Solve This Curiosity Of Mine

Psychology - How hard do you think before making decisions
United States
October 21, 2010 9:11am CST
I have been volunteering, driving a person to therapy every morning and while on the long drive 2 hour drive, I listen to this radio station where people call in and get advice. A 29 yr old woman is asking that she has an opportunity to go to Spain with her boyfriend, however she has 1 1/2 years to complete her 3rd degree. So she wants to know should she go with this man, whom she absolutely loves or stay behind and finish her degree. The two radio jockey women battle back and forth where as one says go, go you only live once. While the other says no, no finish the awesome 3rd degree and Spain will always be there. The caller appears to have her mind set with 100 excuses why she should go My curiosity is then why call in and get advice if your mind is set. What would you do in a situation like this?? Surely you know many personal friends who do this daily, where as they ask but why?
10 people like this
30 responses
• Singapore
22 Oct 10
Seems like her mind is already made up, she only called in to get some confirmation. When she hears something not in line with her thinking, she argues it through. Why does she do that? I guess people need support. If someone agrees with her, she will feel that she has made the right decision, but when others disagree, she can find reasons to refute and thus convincing herself further.
1 person likes this
• United States
22 Oct 10
She made her mind up prior to the call, my thinking is that it is quite alright to get two sided opinions but one must be open minded to listen to both sides and then maybe later say my original decision is best. She on the other hands asked the question, would not listen to opposing and intermittently and at end of the show said I will call you when I get back, hmm makes me think, like here whereas members ask for advice but then you give them your opinion right, and they come back all rude and upset for your opinion. Life is funny that way sometimes we just learn to well voice our opinion and hope the best for the individual and move. Thanks for responding.
1 person likes this
• United States
22 Oct 10
Yeah many people are like this and truly not open to discussing but looking for confirmation. Sometimes when we think we are going to make a one way decision, it sure helps to at least listen to all the pros and cons and later make your own decision as this way if things do not work out at least there will be no regrets.
2 people like this
• Singapore
22 Oct 10
Not that many people have open minds, usually people are quite stubborn and well set in their minds. Sometimes, even if they know they are making a mistake, they refuse to change due to pride or some other silly notions.
@aeiou78 (3445)
• Malaysia
21 Oct 10
This might be the weakness for most of the people. Sometimes, I did have my answer in my mind, but it was very difficult and confused for me to accept the fact or such decision. Consequently, I just liked to ask around to get more supporters and to make me have a decisive answer. ha! ha! ha! In my opinion, she should complete her degree before going along with her boyfriend. They still can meet each other during the school breaks, public holidays, off days and so on.
1 person likes this
• United States
21 Oct 10
Many callers into the show were right there with you, exactly the same but I suppose that she is so head over heels for this guy she can't let him go alone. Hopefully it will work out for her in the end. But yes her degree would be for ever and a boyfriend who knows.
2 people like this
• United States
21 Oct 10
Oh yeah I sing it from time to time and I was just thinking after another reply seem to me that there was something else the probability of losing the guy and if it is real love then there would be no worries I think. So perhaps insecurity and infatuation is kicking in, hmm hopefully no regrets for her later.
2 people like this
@aeiou78 (3445)
• Malaysia
21 Oct 10
You are right. Love is blind, never be trapped. We must face the realities in our living. If he is really loving you, no matter how, no matter when, no matter where, no matter what, no matter why, he will still be right the way waiting for you. Have you heard about this song? ha! ha! ha!
1 person likes this
@vijayanths (7877)
• India
21 Oct 10
I think nothing can stop her going to Spain-love is so powerful. If the man is very attractive, the temptation is irresistible.So asking for advice is just an eye wash.
1 person likes this
• United States
21 Oct 10
I listen to the whole 45 minute segment and for the life of me could not understand why she felt the need to ask as she was completely convinced that this is what she wanted to do. But you are right for love we are capable of doing just about anything.
2 people like this
@CJscott (4187)
• Portage La Prairie, Manitoba
22 Oct 10
For some people it is a matter of acceptance, the feel they need the approval of others. It is beyond me as well, both will still be there when you finish the other, follow your heart, the rest will work out.
1 person likes this
• United States
22 Oct 10
That is how I always see things as I am one who really thinks out the pros and cons and once I make up my mind I feel I am following my heart so therefore later if things did not actually work out I feel I made my own mistake and will learn from it, as the heart does dictate stronger than the mind.
2 people like this
@nijolechu (1842)
• Canada
22 Oct 10
Maybe the woman just wanted to get a second opinion from a completely neutral stranger on what she should do. Maybe she was hoping to be persuaded not to go by the radio jockey. I'm sure she just wanted to hear all her options. It doesn't hurt to see what other people think. I think she should go to Spain too and enjoy herself for a while and then come back home to finish her degree.
1 person likes this
• United States
22 Oct 10
That would be true, however she would not listen and contradicted all the suggestions she got. I on the other hand feel that her degree would be best to finish now, as she would not be leaving with her husband as he is only her boyfriend so for her to take that risk and perhaps be trapped by life's obligation as later she may not get the chance to return back to school. I suppose she will only know this is she gave it a try, I sure wish her luck as I wonder why she needs to get opinions if she is so in love, you see where I ge this feeling and curiosity??
1 person likes this
• United States
21 Oct 10
Human nature is strange. I mean,people seem to always look for confirmation that their discussions is the best one. That they are making the right choice. I'm guessing she knew in her heart that she wanted to go, but wanted to make sure of it?
1 person likes this
• United States
21 Oct 10
Exactly! Heart reigns over the mind in certain matters like these.
1 person likes this
• United States
21 Oct 10
I have done a few things in my life based on my heart and look back now and hoped I did not.
2 people like this
• United States
21 Oct 10
Yeah I kept saying to myself she knows she wants to go, but then she knows that perhaps getting that 3rd degree could be something special too. But her heart is dictating stronger than her brain so I suppose she basically wanted to hear someone say oh go.
2 people like this
@Strovek (868)
• Malaysia
21 Oct 10
Some people just need someone to sound off their ideas to solidify it.
1 person likes this
• United States
21 Oct 10
Even when logic keeps knocking and you continue to ask?
2 people like this
@Strovek (868)
• Malaysia
22 Oct 10
I think it depends on the person. Some think out loud, some need to have someone else as a sounding board. I read somewhere that when a girlfriend or wife complains they get irritated if the boyfriend or husband give them solutions. In some cases, they want to let out some frustration or one somebody to listen to them. This may be such a case. What do you think?
1 person likes this
• United States
22 Oct 10
Well that makes sense, but she contradicted every tiny piece of opinion anyone had offered. It was clear that she had already made up her mind and was not listening and or saying she was going to think a bit more. In fact she said I will call you all back when I get back from Spain, after she got a bit frustrated with any form of opinion. I wish her well and hope she has fun in Spain, as hopefully she does return and complete her degree as she is not leaving with a husband as she said it was her boyfriend, so my thinking is, if she was so in love why would it be a question. hmmm
2 people like this
21 Oct 10
I think sometimes people just like to ask questions like "Should I?", I'm not sure it's to show off, just to chat or down to the fact some people want to be put off. If your minds set on something I think it's worth doing :) Oh sure.. I know too many people who say something that they're supposedly 100% sure of but still ask. A friend I made while at work doesn't want to work within a cafe, he's used to fine dining and being a manager. He doesn't want to be general manager of a cafe but always tends to ask me what I think when a vacancy comes up that's within a cafe. It's gotten a point where I just repeat myself and I really don't see the harm in working in cafe especially when he would earn more there in most cases than he would of done as a bar manager. People... LOL
1 person likes this
• United States
21 Oct 10
Yes she started very meek and wanting avid advice but each time one of the female jockey said it was not a good idea the woman kept trying to put in another great reason why she should go. It got so ridiculous that I almost wanted to call in as no one address, could she afford to do this right now in her life as if they would have asked maybe it would have made sense. But you are right some people already have their mind set and well they just need like a "mommy" to say it is okay. HA!
3 people like this
@tash01 (2030)
• Jamaica
21 Oct 10
Well i think should finish her school first because spin will always be their ,while she would have to do her degree all over again. No matter how i love a person an want to travel i would have to put my education first because at the end of the day my education is important to me .am after i have finish my education then i can go an travel.This is what i would do finish my degree an then travel.
1 person likes this
• United States
21 Oct 10
I suppose once we have experience some things in life we can think logically, although she is 29 and madly in love. My thinking if it is true love would it still not be there later when she is done with school.
2 people like this
@gdesjardin (1918)
• United States
21 Oct 10
Sometimes I think people are nuts. If she is having a difficult time making up her own mind that why would she decide to call a radio station and get advice from total strangers that don't know who exact circumstances. You would think she would talk to her family and/or friends about a decision like that. I am not exactly sure what the lady means by her 3rd degree...is she talking about a Master's degree?? In any event, I don't know enough of her story to make a judgment call that like, as I am sure most listeners wouldn't either. And the if the caller already apparently has made up her mind...it makes you wonder why she would even waste her time calling into the radio station.
• United States
21 Oct 10
It just dawned on me while replying to kristeena above that why would she be calling strangers, hmmm you think that maybe there is more there than she was actually conveying. Seriously if you had a boyfriend who you loved and loved you and this was your predicament, the answer would obviously be yes I am going or no I have to finish and if we are so in love we will be there for each other later. hmm made me think maybe there is something else like she is probably trying to hold on to him and is willing to risk her education. Silly girl...
2 people like this
@doormouse (4599)
21 Oct 10
i reckon this woman has something nagging at the back of her mind,me personally would finish my degree as men come and go but education is there to stay
1 person likes this
• United States
21 Oct 10
Oh many callers where saying the same as you that if they were truly in love perhaps 1 1/2 year is not a long wait. But naturally she must truly be in love as well she sounded like she had her mind up the more the show progressed. I am with you as education is something no one can take and after all this is not her husband, so I suppose she should have considered that, but oh you should have heard her saying that school will be here when she got back. My thinking is oh yes it would be but would it be for her after independently venturing the world and perhaps obligations kicking in after that.
2 people like this
@CTHanum (8234)
• Malaysia
21 Oct 10
Haha..what a funny girl!! I am agree with you gurl..i think she just wasting her time calling them and asked for their and others opinion as she already made up a decision. She is funny but stupid. She should finish her study first.she doesn't have to worried as like you said Spain is always there but her boyfriend??i have no idea~hehe.....
1 person likes this
• United States
21 Oct 10
Seriously she was like all over the show saying but, but, but.. so clearly she had already made up her mind. I suppose she is like some people that will go all out talking about something looking for someone to say you go girl and get to Spain. I guess when you are in love you really do not think out the whole picture, hopefully she won't have regrets later. If this were her husband that would be a bit different. A boyfriend if true love would encourage her to finish.
2 people like this
@kristeena (358)
• Philippines
21 Oct 10
Maybe she just want to voice it out through media that she seemed undecided and needs an advice. Sometimes there are friends that seek our help in deciding things and then, here we are ready to answer and show our concern but it nettled us when we have given them all our views and they will still insist what they have in mind. So, why ask? You're just bothering me... But, you know I'm not that frank, I just tend to squeeze their face in that kind of situation. What a hard-headed brat!
1 person likes this
• United States
21 Oct 10
Imagine how awesome to complete that degree. I am thinking that perhaps there is something really there, like maybe, just maybe the boyfriend, although she is love, maybe something is not quite right and she feels that not going with him she would lose him. Sometimes when my friends ask questions like this I often wonder if they are telling me the whole truth as common sense tells her she needs to finish what she started as an education is forever.
2 people like this
• Mumbai, India
21 Oct 10
hehehe what a curiosity :D. One thing is I think that people like to take advice or know other person's point of view regarding a particular thing they are going to do. Many times they do this as they are totally confused but even set in one of the options. Getting advices enables some people to change their minds even after they have been set to act on a particular option, yes I have seen such people, who even after being set on an option ask 100 people and then modify their views after a lot of thinking and moaning. Others are like they just want the whole world to know that they have got this wonderful opportunity or decided on a particular thing. They do this to tell everyone and see their reactions to it, and also they want to hear advices of people as "FUN" and as to how those people would react in a particular situation in which they are right now. They do this with two fold intentions :- 1 To let everybody know what they are up to. 2 To see how people react when they break out the news and ask for advice. (asking for advice is a fun part for them or it might be just for the sake of asking advice).
• United States
21 Oct 10
Interesting analogy and I like it all too, it sure clears some other thoughts that ran through my mind. Perhaps she had her mind set but yet wanted to see other people reactions as maybe she knows what she is doing is not quite what most would opt to do, but yet she wants to see how others think despite her decision. Pretty interesting.
1 person likes this
• United States
23 Oct 10
I do not think she is canceling as she ended by saying I will call you back when I return from Spain. Either way she has two wonderful opportunities so I wish her all the happiness which ever route she goes.
1 person likes this
• Mumbai, India
22 Oct 10
Yeah it seems she had her mind set on that as she was giving 100 excuses, Still somewhere she herself wasn't sure whether she should take this opportunity or not and hence wanted 100 satisfying replies to her 100 excuses which might have changed her decision :D. Onother thing is, may be she wanted to let the whole world know that she has got this wonderful opportunity by the means of radio station :D. she might have told her boyfriend to put on the radio before calling there, not leaving any chance to show him how much she was excited to go with him and in reality after that she might have canceled the trip hehehehe :P.
@pschenck (98)
• Canada
21 Oct 10
I think they are looking for re-assurance that they are making the right decision. If most people agree with what they have their mind set on, they won't feel like they've made the wrong decision and it will give them peace of mind.
1 person likes this
• United States
21 Oct 10
Yeah sometimes I see it this way too, as I have several acquaintances who do the same too. But you should have heard her as she sounded like the one running the show as everything the woman said made no bearing on her decision.
2 people like this
@KrauseHome (36449)
• United States
15 Aug 11
Personally if it was me, I would be praying about it and letting God lead me to what decision would be Best for me. But then at the same time I would be wondering can't her schooling wait until she gets back? If she truly Loves this man and wants to take a chance to spend some time with him wouldn't she be missing out if she does not go, and would it hurt the mans feelings? Personally I think she has some options she should have weighed and thought about what is best from there.
• United States
16 Aug 11
Hi Tina! Yes I often pray really hard and leave it up to Gods hands. Something like this should have been more thought of as love if strong will certainly be there when she finishes her school. From what I understand to date she did quit the school and went on to Spain, I have not heard how life has been since and hope she is doing well.
@ladym33 (10979)
• United States
2 Nov 10
Well I have to wonder about since this is her 3rd degree she is working on does that mean she is one of those life time students that just keep going to school to avoid getting a real job? How many degrees does one need after all. She can always complete school later. She already has two degrees and apparently is not using them so why waste an opportunity on a third one? I could see if she was a normal student trying to get their degree to go out in to the work force as quickly as possible, but it does not sound like it in this case, and it sounds to me like her mind is made up as well. She should go to Spain.
• United States
2 Nov 10
Interesting way to put and yes I do know some people like this we call them professional students. They type as you mentioned avoiding to get employment. hehehe, I too thought the same as well why 3, but Spain may be a one time opportunity. I sure wish her luck and hope life does not get caught up with her as imagine what will she do for work later. Thanks for responding.
@ravend (659)
• Malta
27 Oct 10
I have this feeling that she did it because she was feeling guilty deep down for stopping the degree, so she needed someone to reaffirm to her that she was doing something good.
• United States
27 Oct 10
I absolutely agree with you as if you would have heard her there really was no reasoning by her calling as she had already had her mind set, so I suppose at this point luck and prayers for her with her decision.
@aerous (13434)
• Philippines
23 Oct 10
I think the first thing to do with that lady is to finish first her education because that is very important and love can wait. If the guy really love the girl I think he should wait for more years because if they really love each other that does not distract the degree of the girl
• United States
23 Oct 10
That is the most rational thing anyone should do but from I understood after listening to the show that people like her do not think rationally, instead live by the moment and then expect the world to agree with her. But I am with you on this one as an education will certainly allow any relationship to further grow.
@aerous (13434)
• Philippines
24 Oct 10
Yup! My friend. Because I do believe that education first before that relationship being concentrated. Relationship will be wait even if at the end of the stage. If love really comes that real. But if the love is not being faithful then want to see each other for lust I think that is a different thing
• United States
27 Oct 10
Great response my friend and I am most thankful for you continual thread. You are right there is more there than she actually said.
• India
22 Oct 10
Hello, This is a typical psychological case of reinforcement. Sometimes we decide for ourselves, yet we are not sure if it's the best decision. We, almost always, have a certain inclination towards one of the two binary choices. It's called bias. But somehow we feel like the other option would have been more rational. This is why we look for someone giving opinion that goes along with our own bias, thereby reinforcing our decision. This is a typical way of sharing your own responsibility with some other persons, preferably unrelated. But surprisingly, if their opinions don't confirm with our own inclination we often tend to discard them. Whereas if even one person gives some apparently valid logic that goes along with our bias, we accept it as absolutely feasible. This happens when logic and emotion collides with each other. Thanks. God bless you.
• India
22 Oct 10
mmmmm... Okay
• United States
23 Oct 10
Silly...
• United States
22 Oct 10
Very well said and I truly never looked at this way. I am glad you posted this it is going to make a world of difference next time one of my acquaintances comes to me in this fashion, as I have many who do. It puts a whole other perspective to how I saw things. Thank you for the response and you also be blessed.
@saqi78 (1402)
• Malaysia
28 Oct 10
I think studies are more important and if her bf love her, he would definitely say to her to complete her studies and then join him. I put the responsibility on the boy, not on the girl, I know girls are very emotional and she can leave her studies for the guy but if see this thing with reality, her studies are more important than going to Spain, as she already have spent her time in completing this degree and one and half year ll pass very quickly. So it is responsibility of boy to make her mind. And other solution in my mind is this that she can transfer her course from here to Spain, I think in most cases it is possible, just she should apply for admission and provide the transfer letter from her college that she has completed this much time with this much score, in this there ll be no problem for both of them....:)
• United States
28 Oct 10
Yes one of the ladies suggested she do just that and she stated that she would not have the time in Spain to study as she wanted to make use of the time in venturing. She my thought is why would anyone attempt to get a 3rd degree, however once doing so why not finish. As later may be too late, even a year and half can be too late. What happens if things do not work out with the boyfriend, what if she just doesn't adapt to Spain, and ultimately what happens if she ends up deeper in love. Where does it leave the schooling. Ideally she can pick up later but how many of us have that luxury later. On any note though she basically was asking what do you think, should I finish my school or go to Spain with the boyfriend, but immediately upon one of the ladies reasoning about finishing she would not hear it so I was curious as to why people ask if they simply just won't even listen to reasoning. She could have said I appreciate all the avid advice and ultimately I will have to make my decision. Instead she said but, but, but.. I will call you when I get back and let you know what happen. See she was not open unless someone agreed with her. Thanks for responding, am grateful.