Married but Living Apart

@ladym33 (11009)
United States
October 5, 2010 11:44am CST
I was listening to the radio this morning as I was driving my son to school and they were saying that more and more people are married yet living in seperate homes. They say it works for them because they like to have their own stuff and live independently but they still love their spouse and are true to them. What do you think about this?
4 people like this
22 responses
@kodukodu84 (1576)
• Malaysia
5 Oct 10
Wow, I don't have anyone from my family or any of my friends that are married but living separate, so I can't really imagine how the situation is everyday. Did they mention if they have kids too? The reason why I would marry someone is because I want to physically and emotionally live with him under the same roof and be his wife lol. If I still want so much privacy in life and don't want to live with anyone, then I won't even put more responsibility in my life by getting married.
1 person likes this
@ladym33 (11009)
• United States
5 Oct 10
It sounded like the couples were mostly older married later in life like in their late 30's and above so I am thinking children are not a factor, or at least the children are not both of theirs. That could actually be a reason though, if someone has children and they don't accept the new spouse, maybe who knows. I am with you though I can't imagine marrying someone and not living with them. I don't see the point.
@TonyPluto (172)
• United States
5 Oct 10
I think that's a great idea. Most people get sick of anyone they spend too much time with. Having your own place to go and call your own is very valuable. It would be a little awkward with kids unless they live very close. And think about when most people meet and fall in love with eachother. It's new and exciting going to pick them up to go on dates and is special when you stay the night with them. When you move in and get married couples become more like brother and sister or just room mates. I don't tlike sharing a bed with anyone all the time. Especially if I have to get up and do something like go to work in the morning. All in all I think if you can afford it then it's probably a wonderful way to have a long happy healthy marriage.
1 person likes this
@cream97 (29175)
• United States
1 Mar 11
Hi. ladym33. I have never heard of this at all! This is strange! Why do they bother to even get married in the first place? I will settle for just compromising with my husband than to live separately. This is not what I had in mind of how marriage is supposed to be. I think that this is crazy. I could never get married and then live away from my spouse. Whatever differences that we have, we will just have to work them out the best way that we can. If not, then I will not be married to him or any other man anymore. I wonder how they do with their kids if they have any?? Are they split up too?
@hmkoct5 (2067)
• United States
10 Oct 10
I don't think that is right at all. I wouldn't be able to spend that much time away from my husband. I love being with him as much as possible. I don't think marriage is about living independently. Why even bother getting married? I think that you can still be an independent person while are married.
@sam8pro (376)
• India
6 Oct 10
Wow .. this is seriously new to me ... and its kind of unbelievable .. I mean one part of being in love basically means to be together and staying together is like a part of it .... Marriage basically means a sharing or partnership between two compatible people ... who love each other ...hence want to remain close to each other !
@bingskee (5238)
• Philippines
6 Oct 10
though i do not want to be judgmental, i still find the whole arrangement silly. why would couples do that when the idea of the whole marriage thing is to have a partner by your side and be a family. ridiculous..
• United States
6 Oct 10
I am sadly in one of these type of marriages... not by choice. My husband and I are in such a financial bind that we are forced to live with our parents for now. He lives with his mom and I with our 2 year old daughter lives with my mom and dad. It is very stressful and there is not one day that goes by that I wish that we were together in our own household. Neither of us are employed, yet have been steadily looking for the past 2 years.. there are no jobs here. I find myself lost and struggling on a daily basis to figure out how I am going to do everything. I am just hoping and praying that God will bless us....
@SimpleBB (1332)
• Philippines
6 Oct 10
Really? I haven't encounter it yet...I mean someone saying that it works for them for the reason of living independently. In the first place, what makes them to decide to marry if they want to be independent? Living apart for the reason of working is somehow reasonable, but such reason of wanting to have own stuff and living independently was a nonsense. For me,getting married is wanting to have someone to live with, someone you want to be with for the rest of your life. If someone would prefer to own stuff and be independent, better not to get married. Just live with their stuff.
• India
6 Oct 10
The first thing is that marriage means living together. I do not see that married couples are happy when they live separately. Moreover, I do not think that they will have love for each other.
@poshearns (133)
6 Oct 10
For me, the idea is very enticing right now. I would like to live separately from my husband. I am so depressed right now. I really feel bad after our fight. Well, we have declared peace, or at least ceasefire, but it doens't change the fact that he did not show sympathy when I was hurting last night. I felt so bad that after getting hurt, I was the one put to blame for all my misery. thank you so much!
@shia88 (4582)
• Malaysia
6 Oct 10
Hi, I really can't get the point of love each other but choose to live apart. It is kinda like a joke,not serious relationship. If you really love someone, of course, you are willing to sacrifice for him and I believe you won't want to stay apart from your loved one. By staying separately, it means the couple has less chance to meet each other and less communication and direct contact is carried on. I won't believe in this kind of relationship.
@kquiming (2999)
• Philippines
6 Oct 10
i think everyone has a different view on this one, and i respect that, but for me, well i think i wouldn't want to get married if i won't be living with my husband in the same house anyway.... i just don't see the point. we could just stay as lovers like before and wait for the right time to put our commitment in papers and make it legal... that's just my views.
@kquiming (2999)
• Philippines
6 Oct 10
i think everyone has a different view on this one, and i respect that, but for me, well i think i wouldn't want to get married if i won't be living with my husband in the same house anyway.... i just don't see the point. we could just stay as lovers like before and wait for the right time to put our commitment in papers and make it legal... that's just my views.
• United States
6 Oct 10
It doesn't really seem like that big of a deal to me. I doubt they genuinely live totally separate lives, they just have two homes for when they need their own space. I'm married and I still spend several days a week with my mother. They time apart keeps us fresh. Having time apart we don't get burnt out on each other and if there's ever an issue we have time to ourselves to decompress and fix the problem rationally.
• Philippines
6 Oct 10
Well,as long as its fit to the couple there's no problem with that matter.
@pjnjclyn (177)
• Newton, New Jersey
6 Oct 10
I do not know anyone personally that does this. I feel that if that works for the couple and they are not hurting anyone then good for them. As for me I do not think that is something that I would like or want to do the love that I have for my husband I like to see and be with him as much as I can and sleeping at night with him is something I happen to enjoy very much. THe only thing that I would worry about is if they had children and how that would affect them in some way.
@sid556 (31018)
• United States
5 Oct 10
Hi Ladym, I think it is a great concept. I think it is very difficult to live with someone even people we love. I love my best friend and I have to say that our friendship would become very strained if we were to live together. I don't think a lover or spouse is much different.
@GardenGerty (92230)
• Marion, Kansas
5 Oct 10
It would not work for me. I have known people who have said it works for them. I had a friend who would not stay with her husband because he was a slob. I could possibly see buying a duplex or a large house and share it.
@Wizzywig (7860)
5 Oct 10
Sounds good to me. I'm sure more people could tolerate staying married given this option
@thedaddym (1737)
• United States
5 Oct 10
It sounds odd to me too, but like you I did know someone who lived like that. He seemed very happy and content with the situation. Said they were both control freaks and couldn't give up control of their environment, but if they did not live together they couldn't judge each other's houses and they were happy that way. Personally I don't really get it, I can't imagine being married and not living with the person but to each their own I guess.