Grown children

@Trace86 (5033)
United States
October 22, 2010 8:46pm CST
As many of you who are my friends know, my grown step-son lives with my husband and I. He is the bane of my existence. I don't know if the things he does would annoy me so much if he were my biological child or not. I suspect they would. Anyway, he is 23 and still sponging off me, as I am the only one employed in the household. I occasionally buy things for myself that I don't want to share. I keep them in my room and take them with me as needed. I bought some expensive whitening toothpaste and left it in the bathroom cabinet so that my husband could use it too. I left the tube of regular toothpaste on the counter. HINT, HINT. I put things back in a certain way so I know if others are using them. Tonight, my toothpaste was not the way I left it. My husband said he didn't use it or move it. That means that steppy bypassed the toothpaste on the counter and used the one in the cupboard. I never specifically told him not to, but I feel it was implied by the one being on the counter. Anyway, to make a long story short, I am annoyed. I moved the expensive toothpaste into my room and told my husband where it was. Other instances, I have bought ice cream sandwiches and other treats and told the kid they were for us to share. That implies, in my mind, half for him and half for me. I got one and he ate eleven. Am I wrong to be annoyed or is he really a thoughtless creep? Do I need to be more specific with things due to his obvious lack of common sense?
1 person likes this
4 responses
@AmbiePam (50265)
• United States
23 Oct 10
Is there a reason you haven't kicked his sorry rear out to the curb? I hope your husband isn't making you keep him.
1 person likes this
@Trace86 (5033)
• United States
23 Oct 10
My husband still feels sorry for him because his biological mother was and remains a BiPolar mess. I am not sure that he isn't special too.
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@AmbiePam (50265)
• United States
23 Oct 10
You mean you think he's bipolar?
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@Trace86 (5033)
• United States
23 Oct 10
I am not sure. They wanted to test him for ADHD and other things in 1st grade and his mother freaked out and forbade it. Then she switched schools! I know he has some issues of some sort. He was seeing someone to talk to when he was a teenager at the high school about his anger management issues.
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@drannhh (15247)
• United States
25 Oct 10
You need to be more specific. When you tell a 20-something food is to share that means "Help yourself!" If you expect him to save some for you, you look him straight in the eye and say that if he eats more than half he doesn't eat in your house again until he has replaced what he took that he wasn't supposed to have...and then you follow through. If you don't want him to use your toothpaste you tape a note to it specifically stating that he is not to use it. Thoughtless creep? Not necessarily. He just has the impetuousness of youth. Truly, I do not think these things would bother you as much if he were your own blood child. On the other hand, one wonders why is doesn't have a job and is living with his "parents" at this age and isn't paying you something toward his food and lodging. Is he a college student?
1 person likes this
@Trace86 (5033)
• United States
25 Oct 10
No, he isn't a college student. He just finished his GED requirements this week. He can't seem to get or keep a job. He seems to lack follow through. He had been saying for a very long time, like 2 1/2 years, that he was going to get his GED. I guess this is progress. Thanks for the advice about being more specific about what sharing means to a 23 year old boy. It really didn't mean the same to me.
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@drannhh (15247)
• United States
25 Oct 10
Glad to hear he at least got his GED. That is a step in the right direction. Well, he is ALMOST a man, and as they say "Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus"...linguistically, that is!
• Canada
23 Oct 10
All I can say is WOW and you should relax a little bit. I moved in with my girlfriend 6 years ago and she had 3 teenage kids already. I was a lot like you getting mad over little things like toilet paper and tooth paste but after talking to friends of mine who are raising their own kids they told me the same thing and just chill out. My step son is constantly taking my socks and always eating my snacks but really I'm not going to give him trouble for it when we all live together. Besides that they are only teenagers. The only thing I won't and can't stand is if he takes my money that's lying around. He never takes much but I always know when he did and like I said I WILL NOT accept that. So anyways my advice to you is to pick your battles or the kid is going to start complain to his dad about you all the time then the next thing you know, you will be fighting with your partner or the things. Its really not worth it to freak out about everything just the major things!lol
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@Trace86 (5033)
• United States
23 Oct 10
I didn't say a word to him about either thing. I just moved my things that I don't want him to use into my room. Passive resistance. I didn't even say a word when he ate all the snacks. I tried to think to myself,"good, I want to lose weight anyway" I just don't plan to buy that stuff anymore. It's not like I don't buy what he needs, I just like to have special stuff for me sometimes. I shouldn't have to hide it. I guess it is my fault about the toothpaste. I didn't specifically tell him it was mine. It would be different if he were a child. But he is a man. He needs to get a job and buy his own stuff. Speaking of socks, he used to steal my socks all the time! He wouldn't put his socks in the laundry or he would destroy them. Then he would steal mine. I started buying socks with hot pink trim. Even that didn't work! He didn't take his dad's socks because he didn't like tube socks. Boy was I happy when his feet got way too big for my socks.
@coffeebreak (17820)
• United States
25 Oct 10
OF course not. That would inferiorate me! And of course it is easier said than done..but ask his father to say something to him about it. Tell him he has to contribute cash to the house hold and that he is not to use or eat things that are not "his". It will be a hard thing to do, I know, but it will eat you up inside if it doesn't change. I wish you good luck.
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