ur bf tells u that he doesnt want u to work. only he works. u accept?^^

love^^ - girl and boy are cleaning happy ^^
Portugal
October 25, 2010 7:14am CST
hi guys^^ gils: imagine that your bf tells you that he doesnt want you to work and that only him will work for you and him. that you dont need to work also. do you accept his decision? or do you try to find a job to help him? ^^ about me depends^^ if we both have kids and he has a very good job i can stay for awhile taking care of kids but not forever bcs is not fair that is only him working. boys: would you work for your gf to dont have to do that? so you would bring the money home for her and for your kids? or would you want her to work also? please share your opinions^^
6 people like this
20 responses
• United States
25 Oct 10
Yes that happen to me when i first met my bf/kids daddy/fiancee 5 yrs ago he always told me that i will never have to work just stay home and take care of the house then we had 2 kids i suggested me working he still said know he got it just stay home and watch the kids and it's 5 yrs later and he still say he don't want me to work but i wanna work to help him i dont want him doing it by his self i've been looking for work now
2 people like this
@tammytwo (4303)
• United States
25 Oct 10
He's not doing it by himself. The misconception that many stay at home moms get about themselves is that they are not contributing. Without you taking care of the house things would not be complete. If you want to work to help make a little money that is fine but don't feel that you aren't contributing. You may also try home daycare if he doesn't want you to work but you want to earn some money.
1 person likes this
• Portugal
25 Oct 10
h dont blame yourself^^ your hubby is doing that bcs he cares for you^^ and he rather have you taking care of the kids than working too^^ even now that they grew up maybe he prefers that you stay resting and taking care of kids^^ if he wins enough :) dont feel sad im sure that he is happy that you stay home^^ so is ok do what he says bcs he just care for you^^ also your kids need you near them^^ and is like tammy says if you want to help work here in mylot a bit everyday^^ the minimum payout is 10 dollars so if you win 1 dollar per day per month you can win 30 dollars. even isnt much is a little help^^ you already do home things, take care of the kids and work here a bit also^^ thats too much :) im sure he doesnt want that you work also and then take care of kids and home at the same time ^^ wait that they grow up a bit more and be responsible for themselves and then help your hubby ^^
1 person likes this
@sender621 (14956)
• United States
25 Oct 10
Each individual should decide for themselves whether they want to work or not. this should not be decided by another. If your significant other is demanding that you don't work, it may be time to rethink your relationship. No one person should be in control.
• Portugal
25 Oct 10
yes sure^^ each person should decide what wants to do^^ and sure maybe it was controlling and no one controls in a relationship^^ both are free to choose what is the best for each of them^^ but if you have kids is better that at least one stays taking care of the kids for awhile^^ so they can feel the love of the family better^^ but talk in a sweet way not with controlling words^^
1 person likes this
• Philippines
25 Oct 10
Hello sweet, We would rather have a maid or a relative to take care of the kids. seriously, it's her life, and i don't want her draining her life slowly because of my freaking pride.i believe if she has the capacity to live her dream then so be it. besides, i don't want her to HATE ME someday two heads are better than one, most specially when it comes to earning a living. relationship is about sharing lives and not giving up on the other.
2 people like this
• Portugal
25 Oct 10
yes sure you wouldnt want to break her dream to work^^ and sure some guys do that for pride^^ bcs is a shame for guys if is the girl working and they dont have a job. and sure i dont think she would hate you^^ and sure both should help bcs in a relationship is two people helping each other to make things work but i agree that if both have little kids one of them could stay home to take care of them^^
2 people like this
@lynnemg (4539)
• United States
25 Oct 10
My husband once told me that he really din't want me to work, he'd rather be the one responsible for bringing in the money, nd i told him that there is just no way I would not work. I have been working most of my life, and I was taught at a very young age to always have the ability to support myself and my kids. No matter how great a relationship may seem to be, the future is always uncertain. I will not be put into a position where I may not be able to support myself and my kids. i love my husband dearly, and do no foresee those types of problems, but at the same time, I will not be soly dependant upon his income. Besides, I just could not picture myself being home all of the time, I work not only to help support my family, but also as an outlet for my time.
1 person likes this
• Portugal
25 Oct 10
yes lyn^^ your hubby is very sweet not wanting you to work bcs worries with you^^ but is good that you like to work and want to have enough money to support yourself and your kids^^ and sure we never know if relations will work forever or not so the best really is you keep working even if it lasts^^ that i wish so^^ also if both save money both maybe someday have a better life together^^ and can enjoy it by travelling and having fun^^ also yes work is a way of people to distract themselves too if you like what you do^^
1 person likes this
@shaggin (37762)
• United States
26 Oct 10
lynnemg I chose to be a stay at home mom because I wanted nothing more then to stay home with my children. I totally understand you needing an outlet for your time :) I dont get that time to myself until my kids go to sleep. I really dont even get to see people in person to socialize. I think what you said is very important! I was totally dependant on my exs income and when I wanted to divorce him I was terrified of what I would do to support the kids and I. It was definitly a scary feeling.
• United States
25 Oct 10
i would never tell my girlfriend to do because its trying to control her life in ways thats not needed, i might say she can't work at night cause i want her home with me but if she wants to work then go for it i don't see the big deal its just work.
1 person likes this
• Portugal
25 Oct 10
im happy that you wouldnt tell that to your gf^^ is sweet that you wouldnt mind that she works^^ and about work at night yes maybe better she doesnt bcs work at night can also be dangerous ^^ and sure isnt a big deal if a girl works^^ isnt nothing bad really^^ im happy that you respect her^^ im sure your best friend will be very happy with you^^
1 person likes this
• United States
26 Oct 10
she isn't to happy with me for that she wants to be a doctor and they have to work for 48 hours on call at the hospital at a time, so she gets mad when i tell her i want her to be home at nights
@sid556 (31005)
• United States
25 Oct 10
There is no way that I would go along with something like that. I would never give up my independence and expect or trust a boyfriend to take care of me. I would not advice any woman to do that. It's just not a good idea at all. Just the fact that he is telling you to do this is a red flag.
1 person likes this
• Portugal
25 Oct 10
yes you are right^^ you need your independence too^^ and sure if he said that maybe would be a bit bad for you^^ is normal that you want to work to help at home also^^ i agree that if you are with a guy both have to work to provide the family^^ isnt fair that is only or the guy or the girl working alone^^ both should work and save money together^^ so maybe someday you can be ok and dont need to work so much^^
1 person likes this
@tammytwo (4303)
• United States
25 Oct 10
I would be happy to work from home on things like Mylot and others for a while and take care of the children. If there were no children I would not want to stay home. I would find ways to save money or earn a little online to help out even though he said he didn't want me to work.
1 person likes this
• Portugal
25 Oct 10
yes tammy i agree that if there is no children both have to help^^ they are a couple so both have to fight to be together and happy^^ is not fair that one works so much and other one doesnt^^ and yes about children^^ mylot is a good idea yes^^ bcs even isnt much money gives a little help^^ you are a good person worrying with your bf^^ thats sweet^^
1 person likes this
@maean_19 (4662)
• Philippines
25 Oct 10
It depends on the existing situation of our family status. If he does not want me to work and he has a good job which can provide us and our kids to live without suffering then perhaps I would accept the offer and focus my attention to our kids and do some part time or home based jobs. I have to say so because I cannot live without doing anything. However, if our family situation is that his salary is not enough to provide the family then I need to have a full time job or work too. I think he would understand.
1 person likes this
• Portugal
25 Oct 10
yes sure i understand what you mean^^ if he had a good job that was enough to provide for you and for your kids sure you could accept his idea^^ and take care of kids^^ but if not sure he would understand that you needed to work^^ sure if you have kids you cant risk to dont have money to support them^^ so sure you would have to help him^^
1 person likes this
@thaMARKER (3094)
• Philippines
25 Oct 10
I don’t think this will work with me once my husband will tell me to stay at home and clean the house or nurse the babies. I wanna work for the family. I wanna have my own money. I wanna do something I wanna do aside from house chores. If my husband-to-be will ask me this, I think we’re going to have a serious talk.
1 person likes this
@Karunvig (714)
• India
25 Oct 10
i as a bf will nvr stop my gf to work anywhere she wants...
• Portugal
25 Oct 10
yes im happy that you respect your gf^^ is good that you wouldnt stop her to go work if she wanted to^^ and sure both should help bcs both are together so both should work to have a good life together^^ i agree that you let her work^^ is a right that she has^^ and im happy that you respect your gf and dont order her to dont work^^ you are a good guy^^
1 person likes this
@Karunvig (714)
• India
26 Oct 10
I m a good guy... lol kindly tell my gf as well :P lol
27 Oct 10
i would never tell my gf to do so cause if she has completed her professional degreee to work out then y should i stop but certainly it depends on situtation if u get married n u have kids then she must have holidays or break from her job to take care of them n herself..bt as a bf i will never force her to quit her job n stop her to work out..i let her to work where she wants to
• Philippines
27 Oct 10
hmmhm,,, for me,, maybe i will accept m,,,because he worked for me.,.,.but in this time only maybe in the nex5t time,, i will not accept especially if we have a baby,..,
@gaiza12 (4889)
• Philippines
27 Oct 10
Me and my bf already had this discussion and i already said no, i wouldn't stay at home and wait for him. Taking care of the kids will also be a problem so i said i will not work in the first few months of the baby but i will definitely work when im able and when i know the baby is in good hands. My mom is a full time housewife and i don't like the standing of my family now financially. I don't want that to happen to my family so i will really work hard with my husband to be. We will both work so we won't be experiencing problems financial when our family gets big.
@toniganzon (53346)
• Philippines
26 Oct 10
My husband allows me to work and earn money for us. Never did he once told me to stop just because we had a baby. I work and at the same time I supervise my son's studies and he's doing well. He's a consistent honor student and I alone help him to do that, his father's not involve with his education much, I think because i'm a teacher myself. We've been in this situation for a long time and we were able to buy a house and live comfortably.
@ashok1 (225)
• India
26 Oct 10
it all depends on the two of you and your family problems.If you are happy with your wife not working then you can aks her to stay home and on the other hand if both of you are happy if both of you earn then you can bet on it.
• China
26 Oct 10
IT is very hard if only one person work for his/her whole family , I think
@lady1993 (20066)
• Philippines
26 Oct 10
Well, my cousin is in the same situation too...and yeah, she doesn't work anymore since her boy friend says so...But I don't know, it's up to the person- if he or she wants to work. Because there are some people that really wants to work and get bored around the house. And yeah, it also depends if you really need to work- for the family maybe. But I think it would be better if both parents work, but still manage to have time for their children..
• Philippines
26 Oct 10
If he was getting the same pay I was, and his salary can support our family, then I would most definitely oblige! I would rather stay home, take care of our daughter and not miss out on any milestones than have to work and be away from her.
• Philippines
26 Oct 10
It depend on our financial status. My bf also told me this but then i told him that I'm not satisfied yet with our financial status and that i wanted to work 'cause I can't just sit there knowing he's working hard for us. He respected my decision to work but that he always reminded me that when I'm already satisfied with our financial stability then it would really be the time for me to stop working. And yes! I would stop working if that time comes and if someday in the future we would have babies, I'd like to experience being a full time mom. ^.^ Anyway, I can go get a job anytime I want.
@shaggin (37762)
• United States
25 Oct 10
I wouldnt have a problem with that at all because I didnt want to work. I wanted to stay home with my kids and raise them. I dont think its right for someone else to say that you cant work though if you truly want to do it. I can understand if the boyfriend wishes you would stay home and asking you to but if you dont want to then he shouldnt try to force you to!