why we get married?

United States
September 29, 2010 6:19pm CST
a filipina friend of mine who is married with american guy who had a daughter with his ex-live in partner ask me why i get married,i told her because i want to have my own happy family..my own husband and my own kid!!then she start crying,she told me that we have same reason.but her husband told her that he is not yet ready to have another kid again.he is not ready for changing their life style now.i am sad for my friend and this things bother me..so many questions come into my mind.why he asked my friend to gt married if he is not yet ready to have a kid again.why he gt married if he dont want to have a baby,what he wants why he gt married?!!!!
3 people like this
18 responses
• Mumbai, India
30 Sep 10
Well Its obvious that man is a social animal and cannot survive without companionship or socialising. At the end of the day where-ever he may be, he would definately feel the desire to come back to his own people, own family which are his own wife and children. Everybody mostly marries for this reason. Well before proceeding with the discussion about your friend, I would like to ask you one question. What would you say about the husband of your friend had he asked for a baby and your friend denied ? Definately you would have blamed him again :D for not pressurising your friend. Same thing your friend is doing now, fortunately her husband is happy with her and did not so that I don't want to stay with you :D, he just said that he wants to wait for some time till onother child, as it seems from the talks that he is not yet ready to take the responsibility of onother child may be due to financial crises (I am assuming this as you talked about changing lifestyle). Well A member did post important point, that you dint mention, for how many years have they been married to each other. Marraige is not only about producing babies, you need to be clear if you will be able to provide them with all the things they would want in the future, probably the husband of your friend must have been considering this or he may have done proper family planning when to have onother baby. Just tell your friend to enjoy life and not worry about having onother baby, he would definately agree when he feels that the right time has come.
• United States
1 Oct 10
my friend dont have any kids,her husband does kid with his ex.i think they are married a year or more than a year.
• Mumbai, India
1 Oct 10
ohhh thats sad, he has child with his ex. I missed this point while reading :P. Neways you friend should have cleared everything before marraige regarding conditions with respect to having children. and now that it has just been a year or so, its not such a long time that she should feel sad. Let a year or two pass she will definately have her own child :) OR tell her to speak to her husband as to why exactly he is saying no to have a child, what exactly he thinks. This should surely help to clear a lot of things.
• Romania
29 Sep 10
you don`t get married just to have babies!!!! you marry because you belive yuo found the peron you are willing to spend the rest og your life with...
1 person likes this
• Philippines
30 Sep 10
Well said... You could have babies without marriage.. :)
1 person likes this
• United States
1 Oct 10
hahaha you're right(thirdylopez)but i forgot to tell her that can have babies without married :)
@ree_yah (462)
• Philippines
30 Sep 10
me... i got married because i got accidentally pregnant. it was bad timing coz i just graduated from college. well at frst it was all problems. then it became better. right now, me and my husband thought that everythng was a blessing in disguise.. coz just 5 years ago, i lost my mom, all my siblings got married too. id be alone... :) right now im happy and satisfied with my family life... im just not happy with my career life. got no career actually. anyway, about the situation of ur filipina friend, i hope shell just accept her husbands choice. and just focus on her career or their relatonship. uknow what, therell be alot of adjustments with their relationship. aside from the usual adjustments for newly married life, therell be about the differences in their cultures, how bout enjoing their relationship without a baby first.. a baby shall come their way if they are really meant to have one. getting married is not only about having kids.. its also bringing a relationship in a whole new level. more intimate, more open, more of just both of u in one roof. enjoy ur partner first before having a baby. having a baby is like going to level 3 eheh!! trust me
1 person likes this
• Philippines
30 Sep 10
having a family shouldn't hinder you from having a career...
1 person likes this
• Portugal
30 Sep 10
aw im sorry for your friend :( but why doesnt she wait a bit more? for sure he wants to have babies with her but maybe he doesnt want for now yet^^ maybe he wants to have a better salary to raise the baby better^^ he loves your friend thats what matters^^ and kids will come^^ your friend shouldnt cry^^ but if she is so sad she must talk with her husband and say that she wants to have other kid that that is very important for her^^ im sure he will understand and soon they have a kid together^^ your friend has to cheer up^^ she talks with her hubby and says how she feels^^ if he loves her for sure he will do that for both to be even more happy^^ but your friend has also to understand him and dont pressure him. they are a couple so both decide together^^ she can talk to him but also listen to him^^
• United States
1 Oct 10
thanks gurl,i like your suggestion..i will tell her later about it if she will come over to my house
@marnice (60)
• Philippines
30 Sep 10
We get married because we love the person and we want to spend the rest of our lives with that person as much as possible. To have a family of our own and to have companion when we grow old. Having children is not the main purpose of marrying that person maybe your friends husband is not yet ready to have a kid of her own or afraid for bigger responsibility.
1 person likes this
• United States
30 Sep 10
how old is her husband..? maybe financially he is not ready yet to have another kid as it takes a fortune to have another child nowadays..not maybe exactly doesn't want to, sometime you need to consider situation..?you mentioned " he is not ready yet. " do you know the real situation? Besides insurance premiums will raise too if you add another dependents. consider the kind of job he has. If you are aware commodities are higher nowadays compare to last two years. yet the salary remains.. try to weigh things. the flow of income.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
30 Sep 10
I think he wants to marry your friend because he loves her. Having a baby is a lot of responsibility and it is not easy having another one. That is maybe why he doesn't have another one... It is up to your friend. If s/he wants to have a baby more than being with that guy or up to the guy if he can handle another baby 'coz your friend wants to... Either way they have to come to a decision before getting married 'coz this issue may be a "deal breaker".
1 person likes this
@wiwa05 (230)
• Philippines
30 Sep 10
what a good question! I even asked this question to every married person/friend that I met. What's really in marriage that is so important for them? If it's about love, well you can love someone even if your not married, if family- we could still have a family even not married. What mostly answered me was that marriage symbolizis a couple's love for each other. I thought it's because of tradition that's why two inidividauls are married... But as I become more mature, I realized that marriage even have a deeper meaning. It is a Holy Matrimony done by two individuals in front of God. A BLESSED ceremony that should be taken seriously. Only MATURE persons take this seriously. And when I mean mature, not by age but how people think or handles marriage seriously. Coz a mature person would really fight for their marriage and will not do anything to destroy it no matter what temptation will come their way!
1 person likes this
@laydee (12815)
• Philippines
29 Sep 10
There may be reasons only he can answer, it's best that your friend have a heart-to-heart talk with her hubby. Further, it doesn't mean that a man marries you, he'd be ready for everything. You can't force someone to change his life and just give in to whatever you want because he said "I do". Take it easy and let things flow. Tell your friend to enjoy the moments.
1 person likes this
@canaussie (223)
• Australia
29 Sep 10
You didn't mention how long your friend has been married. If they are just newly married, it is advisable that they spend time and enjoy themselves as a couple first before considering having a baby. Sometimes, the finances also does not allow to expand the family, at this day and age of economic meltdown, it is more responsible as parent to prepare their kids' future.
• Bulgaria
30 Sep 10
I will get marry for money!!! This is the best method for free money on rich wife.
• United States
1 Oct 10
thats not good you know that
@anurag3786 (6275)
• India
1 Oct 10
I think there is no any limitation or pressures on a person for getting married. I think but it is really necessary for living a life. Because if we have partner like husband/wife then we can share everything with them and always enjoy our life with them. So marriage is really important for a person.
@dpk262006 (56109)
• Delhi, India
30 Sep 10
Your friend should have discussed this matter with her husband before getting married to him. She should have asked him, will he go for kids or not? If she did not ask it earlier and now there is difference of opinion, she may opt out, if she is feeling so depressed. Getting married does not mean that both the partners want kids, therefore, they got married, some of the couples get married but the wife does not bear children with mutual consent.
@SamShima (71)
• Nigeria
30 Sep 10
My dear Shiellamaenies, many people get married for their obvious reasons, while others just go into marriage just like that. All the same there is every cause for all marriages. The most authenticity is that your friend went into matrimony without the fundamentals, she just loved a man of course, no courtship, no basics though there may be basis for her marriage with the American guy. In the most of the African culture or traditions, intending couples must go into courtship for a period of time. During this period, it could be six months, one year or so,the intending couples are in courtship, examining each others do's and the don'ts, likes and the dislikes. In some other African traditions, it is the parents-inlaws that make marriage arrangements for their children-inlaws without any hinderance. One doesn't go into marriage just because one saw a husband or wife to be married. I am afred your friend did not ask the American guy all these questions you put forward. All the same if marriage were a contractual agreement. SamShima.
@msdivkar (1903)
• India
30 Sep 10
Western and eastern school of thoughts as far as marriage is concerned are miles apart. While western people, comprising of Europe, America, Canada --- think that the life is for enjoyment and marriage is part of that, children have no part in that life. Eastern people including those from India, China , Filipin -- feel that it is our eternal responsibility of carrying forward this life by getting married and having children and develop them into future citizens of this world. This is the very reason why the population of western world is decreasing and the population of eastern world is fast increasing.
@sender621 (14956)
• United States
30 Sep 10
We all have different reasons for choosing to get married. the first priority of getting married should be love. if we don't love a person, we should not marry them. We should not marry for the sake of a child. what kind of a relationship would that be for anyone? We should not marry for financial gain. We also should not marry for bitterness or revenge. When we marry someone , it should be for the right reasons. A future of hope and love and happiness depends on it.
• United States
30 Sep 10
Marriage is not about having babies! I seriously do not understand why people think that. It's so absurd. Marriage is about companionship and expressing your commitment through a legal/religious contract. Why do people think that the only reason anyone would get married is to immediately start popping out kids?
• China
30 Sep 10
Because of the really love, it's the previous reason for me, It's sweet and make me happy. After 1-2 years maybe you will be regret, because you will find the marriage isn't so simple. You married to him(her), you'll have kids, and you must set up the relations with his(her) family. Actually every family has different culture and mindset which will make you upset. So you must have good IQ & EQ in your marriage life.