When Do You Call Someone 'Your Friend?'

United States
October 24, 2010 11:00am CST
I've known people for awhile now, and one person in particular, who I thought was a friend, actually wasn't. I've known her since seventh grade and I always thought she was my friend, until someone pointed out she only tagged along with me when I was with a whole group of friends and never alone. I really care for all my friends. Most of them I've known for a long period of time. It takes me awhile to call someone 'my friend.' I guess because I've had 'friends' that weren't really friends, so now I'm wary. Yes, I'll call them that when I introduce them to other people, but it actually takes a lot for someone to be deemed as 'my friend.' So, when do you call someone 'your friend?' For example, is your friendship based on how long you've known the person, what they've done for you, what you know about them, what they know about you, etc?
4 people like this
21 responses
• Philippines
24 Oct 10
Hello Steph, Friends come and Go. and worst, some betrays you I wish i never had group friends, call me stupid but it took a revelation coming from my close friend during the retreat. that my so called friends had been talking behind me for some reason, calling me "weird" it was the most bad heartening ever. i never wanted to see them after graduation. i mean, wow talking behind my back. i noticed when i had a fight with that close friend of mine, they didn't even bother to help me So, am a bit lonely again.
@mentalward (14691)
• United States
25 Oct 10
You know what I think? When so-called "friends" call us weird (yep, I've been called weird plenty of times), what they really mean is "unique". We're "weird" to them because we haven't conformed to fit their idea of a friend, we haven't compromised who we are in order to be popular. I'd rather be weird!
• United States
24 Oct 10
I've had people call me 'weird' before too. But then again, define 'normal?' It's the same type of thing. Normal is non-existent. It's just a reality we give ourselves, to make ourselves feel better. Am I weird for saying that? Anyway, I'm not too sad that I lost this friend. She wasn't exactly one of the closest friends I had and I found her 'weird.'
@jillhill (37354)
• United States
24 Oct 10
I have really thought of it in those terms. Usually a friend is someone that I spend alot of time with..understands me....I can talk to freely....and enjoy the same type of activities. I don't have a ton of friend because I am too busy to have company all the time....but the few I do have a very good friends!
• United States
24 Oct 10
I don't have a lot of friends either. I have a few close ones. I think that's all you need though. A few close friends who you can trust and be yourself with.
@blue65packer (11826)
• United States
24 Oct 10
A friend to me is someone who I can trust. Someone who knows me and understands me. Someone who likes me and gets my personality! Leaves me alone when I when i need to be alone! A friend is someone who helps you out when you need it! My best friend is like that and we have been friends 17 years now! Most of my other friends are like my bset friend. Unfortunely I can't talk to them about everything like I can with my best friend!
• United States
24 Oct 10
I know whatcha mean! I've known my best friend for 7 years now. And I can pretty much tell her anything. Of course, there are still some of those topics that we can't talk about because we differ a bit, but still. She's the one I go to for pretty much everything.
• United States
24 Oct 10
Steph, this year I learned the true meaning of friendships and there is a whole lot in that then we think. I have learned that there are a great many people who perceive to be your friend only in time of their need. My nerves are so eradicate these days that I cannot not tolerate such, I begin to get frustrated and am getting anxiety episodes when it comes to people who say they are friends. I am learning to be at peace with myself and well when the true friend comes along I will know it. I am amicable with anyone, something I had to learn to do as oppose to being so friendly. I have found that I have been just too quick to consider people friends.
• United States
24 Oct 10
I am the same way, Marixa. I trust too easily. And I'm very friendly. But...but...I am your myLot friend!
• Indonesia
24 Oct 10
Actually, I don't have any special requirement of when I should call him/her friends. But at least, I have had got reason to call him/her friend. That is, I have known him, how little it is. Even though I just know his name, that's enough. I will call him friend then. It is the way I make friends. Sooner or later, he/she will become my real friends. That's the benefit I got from that way.
• United States
24 Oct 10
That's an interesting point of view. I do treat others like they are my friends, but I don't really consider them friends. They're just friendly, I guess.
• Philippines
24 Oct 10
I can call someone as my "friend",the times when I am need of care and comfort it is the time I am down and nothing to rely on, and also his/her always there in good times and specially the bad times, but it really takes time for the relationship to bloom, you can call many friends as you can but how many are those are really true friends you might call???
• United States
24 Oct 10
I know whatcha mean. A friend is someone you can rely on at all times for anything. And most of those friends aren't that close to begin with--it takes time, like you said.
@gabs8513 (48686)
• United Kingdom
24 Oct 10
To me a Friend is someone who is there in happy times and sad Times Friendship is a 2 way thing and you stick together, you help one another, you are there for one another, you can talk about anything without being scared it will be repeated I have Friends like that, the Person you are on about is either insecure or using you I think you need to sit down and talk to her
• United States
24 Oct 10
I agree with you. The friend I mentioned was just a crappy friend. She didn't use me or anything as far as I know. I mean, I used to give her presents for the holiday and never got anything back though, so maybe she was using me to some extent.
@sender621 (14894)
• United States
25 Oct 10
I would call someone a friend for so many different reasons. i would call someone a friend if i could confide anything in them. i would call someone a friend who would understand both my joys and my sorrows. I would call someone a friend if they would always be there when i needed them.
@bounce58 (17387)
• Canada
25 Oct 10
It is hard to define it. I guess you'd have to go through some experiences together before you could really call what you have as real friendship. I know that I have some friends that even if we haven't seen each other for years, the moment we see each other again, it would be like we just saw each other yesterday. So yes, time could be a factor. But more so that you could have some experiences together.
@hushi22 (4928)
24 Oct 10
i call someone a friend when i feel that the person has empathy and sympathy to me. it takes time to build friendship and takes time to have a deeper understanding and connection and i require that before i call someone my friend.
• United States
24 Oct 10
I agree with you. Empathy and sympathy are important traits to have in a friend. It takes time for friendships for build with me as well. It isn't like the second we meet, we're friends. Things just don't work like that.
@Jacobus1919 (1683)
• Philippines
24 Oct 10
Well, for starters? Maybe we should actually ask ourselves what is a friend. A friend might be a person that we can talk to? or you can drink with? There are several types of friends. But for me, I consider someone a friend, when I can totally trust him or her. I can actually depend on. But, I am a type of person that really might just get along with most people. So, yeah friends are people I can talk, and trust.
• United States
24 Oct 10
Agreed. I forgot that there is more than one type of friend. I mean, there are friends that you can tell personal things to and others that you can't. I guess it's all a matter of perspective too.
@aaronfyzeon (1920)
• Philippines
24 Oct 10
I consider someone to be my friend if I have developed my trust with that person. Loyalty will just come along the way after being friends for a long time. It will start by getting to know each other. Having the same likes and interests, being together most of the time and feeling comfortable being with each other's company. Some people will just be purely an acquaintance. Some people will also get close to you but then you really don't want to be close to them that much because you are not comfortable being with them. I am a naturally friendly person so a lot of people became my friends but I still have a few whom I can really trust the most and be loyal to them and to me as well. In your case you easily assumed that the person you are hanging out is already your friend. These are the people that would most likely stab you at the back. You will also notice that these people will just all fade away once you are in trouble and you need them the most. These are the fake friends. You can consider someone as your friend if that person has done something right for you without any ulterior motives in the end. Please choose the people you are going to be with and considering friends. In the end, it will still be you who will suffer the consequences being with those kind of people.
• United States
24 Oct 10
I agree with you on all points of your response! I consider myself a friendly person as well and usually the people I don't want to be friends with follow me around. It isn't because they aren't nice. They're just so clingy, it makes me feel uncomfortable. The person who I thought was my friend didn't really stab me in the back, although she never exchanged presents with me even though I always gave her a gift for her birthday or Christmas, etc.
• Philippines
25 Oct 10
some ppl are good infront of u but they are traitors and could talk behind ur back. i would consider that a person is a friend if he or she has good intentions and not conspiring against me. if this person is sincere then you can count on this person to understand and accept you the way you are and you dont have to bluff and pretend to be somebody else this peson also finds time to spend with you and someone you can run in both good and bad times.
@beeh13u (1038)
• Philippines
24 Oct 10
I consider someone a friend if he/she proves loyalty and trust. Friends do things that you don't even ask them to do. They give you a comforting hand when you are down and only listen to your problems. They don't give you advice but support the decision that you make. I have only few friends and I only trust a few as well.
• United States
24 Oct 10
I know whatcha mean. That's why it takes me so long to call someone 'my friend.' Although, I disagree that friends don't give advice. I think friends should give advice, but only when wanted or needed and respect my opinion as well. I mean, if I was upset and wanted to jump off a cliff and my friends didn't give me advice and just listen to me state that I wanted to die and jump off a cliff, that would be a bad friend if I actually ended up doing that, correct?
@Hatley (163781)
• Garden Grove, California
25 Oct 10
hi step;hanieAnnC I call a person a friend if they are kind to me and interested in me as a friend and are honest and trustworthy too. It takes me quite awhile to really make a real friend. I do not use what p eople do for me or could do for me as a criterion . To me that is a user who only wants to like someone if they think they will always be helping then and toadying to them.A real friendship is when two people think alike and support and care for each other. I do not condone using people for purely selfish reasons.
@allknowing (130088)
• India
25 Oct 10
The definition of 'friend' differs from person to person and that is how I have understood its meaning. I keep moving and time and circumstances keep changing and chopping my list of 'friends' over which I have no control.
@ellechoi (281)
• Hong Kong
25 Oct 10
I have to think and consider when i call someone is my friend. I not kind person who easy talk about myself to some1 i don't know much . I have to careful . If i told about myself or my secret, how would i know that the person i told to will talk to some1 else.
• Philippines
25 Oct 10
Back then when I was young and inexperience anybody who wants to be my friend is my friend, but now as an adult I think it is wiser to be have some sort of wary till the said suppose to be friend proves to be a real friend and not just somebody pretending to be one. There are lots of those who have hidden agendas and intentions why they befriend us. To have a real friend is a rare gift. The qualities I look for in a friend are: loyalty, honesty, a loving nature, a happy disposition(although some bad moods is acceptable since nobody is perfect).Sticking with me through my best and worst of times. Ability to extend help in anyway they can.I believe I have the qualities that I also look for in a friend. I have offered friendship to some people not worthy of my friendship yet I do not give up in the knowledge that I will still find a diamond in the hay.
@skeaxist (32)
• United States
25 Oct 10
probable after bought a year or so.
• Philippines
25 Oct 10
I call someone as 'my friend' based on how I've seen and felt what and who they really are. Half of my basis were from the feedbacks of the community towards them. Attitude/Personality matters most to me in calling someone as a friend. I call them friend when they're always there for me even at the worst times not just in happy moments, when they start to make me feel that they deserve the "friend" title. I pick wisely whom to call friend.