Choice in a love triangle

@Sanitary (3969)
Singapore
October 20, 2010 1:43am CST
It's been 2 years since he left me and I have moved on. I had to accept it though it's not easy. However, god is on my side, allowing me to meet him. He continuously wipe away my tears, telling me not to cry and he will always be by my side. Before long, we are already dating with things going smoothly. Suddenly, My past decided to return. My present is really good to me, how do I drop him? While the other has left me before yet my love for him had never faded. Now I have to be strong and choose one out of the two. Who do I choose? Mind over heart? Heart over mind? If it's really that easy, my love won't have stay for the past and yet sway towards the present. How do I choose.....
4 people like this
22 responses
@Memnon (2173)
22 Oct 10
Two questions for you. One fairly easy, and the second not so pleasant, but I would ask you to consider. 1. Is your past likely to hurt you again. If the answer is yes, is it worth the risk? 2. If you are considering leaving your present, are you really giving him the devotion/ love that he deserves? If the answer is no, he does not deserve to be used, and you should leave him regardless of whether you take back up with your man of the past or not.
@Sanitary (3969)
• Singapore
22 Oct 10
Love do hurt. It's only through hurt, then we know what's love. It's complicated but i have made up my mind now. I will choose the one who's good to me and will never leave me.
1 person likes this
@Memnon (2173)
22 Oct 10
Pleased to hear that you have made your decision. For what it's worth, I think you have made the right choice; honestly. Hope it all turns out well.
2 people like this
@aerous (13474)
• Philippines
22 Oct 10
I think it's not good for you to still think the past. He did not love you that is why he leave you. To forget that person which makes your life ruin in the past days of good relationship and suddenly left you. Think all the bad days and think all the bad side of that man... Since you found a good man who really loves and care for you. I suggest you to stick to that person because your sure he never go away from you
@Sanitary (3969)
• Singapore
22 Oct 10
That's my decision after so many advices from mylotters. I really appreciate all of our help. I shall stick to the present and say sorry to my past. He can't come and go as and when he like, he needs to respect my feelings as well as me, being a person.
1 person likes this
@aerous (13474)
• Philippines
24 Oct 10
Well, I am glad that you wake on the reality that the past is past. It's time for you to move on and I wish you all the happiness in life
2 people like this
@jasonnaez (134)
• Philippines
20 Oct 10
Our desire creates our realities in life. We actually see what we want to see and we believe what we actually want to believe. But most of the time at the expense of truth and as a consequence we get hurt. The human heart is deceptive and carefulness is needed to avoid falling in to misery again. Just remember, good choice produces sweet and blessed life. CHEERS!
@Sanitary (3969)
• Singapore
21 Oct 10
How do we define a good choice? In the eyes of others or the way we feel?
• Philippines
22 Oct 10
Belief is the basis of man's action, therefore good belief is essential to happiness in life because without it there can be no right conduct. A good choice is a belief or action based on the divine principles of truth, justice, love, compassion and humility. Good choice is not dependent on how we emotionally feel and on how others see us. Good choice is more on believing and living a life that is blameless, a life that is not self-destructive and hurtful to others. Cheers and May God bless you!
1 person likes this
• Philippines
20 Oct 10
Just think of the right thoughts, why did your past leave you? For what reason he is coming back now? For me the important thing is do not let your heart rule over your mind because it will broke everything. Heart will decide whatever it can make it happy without thinking of the consequences. Past was left you, and now he is coming back??? How could he afford to come back?
@Sanitary (3969)
• Singapore
20 Oct 10
Heart has decided for me to go back to my past because my love for him had never fade during the time he left me. Is that a right decision for me then?
1 person likes this
@tammytwo (4304)
• United States
20 Oct 10
If you truly believe in God, say a prayer and lay it all in his hands. He will lead you where you need to be. It is hard to go where your head knows you should be when the heart is telling you otherwise.
1 person likes this
@Skade24 (750)
• Romania
20 Oct 10
It is always very hard to choose between 2 persons. But before you make the decision i think you really must think about this very good, because your future depends on that decision of yours. You have to put in libra all the good and bad things that have that 2 persons, and see who is the best choice, but remember that first person left you some times ago, and maybe we could do it again. I hope you will make the good decision, good luck!
2 people like this
@Skade24 (750)
• Romania
20 Oct 10
Well you must love one of them more than the other, but this, only you know. No matter what decision you make, someone will get hurt, this is life, we all get hurt at some point.
2 people like this
• Philippines
20 Oct 10
well for me, even if it's sound so crazy, I will choose someone who loves me for sure. Because your past have hurt you already so why would you go back to him? I will rather treasure the present whom I also love. The relationship you had with him just started and it's right if you give your self the chance to love the right person.
2 people like this
@Sanitary (3969)
• Singapore
20 Oct 10
U re right. But it's not fair to the present man in my life because my love for the past has never fade at all. In short, I'm in love with two different people at the same time.
1 person likes this
@tammytwo (4304)
• United States
20 Oct 10
The decision really isn't as easy as it may sound to someone who hasn't been through it. As you say sanitary, it is unfair to the current man if you have never lost your love for the first one. And the first man could have TRULY learned from his mistake and he could have changed.
1 person likes this
@whyaskq (7532)
• Singapore
22 Oct 10
Why fret over the past? Treasure the present before it becomes the past. Personally, I feel that since you have moved on, you should also let the past go. Since the present has showered you with the missing love and comfort, I feel it is fair only if you really weigh if you should drop him. What if the past decide to drop you again after a while? I am sure you are strong enough to move on and I am also sure you are strong enough to decide what is best for you.
2 people like this
@Sanitary (3969)
• Singapore
24 Oct 10
I will cherish my present. Past is past and now that I'm no longer suppressing my feelings, I feel more light headed with clearer mind. I have made a decision and my past is not part of my plan.
1 person likes this
@ajosh319 (100)
• Philippines
20 Oct 10
The biggest choice is in your hands, but pick the one that you would be if you would be happy. Just don't be afraid it's never easy but be strong remember live your live with no regrets.
2 people like this
@Sanitary (3969)
• Singapore
21 Oct 10
I'm happy with both of them and that explains the difficulty in choice.
1 person likes this
• United States
21 Oct 10
You Have to sit down and figure out whom you love the most! Then go with that guy. If you still have very strong feelings for your ex, being with the present guy is not fair. Mr present deserves to be with All of you. It isn't fair to be with him dreaming of another guy! Pick the guy you love most!
1 person likes this
@Sanitary (3969)
• Singapore
22 Oct 10
I know who's my pick now. I have alot of help from mylotters here, and they are mostly right. The same goes for u too, in helping with my decision.
1 person likes this
• United States
22 Oct 10
Good! Glad I could help. Be Happy!
@zxtzxt (214)
• Philippines
20 Oct 10
I thought you said you already moved on. If you are telling the truth then why get bother when the one who left you was trying to come back into your life. You moved on with your past and stay that way.
1 person likes this
@Sanitary (3969)
• Singapore
20 Oct 10
Yes, I thought I have already moved on. But once I see him again, all love and feelings of the past came flowing back to me again. It's almost like he hasn't left me when in reality he did leave me for 2 years. I'm confused with my feelings.
@Sanitary (3969)
• Singapore
20 Oct 10
Yes, I thought I have already moved on. But once I see him again, all love and feelings of the past came flowing back to me again. It's almost like he hasn't left me when in reality he did leave me for 2 years. I'm confused with my feelings.
@emgee595 (336)
• Philippines
20 Oct 10
That's a tough dilemma..a difficult task of choosing between two important persons in your life. Loving and keeping a relationship has no fixed formula and each relationship is unique hence, what might work for others might not be applicable to you. In your case, you alone can determine which of the two will truly make you happy...based on how they treated you, made you feel special and loved, respected you and most of all based on how you feel towards them. I how you will be happy with your choice. Be happy. Good luck. Have a good day and happy mylotting! :D
@emgee595 (336)
• Philippines
20 Oct 10
I'm sorry for the typographical error: I hope you will be happy with your choice. As the saying goes: Live well, love much and laugh a lot...Stay in love and laughter and happiness will truly come your way... Good luck! :D
1 person likes this
@Sanitary (3969)
• Singapore
20 Oct 10
Both of them had made me feel happy, feel special in my life. That's why it's difficult for me to make a choice between the two. Though one of had hurt me before, but I've never stop loving him because of that. I'm actually suppressing my emotions thinking I can get over him and so the new relationship is started. However with the appearance of my past again, my feelings re-surfaced and I can't handle it. I'm confused.
@kun2349 (23475)
• Singapore
23 Oct 10
haha =D Interesting huh? I have to say being involved in a love triangle is never easy at all. It's not a matter of heart over mind or vice versa, but rather it's really love u are feeling, or u just want a replacement for something u lost. Both of them are different things yet they can be lumped together as one. Dun bother to ask yourself about who u want, because u wont choose. Instead, ask them why they want to be with u. Your heart will tell u the answer u want, yet they wont end up as your final choice. hehe
@Sanitary (3969)
• Singapore
24 Oct 10
Your respond is more complicated than my love life. I do understand what u are driving at and I have the answer to my heart now.
1 person likes this
@freymind (1352)
• Philippines
21 Oct 10
choose that one who loves you more than you love him... you said that God is on your side and gave you that someone when you needed a person to be your stronghold. I think God has already given you the answer you've been trying to find. He already gave your answer... The one who is good to you and having a smooth relationship.. don't waste what you've already started just by going back to someone that hurt you and probably left you for another.. Talk to God again.. He will surely make you remember that he already answered you and you just have to open your eyes since he is just in front of you...
@Sanitary (3969)
• Singapore
22 Oct 10
I think i have the decision now. I will stick to it, and let go of my past.
@Hatley (164638)
• Garden Grove, California
21 Oct 10
hi sanitary the man you have now sounds like he is three times' better than the one you say you still love. maybe that love ' is more like a habit than real love. Does not your self esteem tell you you deserve more than a man who is wishy'washy . and has left you before. He will probably leave you again and again, as he sounds just like a player. How c an you love someone who does not evidently love you enough to be true to you?You chose the most decent of the two men of course and let the player go play with someone else.
1 person likes this
@Sanitary (3969)
• Singapore
22 Oct 10
Thanks for both of your advice to me. I think i know what i should do now. Look towards the future and it be mind over heart, to protect me from any more harm.
• Philippines
21 Oct 10
hello sanitary! that is indeed a very complicated situation, and a very difficult question to answer. Only you could know what you really want to happen. However, i would advise you to think it over several times before making any decision, to avoid regrets in the future. You must remember that being honest to yourself is the first important factor you'll have to consider in making a decision. Maybe it is true that you still love your past, but is it really love? or is it just because he has left you for unexplained reasons and there was no fight or trouble involve? and that you had still hope that he will return someday, longing for that time actually, that is why you still keep the flame for him? your present is in love with you, as your story indicates. If you will choose him, you had better be honest with him and tell him the truth. if he truly loves you, he will help you get over your past and start again, with him. As you have said, you have moved on. Why pine for someone who had left you once? does it not give you anxiety that he will do again what he has done to you before? you must choose wisely, for that entails your future. in order to do so, you must let your mind rule over your heart. it will never fail you.
@Sanitary (3969)
• Singapore
21 Oct 10
Maybe u are right. It's a hope I'm looking forward to and the explanation he owes me for 2 years ago. Now that he's back and yet I'm hating him loving him at the same time, I have to ascertain my own feelings before making any decisions affecting of all us.
@djbtol (5498)
• United States
21 Oct 10
While acknowledging all the feelings you still have for the first guy, you need to find a way to shove that to the side and use your head to analyze both relationships. The first guy has been gone two years. What is up with that and how hard was it for him? Why was he not back sooner? Whatever the issues that caused the first relationship to breakup, they are still there unless you can say what has been done to remedy the situation. Even though the feelings may be strong, you have to deal with these facts, to some exent. When you consider the new guy, in the same way you have to ask questions. What are your feelings? Do you see yourself having a long term relationship with this guy. What is it about your personalities or your interests that makes you think this is likely? Does this guy have a track record of faithfulness? There is no easy way, but pray that God will lead you through the decision making process and down the right path. Talk to a close friend also. Make sure you challenge yourself with questions. Sometimes in these emotional situations, it is hardest to be honest with ourselves. Wish you the best.
@Sanitary (3969)
• Singapore
21 Oct 10
I get your point here. I will be calm and think what's the best way out for the 3 of us and not just me. I need to be fair to them with my decision.
@careguarden (5674)
• Philippines
20 Oct 10
Hello Sanitary. Well, think first the past before you decide San. If I were you I choose the present because he never hurt you unlike your past. If you are happy now, don't left your present and always think positive. I know it is not easy for you to choose but please follow your mind and heart. If you think that the present is good for you then go for it.
@Sanitary (3969)
• Singapore
21 Oct 10
Yes, I know. I think I have a decision here. Why give up on the present who's good to me yet going back to someone who's hurt me in the past. It's stupid.
• Philippines
20 Oct 10
for me i would say you choose your heart,coz thats the one who will makes you happy. yes he left you,but maybe that situation makes him realize that he loves you more that he'l ever know..maybe it'l help you to think with what i said.
1 person likes this
@Sanitary (3969)
• Singapore
21 Oct 10
U are the first one to give me a different choice. Now it makes my choice harder because my heart feels for the both of them.
• Philippines
20 Oct 10
hi dear, i know that your situation is very complicated, because you have to choose if which one would you choose. if i were you, i would listen to my heart if who is the most important one,. is it your past or present.?
@Sanitary (3969)
• Singapore
21 Oct 10
If only I know who's more important to me. Most responds here are telling me to go for the present.
@zenvovn (38)
• Vietnam
20 Oct 10
Love is based on both of mind and heart. You should be calm, and wise to choose your sincere lover. Don't lose him. if i were you, i choose the present peson. i hate the betral.
1 person likes this
@Sanitary (3969)
• Singapore
21 Oct 10
In my case, it's both mind over heart and heart over mind. I will take some quiet moments for myself to think what I really want. Worse come to worst, I will give them up.