my step daughter and son in law needs help
October 1, 2010 9:25pm CST
i recently let my step daughter and son in law move in with me and what a mistake.My step daughter got married at 17 and her husband is 32 and is bipolor.they have no respect for my apartment and they are nasty.they dont clean up after them selves.they have lived with me two months they dont wash there clothes or shower.they have 4 cats that stink up the entire house.im not perfect by all means but i draw the line here.ive tried talking to them they dont pay no attention.im thinking of moving out and let them have the nasty stinky apartment they ruined.any advise?and to top it off she wants to get preganent.omg!!!!
• United States
2 Oct 10
Where I am it's not even legal for anyone to get married at 17 (thankfully). It sounds like an all-around bad situation, but before you decide to leave you really need to think things through. Is the lease in your name? Because if so and you leave and they trash the apartment then YOU are liable for any damages they cause and, from the way it sounds, that would be an extremely bad situation. Besides, THEY are the guests. Don't let them run you out of your own place. That doesn't teach them anything. I would say that what you really need to do is sit down and have a conversation with them. Tell them that you don't mind having them there, but that there need to be some ground rules. Disrespect for you like that just shouldn't be tolerated. Give them an ultimatum. As a mother, it may not really be what you want to do, but tell them that they either A) need to start pitching in or B) move out. Simple as that. As a renter, think of the trouble you could be in if they damage that apartment. When we rented, we were out about $80 from our deposit just because we had animals and that was their fee for removing the animal smells. There was no other damage to the apartment AND we had actually done IMPROVEMENTS (they had a hardwood floor and we stripped and restained it, since we lived there for quite some time...which, btw, was the first thing the next renters noticed and was one of the big reasons they decided to rent the place). If they refuse to move out, which hopefully it wouldn't come down to that, then take it to the police. Obviously it's going to put a strain on your relationship, but it sounds like this whole situation is already straining things. Ultimately it's your daughter's life and you can't really change what she's going to do, but if you can find a way to get through to her that she needs to take responsibility for things then maybe it will make some things better.
• United States
19 Oct 10
OMG, im going through a very similar situation... what to do right? didnt think there really was ppl like this...whats funny is when you see them out in the street they look "normal" but behind close doors, f*&%! hold your breath! and to top it off she wants to get pregnant! lol hell no! my friend is dirty too! and she has kids, and doesnt bath them or clean up after themselves... what to do, what to do?
• United States
2 Oct 10
Although I don't think their age difference means anything (I was 17 when I met my now husband and he was 32) but I just think they're lazy BECAUSE they live with you. I would suggest you give her an ultimatum, pay rent, utilities, clean. Do something or she has to go. My sister is a pig too, she lives with my mom and she has to of course clean and pay for part of the bills. You need to express tough love. How old is your step daughter? Also, you'll probably need to have your husband (her father) talk to her as well. They're adults now and if they want to live in the real world, they'll need to learn to take care of themselves. Treat them as tenants, not children or relatives. This will teach them that you're serious. Talk about this with your husband first and see what he thinks about that and then have a serious sit down with them. Draw out some rules and policies they need to follow and what you'd like them to do or they'll have to leave. Write out a contract and have ALL of you sign it. Treating her like an adult will make her live like an adult. And her husband should know better as well.