October 10, 2010 10:31pm CST
I just need to talk about this I guess. It is an ongoing anger and bitterness that seems to be consuming more and more of my thoughts. I think I am going to have to go to a counselor or something. Maybe some of you have some input that will help. My son met a girl and she almost immediately moved in with him. Altho he loved her it soon became obvious she was a very materialistic person and they had many differences. Then she became pregnant. He told her he would stand behind whatever she wanted to do. She told him she had thought about it and wanted to stay with him and have the baby. He was very happy about being a dad. She then confided to him that the year before she had gotten pregnant and given the baby up for adoption. After a few weeks, he came home and she was lying down, not feeling well. Later in the evening she told him she had an abotion that day and it was twins. He was very sad but said it was her choice. Within a few months she was pregnant again and they married and had the baby. Two years later he came home from work to the same thing...she had another abortion. A year later another daughter was born. So 6 years and two daughters later she cheated on him. Started staying out all nite and he faithfully continued to care for his children. She left the state for months at a time following her boyfriend around and never even called the girls. Last year after they had been divorced a year she moved into an apt with the boyfriend and they have a baby now. Now she acts like she has always been the "Mommie of the Year" and my son is worthless. SHe bad mouths him in front of the girls and keeps them upset. He gets his kids 1st,3rd and 5th weekends and it kills him to not have more time with them and they are daddy's girls and cry when they have to leave him. He has gone thru all the phases and is over the anger. He knows when the time is right the girls will understand and one day he will have custody so for now he ignores the games she tries to play and the insults and has quality time with his daughters. I on the other hand have serious anger when she tries to hurt my son by keeping the kids from him or talking crap about him. He pays child support faithfully and anything else they need. I have never hated anyone in my life but I have a problem with this person letting other guys babies live and saying how much she loved me and my family yet 3 of my grandbabies were aborted. Altho we have proof of the adoption and the 3 abortions she has called my son a liar and says he is making all this up. Her boyfriend doesn't know and her parents don't know. She denies it all. Even with phone records she denies that she ever abandoned the girls and went out of state. she has serious mental issues and is raising my grandbabies. 26 years old and 7 pregnancies, one given away and 3 killed. And I am so bitter and angry. I vent when she does stupid things to him and he thinks Im gonna have a breakdown because I just want to slap the high and mighty baby murderer! Any one have any input???
11 Oct 10
I understand your situation and I can just imagine the rage boiling within you in the midst of this unfortunate situation. First things first, the most important thing here is for you to be able to maintain you're equilibrium. This must be your first priority. Otherwise you will not be able to continue extending your maternal guidance and support to your son and grandchildren. Obviously, I think they need you. How do you do this? You can do this by being "detach" while "engage." Meaning, never allow the situation to affect you while helping your son and grandchildren. Have complete control of your mind so that those debilitating thoughts will not be able to establish foothold in your mind that could eventually break you down. Remember, you can only be affected by a problem only to the level that you allow. The worst thing that you could do to yourself is to allow the questionable behaviors of your daughter-in-law to affect you. I want to share to you this FREE e-book link because I know this will tremendously help you overcome whatever you're going through right now. I am not selling anything and these are not even my own articles so feel free to visit this site. Sharing this to your son will be beneficial.
• United States
11 Oct 10
Thank all of you for your comments. I did want to say that she has custody of the girls but they both have joint managing conservertorship. He is supposed to be allowed in all decisions concerning them but her and boyfriend have moved six times in the past year and a half and she even tried to leave state with them. The judge saw how involved my son is with them and refused to let her. He only gets them every other week-end. I NEVER talk bad about her in front of them and just smile when they talk about her. They have no idea that I harbor really bad feelings. We make the most of outr time with them and try to teach them honesty and integrity. Like he said, when they are old enough to undrstand they will understand. I am hoping a counselor can help me cope with my anger but just venting to you guys has really helped. Again Thank you!!!
11 Oct 10
I find reading and meditating on Psalm 37 an excellent remedy when facing such disturbing situations. At times it's good to put everything in perspective and see the bigger picture. This has helped me many times when I have faced overwhelming horribleness. May God be near you at this time!
11 Oct 10
Oh my goodness. I can only barely imagine the rage you must feel when you think about how this woman continues to hurt your son and grandchildren. Counselling may in fact be a good option, because it would take a superhuman to forgive this woman (or even move on without forgiving) without help! I think it is important to support your son in any way you can in a bid for full custody of his daughters. Her neglect of them in the past shows that she will likely do it again, if she breaks up with this new boyfriend, and meets a new man that she wants to "follow around." There must be a court somewhere that will recognize how she poisons their minds against your son, and how she will likely abandon the girls again. I really hope that eventually, a good ending comes of this story. In the meantime, give your son and granddaughters as much love as you have, because that is the only protection they can have against such a hateful influence as their mother.
11 Oct 10
I'm not a mother nor i have kids but i cant help but give my opinion regarding your problem. whats taking so long for the divorce to realize? this girl has no right at all to be called mom after all what she did! is there any way your son and his daughters stop seeing her? what she did all those years should enough proof to stop or cut off the ties bet. her and your son. She's not healthy especially to your grand daughters and to your son and to you as well. you are just reacting like a mom should when her kid is in this kind of situation. its normal. you should call the authorities to stop or make her stay away from you and your son's family. this is too much stress to all of you.