advice pls: how love can be separated from work?

Philippines
October 4, 2010 5:48am CST
My friend is in a situation right now where she lost someone who is very special to her. Its been quite a while a 4mos after the guy lost interest to her, She keep on telling me that she has already moved-on to her past relationship but i bet she still not. Now, here`s the problem. They both work on the same firm,same office. Do you think she can still move on totally? or fall again with that guy? Here`s another thing. She keeps looking on the facebook account of the guy. I advice her not to do it anymore because she sill be continued to hurt.. right? Knowing that the guy is already committed w/ the new girl. I dont know what to say anymore.. Please help me what more can I advice to her. Thanks! :)
12 responses
• Portugal
4 Oct 10
you should tell her that she has to move on^^ i know is very hard for her but if the boy chose other girl and left her for that girl is bcs he doesnt love your friend or could be with her bcs he knows your friend love him. i understand her bcs before i went to his tagged page to check bcs i was blind for him. but first this boy acted bad with me for no reason. and liked other person. so i decided that the best for me was move on bcs he was acting bad and didnt care for my feelings at all. in your friend's case he chose other girl over her. what hurt your friend too much. so what helped me was thinking that we all have someone for us that will love us more than everything so if that boy left your friend just means her right guy is still out there to appear in her life^^ so she must let go of this wrong one and start to forget him. if he wanted her back he would be with her and not with other girl. so your friend has to see the reality even if is sad for her and find other guy^^ im happy that that guy didnt choose me before bcs i saw how he was with me and i didnt want a bf with a personality like that. i would never despise someone that had pure love feelings for me. i could say sorry i dont love you but ignore like he did? i wouldnt. and your friend must forget that boy too. he doesnt love her anymore so she must forget him. it will just hurt her to love a guy that loves other girl. and she will find a boy that will love her so much if she forgets this one for sure^^
• Philippines
4 Oct 10
Yes, that`s what i keep telling to her. To just let go of the past and move on.. There are still guys out there who deserve her even better. Anyway, I guess, she just have need more time to realize the truth. Thanks for your response. :)
• Portugal
4 Oct 10
sure is ok^^ i dont mind at all to tell my opinion^^ for me was also hard to move on when i liked a guy so much but then i saw i was trying hard to make him look at me and he wasnt even caring. we were best friends and then he started to meet more people and started to put me like behind you know. also then he met a girl that he fell in love with that pretended was my friend and was a big fake. she humiliated me and said a lie about me and my friend, the guy i loved, doubted about my word. anyway then i didnt talk for him for few time and then i messaged him saying i wanted forget all and be friends again but if he didnt want ok and he didnt answer. after the bad he did to me i even talked and he ignored again. so i dont want your friend to get hurt like i did. i cried much and thought i couldnt love again. but i did bcs i realised he didnt deserve my tears neither my love. and your friend also. her bf chose other girl so she has to see that she is not losing nothing^^ he lost a sweet girl that loved him really so he lost not her^^ also she won the opportunity to meet the right guy for her^^ so after all is a good thing^^ thanks for like my response^^ im too happy that i could help^^
• Philippines
4 Oct 10
Hello... I guess you must tell her that she must divert her attention. Since the guy has a new girl now, it simply shows that he has no plan of coming back to her. In fact, she must think that she is lucky for she wouldn't was her time with someone who doesn't value her. She must not find ways to go on the guy and his girl's way. Talk to her. Let her cry if she needs to. I think your friend needs a good cry. The reason why it feels like she's still under her ex-boyfriend's shadow is that she could not accept that he now really gone. Let her talk about how she really feels for maybe she is hiding it from you so it shows through her actions. She cannot continue being like that. She must make a plan for herself.She would be able to find another who's worth of her love. Good luck to you and your friend! ^_^
• Philippines
4 Oct 10
Ok, thanks for your advice. I`ll tell that to her. ^.^
• India
5 Oct 10
I think the best advice is for her to look for a new job. You’ve said it correct, its very difficult to forget an old flame and if she is working in the same office, her concentration is bound to waver which will ultimately hurt her professionally. So not only is she going to get hurt mentally, her work and reputation as a good worker will also suffer. She should immediately look for another job.
@shia88 (4582)
• Malaysia
5 Oct 10
Hi, It is bit hard for your friend not to meet her ex since they are working in the same office,but of course, she has to be strong and be herself. Since the guy has broke off with her and show no interest on her, she should accept the fact and go on with her life. There is no point for her keep looking at the guy facebook account and try to disturb the guy since he has another new girl in hand now. She is just wasting her time and it is better for her to concentrate on her work and go out have fun after work. Remind you friend to do something that is valuable for her and don't spent her time on those unnecessary things. Hope she can wake up from her past dream and walk forward for her future life.
@damned_dle (3944)
• Philippines
5 Oct 10
That is a very difficult situation. Maybe you can introduce her to some guys you know? It should be somebody better than her ex. Not necessarily for a serious relationship, but just so she can keep her mind out of her ex.
• Philippines
5 Oct 10
They are both working in the same office,quite hard to moved-on but if the girl really wants to move on it is very possible that she can. If she will just ignore the guy then possibly she can cope up with the situation.
@Andyvil (793)
• Philippines
5 Oct 10
I think she will get over her eventually. All she needs to do is accept the fact that they are no longer together. She should also refrain from any unnecessary contact with the guy. Even though they are in the same firm she shouldn't talk or stalk his facebook cause it will only bring back old feelings. Its never easy but taking the first step into moving on.
• Canada
4 Oct 10
Everyone heals differently. It is generally not a good idea for your friend to "facebook-stalk" her ex-lover, but some people go through obsessive periods before healing. She will likely get over him eventually, especially if she meets someone new :)
• United States
4 Oct 10
tell her the longer she keeps checking up on him, the longer and harder it will be for her to move on. she isnt over him or she wouldnt be looking at his facebook. you can only give someone advice so many times. if they dont listen, then they just wont listen. you cant drill it in their head. if the guy is still interested, he would have said something or done something by now. but if he is involved with another girl already, then he isnt interested. If you ask me, that guy needs to just tell her face to face that it isnt going to happen again so she needs to just let go. maybe that will help her understand that it is over. if that isnt a option, then tell her to find something else productive to do.. other than get on myspace or facebook and check up on this dude. give her something to do to get her mind off it. I always find a way to make that person jealous of me. Not to get them back, but it helps me get over them. ha ha
• United States
4 Oct 10
If this guy has moved on, then she needs to grow up, accept it and move on herself...I do realize that working with that person can be difficult, but not impossible...there are plenty of 'fish' in the sea...she also must realize that HE lost her, not the other way around! She's special and should act accordingly
@maean_19 (4662)
• Philippines
4 Oct 10
First of all, she has not moved on yet based on your story. If she affords to find another job, then she has to resign on that company because it is really hard when they are working on the same company. Second, she has to be distant with the routine. Yes, you are right, she should not check on her ex Fb account. If they are friends at Facebook, she has to remove or delete her ex on her list of friends. It will be hard on her part when she still sees her ex around and harder for her to move on. Love cannot be separated from work on this situation. What I mentioned above is I think better ways.
@chiyosan (30206)
• Philippines
4 Oct 10
oh that is hard. is the new girl of the boy also in the same office? Let your friend do whatever she likes. you cannot control her.. she will keep on looking at the facebook accounts of her friends, and of this person. anyway... what you can do to keep her from the computer... is to ask her out often, tell her to go to the movies with you and your other friends and bring some guys too that she can meet. she is currently mending her heart and that is how she copes up with the heartbreak... it is not easy and it is not very quick for us to go ahead and just turn off your feelings right. in time she will realize she only is wasting her time and energy on him. just always be there to give her a nudge if she goes too far.