep 10
Hi, When I was on my first date,no intimate happened. We just hold hands and walk together.of course, we went for some movies and I did not want to be that close for my first date. I have my pride and I want my partner to respect me,not to go over the boundary. After I have been dating with my boyfriend for few months,then we started with kissing,not more than that. A simple kiss on cheek or forehead is pretty normal for dating couples.
@Sanitary (3969)
• Singapore
24 Sep 10
No, I won't do that on the first date. I will give myself time to know more about that person while playing hard to get. No matter how hot he is or such a perfect person, waiting is inevitable as I want to make sure he's not just after my body. I'm lucky so far because most guys don't have the patience to put up with my nonsense as well as not having time for them. However my current bf is understanding and I trust him. He's still treating me the same way as he always do, caring for me and loving me. He has proven my judgement right. I'm prepared for him.
@sender621 (14956)
• United States
24 Sep 10
On a first date you are still getting to know each other. Intimate contact is too soon. I would not be intimate on the first date. This is pushing the relationship much too fast. give it time to be the right time.
@asxenon (1441)
• Malaysia
24 Sep 10
Your niece must be out of her mind. Nobody should go intimate on first date. Relationship does take some time to evolve and not simply a one night stand. Without understanding each other and going intimate, i think your niece do need to regret her action or she may in big trouble by no time.
• United States
24 Sep 10
NO WAY! I actually don't even believe in getting intimate before marriage, so getting intimate on a first day is just a no way jose with me. Although I know the rest of the world doesn't think the same way, she is still going way too fast! Maybe try talking to her about self worth. Maybe that's why she got intimate with him so quickly, because of low self esteem? It's just a guess, but it's worth a shot.