To be a friend or NOT to be?

Philippines
October 25, 2010 2:27am CST
I have a co-worker that is considered different from all of her team members. She is always alone during lunch breaks and every time there is a meeting, the rest of her team members are flocking together so she will just stay in one corner all be herself. It is really sad to see her like that every time. I am one of the lower management business support team and I really wanted to help her enjoy working in our company. Although it is not my responsibility doing all the employee relations thing, I would still want to help her. I reviewed her qualifications and asked her team members why are they always away from her. They told me that she has a bad attitude. They have enumerated all that she did. I asked her supervisor about it who happens to be my friend as well and he told me that she is having an attitude problem. I really wanted to help her out and her friend as well because I like the way she handles everything. I am the one also responsible evaluating her calls so I am really sure she is somebody that can be an asset. Whatever she is having such as the attitude problem, it can easily be changed. She doesn't know that I am her evaluator. I will still keep my distance to her professionally. So guys please share your thoughts whether I should befriend her and change her attitude to a better one and at least she can be proud as well that she has a major shoulder to lean on within the company and that is me.
1 person likes this
10 responses
• Mumbai, India
25 Oct 10
Well I don't know if the management has labelled the word attitude problem on her or she really has one. If she cannot listen to others or does not like to be dominated thats certainly not an attitude problem, its just that she is living life at her own terms and does not like to listen to others, she might be having her own nature which people term as attitude problem, you won't understand what it actually is unless you get close to her, Its always bad to judge somebody by other's comments. We can't rely on people to know about others, its better we do some little research ourselves by staying with that person. If she is handling everything well in spite of being labelled a "attitude problem Girl". She certainly does not have any such problem as she is working fine without paying heed to those people, otherwise she would have quit her job. I would also warn you to not blame her in case you get close to her and experience anything like your colleagues have told you as she was not the person to call you closer to her and you choose it all by yourself :P. You can definitely try to befriend her, but don't try to change her attitude if its certainly not bad as people are saying and never expect her to proud of you or say good things about you :D, if you help her as in that case you only would be disappointed that you expected much ;). Some people just have their nature which they will not compromise for others and why should they after all ? Friends and colleagues are not a part of you for life, but your nature and identity sure is.
• Philippines
26 Oct 10
Thank you for the great response Moneyspinner. Yes, I myself still cannot judge why people branded her with that kind of remark as the girl with an attitude problem. I also do not judge people according to what I hear from others. That is why I want to find out for myself and plus the fact that I wanted her to be my friend. I can see myself in her when I was still in her position.
• Mumbai, India
26 Oct 10
My pleasure friend :). People do have a habit of branding others as having attitude problems if the person doesn't fit in their terms or listen to them. You can sure go ahead and find out for yourself how the girl is :). Who knows she might become your best friend in future, but just don't expect anything, thats more important as it would help you not to get hurt in case unexpected happens :). All the best and have a wonderful day ahead :)
1 person likes this
• Philippines
26 Oct 10
Thank you. If that would be the effect of wanting to be alone because you do not really want to be with people that you don't want to be with then let us just respect each other's preference, beliefs and opinions. The reason they say that the other person does not really fit in with their group well infact that other person really does not want to be with them at all. I have posted something like this before where I discussed about a choice if you will let yourself be with the company of the people you don't want of just be alone with yourself. Thank you for the explaining your side. I hope this will be read by other members who will post here in this discussion.
• Philippines
26 Oct 10
Wow I admire your sincerity aaron. You know, I think, sometimes people pretend to have an attitude, but the truth behind this matter is that they are just afraid to expose themselves, like a defense mechanism of some sort, covering a traumatic experience or a undesirable past... I see, you've mentioned of her being an asset, I dint see the attitude problem in there. Regarding befriending her and changing her attitude, I agree with it, but not the latter. I believe that we should be accepted for who and what we are, and that nobody should change us aside from ourselves. We all have our purposes in life and that is defined by the things that we do... Let her change by herself, I think if she feels accepted then that might give her a second thought... Well I have also been enlightened by this post... thanks to you! happy mylotting!!!
1 person likes this
• Philippines
26 Oct 10
Hello there invictuslorenzo. My name is Fycee. Thank you for agreeing. I am not trying to change her whatever it is though. I just see myself in her when I was still in that position like hers not a long time ago. I would just like to make change some attitude that she have toward work stuff. After work then she can be whoever she wanted to be or do whatever she want. It was like recently before I got promoted that people don't want to mingle with me. I know myself and I just don't want to be with people who I don't want to hang out with. then later on, out of being the different on or the out cast, I emerged to be the best in the team and eventually been offered a supervisory level as a quality assurance specialist and accepted it. I just want her to be like me someday as well. Thank you once again for this response. Enjoy the rest of the week.
• Philippines
26 Oct 10
Hi Fycee! glad to have met you.. Well you are the supervisor and that entails you a big responsibility, especially to the well-being of your constituents, and you have a big heart. Keep doing it. Congratulations on your promotion, most especially to the change that made the promotion possible... God bless...
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• Philippines
26 Oct 10
Thank you so much. I guess I have been so overwhelmed that until now after a few months after that I am still haven't gotten over it. The reason I wanted to make a great change with what is the company and most of the people are doing all their jobs. Pleasure to meet you as well. I am not really a supervisor but we are in-line with them. It is just that I was transferred to the Quality Assurance department and have the responsibility and capabilities like what supervisors have in the Operations. I guess I really am a very friendly person and I really wanted to have similar people like me to get close with at work. I am often misunderstood because of my strict evaluations to all the agents that I am handling. But outside the company, I am just a normal human being who enjoys most of the time being with my friends.
@hati3kuro (278)
• Malaysia
26 Oct 10
Listening from the person's side seems to be the best thing to do right now..all this branding thingy just makes me wanna puke sometimes...just because someone doesn't fit in your terms doesn't mean that that particular person has a bad attitude.. it just shows, time and time again, that you're a failure in reflecting yourself through others...I have lots of friends who are facing the same problem, and I prefer to listen to what do they have to say rather than being a bystander agreeing to things about them that I even don't exactly know about.. *The best of you is the one who brings benefit to others* (my fav quote :D) all the best !!
1 person likes this
• Philippines
26 Oct 10
I will have to agree with you. Those are the effects of wanting to be alone all by yourself all the time because they think you can never fit in with their group. Just because you never agree to all of their opinions and you are just being true to yourself. They will now brand you with having an attitude problem. Thank you for the nice response.
• Malaysia
26 Oct 10
Yup2... be true to yourself..I've been cheating myself way too long, because of my personal interest of becoming popular, lol...now that I'm getting older, I just realized that it isn't always about yourself, y know... Really, being true to yourself is the best thing to do every time, no regrets, no fatigue, worry-free... I'm really glad that I've actually understood this ps:/ I was a hypersensitive psycho! (Am I still? lol)
@twoey68 (13651)
• United States
26 Oct 10
I think if you can befriend her and help her out, then by all means make the effort. Her poor attitude may be the result of feeling alienated and disliked by her co-workers. I know if everyone I worked with didn't like me, I'd be moody and gouchy too. [b]**AT PEACE WITHIN** ~~STAND STRONG IN YOUR BELIEFS~~[/b]
1 person likes this
• Philippines
26 Oct 10
Thank you so much for this wonderful response. Yes I will definitely befriend her and help her out if there is any bad work attitude she has inside the company. I would really do not mind if she has an attitude problem or behaving differently outside the company because it is already her right to be like that. Have a great week ahead.
• United States
25 Oct 10
I admire your attitude. Working in a call center requires team work and you making the initiative is something that everyone else should follow. I think you should go ahead and be a friend to her and get to know her a little. While others might discourage you or anything like that, be the bigger person and do the right thing. I hope that soon, she'll be adjusted and everyone will learn to accept and adjust.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
25 Oct 10
Hello there Redmaryjane. Thank you for the nice response. Having a lot of friends here adds up to my enthusiasm. I am not trying to earn an alliance with the agents that I am befriending with that is why I want to have a lot of friends. It adds up to my enthusiasm working in this kind of industry because this is the job that would most likely you will have to quit sooner or later because of being bored to hell or give up to the pressures that the upper management is passing on to us. You can just hold on to being happy being with your work. For me that is the right thing to do. To befriend her. I will have to tell her the things that I did for me her to be able to adjust and survive the line of work she is having right now and the kind of people she is all dealing with around her and the customers as well. Have a great week ahead.
@tomitomi (5441)
• Singapore
25 Oct 10
Hi aaronfyzeon! I'm sure no one likes to be treated the way your co-worker has been treated. I believe there is something good in everybody. If we put ourselves in her shoes we might just find some answers we need.
• Philippines
25 Oct 10
Exactly! That is why I am giving the chance for her and myself to be friends. I can see myself in her shoes before I got promoted. Everyone is shy to approach me because I am the best agent among my team when I was still a rank and file. I really didn't know why are they shying away from me. The reason why I also want to befriend her. Thank you for the nice response.
@advokatku (4037)
• Indonesia
25 Oct 10
I think you should make her as your friend. Moreover, in this case you are acting as the people doing evaluation of her performance. Do what should be your job, change her attitude for the better
1 person likes this
• Philippines
25 Oct 10
Hello there! Yes thank you for the advice. I will still maintain the level of professionalism with her even if we are already friends.
@thaMARKER (3094)
• Philippines
26 Oct 10
You don’t choose a friend out of other’s opinion. I’m not the talkative type just to earn someone’s attention but if they say hi or engage me to a conversation, then no problem with me. you don’t measure someone’s capability as a person out from whoever’s opinion. If you don’t like someone, then the problem might be on you. You don’t have to like talk to them all the time. Just smile and I guess that’s enough to understand.
• Philippines
26 Oct 10
Then I guess I will just have to smile with how nice your response is. Yes I don't have to ask other stranger's opinion in befriending someone. But it's MyLot. You get to earn out of the controversial topics you have in mind. I do have the prerogative to do what I want to do with my life and choose whatever I like without someone's approval or opinion. Thank you so much for being so honest.
• Malaysia
26 Oct 10
It's MyLot..you get to earn out of the controversial topics you have in mind.. That's pretty much resurfaces our intentions signing with this site in the first place, lol :p
@sid556 (31005)
• United States
26 Oct 10
I think you should at least try to reach her. Who knows. Maybe she doesn't have a bad attitude. Maybe she is just understood. Maybe she is shy. I would not judge someone just based on the word of others who for all you know are banding together against her making it hard for her to fit in. I would get to know her myself and then decide from there whether they are all right or not.
• Philippines
26 Oct 10
Yes. Thank you for the response. Yes I think she is just misjudged and misunderstood by the people around her. Just like me. Always being misunderstood by a lot of people all the time. Have a great week.
@qianyun6 (2069)
• China
25 Oct 10
Hi, aaronfyzeon! Why not? If there's no special reason. Always we say "one more friend, one more way." But before contacting with her, maybe you should make a little investigation to make clear that why she is so unsocial.
• Philippines
25 Oct 10
Thank you for the advice. I already did and the reason is because her team mates do not like her attitude toward them.