Bully or Bullied: Who were you?

United States
October 7, 2010 10:20am CST
I know lately, the airwaves have been filled with hollywood's outcry against bullying after the increase of suicides occurring in teenagers who have been bullied relentlessly and tormented by their peers. My cousin was bullied when he was younger because he's from mixed parents- his mother is black and his father is white. Kids on the playground would pick on him and wouldn't let him play with them because they didn't know which race he was. It got to a point that his mother went down to the school and confronted the parents of a few of the kids. One of the parents apologized for her daughter's behavior but another said that the kids were just being kids and they were blowing it out of proportion. The bullying continued so my cousin's parents transferred him to another school where things got better. I never thought of myself as a bully. I didn't actively participate in tormenting kids or calling them names. In fact, I was friends with most of the "outcasts" and "weirdos". However, I was listening to a debate of bullying and how passive bystanders are just as responsible for bullying as well. Because they allow the bullying, they basically condoning it. Who were/are you: the bully, the bullied or the passive bystander? Or maybe you're one of the few who actively defend the bullied?
3 people like this
15 responses
• Canada
8 Oct 10
I was bullied quite badly until I got to highschool. Luckily I was strong enough to fight back, or I would have been hurt badly. One girl got her older brother to try to beat me up but I was a match for him. Also, luckily I rather enjoyed being alone, so it was not too hard for me to just go off by myself out of the way of the bullies.
• United States
8 Oct 10
She tried to get her older brother to try to beat you up? That's just insane and extreme. Had you done anything to her? Why did she want you beaten up so bad?
• Canada
8 Oct 10
I really don't remember. I was so terrified of anyone being angry at me, and I was teased so much, that I never made fun of anyone. I was a loner though, usually off reading by myself. Probably she just got angry when my responses to her teasing were basically "shut up I don't care." Also, I was a teacher's pet but I didn't know it. I just always wanted to get the right answers because I was abused at home and was desperate for adults to be happy with me.
@Janey1966 (24127)
• Carlisle, England
7 Oct 10
Bullying is awful, it really is. My husband got bullied down his street, at school and up until I came into his life in 2003. Why? Because he just so happens to be tall with red hair. His reputation wasn't enhanced as he wore unfashionable glasses that added to his geekiness and he freely admits that now. This I blame on his parents who could've done more to help him, particularly down their street..so I guess they were passive bystanders which IS as bad as the bullying itself. They let it happen to a certain extent. I'm the one responsible for his decent specs he has now. On trips to the football I actually witnessed him being bullied at first hand by a drunken lout that had bullied him relentlessly for at least 10 years. On this particular trip this lout continued the bullying, even though I was with John. Everyone on that coach said nothing. It wasn't up to me as I didn't know the bully at all, whereas the rest of them did. After that trip the bully was "banned" so it begs the question; why wasn't he banned before I came along? One guy we know who has been bullied himself at school said to me that he wanted to say something "many times" to the bully but was frightened he'd then start picking on him. Adult bullying is commonplace and it should stop. Large kids weren't the norm at schools when I was growing up. There was a girl called Wendy in our class who was big and I soon realised that, on this particular day, she was being set up by friends of mine to go to the playing fields at lunch-time. She did this and then we all hid behind a small mound so she couldn't find us. I hadn't realised what all this was about until that moment and I just couldn't be a part of it..so I got up and went over to her, said "sorry" and glared at the others. As far as I know she was never bullied after that...and neither was I for sticking up for her. If more kids and adults stuck up for the ones being bullied, it would be eradicated soon enough as the bully would have no backers to hide behind. Essentially they are cowards.
• United States
8 Oct 10
His parents did nothing?! Wow! Where they oblivious or something? Adult bullying is never brought up but you're right, it is commonplace and should be stopped as well. You would hope that people would grow out of it once they are adults but sadly not the case. That was very brave of you going against your friends when they tried to pull that "joke" on that girl, Wendy. That took guts for a kid.
@Janey1966 (24127)
• Carlisle, England
8 Oct 10
Apparently, hubby's Dad went round to one of the bullies and confronted a parent but that's as far as it went. John said the bullying didn't stop so whatever was said didn't work. The in-laws tend to stay away from confrontational situations..even now. The girls who decided to pick on Wendy..well, I thought it was out of character as I normally hung around with them and they hadn't picked on anyone before. Perhaps they thought Wendy was an easy target? I don't know. I pointed out that it was a mean thing to do and to put themselves in her shoes so they backed off. I'm one of those people who feels things. By that I am sensitive to others and what they are going through. I have never got to the bottom of my hubby's bullying as it was done on a daily basis so to bring it up now would upset him. He doesn't want to be reminded of it and I have told him many times that if I'd have lived in his street no bullying would've gone on with me around.
@SinRealm (559)
• Philippines
7 Oct 10
I was the bullied one, the idiots from HighSchool picked on me for not joining gangs and liking things like video games, card games and anime. They even tried to poison me. Those gangsters and frat people are unforgivable...
• United States
8 Oct 10
They tried to poison you? OMG! That is completely horrible. Did you report them or something?
@SinRealm (559)
• Philippines
8 Oct 10
My gangster and frat boy classmates tried to kill me and I reported, nobody believed in me. Either they don't believe in me or they would rather keep those many students than have lose one. I really hate how this country is full of gangsters and fraternity people. To make things worse, the govt itself acknowledges the fraternities here.
@doormouse (4619)
7 Oct 10
i was both,between the ages of 8-10 i was bullied but then when i reached 13 i became a bully,well it wasn't actually me that bullied but my best friend,but as i was always with her i was classed as a bully aswell
@Janey1966 (24127)
• Carlisle, England
8 Oct 10
Did you ever stick up for the person being bullied? In my opinion bullying would be stamped out if the friends of the bullies stuck up for the bullied..you know what I'm getting at? Did you feel it was right to get involved (indirectly) with the bully because you had been bullied yourself before that? How do you feel about that now? Sorry for the 100 questions but I've experienced bullying by one girl doing it but the others kinda went along, and I couldn't understand why. Perhaps they thought they would be next, I dunno.
• United States
8 Oct 10
It does seem like most of the time people standby and watch because they don't want to be the next target or they don't want to lose their friends or be seen as an outcast themselves. There's also this whole thing of being accepted socially when we're young, that we're afraid to step out of the "socially accepted" group. Of course this is just my opinion.
@Onions (49)
• Singapore
8 Oct 10
Well, for me I was bullied all along ! That's a sad fact and I don't know what brings that to me :( Those who bullied me said that I look nice to be bullied. I felt so sad just to hear that ! Why am I even the way I am, to be nice to bully? I just simply hate that! Hate bullies.
• United States
8 Oct 10
Look nice to be bullied? Good grief that's one of the dumbest things I ever heard. That's so wrong. I'm so sorry you had to go through that but hopefully through their wrongful torment you grew stronger than they ever will be.
@sam8pro (376)
• India
8 Oct 10
Well i guess i was neither :) ...my social circles in the colleges and schools were all good guys and girls and quite protective of each other... ofcourse the good humored bantering used to go on here and there :)
• United States
8 Oct 10
That's cool. Sounds like you had a good group of friends
@Cutie18f (9564)
• Philippines
8 Oct 10
I don't remember being bullied as a kid. But in high school I think I did a bit of bullying with a classmate who was very quiet. I made her the butt of my joke I thought I was just being funny. Then one day I saw her cry as a result of my bad jokes. I stopped doing it.
• United States
8 Oct 10
I'm happy to hear that you stopped after you saw her cry. That makes you a better person, in my eyes, than the bullies who love making others cry.
@sweet_pea (3326)
• Philippines
8 Oct 10
I did experience being bullied in second grade. But one thing I've learned, they just would stop if they wouldn't get any reactions from you. They would really be happy if you reacted to their bullying, and I wouldn't give them that satisfaction. So the bullying stopped.
• United States
8 Oct 10
You make a good point. Bullies need a reaction and/or an audience.
@sender621 (14956)
• United States
7 Oct 10
I was never mean spirited to take on the role of a bully. i wouldn't say that i was bulled. I did have occasions where children at school were not behaving as they should be. it didn't really cause me any problems. i feel sorry for those who are bullied. i feel shame for those that feel the need to bully others.
• United States
8 Oct 10
Yes, it is shameful that others feel the need to bully others for enjoyment or to feel superior. Its just so wrong.
@nicole00 (141)
• United States
7 Oct 10
I dont think i was either. I couldnt be a bully because i thought iit was lame to pick on others. and i wasnt bullied because others knew not to mess with me. lol
• United States
8 Oct 10
lol. Its good to be one of ones that others know not to mess with.
7 Oct 10
Thankfully, I am was neither a bully nor was bullied. Reading about bullying and the stories on the news recently is very sad and depressing and my heart goes out to those kids. I can't imagine myself being a bully, either, and doing those things to other kids. Now I know kids can play rough sometimes, but I being kids and being bullies are two VERY different things. Sometimes, I'm really, really thankful my parents raised me the way they did.
• United States
8 Oct 10
Yeah, I was so disgusted when my aunt told us that one of those parents defended his child by saying that the kids were just being kids. Makes me wonder if the father was a bully when he was growing up. Having fun and bullying others is not the same thing and I wish more parents would teach their kids this. Thanks and happy mylotting
@lealuvy2j (1999)
• Philippines
7 Oct 10
I can honestly say that I was bullied. During elementary school, a lot of kids tormented me about my gap in my teeth and because many of them think I am ugly. The experience really hurt me but not to the point that I would think about killing myself. In the end though, I am more secure of myself now and I do believe that I am beautiful.
• United States
8 Oct 10
I'm so glad that you never went through with the thought of killing yourself. People can be so cruel- to torment you just because of a gap in your teeth? How ridiculous is that? Good for you for becoming more secure and I am sure you are beautiful despite what anyone says. Happy mylotting
@laydee (12815)
• Philippines
7 Oct 10
When I was younger, there wasn't any 'news' or incidents on bullying. Perhaps I was too innocent to know for sure, but as I recall now, there wasn't any 'bullying' in my school. Perhaps it's because we're under a school run by nuns. I never saw fighting (apart from a little disputes or crying incidents) but punching or something that ruthless wasn't really in our list of usual activities. I guess that was so because there were never really a mix of anyone unique. Most of us were of the same nationality. Yes there were some who looked funny or talked funny, but I guess teachers never tolerated anyone to feel superior than others (or inferior). I think there's a great deal of bullying these days because of the bad models we have due to movies, internet, peers and even parents. I don't think any kid is innately bad, they usually get it from the environment they're in. It's sad really that these things could happen. But we can't really do anything about what our kids have become. We should start with the new kids or new generation. But I guess it's tough to discipline kids when teachers and educators are given too many rules else they'd be imprisoned. Perhaps kids these days need to fear adults more.
• United States
8 Oct 10
I agree that most of these kids have to learn from somewhere that its okay to bully or the only way to feel okay about themselves is to make others feel inferior. I just always wonder from where: their environment? the media? where? I guess that question is probably too complicated to truly be answered. Thanks for responding. Happy mylotting.
@laydee (12815)
• Philippines
7 Oct 10
When I was younger, there wasn't any 'news' or incidents on bullying. Perhaps I was too innocent to know for sure, but as I recall now, there wasn't any 'bullying' in my school. Perhaps it's because we're under a school run by nuns. I never saw fighting (apart from a little disputes or crying incidents) but punching or something that ruthless wasn't really in our list of usual activities. I guess that was so because there were never really a mix of anyone unique. Most of us were of the same nationality. Yes there were some who looked funny or talked funny, but I guess teachers never tolerated anyone to feel superior than others (or inferior). I think there's a great deal of bullying these days because of the bad models we have due to movies, internet, peers and even parents. I don't think any kid is innately bad, they usually get it from the environment they're in. It's sad really that these things could happen. But we can't really do anything about what our kids have become. We should start with the new kids or new generation. But I guess it's tough to discipline kids when teachers and educators are given too many rules else they'd be imprisoned. Perhaps kids these days need to fear adults more.
@laydee (12815)
• Philippines
7 Oct 10
When I was younger, there wasn't any 'news' or incidents on bullying. Perhaps I was too innocent to know for sure, but as I recall now, there wasn't any 'bullying' in my school. Perhaps it's because we're under a school run by nuns. I never saw fighting (apart from a little disputes or crying incidents) but punching or something that ruthless wasn't really in our list of usual activities. I guess that was so because there were never really a mix of anyone unique. Most of us were of the same nationality. Yes there were some who looked funny or talked funny, but I guess teachers never tolerated anyone to feel superior than others (or inferior). I think there's a great deal of bullying these days because of the bad models we have due to movies, internet, peers and even parents. I don't think any kid is innately bad, they usually get it from the environment they're in. It's sad really that these things could happen. But we can't really do anything about what our kids have become. We should start with the new kids or new generation. But I guess it's tough to discipline kids when teachers and educators are given too many rules else they'd be imprisoned. Perhaps kids these days need to fear adults more.