I'm A Single Unwed Mother Going to Get Married Soon-Need Advise About My Son

Malaysia
September 29, 2010 12:09am CST
I'm a single unwed mother. I have a 4 year old son. I had met back a friend last year whom I knew since college times 10 years ago. We started dating and we are serious in planning to marry one another next year. My fiance loves my son and they have close bonding. But I'm worrying about the time when we will be married and how my son is going to see that he has a father all of a sudden? Do my 4 year old understand much if I'm going to tell him these things? Do drop some advise please....
2 people like this
15 responses
• Philippines
29 Sep 10
hi suetsee! congratulations in advance for entering marriage life. for your situation, i guess it's is easy to tell to your 4 year old son about your situation since he's still a child. it is just how properly you would tell him properly for not hurting him that much. tell him about the good side of your fiance, since you have mentioned that they have close bond already so its not hard for your son to accept it. and that would also be great since your son would have a father in an instant that who love him and teach him how to be a good man when growing up. tell your son, that you love him and you also love your fiance and you will build a family, with a dad, mom and your son. it will depend on how good you will deliver it to your son. have faith that whatever you will ask in Him, will always fall according to His plan. :)
• Malaysia
29 Sep 10
Just like the rest said, I guess it is good I find a right time to talk with my son about all these. Thanks for dropping some advises. Yes, why I worry so much, He will see us through....
1 person likes this
@silverglint (2001)
• Philippines
29 Sep 10
I think you should try talking to your son, sometimes our kids are more mature than we give them credit for. Even if he did not understand everything you tell him, at least, you will know how he will react to the idea of having your fiance as his father. If they are close to each other, I think he will be thrilled with it
• Malaysia
29 Sep 10
Well thanks. Will try to talk to my son about this.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
29 Sep 10
As you have said they close bonding so i guess that they have been doing good together. I can't see a reason why you are worried about your son. If you know this person for such a long time then maybe you know what type of person he is. And he knows about your son already yet still want to marry you it means he can take your son as his own child. I'm sure your son will be happy to have him as a father since he knows him already and they are good being together. Have a heart to heart talk with your son first and tell him about you getting married. That he will soon have a father. No child ever wanted to not have a father. My little girl even told me to get married so that she will have someone to call a father.
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• Malaysia
29 Sep 10
Thanks. From what I read, I guess you are a single mother too? I guess there is always this feeling of protecting my son from hurts should the marriage gives trouble. But then, I just should move on with life. You take care there
1 person likes this
• Philippines
29 Sep 10
..kids now adays are intelligent..he may not understand it at this point, coz of his age but in the future he will and will be thankful that he had a stepfather.before marrying this guy you see to it that he wouldn't change a thing to what he is doing to yoour son right now.
1 person likes this
@kingparker (9698)
• United States
29 Sep 10
maybe he is too young to understand all these. But if your fiance is a good man, and he treated you and your son right, you made a right decision, simply follow your heart if he is the man for your son and your life. It is a big decision to make, but it will be worth it if you can provide your son a warm family with father and mother together. Don't worry too much.
@chiyosan (29383)
• Philippines
29 Sep 10
Yes. Honesty is the best policy. You will be surprised as to how your son would be able to understand this and be happy for you and the family you are trying to build. Children nowadays are very very smart even at such a young age, when they understand and see you, as his mom happy with this man - there'll be in no way you could lose the chance to make him his father.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
30 Sep 10
you have to tell to your in the right time,because he is just 4 year old.time will come would understand the situation.right now just enjoy.and pray don't lose hope.is the father of your son is still single?
@pinoycity (422)
• Philippines
29 Sep 10
I don't think you will have a big problem because you said they are bonding well. The problem may come to your sleeping arrangement. Is your son presently sleeping beside you?
• Malaysia
30 Sep 10
Yes, my son still quite attach to me. Sometimes i do let him sleep alone and slowly separate..but he still wants to be close to me.
• India
30 Sep 10
My opinion is to make your boyfriend and your child intimates . Allow your child to spent some time with him . This will enhance the relationship between them
• United States
30 Sep 10
you don't have to worry about your son, if he has good bonding with him means he is comfortable with him and safe. he might understand if you tell him and am sure there are questions on his mind about him..maybe you can ask your son: if he likes him to be his dad..then observe how and what he reply to you. but he should not be the hindrance of your happiness.
• Philippines
30 Sep 10
as early as possible inform him but try to learn his attitude first.... is he sensitive or open minded.... you are his mother and mother's knows best.....
@peyang55 (23)
• Philippines
30 Sep 10
first, let me congratulate you for not having closed your doors to a relationship. i am in a similar situation -- a single mother. in the past, whenever there was a relationship brewing, i'd always remind myself that my priority is my son. if & when i enter into a relationship and consider to commit seriously, my son will have to be part of the 'package' -- my partner should accept him fully and love him unconditionally as well. i guess you just have to explain to your son, and talk to him as an equal (even if he is only 4). children are intelligent. they can cope better with situations than some of us adults. :) best wishes.
@bingskee (5237)
• Philippines
29 Sep 10
i think you owe him an explanation being your son. the young boy has to know. he may not understand the entirety of it all but to let him know that he will soon have a father to call and play with will even make him happy. God bless.
• Philippines
29 Sep 10
Hello Suetsee, Your son is young and for as long as your fiance' and your son has that bonding or at least have that chemistry as "father-and-son" I don't see anything that you should be worried about. You can educate him sooner when he can understand thing right. He may have an idea that the "father" he is with right now is not his biological father. There will be time for you to explain things and make your son understand. Be happy and think that this is not only for your self but for son, too! It's great that if his father wasn't able to be a father as he grows up...there's someone who's willing to be one. Be happy always and Good Luck! :-)
@tammytwo (4305)
• United States
29 Sep 10
Just be sure to always put your son's needs first. Don't let the man become more important to you than your own son. He may act out a little when the change first takes place but that will pass with time. Be sure this man is ready to make the change and accept your son as the package deal. Some people go in a relationship thinking they are ready for the ready made family but soon find out that they are not. If possible allow for plenty of family time for all three of you prior to your wedding day. Be sure to do something special for your son the week of the wedding so he isn't feeling left out from all of the attention the bride and groom will be receiving. Good Luck!