How do i trun him down without hurting his feelings?

Egypt
October 15, 2010 4:08pm CST
So there is this new guy in my class. i heard he was interested and that hes gonna ask me out soon but i honestly dont want to go out with him .well lets just say that ive been sort of been obsessed with this other guy for a year who happens to be close friend who dosent know i like him. i know pathetic right? being hooked on one guy for a whole year. anyways , what im saying is that i cant go out with anyone when there is one guy im thinking about constantly. how do i let the new guy down gently ?because he seems nice. and do i tell him the truth or is it too painful?
12 responses
@mods196621 (3631)
• Philippines
16 Oct 10
You cannot force yourself to love a man you won't like. So tell him that you don't love him in a nice way so he will not hurt so much. It is better to tell him your true feelings rather than he expect of more than friends. It is really hard to reject a good person to us and i think he is friendly. But you need to accept the fact that you need to tell him the truth about your true feelings. Tel him gently. Okay.
@piya84 (2591)
• India
16 Oct 10
Hello Naya Why haven't you asked this guy out or expressed interest in him?Is he interested in someone else?If it is a case oyu need to move on from this guy.Give this new guy a chance who knows you might start liking him.
@kalinka1 (73)
• Belgium
16 Oct 10
You say that you're hooked on this ither guy for a year now. I really think it's time for you to ask him out or at least try to find out how his feelings are. If you don't you'll never know and you can stay hooked on him for even longer without any result. If he isn't interested in you, I know this will be hard but at least you'll know where you stand. If he does like you as well, it could finely be something great. In the case where he doesn't want to, it's time for you to start to notice other guys, for instance the guy that is interested in you, maybe once you get to know him, you'll feel completely different about him.
@_crystal (28)
• China
16 Oct 10
i wonder wether the guy u like having feelings for u ,if there is, at least u must have felt the hints he sent,then go for it. if the answer is no, give another boy a try,maybe he is the Mr right.
@jet2r0cks (193)
• Philippines
16 Oct 10
You should tell him the truth. You'll only hurt his feelings if you lie about it. There's no better way to turn him down than to tell him the truth. Just make sure you make your point clear cause he might get really persistent if he somehow gets the idea that he still has a chance. Some guys are like that _
@SimpleBB (1332)
• Philippines
16 Oct 10
Why don't you just tell him that you are willing to be his friend by the time being. And you being obsessed with someone else for a year is not sure if it will work. So your relationship as friends can ba a way to know each other better and who knows, that could be a way for you to find his qualities that can make you change your mind. But make it clear to him that friendship is what you can offer, try not to give hope that he can look for. I think this is the best way not to dump him directly. Hope you could find an appropriate answer to your question in suggestions written here by your respondents. Good luck. Cheers.
@thaMARKER (3094)
• Philippines
16 Oct 10
this happened to me few years back. we dined out but i didn't know that it was a date and such because he was our instructor. hahaha.. then later on i noticed that he keeps on talking about silly things with me and asked me out for a dinner date again. and so then i figured.. i ignored him for a couple of times and told him later on that it's not okay considering our situation (student-teacher relationship) and i don't like him. and he stopped..
• Philippines
16 Oct 10
I think you should just tell him straight out about how you feel. That way he won't feel that you were leading him on for nothing. I got to learn it the hard way. You may think that it hurts, and it does. But it will soon pass. If you tell him later on, it would only hurt him more. Just say it to him in the most polite way and hope that he understands.
@madteaparty (2763)
• Japan
16 Oct 10
Well, if he really likes you there's no way to turn him down without hurting his feelings. Think of the same situation related to you. Imagine that the boy you have liked for so long tells you that he doesn't feel the same for you. Can you imagine of a way for him to tell you that wouldn't make you feel hurt? It's difficult, isn't it? I think the best way is to be honest and leave things very clear, for not to create fake hopes to him. Try not to use harsh words when you tell him if in the end he decides to confess, so it will be less painful
@ynam29 (40)
• Philippines
16 Oct 10
Whatever you say, it will hurt him. Do you know the song, "There's No Easy Way to Break Somebody's Heart"? Well, it is true. But don't worry, he'll get over it and eventually move on. Tell him you don't think you're really his type and that the 2 of you will work out as a couple. And don't try to be friends with him...not yet. Give it some time. Don't mention about the other guy because it has nothing to do with him. Goodluck
• United States
15 Oct 10
You should not tell this man anything your longing for a man you don't even have. Girl this man you don't like may be the best one for you. Take hat you have and run with it. Go out with him and have a great time. You don't have to like him to become friends with him. While talking to him let him know your not looking for a boyfriend your schooling is all you have on your mind. You may just well meet a great friend. don't close the door on people who find something sweet in you. What about the other guy a year already and he is still a dream please... I would get over that one quick.
• Canada
15 Oct 10
If you've been hooked on one guy for over a year, why haven't you asked him out? And if you haven't because you know he's not interested, you need to get over him. What better way to get over him than by dating a really nice guy who is planning to ask you out? I would advise you to say yes to this nice guy, have some fun, and if it doesn't go anywhere serious, that's ok! If you really want to turn him down, just tell you don't see it going anywhere and you only date people if you could really see yourself with them long-term. That way, you can tell him he is nice, and fun, but you want more than "nice" and "fun" in a relationship.