Out of sight... Out of mind
By LaLa Leo
@mrscallands22 (2852)
United States
October 4, 2010 5:17pm CST
Have you ever felt like that your significant other thinks less of you when you are away?? Have you ever felt like you were out of sight, out of mind?? I feel like this sometimes. No matter how much time I could spend with my significant other... I miss him the SECOND he is gone or leaves. I don't think that guys feel the same way. I feel like that they can go a few days or whatever without missing us as women because they are not too emotionally attached. They can spend some time with us (as women) and then they can go for longer without seeing/talking to the person that they "love" longer than we can. It frustrates me so.. sometimes.. and I just wonder whether I am deserving to feel like this.. when I feel that my significant other should feel mutual to me. He should miss me just as much as I miss him, if not more.... Ugh... it sucks to be alone.
1 person likes this
8 responses
@Lore2009 (7378)
• United States
4 Oct 10
I felt that way when I was with my ex too. And as you said, it's about attachment. I think the best thing to do is to find yourself. You need to find who you really are, the person without the significant other. If you make your significant other, your 'everything' in your life, you will feel worthless when he is gone. If you find other things to enjoy, something that is not a person that you can love to do as much as your significant other, or better is more, then you won't feel so attached. You wont feel so dependent and you will be freer. Best wishes.
1 person likes this
@mrscallands22 (2852)
• United States
5 Oct 10
Thank you for that... your inspiring words seemed to uplift me from the lowly depths that I was feeling earlier today and you are absolutely right. When we met, I had so many other things going on.. different hobbies and interests... including my poetry and writing... and now I just sit around and do nothing all day. I try to contemplate how I am going to make my next dollar... and it's so stressful. I just feel like I guess if we were together all the time.. I wouldn't be as stressed.. that he would ease some of that stress that is bearing me down so heavily.. away from me. Even if it is just temporarily or briefly.. I don't know..
Thanks for sharing!!
1 person likes this
@mrscallands22 (2852)
• United States
7 Oct 10
It's funny that you mention that.. because I have a strong interest in writing, poetry, short stories... any and everything.. that was my life's dream.. to become an author and eventually master all of the different forms and arts of writing including Spoken Word. Maybe one day when I'm not so stressed out... I will relax just long enough to find the passion to do this again....
@wollivierre (688)
• United States
5 Oct 10
i have felt that way before but i told her and it turns it she things about me all the time so that made me very happy
@mrscallands22 (2852)
• United States
7 Oct 10
Well that is wonderful that when you were in doubt, she offered her consolement and showed her that she felt mutual. That's really great for you. I am hoping that my man will feel the same way someday soon.. because love for a person can diminish over time if not nurtured just as everything else. A relationship has to be managed, taken care of and nurtured. I am just ultimately hoping that it is sooner than later..
Thanks for commenting!!
1 person likes this
@buenavida (9985)
• Sweden
5 Oct 10
Hi again, my friend 
Life is not easy - most times it is complicated to say the least. So we have to find ways to cope.
Almost 40 years ago, my ex might have missed me for a short time when away, but then he decided to leave me. It hurt a lot that time, so I had to find ways to not feel alone all the time as I could not be dependent on him anymore.
The best things that have been helpful is when I can do something good to others, especially when they need spiritual help and also when they need someone to talk to.
As we have had problems, we most likely understand others who have problems too. So helping others in some way or another is a good part of our own healing process.
If you try to explain how you feel to your husband, it might help him to understand you. But if he doesn´t listen, you might have a mutual friend who can talk with him.
Anyway, whatever he decides to do, I suggest that you cultivate your interests - as you seem to have many things that you have liked to do in the past. And try to find new friends that share your interests. 
I have many friends now, but I have to remember that they don´t have time for me always. So I have to respect them and not take too much of their time. That is the way the Bible advices us to do.
If we keep in mind that we should treat others the way we want to be treated, we will in time have a lot of good friends that may miss us when we are away!!
Life is not easy - most times it is complicated to say the least. So we have to find ways to cope.
Almost 40 years ago, my ex might have missed me for a short time when away, but then he decided to leave me. It hurt a lot that time, so I had to find ways to not feel alone all the time as I could not be dependent on him anymore.
The best things that have been helpful is when I can do something good to others, especially when they need spiritual help and also when they need someone to talk to.
As we have had problems, we most likely understand others who have problems too. So helping others in some way or another is a good part of our own healing process.
If you try to explain how you feel to your husband, it might help him to understand you. But if he doesn´t listen, you might have a mutual friend who can talk with him.
Anyway, whatever he decides to do, I suggest that you cultivate your interests - as you seem to have many things that you have liked to do in the past. And try to find new friends that share your interests.
I have many friends now, but I have to remember that they don´t have time for me always. So I have to respect them and not take too much of their time. That is the way the Bible advices us to do.
If we keep in mind that we should treat others the way we want to be treated, we will in time have a lot of good friends that may miss us when we are away!!
@buenavida (9985)
• Sweden
8 Oct 10
Yeah, most of us have this challenge to apply what we learn in our life, but it may help to repeat the good advice many times, especially the Bible verses that talk about relationships. Sincere prayer is also great help. I just read an encouraging article in Bukisa that might benefit you - it is about prayer:
http://www.bukisa.com/articles/367361_god-exists-i-talked-to-him-today-and-you-can-too
@mrscallands22 (2852)
• United States
5 Oct 10
So absolutely and utterly true. You are full of wisdom and knowledge as I can see that you have commented on my posts. And every time your words are uplifting and raise my spirits instantly after reading. You are really good at that.. and I appreciate it more than you know...
I think that if my husband knew REALLY (like could trade hearts with me for just one second) and experience the immense love that I have for him in my mind, body, heart, spirit AND soul... then maybe he'd understand where I was coming from... until then, all I can do is pray and love him regardless. Because even if we were to ever part... which I seriously doubt that we will... I will NEVER stop loving him for as long as I live because that is the vows that I took with him and him only.. love is so hard sometimes..
Thanks so much for sharing and I hope that you will continue to offer your kind words of wisdom... you have a great week!!
1 person likes this
@mrscallands22 (2852)
• United States
7 Oct 10
I have checked a few of the articles out on the weblink you provided and some of it is valuable information... it is just so hard to adapt what you have learned to life though... sometimes easier said than done of course..
1 person likes this
@dorannmwin (36392)
• United States
7 Oct 10
I've actually never felt this way at all in my relationship with my husband. He goes to work during the day and I stay at home with our son. While he is at work, he calls me at least a couple of times every day just to talk to me because he is bored and because of the fact that he misses me. Myself, on the other hand, there are times that I am doing something with family or friends and I don't answer the phone when he calls and it actually hurts his feelings when I do this.
@mrscallands22 (2852)
• United States
7 Oct 10
Well you are sooo blessed to not have experienced this.. It really sucks. It is pushing me away from my husband.. more each day. You should try to work on that when it comes to your husband (answering the phone for him).. because trust me, I know how it feels and it really REALLY hurts.
Thanks for sharing!!
@frontvisions101 (16043)
• Philippines
5 Oct 10
Not really. It actually works the other way around. When you're away, you are actually being missed by your special someone. That's how it normally is, except if you did something wrong that can make her think of you otherwise.
1 person likes this
@mrscallands22 (2852)
• United States
5 Oct 10
That's the way it's supposed to be. But, in a lot of relationships... there is a lacking in that area...
Thanks for commenting!!
1 person likes this
@sweetloveforeve (13107)
• Portugal
5 Oct 10
i feel the same you feel sometimes^^ my bf other day we argued and i asked him to stay for us to solve things and he just left. we been almost two days not talking. i messaged him sure but he wasnt coming online bcs we have a long distance relationship. anyway i felt that if he loved me he couldnt be that time without we talk but then i saw is his personality^^ like today yesterday we talked and i was sad bcs we didnt have much time for each other and today he came earlier online at a hour he cant use computer and said that his sister lend him her cellphone^^ so he could talk to me^^ ahah i was too happy^^ he is very sweet and caring but bcs that day was sad he been like that^^ you know boys loves us but dont need constant care like us is like that^^ i also say to my bf i wish he wrote cute messages to me but he says he likes to be only me and him knowing about it^^ i was a bit sad but is his personality^^ anyway today i saw he wrote a message saying he loves me always^^ he does that just to dont see me sad^^ he is too cute^^ dont feel alone im sure your bf loves you too much^^ and if you feel he could care more tell him that^^ i told that to my bf and you see?^^ came earlier today for me and even wrote a cute message^^ maybe your bf didnt notice that is hurting you being like that^^ talk with him^^
@mrscallands22 (2852)
• United States
7 Oct 10
That is good to hear that your bf is understanding of you and your feelings when you express them to him. I wish more guys were like this sometimes. I love my husband with all that I possess, but I guess we have just been through so much.. that anything that happens now.. even small things.. have major impacts on our relationship. Like... here recently he has been making false accusations of me being with someone else.. but I feel that as gorgeous as I am.. if I wanted to be with ANYONE else other than him.. I would be with that person. It would be no ifs, ands or buts about it and I definitely wouldn't waste my time arguing with me and crying and constantly being upset and depressed when I could just be with my new guy lol. Sometimes I feel that he is trying to create a wedge in our relationship on purpose so that maybe it will be easier for him if we were to ever separate. And then again... I have always been told that people who accuse are generally the ones out here doing what they are not supposed to do.. but I try to take it all in stride.. but it gets hard to deal with.. especially in addition to the millions of other problems I have going on right now. All that I ask of him is that he is understanding and there for me when I need him. We have been together for 5 years.. married for 3... and things HAVE to get better than this. Our anniversary is coming up this month on the 26th.. and I don't feel like it is going to be a good one.
And to answer your question... I have tried talking to him... countless times.. but we are too stubborn and selfish individuals... but here lately... I have been trying to be the bigger person.. and have even apologized for things that I didn't do or that I shouldn't even be apologizing for.. just to keep the peace. It gets very frustrating to constantly argue over something that I'm not even guilty of.. so yea I get upset when I have to argue about it every other day if not everyday. I feel like if I am being accused so hard like this... I may as well be doing what he says I am doing... and being the type of person he truly thinks that I am. I feel that in love... you should trust that person that you are giving your heart to... to NEVER intentionally hurt you. I don't understand why he think I'd deliberately hurt him for no reason at all.. All I can do is cry and pray...
@frontvisions101 (16043)
• Philippines
5 Oct 10
Not really. It actually works the other way around. When you're away, you are actually being missed by your special someone. That's how it normally is, except if you did something wrong that can make her think of you otherwise.
@hardworkinggurl (37063)
• United States
5 Oct 10
I have been in several relationships like this and it drives me crazy as I consider it taking me for granted. I finally took a while to weigh out what was important and unimportant to me and finally have someone who does not do this to me.
The only advice I can provide for you is when you are alone you remember how you felt at the time of this moment and so next time you are in a relationship you can see the early signs, believe me it did wonders for me, this way you know whether it is worth the time to invest or just another same old pattern you totally hate. I wish you well.
@mrscallands22 (2852)
• United States
5 Oct 10
That is very good advice that I will definitely take heed to. Since I am married.. I am praying that things will get better. But, since my husband and I aren't in the ideal situation. I just try to take things in stride for now because I know that it won't always be this way...
Thanks for sharing!!
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