prefer: short or long engagement?

Philippines
October 2, 2010 5:54am CST
I am thinking what thing should we choose nowadays.. A short or a long engagement? Advantage of long engagement: It allows both couples to plan their dream wedding and save for their future. Putting things stable. Disadvantage: All that planning and the lengthy delay can take away the romance and excitement that you feel when you first become engaged. there is also a chance that your partner will commit a crime (third party). Advantage short engagement: You`ll enjoy the feeling of love that is presently existing. You dont really need to think twice about getting married. Disadvantage: If a short engagement is a part of a whirlwind romance, you might find yourself rushing down the aisle with a virtual stranger. So what do you prefer? a short or a long engagement? ^^
12 responses
• Philippines
28 Oct 10
Hi, I AM NOT IN THE POSITION NOW TO ANSWER THAT BECAUSE I AM ALREADY SEPERATED TWICE AND A SINGLE MOM OF 2 NOW.when i was younger i am very easy if i like the guy then we like each other that is very simple no problem then we get on bf gf already.I was too young and dont know my responsibilities as i only want to enjoy life and relationships.Agressivenes lead me to have a baby on my early age but the father did not accept the responsibility so i decided to be single mom.After that i have found new love and live together.I got se fed up with his attitudes and treatment to me so after 3 years i finally decide to separate from him and stay single for my kids.Now the net time i will fall in love again i make it a point i will know the guy first and have the relationship for years before i finally stay with him or marry him.
@jesssp (2743)
• Canada
6 Oct 10
For us a longer engagement worked well. I hate rushing or forcing things, and we didn't want to have a wedding so there was no big exciting whirlwind of planning. Plus there was a special date we wanted to get married on so it all just made sense to have a long engagement. Plus it's always good to take things easy and make sure that you really want a marriage and not just a wedding. Sometimes when an engagement is too short there's really not enough time to figure that out. I guess ours was 'long' at a little over 2 years but when I think long I tend to think more like 5 or 10 years and I can see how that would be TOO long. I think if it's left too long then it could start to feel like your partner doesn't actually want to get married. But as long as it's truly what both people want the it really doesn't matter if it's 2 months, 2 years or 20 years!
• Philippines
4 Oct 10
I would prefer a long engagement coz thats where you will really get to know the person very well... probably well enough for both to decide whether you both are right for each other and in the long run it will really benefit both parties... ture long engagements can be boring and sometimes frustrating, but like they say patience is a virtue... just my 2 cents :)
• Philippines
3 Oct 10
We girls have our own instinct. From what I have learn from observing other people sometimes short engagement works and sometimes long engagement is better. It is a case to case basis. The test of the pudding is in eating as the saying goes. One can learn it if what works when they are into marriage and parenting life. To cite a case, My friend started his relationship with this girl since they were in their elementary school. After being sweethearts since then, they got married; 5 years into the marriage the girl got into a relationship with another man. So you see from my perspective the girl was not allowed to grow into other relationships so she looked back and taste what she thinks she missed. It's sad. I got this other friend, she met her now husband back then through the internet and 1 year after they got engage and was married. Up to now they are almost 3 years happy and deliriously married.
@meljessxena (2319)
• Australia
3 Oct 10
we had a short engagement, got engaged in the february and married in the october.. but we were well prepared and we had the best day ever.. it was only a cheap wedding i think it depends on the individual couple.
@chayapathys (2113)
• India
3 Oct 10
Long engagement is better because you will have time to understand each other. You also notice short falls if any and stop proceedings further.In short engagement there is a risk of choosing a wrong person which you can realize in the long run and not immediately.The thrill should be permanent and not short lived.There is always thrill in love if you take it in the right spirit.I feel the advantages are more in long engagements.Therefore I recommend long engagements only...
@vjenkins86 (1478)
• United States
2 Oct 10
I've been thinking about this question as well because my boyfriend has been hinting towards a proposal soon. I would prefer a long engagement to give me time to create the wedding of my dream and to ensure all the important people in my life can be there- family and friends. However, I know my boyfriend would probably want a short engagement because he's one of those people who likes to be spontaneous and doesn't like planning things. lol. Even when he plans things, he usually forgoes whatever he plans and does something else. It's exasperating but that's part of who he is. :)
• United States
2 Oct 10
Annemellanie, you are too young to be planning to wed. Your life is all in front of you. Well, I'm sure your family elders have given the same advice. That said, I believe in long engagements. This is the magical time for you to get to know one another. There is so much to learn about the other person. Also understand, that there will be things that will change about the other person as time goes on. You'll have a better grasp of this change if you have spent time with your fiance. I know you are anxious. You are feeling romantic, but think about the commitment with your mind, not your heart. You will be entering a business proposal. You will need a level head. If this is truly the right person, the romance will always be there.
@kodukodu84 (1576)
• Malaysia
2 Oct 10
my future husband and I were in a relationship for 2 years before engagement, now entering the 3rd year of our engagement...that makes it 5 years being together. Then next year which is the 6th year of us being together, we are getting married. We went and are going through of all this through long distance relationship. We put a deposit on our own flat on our 2nd year of relationship, so basically, we've been living our relationship independently, without having to stay with friends, relative, family, and parents. So I really do prefer whatever we did which is a long term relationship and engagement before marriage.
@pogi253 (1587)
• Philippines
2 Oct 10
I like long engagement. Being committed to someone long term will evaluate yourself and the other person. Knowing what you like and dislike in a relationship can benefit you immensely in the future whether you marry that person or move on to someone new.
@incus99 (1086)
• Philippines
2 Oct 10
I am for Long relationships before engagements.. couple should spend reasonable time to know each other well before they embark on marriage because divorce and annulment is very difficult... the mismatch and the disparity conflicts will only victimize the children in every way.
@angelsmummy (1700)
2 Oct 10
Well I had a relitivley long engagement, 2 and a half years. This was only because we didnt have much money, we also had our kids before we got married so that left even less money for our dream wedding. In the end we sttled on a budget wedding, and got married 27th March 2010, was the best day of my life... I am not sure if thats a long engagement compared to some peoples but it felt right to get married when we did, it was perfect for us. But everyones different. How about you, what do you prefer?