Wat should I do about my anger right now?

United States
October 22, 2010 8:41pm CST
My daughter and I ride the train to and from all the time. She is so quiet and decent on th train. Walkig and the whole nine yards. Today she asked if she could have a sleepover I said yes. I borrowed fifty dollars to get myself some salad supplies and give my daughter $25 for her hair supplies. I ended up havingto give her my last 16.00 so we then walk to my mothers house all is fine. Nothing out of her but normal talking and laughing. We get with her friend. and we are walking to the train to go home. She had me meet her in the park in the dark where we had just moved from. in the feaking center of the ghetto. It was so scary for me I almost pissed myself. I called her and started to walk to the lighted area of the next street. She and her friend are walking down the block laughing at me. KK knew I ws scare out there. Then on the way her uncle gives her $20 and she said she would buy me something to drink. She bought 2 lter sodas and somehing else for her and her friend.Mine you we neve buy soda.So I put my juice on the register and she says I thought you were paying for that. So Nicely I took it adput it back. So on the train she is laughig so loud andtalking so loud and it was so crowded and I was shamed to no end of her behavior. Then saw something pass under the womans seat. I jumped and was seconds from crying ad holdingmy chest. Thinking it was a rat. My daughterscreamed so loud while her friend was laughing at me. I got up and moved my seat then she calls me ma... ma.. ma.. Then she calls me by my middle name which she knows I hate so much. Right now I am so pissed and full of pain I want to go in that room and bust her fraking lip open with my freaking fist.
4 people like this
9 responses
@Kirinx (1693)
• United States
23 Oct 10
Well first do something to help you cool off I would suggest excercising or watching a show you like or doing an activity you enjoy.(punching a pillow)reading etc Next I would punish her for being disrespectful with whatever system of punishing you think is good. whether it is taking away eveverything she likes and putting her on lockdown or grounding. The decision is up to you but whatever you do dont punch your daughter in the face despite that she is acting bad. After you punish her I would tell her everything she did that made you angry. Best of luck!
1 person likes this
• United States
23 Oct 10
I talked to her and she sad she did not know I was serious. She thought I was playing and she would not have laughed at me. did not get mad or hit her. I am takingtime to just sit and wtch tv and go to bed. Thanks for the help.
@carmelanirel (21108)
• United States
23 Oct 10
I agree with Kirinx, but also mention that it hurt you too. give her your point of view so she can understand. She was also probably doing this showing off for her friend, and I read one time where this woman would have a secret word for her son, like "superman" when he got too out of hand. This way he knew he was crossing the border and yet he was not embarrassed by his moms reprimand. I tried this with my son, but he didn't seem to get it, but maybe you can bring this up with your daughter, and a plan that if you call out this secret word, that you both stop and take time to consider what is going on.
• United States
23 Oct 10
That child must have been youg this sounds like a good idea. I talked to her and she is now aware f how I felt. I don't think she will do it again. I just felt like she was los in the whole think not realizing her friend wasnot behaving right either. Talking about people on the train loud and rude and laughing like it was funny. Not cool with me at all.
1 person likes this
• United States
23 Oct 10
Yes, the child was about 6 or 7, but if you think about it, this is someone good for anyone, even a couple now that I think about it. This discussion got me thinking about couples that have a good marriage. That they may have a system of giving "the look" or a "word" to let their spouse know something is not right. I am thinking of trying this again with my son and even with my husband. I would consider a word, not only for her, but you as well, because I know I probably have embarrassed my children in public before, I know their dad has. So if everyone has a "secret word", then when someone does or says something that hurts another, this can cause a "stop and think about it" So thank you gifts, this discussion has given my a wonderful idea that I really hope helps me.:)
• United States
23 Oct 10
Take a very deep breath & walk away from her for a bit to cool down. Don't need to do anything you'll regret. I would talk to her once her friend is gone. And have a nice dicussion about respect. We know it's cool to be a smart mouth in front of our friends but it's beyond rude for her to belittle you her MOTHER in front of YOU. Since that seems to be the case she can drop the attitude or the deceptive sweet talk & kiss that sleepover BUB-BYE!
• United States
23 Oct 10
Her friend is home and I told her not to ask me for anymore sleep overs.
@erikmama (12934)
• United States
23 Oct 10
Ahh I have a mom-daughter discussion going on here at the moment,too.I guess she is a teenager,right?Just something in the blood at that age that says piss parents off as much as possible.I know that it is diffucult to deal with,but know that it is a phase,and like them all,this to shall pas..Good luck to yuo.
• United States
23 Oct 10
I hope your feeling batter by now as well. I get so mad when she does stpid dtuff just because she has friends around. This is not the proper way to act in the street. I hate that so much. But,all is well tonight. Take care.
• United States
23 Oct 10
You are a bit stressed out by the stresses of the day, my suggestion to you is to take a few breaths and think positively as reacting to your anger will lead to regret later. After you have cooled off then speak to her about how you felt. She is quite young and not understanding that you as a single mom is under a great deal of stress. Until she is much older she really won't understand so my suggestion is to keep your self occupied and wait it out until you feel better.
• United States
23 Oct 10
I did have a talk with her. And your right she is still young. I can't wait till she grows out of this stuff. Thanks fr the talk.
@dorannmwin (36696)
• United States
25 Oct 10
Is she acting up to try to impress her friend? If this is the case, I would think that the next time that she asks to have a friend have a sleepover, I wouldn't let her. Instead I would remind her of the way that she behaved on the previous occasion and tell her that if she was able to act right for the weekend then maybe the next time you will consider letting her have a sleepover again in the near future.
@sid556 (31018)
• United States
23 Oct 10
Hi Gifts, First off, you should not have put your juice back. You should have just kindly reminded her that she said she would pay for a drink for you and that you did after all give her 36.00. Her loudness on the train sounds like a typical 16 yr old trying to show off with her friend and the same with the way she was picking on you. She may have meant it all and fun and I'm sure she probably did but you should have taken her aside and let her know that it was offending you and that she was being too loud and needed to tone it down a notch or two. Anyway, don't confront her now in front of her friend because she probably has no idea how angry you are and in her mind they were just having fun. It'll just make things worse. Try getting your mind off of it until you aren't so upset and then talk to her about it.
• Philippines
23 Oct 10
hello... it would do you good if you will control your anger for now. talk to your daughter when you're calm and in control of yourself or you'll probably regret your actions and words afterwards. it is understandable for some kids to act differently when they are with their family and when they are with friends. you must talk to her and if you will find that she has indeed disrespect you infront of everybody else, you should punish her accordingly, to teacher her a lesson. however, if she has done it with no intention of hurting or angering you, you should still tell her that it was not the right thing to do to one's mother. kids need to be explained to sometimes, well almost all the time actually. that's how they learn, and if we don't teach them well between what's right and wrong, then, they could very well grow up to become one of the society's disrespectful citizens, with no regards for old people and existing decent behavior expected of a decent young woman.
@writersedge (22579)
• United States
23 Oct 10
Go for a walk in a nice neighborhood. Ground her for a period of time, talking away just about everything. TV, radio, computer, cell phone, I don't know what she has. Go to your room and put some music on (in the country, we can play music fairly loudly). Dance until you're in a happy or at least less angry mood. It is not unusual for children, esp. teenagers and nowadays, some pre-teens to make complete back-ends out of themselves as well as do dangerous stuff with other teens around. Tell her what she did wrong and that you were upset by her behavior, esp. for her lack of respect to you and total disreguard for others. Discuss the fact that she should be acting like a person who will someday be an adult with responsibilities. She messed up and until she shows responsibility, she will loss priviledges. Obviously, her behavior around that friend is irresponsible and dangerous. Maybe you can go somewhere, eventually, with her and find more responsible friends who are into safe and healthier pursuits.