the chicken or the egg?

@dawnald (84130)
Shingle Springs, California
October 14, 2010 1:29pm CST
Do we do it to ourselves, or do they do it to us? You're not good enough. Nobody else will want you. Nobody else will put up with you. I suppose they tell you that first, but why do we keep repeating it to ourselves and believing it? Get out of my head, stupid voice! I have things I want to do, need to do, and you're just getting in my way. How do you make the voices go away?
10 people like this
44 responses
@mentalward (14716)
• United States
14 Oct 10
Sounds to me like those words have been engrained into your subconscious because you've heard them so often. Am I correct? The way to make those voices go away is to force them out of your subconscious by putting your own words in their place. I have panic disorder syndrome. I've had it since I was 17 years old. At one point, as a result of these panic attacks, I developed agoraphobia (fear of open places) where it was almost impossible for me to leave my house. The way I got over those "voices" telling me I couldn't go outside was to make a sign, large enough to read easily even if I wasn't consciously reading it. It said, "I can do anything I want to do." As long as my eyes fell on this sign (which, by the way, I placed strategically so I knew I'd see it every day, often several times a day) it was becoming engrained into my subconscious mind. Soon, it began to override that voice telling me I couldn't leave the house and I could start going outside again without extreme fear of having another panic attack. It worked!
@Hatley (157696)
• Garden Grove, California
14 Oct 10
hi mentalward I was in my forties when I had those horrid panic attacks. I woould be with my husband in this giant food warehouse 'where a ton of people shopped as the prices were wholesale. we always got our groceries there. I did not know what was happening to me but it seemed like all the people in the world were comming at me, and they knocked down veggies and fruits and tromped on them. I found I could hardly breathe and my heart was pounding, My husband realized what was going on, he took me by the hand and led me to the area where they had tables and chairs. they had a small food concession there. He then paid for our groceries. He got us both coffee and sandwiches. Then he said " you just had a panic attack. relax it will go away." it did but I had them each time I went into that grocery warehouse til finally I saw a psychologist and he helped me to get over these. I have not had a panic attack since. but I remember how frightened and also embarrassed I was.
3 people like this
@dawnald (84130)
• Shingle Springs, California
14 Oct 10
I think it's a combination of childhood insecurities combined with a certain person saying things like that. Anyway, I think putting my own words in their place is a great idea!
1 person likes this
@dawnald (84130)
• Shingle Springs, California
15 Oct 10
Darn right I am!
@cynthiann (18635)
• Jamaica
14 Oct 10
It my be a bit of both actually. One is that this may have been said to you repeatedly by someone. So therefore you half believe it evn though deep down you know that it is not true. Or again - your self esteem has been side-swiped and will take some time to recover. Take a deep breath and begin with some positive thoughts. You are a good Mom and your children love you - hell - they even like you You hold down a great job because you are smart and communicate well with co workers. You are bright, funny and are lovable. You are good enough for anyone who is good enough for you
3 people like this
@cynthiann (18635)
• Jamaica
14 Oct 10
Would you like a stiff shot of rum
2 people like this
@dawnald (84130)
• Shingle Springs, California
14 Oct 10
I spose my self esteem has been somewhat sideswiped ever since I was a child. And now you know who is bringing out all the little stuff he used to tolerate because we were in love. but then I guess I'm doing that to him too... rum sounds good.. :D
1 person likes this
@Hatley (157696)
• Garden Grove, California
14 Oct 10
hi dawn odd you should come up with this rightg when I was thinking about my dad and his reaction when asked what I wanted to do after high school. said then I want to be a writer. Now at84 its still true. He said, after a ego crushing ha ha," be real, writing is not a paying job, you must learn something that you can get a high paying job with.ha ha ha." I tried to take up a career in phlebotomy but I hated all of that science, I loved English and creative writing. I also loved working in the hospital as a nurses aide b ut not as a person taking blood from people and always I was writing on the side. But that message "writing is not a paying job" stuck in my head.Why did I let this stop me? Thats a question I still cannot really answer. I have written short stories and two novels but am unpublished. oh for ahile I was sending out copies of synopsis and first chapters and getting a slew of not quite what we wants and then the cost of mailing the required things to show a publisher got to be prohibitive so I just gave up. "Ha ha, you a writer, be real" that tape ran over and over in my poor brain.How do you make the voices go away DAwn? I just do not know.
3 people like this
@cynthiann (18635)
• Jamaica
14 Oct 10
By realising that your father was not God. he was just expressing an opinion that seemed to be rationale to him. Maybe he as scared that you would be poor.Who knows. I am published - short stories and articles in newspapers and in one book of short stories.My eldest sister laughed at my efforts too and always criticised me. Keep trying my friend.How about submitting to some publications like the Reader's Digest?
3 people like this
@dawnald (84130)
• Shingle Springs, California
14 Oct 10
I was thinking of Grandma Moses. Why not submit some of your writing. Who knows? You could be the great, undiscovered writer of the decade or something! And then I can say I knew you before you were famous! lol
1 person likes this
@mtdewgurl74 (18122)
• United States
14 Oct 10
I am not sure we can totally make them go away, but we can drown them out..by every time they tell us something like this that we come right back with a Oh hell yes I can..and not let it cripple us like it did before, or let it keep you from doing what you want...mental and emotional abuse is nothing to laugh about or take lightly..cause words linger far longer then other things..I know..because I deal with it. And only way I can not let it get me down is try to ignore it and tell myself yes I can..and not think of what others are thinking are saying..if it is something you want to do..do it for you and tell the others to piss off if they don't like it.
3 people like this
@dawnald (84130)
• Shingle Springs, California
14 Oct 10
1 person likes this
@fannitia (2172)
• Bulgaria
14 Oct 10
First of all, don't take medications! Then you should try to understand what causes the voices. Your childhood problems or other things. Loise Hay says that the most important thing is to learn to like yourself. When you look at the mirror you should be able to say: yes, I like this person for what she is now. I haven't try to do this. But I try to think nice things about myself:))For me the real problem is not the internal voices but the people. Especially those who are the closest to you. Their attitude could be the most hurting. But all this is sad. I hope that you'll be able to scare those voices and make them go away.
@dawnald (84130)
• Shingle Springs, California
14 Oct 10
Nope, no medication. I actually I laughed when I saw that...
2 people like this
@jillhill (37354)
• United States
14 Oct 10
You politely dismiss them to being crazed....then you start over. Stand in front of the mirrow and say....I am worth it! They do want me! Don't believe those voices in your head....believe in yourself!
2 people like this
@dawnald (84130)
• Shingle Springs, California
14 Oct 10
Well I mostly don't believe them, but they refuse to leave...
1 person likes this
@much2say (34566)
• United States
14 Oct 10
Go do something that you know proves these voices wrong - that should shut 'em up for a while. These voices know how to get to your head and your heart, so we just have to keep building up the walls and throw back the eggs (or rubber chickens, or whatever you wanna throw). For me, good physical activity was a good outlet (like skating) . . . I can focus on that and forget about the stupid things in life (among other things) at least for that moment. Either that or chowing down a Snickers bar would do me just fine - hee hee.
2 people like this
@dawnald (84130)
• Shingle Springs, California
14 Oct 10
I went and tanked my own car last night, does that count? Chocolate sounds good too!
1 person likes this
@nannacroc (4049)
14 Oct 10
Just repeat to yourself, it's what he says to belittle me, it's not the truth. Sounds easy, I know it isn't but if you let these thoughts get to you he's won. Be strong and don't let him destroy your confidence.
2 people like this
@dawnald (84130)
• Shingle Springs, California
14 Oct 10
Partly things he's said, partly childhood insecurities, but I do wish these stupid thoughts wouldn't pop into my head....
1 person likes this
@CJscott (4184)
• Canada
16 Oct 10
I tell them to stop it...http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T1g3ENYxg9k and think about that particular clip. Enjoy. Sincerely and With Appreciation.
1 person likes this
@dawnald (84130)
• Shingle Springs, California
18 Oct 10
Link didn't work. :-(
@CJscott (4184)
• Canada
18 Oct 10
Grr...I must have copied and pasted wrong... Search "Stop It Bob Newhart" On Youtube. It is more work, but more then well worth it. Other people I know, would say, replace them with positive affirmations, or a hymn, and all three seem to work, when I remember to use them. Cheers.
1 person likes this
@dawnald (84130)
• Shingle Springs, California
18 Oct 10
STOP IT!!!
@Memnon (2173)
15 Oct 10
I do it to myself without any prompting. Opposite gender, obviously!
1 person likes this
@dawnald (84130)
• Shingle Springs, California
15 Oct 10
I don't need prompting either, just reprogramming!
1 person likes this
@Memnon (2173)
15 Oct 10
If I discover a course I'll let you know!
1 person likes this
@dawnald (84130)
• Shingle Springs, California
15 Oct 10
@pino69 (57)
• Belgium
15 Oct 10
The egg! :) Before chikens there were egg's. Those of reptiles ofcourse.
1 person likes this
@dawnald (84130)
• Shingle Springs, California
15 Oct 10
You answered the title, but what about the discussion topic?
@pino69 (57)
• Belgium
15 Oct 10
And just think about what the voices are telling. If you search for the solution the voices will start asking different questions.
1 person likes this
@dawnald (84130)
• Shingle Springs, California
15 Oct 10
maybe they will :D
• United States
15 Oct 10
By hearing someone who Really loves you say You are a beautiful person and I Love you. But it may take many times And you Have to be able to Hear ans believe it , but it does work.
1 person likes this
@dawnald (84130)
• Shingle Springs, California
15 Oct 10
Must find that person... :D
1 person likes this
• United States
16 Oct 10
They are out there! I'm living proof , there is someone for Everyone.
• United States
24 Sep 11
Lily, if they are gone , then they are not the One! So yours is still out there. Just keep doing things you love to do and look around, Your love may be right there.
@hofferp (4739)
• United States
19 Oct 10
I sometimes am successful at making the voices go away by counting backwards, as many times as I have to until they disappear. The other way is to spend time with friends/family who know me and make me feel good...
1 person likes this
@dawnald (84130)
• Shingle Springs, California
19 Oct 10
I like the second option...
@hofferp (4739)
• United States
19 Oct 10
I use the first one trying to get to sleep at 2 in the morning...
1 person likes this
@jdyrj777 (6558)
• United States
16 Oct 10
Ignor them. Like a annoying neighbor they just go away.
1 person likes this
@dawnald (84130)
• Shingle Springs, California
18 Oct 10
I like replacing them with positive thoughts.
@jdyrj777 (6558)
• United States
19 Oct 10
Im a person that generally thinks along positive thoughts. So to me to ignor the negitive one is replacing them with possitive ones.
@sid556 (31018)
• United States
15 Oct 10
Hi Dawnald, I know it...I do the same thing and have you ever noticed how those negative voices are so much clearer and louder than the positive ones? I could get 10051 compliments on something and it doesn't make it's way to my head but one negative and it just throws me. I don't know any cure to make it go away. getting really busy helps, time helps but if it hurts enough then it seems they are always lurking somewhere in our minds. All it takes is something to remind us and we are right back there. Just a couple of days ago I was on a discussion here about skinny people. Now I was a real skinny, lanky kid...got the zipper jokes etc. I could not put weight on for the life of me. Reading some of these cruel nasty comments just brought it all back. All I could think of was now If I popped on there and said half of those words regarding a fat person then I'd be pounced. And then I thought...I hope to god that my daughter doesn't stumble upon that discussion. She is 16, tall and a size 00. She is very beautiful but also very self concious of her small weight. The mean words on that discussion would devestate her. The best cure for those voices that echo would be if everyone would stop using their words for weapons.
1 person likes this
@dawnald (84130)
• Shingle Springs, California
15 Oct 10
And what's worse? The clueless idiot who has no idea what effect their words will have? Or the one who does?
1 person likes this
@sid556 (31018)
• United States
15 Oct 10
Oh without a doubt, it would have to be the one that knows full well the impact of their words. That person is vindictive and manipulative and the hurt is intentional. The clueless one can be told and can become more aware...there is hope for the clueless person.
1 person likes this
@saphrina (31740)
• South Africa
15 Oct 10
You just talk to them until they get bored and leave. Think of a very annoying and boring topic to entertain them with. TATA.
1 person likes this
@dawnald (84130)
• Shingle Springs, California
15 Oct 10
Oh well that's easy, I'll tell them all about R.
@saphrina (31740)
• South Africa
15 Oct 10
Now that is a great idea.
1 person likes this
@bounce58 (17550)
• Canada
20 Oct 10
I do a full-on debate with the voices! And most days I could reason with it, or make it go away. But sometimes it wins, so I just listen. Ugghh! Hate those voices. How did they ever get into my head in the first place?
1 person likes this
@dawnald (84130)
• Shingle Springs, California
20 Oct 10
Don't let them win!!!
@vicky30 (4779)
• India
20 Oct 10
The way to get the voices out of the head is by listening to music or by thinking about thoughts that do not hurt the mind.When i get such thoughts i will always think on the positive side and the repeating thoughts will not come in my mind.The best option is to pray to God so that the voices will leave your mind and Gods comfort will come upon you.If you do some activity and do not keep your mind idle, the voices will not trouble you.
@dawnald (84130)
• Shingle Springs, California
20 Oct 10
yes thinking positive thoughts helps
• United States
18 Oct 10
Well basically I tend to not let those things get in my way. Yes it does affect me at times, but I know it's not the end of the world. There's almost always a chance to keep trying and doing your best. If people can't stand you, at least try to act nice and get along and be friendly no matter how they treat you. Hey, it worked with me. A manager who didn't like me at first.. well I became nice, respected her and followed her orders. Now she doesn't seem to show that dislike. No one's perfect and there will always be our negative moments, but again it's not the end of the world. Everyone has a purpose and everyone has a chance.
1 person likes this
@dawnald (84130)
• Shingle Springs, California
18 Oct 10
I'm glad it worked for you. I had a situation like that, and I wish I had tried that.
• United States
17 Oct 10
They have medication for that. lol but seriously, remove yourself from their influence and surround yourself with positive people. If you're around people who believe the day is beautiful, rain or shine, you pick up on it and "reprogram" yourself to think the same way.
1 person likes this
@dawnald (84130)
• Shingle Springs, California
18 Oct 10
Sounds about right!