How do you know you love them?

Hi there kats: Maybe you've reached the stage where you tried to rationalize your feelings. Don't ever try it. Love and reason are two opposing sides in our nature and trying to bring them together may produce conflicts and confusion. Love is to feeling and reason is to thinking. Rather, try to strike a balance between your feelings and thinking. Doing so brings you in stages of maturity. If you prefer one for the other, you'll end up easily be blown away by the constant storm life brings. It can lead you astray far away from home. Be guided by this: "I know that I am in love. The more I know, the more I love and the more I love, the more I know." That's the beginning to the path of wisdom. I hope you'll reach the clouded beautiful shore and end up with lots of time to enjoy it; and be a guiding beacon to others who are still on their way in: your children, your husband, your friends... Good luck on your quest.

Hi Kat.... I don't think your realization is 'weird' at all. First of all, I'm already embroiled in the whole 'guy thinking' arena because men think very differently than women. While they may still eventually muddle across - or even just go straight there - the same answer or same result, the path they take to get there is much different than ours. From my experience, love is many things. It doesn't have to be ALL of them ALL of the time, but it does have to be some of them, some of the time, and these things are constant. For instance, love is a feeling, that whole 'butterflies and infatuation' thing, and it can also encompass companionship where you just feel drawn to hang out.. and do.. nothing if that's what's moves you. It also can include attraction and lust, where you only have eyes for that person and nothing and noone gets in the way. It can be something familiar and secure, knowing someone so well that you finish each other's sentences or know what the other person is going to say, or you know what they mean when nobody else on the planet does. Love is being so close with someone that you are in their head sometimes, you know from the look your other half gave you that they feel horribly sick, even if their boss has no clue, you know your husband or wife had a bad dad or a bad conversation with a friend just because of their body language or the tone of their voice. One of the best ways I can describe love is a feeling AND a choice... I love my kids ALL THE TIME. However, there are times when I do not LIKE them. I have even told them this! When their behavior is rotten and/or disrespectful, or they come unglued, or make bad decisions, no, I don't like them. It doesn't mean my love for them changes, not at all. Same thing with my husband, even if I am angry with him, I love him. Anger doesn't change love, and it doesn't obliterate it, unless love ceases to exist. Either way, we all go through cycles in our relationships when we're not 'feeling it', and honestly, those are the times when both people need to put in a little extra effort. That's when you NEED a date night, or an evening where you swap kids with someone so you can stay in at home without kids and just spend that time alone together. Just ask yourself this - are you committed to your husband, and are you attracted to him, is he your best friend, does he know you better than anybody? Rate those things on a scale of 1-10. Then think of some things you could do to improve those scales or ratings. I also have to say - having a question about this is proof that you think about this, and as such, it definitely means you're not stupid

Oh, our society makes such a big deal about the emotion of infatuation, and calls it love. You are probably not alone. Then there is the other side, where people say "I love you" when they feel lust, or sympathy or infatuation.Love is a choice. It means you choose to stay, do your job, be committed and be a mom, and a wife. Do me a favor, Kats . . . imagine your life without your husband, or one of the kids.Think about the consequence if he was ill. Now, think about how you felt when you first met, and think about your infatuation, how that felt. It may be hard to say "I love you" but maybe there is something else that is just as meaningful to him. I have been through being married young and being married for 23 years and staying with my hubby when he was dying. I had people tell me that they could not, or would not do it. I have been married almost thirteen years this time. Some days, I am tired, and feel grumpy and grouchy and not very loving and tired of everything that goes on. But just the other day, I was incredibly happy, and you know, I said so to my husband, I just said "Do you know how happy I feel?" That meant as much to him as saying "I love you." You need to acknowledge your good times, and share them. A blessing shared is doubled, and a trouble shared is cut in half. It is okay to come on here and talk about it, probably better than with some girlfriend who might share inappropriately. I will also say that you need to love yourself and admit that you are worthy of love, and worthy of a lasting and loving relationship.

I think it starts with infatuation and/or attraction. But then there's some kind of bonding that goes on that can make it evolve into a more mature kind of love. Relationships that manage to go through that second stage are much more likely to last, I think. But abuse and neglect can destroy that bond, and then when the infatuation/attraction is gone, you have nothing.

Deep question! Here's a something that has always helped me: Love is a verb. It's an action word. Not something you feel, but something you DO for someone. Like with your kids. There are just things you DO because you are their mom. You may not feel all woop-de-doo about feeding them breakfast, but you do it. That is showing love. Love is sacrifice. You don't feel like washing everyone's underwear, but you do it to show your love. I think if we look for ways to show our love, then we are truly "loving" someone. It is service. It is unconditional. Even when hubby is annoying, we stay with him. Not out of duty or out of commitment to our vows, but simply because its the loving thing to do. If we look at it more as an action, I think the feelings will come eventually. Not to say that we are to be doormats, but to get up everyday and say "How can I show my husband or children that I love them today". Words, of course are good too. Sometimes you should just say them till you feel them. Showing love and saying those things can also turn our husband's (and children's) hearts toward us. Then they may show and say the loving things too. Love starts first with you.

Some people have said that the success of a marriage is when the people fall in love again and again - with the same person. You have already discovered that it is not all physical all of the time. Tell him, that you have problem saying the words but each time you pass him and reach out and give him a hug or a kiss on the cheek that you are really saying that you love him. By looking after the family and seeing to their needs you are telling him that you love him. It may have been your upbringing - I don't now. You want to know if you love him? Just sit down quietly for a moment and imagine life without him. No one to hug or chat to- no one to discuss making a family decision. No one to offload on to. Just imagine him gone. Never again to see his face or touch his hand. No one to help you with a sick child to to give you a cuddle when you need it? If this seems unthinkable -then you love him Kat. You just have to work on telling him this as he obviously needs to hear it from you so very much. So tell him that you love him.This is just my personal opinion - I am not telling you what to do.Blessings

I write about love all the time...in my poetry and stories...and I don't think there's a simple explaination. I do think it's a feeling. And there are so many different kinds of love. Loving the kids...well that is undying....they are someone you would give your life up for....parents....well that's another one. You came from them and they are there for you and love you with an undying love to. A spouse? That's hard to say. Anyone I have been in love with it's been something that I do feel...and have a hard time getting over if the relationship disappears. But when I have dated someone and I am not in love with them.....well I know it. I don't understand exactly what it is or how it is supposed to feel for you anyway. For me it's usually something that lasts for years...and years.

I definitely don't think that you are being stupid here because there have been a lot of times in my life that I've tried to be able to figure out what the right definition of love is. The thing that I have come to understand the most about it all is that I think that there is really no one single way that you can define love. I think that love that you feel and the way that you feel it is different to every individual that you care about.

when I feel gOod tO them, I lOved the peRsOns whO lOve me alsO.like my parents..I lOve them cause they lOve me. c'',) alsO my bestfriends. I knOw that I lOve them when I feel cOmfOrtable enjOying with them, when they let me smile when I'm sad. I 'alsO love the persON cares Of me.

..when im comfortable to them..and i can feel m,y true happiness.

Oh my gosh, I am LITERALLY learning about this in my Psychobiology class! Basically we learned that long-term love is not only a choice, but also a chemical brain reaction. It was really fascinating. The woman I listened to was Helen Fischer. I don't know where my teacher got the videos from (because she put them on the website for the class- internet class), but you might be able to find them on Youtube? They're really awesome.

for me i realized that i love her when i started worrying about her when she used to travel in late night... when she used to be little sick ...and i am unable to concentrate on anything .... when i used to miss every day :)

I believe that love is shown by trust and affection between the couple in their relationship. This is a very hard subject to discuss because, everyone has their own view and opion on love and how it means to them. After saying that, love is not something you can see or touch, you have to truely believe your partener.