Are Children 18 Years Old And Above Need With Parents?

@visavis (5945)
Philippines
October 11, 2010 4:12am CST
Family bonding and culture are integral part of family ties around the world. Some countries cultures are still exist that the whole family together in one roof. Some are in one compound. What do you think it is helpful or necessary because the culture? Yes, this issue I want to know your views becuase I saw some good and bad effects to the concern, like unable to stand-alone, no decision made for him/herself, always dependent to the parents and etc. Appreciate your views and experienced about this... Waiting, thanks
4 people like this
18 responses
@zhouxi (1756)
• China
12 Oct 10
my son is eighteen.he is studing in an university.so he needs us to pay for all his bills. sometimes when he doesn't study hard.i 'm so angery.i ask him to work to servive.But in fact i cann't to do so .we have only one child. our hope is wishing him to be a real man.to have his ability to live a good life.so when he meets difficulties.we alway want to help him though we want him to be undependent.
1 person likes this
• India
11 Oct 10
Always depending on the parents for each and every thing and make discussion about something is necessary for an adult. Because, adults are just growing up. They have to learn more things in their life. But their parents have more experience in their life. They are very much supportive to us to grow more safely.
@visavis (5945)
• Philippines
11 Oct 10
Thanks to your views. To learn something start with application that is my idea of being away to our parent. Learning from parents are over and you must start your own by practising outside your parents shadows.
• Denmark
11 Oct 10
I actually agree with kskumudha it depends on the parents. My uncle lived with his parents untill he was about 20 or something.. soooo... And my brother which is 18 still live with us.
@jaiho2009 (39019)
• Philippines
11 Oct 10
Well,there is always good and bad sides of too much dependency to family/relatives and loved ones. But,it doesn't mean that living with parents or with relatives in one compound is the root cause. It's about individual behavior and attitude. I've known some people who lives with their family and relatives in a compound,and having such life makes them more eager to live alone and far from them. Becoz,such environment makes them feel uncomfortable as if they don't have much freedom. So,people who don't have much willingness or courage living alone even if they're old enough are not mature enough in mind and emotions. The up bringing is one common aspect that can affect the attitude and behavior. If,the parents or siblings of that person always treat him/her without confidence,then he/she will live his/her life in miserable. Self confidence is self motivated,but,encouragement and trust from family members is one good way to boost that confidence in order to have the full confidence and courage to do things and decide alone. Confidence is acquired from people around us,and it is also people around us that can bring us down if we lack of self confidence and motivation.
@visavis (5945)
• Philippines
11 Oct 10
Thanks to your views, I noted your points. I believe all parents are wishes to all their children not to move to another places - right? Like the children has already own family - do you agree with me to seattle-down his/her own family to avoid any conflict in the future, because most of the cases parents and son/dauther-in-law are always in conflict to each other. In the other-hand to make easy to a person to start living away from parent and prepare for the future, start it in the early maturity age of 18..
@jaiho2009 (39019)
• Philippines
11 Oct 10
Well,in my opinion,as long as my kid can stand alone as early as 18,why not. I am much willing to give her/him the freedom,in condition that,they will never forget to visit and keep in touch.
@bokal2703 (802)
• Philippines
11 Oct 10
I believe that a strong family ties and parents attention and advices are needed in order to have a strong sense of values and decisiveness. However, the parents must also put some sense of trust that their children will be able to decide on their own and just guide them and give some opinions about it when reaching the right age. It is true that there are children who become too dependent on their parents when the parents always have the decision in everything they do or want to do. Strong family ties is advantageous however should not be to the point of not trusting the children in deciding on their own...
@visavis (5945)
• Philippines
11 Oct 10
Thanks to your views, I see... but you said "right age". What is the right age for you? Because right age is start from 18 year old..
• Philippines
11 Oct 10
for me, right age starts at the time when the child can comprehend and has the thought of discernment...so, adolescent stage can be considered...but of course those will just be simple decisions...not major ones...
@Pose123 (21667)
• Canada
11 Oct 10
Hi visavis, This is a very good discussion topic and I hope you get many responses. I don't think that there is a one answer fits all here, but it depends on the family. I've always thought of family as being very important and parents should support their children. Culture does play a big role but where I live, young people usually move out on their own after they become permanently employed. I think that when children are raised in a loving and compassionate environment, they will know when they are ready to move out on their own and parents must be ready to let them go. For some it may be at eighteen or nineteen, others may not be ready until several years later. Blessings.
@visavis (5945)
• Philippines
11 Oct 10
Thank you for your complements and agreed with you.. But see the present observation even the children have own family and children still in the shadow of his parents - Do you agreed this? Even in the bible mentioned that the children will live their parents to have own family not with the same house... you get my points.... thanks again your answer is great..
• Philippines
11 Oct 10
Yes... but not to tell them what to do or take over all decision makings. Children of that age still need their parents to guide them and support them on decisions being made. PIeces of advice would do... except for cases where in the child would obviously and surely get into bad fate.
@visavis (5945)
• Philippines
11 Oct 10
Thanks to your views.. What do you think parent can guide and support only if their children around their house? I don't think so, even away their children if parents are willing to do their jobs as parent they can do - Right?
@toniganzon (50049)
• Philippines
11 Oct 10
Children still staying with their parents doesn't mean they are dependent. Independence is a privilege that a child should develop through the help of their parents. In other words your child's dependence or independence lies in your own hand. How you were raised by your parents and how you raise your own child will matter the most. So basically, what I'm saying is that whether you live in an extended family or nuclear family is not the judge or sole determination of your dependence or independence. :)
@visavis (5945)
• Philippines
11 Oct 10
Thanks to your views.. by the way our topic is 18 years is to stay or need to stand alone. I agree with you whatever types our parents raised us bonding is always there, but you can do it also even you are away from them. This is I think best to avoid any problem. Some instances they can moved only when the problem arises so there is difficult situation. Helping to each other is not problem whether you are far or near.
@RONDOLAWE (776)
• Indonesia
11 Oct 10
hi.. some family must do it the bonding of family who not make they on life but some of them yes stay in the same and one compoud but its just make they expenditure its much more somewhat helpful and always together what will happen to them
@visavis (5945)
• Philippines
11 Oct 10
Hi there, I think if expenditure is an issue, we should know from whom that ideas from parents or from the children concern. If from parents in one side it is ok but in the other side, they teach their children to depend only from the parents.
@tammytwo (4304)
• United States
12 Oct 10
I moved out of my parent's home when I was only 16 but I was pregnant. So I haven't been taken care of by my parents for many years. My oldest child is now 20 years old. he moved away from home for about six months but recently moved back home. I believe anyone can live at home at any age as long as the family agrees with the arrangement.
• Mumbai, India
12 Oct 10
Well its absolutely not a bad thing if guys above 18 need a support from parents in making decisions or regarding something important, after all your parents are someone who have seen more rainy seasons than you, so naturally they are experienced and have a knowledge regarding worldly things more than you. Its anytime better to take advice of your parents than some outsider :D. Besides how old you may grow for your parents you will always be small. Sometimes parents can help a great deal when they clearly know your pros and cons, which outsiders usually don't know. Being 18 and above does not mean that you have gained all the worldly knowledge and intelligence :D, by then most of the people get on their own, but still taking advice of your parents or depending on them for some things is not bad at all as far as you are not hurting them or going against their wishes.
@Karunvig (714)
• India
12 Oct 10
I think parents support shoulkd me minimum for children abov 17 yrs as if thy are nt left alone thy get a habit of living in a cage and later may nt b a successful due to pampering of the parents just like that
@bravowoo (78)
• China
12 Oct 10
haha, you like to talk about this. this is a new topic i think. because before in the old days. we all lived together in one big family. we can not live seperately due to the poor transportation. now we can live or need our parents as we like.
@SimpleBB (1332)
• Philippines
12 Oct 10
In other countries, when you reached the age of 18 means that you no longer a child. You are capable of doing things by yourself or even can work for your own. That is their culture which somehow good for the reason that teaching the children to stand on their own as well as to be confident and responsible for everything they are capable of doing. On the contrary, in most Asian countries like here, we used to hold our kids as long as we can, without knowing that we are the one who holding them up to learn, for some reasoning like they still immature. If we are always like this, when can they be matured? For me, even the child is not 18 yet, we should let them discover what they can do on their own. Parents are here for guidance. When they reached the so-called right age, it doesn't mean they don't need to be with parents anymore. They don't need parents to feed them up and do things for them. They don't need parents physically, what they need is their parent's love, caring through reminders and guidance when they seems going to things beyond what is right. Family can maintain thier bondings in so many ways and even more joyful for them. Have a nice day.
@thesids (22358)
• Bhubaneswar, India
12 Oct 10
Hi Visavis, True that family bonding is an essential part of life. It is not only about culture but also makes our lives simple. In cases of emergencies, mental depressions and other bad things, it is only your own family on whom you can depend. Children too learn a great more and have a better lifestyle and ways of thinking where the families stay together. I wished to stay with my parents all my life but in modern times when everything is becoming expensive, you cannot afford larger houses with the meager income that you have (at least in India). Here at my place, the prices are soaring high and we still have to have our own house. The rent is also exorbitant and affording a mansion where 3 families can stay is a dream for us. But yes, the greener thing here is that we still meet and spend our weekends together. Though this is just not sufficient but given the circumstances, we have not too many choices.
• Indonesia
12 Oct 10
How does a male get to be in his parents age (18 years old)? I think it's impossible! If you're in misery, then find a way to leave. OK Seriously, why wouldn't you work at getting emancipated if it's bad enough and you have a way to care for yourself? Go to Social Services if you need help, or go to the police if it's an immediate threat to your well being! If they're just being strict and not giving you everything you want or letting you do what you want, then are you just being a brat? I'm not assuming you are, but you really need to be honest with yourself here and face the reality. My mother was very easy on me and my sister is doing the same with her kids, but that doesn't teach a teenager to take responsibility and become an adult. I had to teach myself as an adult how to make good decisions and I had no role models to lok back at to determine the right thing for me to do. It took a longer time for me to grow up and I see the same thing happening to my nephew. So having parents who discipline you in a reasonable way (not beating you or making you feel like an insignificant piece of crap) is actually a wonderful gift. Another option is taking a closer look at how you are communicating with them. Are you using the same words over and over? Perhaps it's time both you and your parents tried talking by using different words to communicate with each other. You'd be surprised how much better that seemingly small thing works. And don't be afraid to be vulnerable and show that something hurts you or disturbs you. I'm sure your parents want you to be a happy person. Even the meanest parents actually do want that for their kids. What kind of tough choices are your parents making that hurt them so badly by denying you what you want? Parenting is a job and every job has tasks no one wants to do, but that's why it's called WORK and not PLAY! The job they took in bringing you into this world is called Parenting, not Friendship. You're lucky if you have parents who are doing the job. And if they aren't doing the job, then I hope you get the help you need. Good luck I wish you well.
11 Oct 10
I think that when your sons or daughters grow older and are an adult you still need to be there for them but in a different way. The relationship with a parent and their children should change as they grow up.
• Philippines
11 Oct 10
I think parents are integral to everyone, no matter what race or age you are in. independence doesnt mean you cut off ties with your family. you can be independent while still connected to your mother and father. It's just a matter of persepective. Personally, I love that I am still emotionally connected to my parents. They provide me with the guidance and wisdom that I need.
@sender621 (14956)
• United States
11 Oct 10
I don't think that age matters with children and parents. you are never too old to need your parents.